I'm such a troll!
By Theresaaiza
@Theresaaiza (10487)
Australia
March 20, 2011 11:30pm CST
Not a myLot troll so think before reporting me to the admin!
I mean I'm such a grouch at home. At 27, I feel like I have the worst temper. But I only do that to my younger brother.
See, we have a wide 13-year age gap. He is also adopted. I swear I think it has nothing to do with that. I love him like my own flesh and blood.
But sometimes, I can't help thinking I'm being too harsh on him when I lose my temper even at something so small. I have little patience with him, and almost always raise my voice at him. When I do not want to deal with him, I just give him what he wants just so he'd stop bugging me. That's why he's getting spoiled, and materialistic.
He is turning into a young man (14) and our quarrels are becoming more frequent. I'm starting to sound like a mother but a bad mother at that.
I want my space undisturbed. That makes me sound selfish, doesn't it?
Whenever I become too harsh to him, I feel guilty afterwards.
I want to change but it's just so hard. Can I even handle it when I have my own kids?
I mean I'm such a grouch at home. At 27, I feel like I have the worst temper. But I only do that to my younger brother.
See, we have a wide 13-year age gap. He is also adopted. I swear I think it has nothing to do with that. I love him like my own flesh and blood.
But sometimes, I can't help thinking I'm being too harsh on him when I lose my temper even at something so small. I have little patience with him, and almost always raise my voice at him. When I do not want to deal with him, I just give him what he wants just so he'd stop bugging me. That's why he's getting spoiled, and materialistic.
He is turning into a young man (14) and our quarrels are becoming more frequent. I'm starting to sound like a mother but a bad mother at that.
I want my space undisturbed. That makes me sound selfish, doesn't it?
Whenever I become too harsh to him, I feel guilty afterwards.
I want to change but it's just so hard. Can I even handle it when I have my own kids?5 people like this
13 responses
@dpk262006 (58675)
• Delhi, India
21 Mar 11
Hi there!
I think, you know your problem and you feel guilty about it. I think what happens with you is quite normal many of us lose our temper, when kids do some silly and unacceptable things. I think if you could develop little more patience to deal with him, that would be better. Whenever you start boiling, start counting from 1 to 20 or leave the scene and am hopeful, this will help you control your anger.
Allt the best.
@dpk262006 (58675)
• Delhi, India
23 Mar 11
Please do not feel guilty ...........if you get angry...........think it is natural for all of us to get angry .............however, meanwhile try to develop more patience.
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
23 Mar 11
Yes dpk, that sure might help. I will try that! I really want to change because I hate the guilt that I feel afterwards.
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
21 Mar 11
that's what i also feel about my step-daughter. i am becoming a troll to her. i love her just like the other children of my own flesh and blood. we have been living together since she was two years old and now she-s 18. i thought she feels like i am her real father which just appropriate to be respected.
i don't think it's wrong to tell them, not only hers, that they are going the wrong way of life. it's just a natural to tell your kids they are wrong and to let them know they should have not done those things.
but more and more, time passes everyday, she, for one, don't seem to listen, not only with me but also with her mom.
i wish i can let it all pass. i wish she will change someday.
and yes, i also feel guilty at times. but do you think you are the one who should work so hard to change ourselves?
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
21 Mar 11
They will change when they start having kids and forced to be mature. - i beg to completely agree with this. i know a few people who remains immature and irresponsible despite having a family and kids.
but with my step, hopefully, things will turn out smoothly not only between the two of us but with her mother too.
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
23 Mar 11
I also agree. One should not wait for marriage to be mature, and marriage does not guarantee maturity. In fact, marriage tends to bring out the worst in some people.
Like I suggested to you before Neil, sit down and talk WITH not just TO, her. Heart to heart.
Some 18s are going through some tough character shaping times that they could not air out. Or something may be going on which is causing her to be like that. It's about time you find out.
Don't just do "padungog dungog" because that will only reinforce her rebellious tendencies
@LetranKnight25 (33121)
• Philippines
21 Mar 11
They will change when they start having kids and forced to be mature. I am just am still single and didn't do what these siblings of mine did. 
there are still so many things to do when you're single and doesn't have a partner yet.
In her case, I think there should be more communication. the gap can be troublesome but i hope something that can make those two connected with each other.
and instead of fighting each other which is a bit sad.
there are still so many things to do when you're single and doesn't have a partner yet.
In her case, I think there should be more communication. the gap can be troublesome but i hope something that can make those two connected with each other.and instead of fighting each other which is a bit sad.
@cream97 (29087)
• United States
26 Mar 11
Hi. Theresaaiza Sometimes when you have a sibling, it can be hard for you both to reason with one another. I have a cousin and at one point in time, her brother and her would fight like cats and dogs. It was so crazy! I know these two have matured greatly as they have both gotten older. You are not going to be a bad mother. I lose my temper at times with my own kids, it can happen. But that does not mean that I don't love them all. Don't beat yourself up, you are going to make it as being a great sister to your brother. Don't let your squats with each other make you think as if you will not succeed, because you will. Take care.
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
31 Mar 11
You know what my biggest problem with myself is? I can't be at ease until I have nagged. I realize that I am such a nagger and I nag to make my point go across. I know this isn't going to do our relationship any good. I want to change.
@bellis716 (4799)
• United States
23 Mar 11
Your brother is at an awkward age, part boy and part man, and he doesn't know how to be either. You need to be strong and not spoil him. Have you ever thought that what he really wants is a little more of your time?
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
23 Mar 11
Yes he does. He even demands my time sometimes. But I get too engrossed in my own activities that I hate the thought of stopping them for him. I know I'm a very terrible sister. When we are away, I think about it and feel really guilty but when the situation arises and that's supposed to be my chance to change, my troll instincts resurface. :(
@tkonlinevn (6447)
• Vietnam
22 Mar 11
I'm afraid that you have some problems with your health. You're tired and you can't control your feelings. I suggest that you should go your doctor and getting some advices.
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
23 Mar 11
I probably need a psychologist to help me manage my anger, or a spiritual guide to help me develop patience. But I don't think this calls for a medical doctor at this point, thankfully.
@GardenGerty (157870)
• United States
21 Mar 11
Brothers are different from your own children, but you will probably be short with them occasionally. You guys will probably be close friends when he is older, but young teens are hard to get along with at the best of times for me.
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
22 Mar 11
Hi GG your response comes as a relief after reading response #1. It is nice to know that people understand instead of judging right away.
We have really neat bonding moments, me and my brother. the responsibility of rearing him like a son is probably just pressuring me. You see my mom passed 2 yrs ago and that left me as his instant surrogate mother. I cant help but to feel like I got pregnant at 13 and totally clueless at motherhood.
@AmbiePam (85975)
• United States
21 Mar 11
From what I've heard, it is totally different when you have your own kids. Your feelings are different, and therefore your actions are different. I think your problems with your brother are normal considering the age gap. Certainly you being older dictates you be the more mature person, but he is a teenager. And most teenagers get to an extremely annoying stage at some point! So don't be too hard on yourself. Just try your best to be as patient as possible.
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
23 Mar 11
I am excited but anxious at the same time. I remember my mom being less patient with me and I'm afraid that with the way I deal with my brother, I may do it to my own kids. Or I might be extra sweet to my future kids which will make my brother feel unfair. Oh I dunno what to do!
@dreamy1 (3811)
• United States
21 Mar 11
Why are you picking on a little kid? Sure kids that age can be hard to deal with but you have to think has he done anything that bad to be treated like that? Yes you do sound selfish because you are only thinking about you and what you want and not the other person. Ask yourself if the situation were reversed would you want to be treated like you treat him?
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
21 Mar 11
My brother and I fought like cats and dogs when we were younger, there was about 3 years difference between us. Didn't mean that we didn't love each other. When he when to college and left home, we finally became friends. I guess absense does make the heart grow fonder. When we get together now, sometimes we reminisce about some of our more outlandish battles.
When you have your own children, it's completely different. You'll love your kids completely...even when your chasing them around your home trying to get THEM to stop fighting.
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
23 Mar 11
It's like that with me and my elder brother. Now that he is a priest and away most of the time, I could really say our hearts had grown much fonder. We also recollect our childhood and laugh at them.
But even today, my brother could also remember what a brat I was. Being the youngest for 13 years, well what could everyone expect?
Maybe having abrother suddenly surprised my system a bit especially now that my mom is gone and I am left with the responsibility of being his surrogate mom
@LetranKnight25 (33121)
• Philippines
21 Mar 11
Hello THeresa-aiza
,
I think being impatient with him could get you trouble in the future,you must have a wider understanding of him since he's younger. getting him to spoil is a mistake that would make him a unreliable in the future by doing this, you are setting a huge distance to this brother of yours. probably you might not realized one day how he might hate you for showing that much negative emotion on him. I hope he has tendency to forgive and just move on, i hope.
i think it's different when you have kids, you are probably saying this now because you haven't experience it yet.
,
I think being impatient with him could get you trouble in the future,you must have a wider understanding of him since he's younger. getting him to spoil is a mistake that would make him a unreliable in the future by doing this, you are setting a huge distance to this brother of yours. probably you might not realized one day how he might hate you for showing that much negative emotion on him. I hope he has tendency to forgive and just move on, i hope.
i think it's different when you have kids, you are probably saying this now because you haven't experience it yet.@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
23 Mar 11
You know what? I am starting to believe that I have anger management problems.
Just yesterday, my BF also reprimanded me for being so impatient, and having a very low frustration tolerance. No wonder my brother is also turning into something like me because I am such a good role model.
Just yesterday, my BF also reprimanded me for being so impatient, and having a very low frustration tolerance. No wonder my brother is also turning into something like me because I am such a good role model.
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
21 Mar 11
This is pretty common with siblings. Yes at 27 you do need some pace and at 14 he is going through changes so that too is common. When you have your kids it is a bit differently. You will all of sudden develop patience. That normally happens when a person does not much patience then they have kids and it is like their entire persona changes.
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
22 Mar 11
I'll stand by with that. Hoping that I'll be a better person to my kids. You see I'm not also the adult 27 that I am supposed to be. I tend to be immature at my age which really worsens the situation.
My brother is really annoying sometimes, but I can't see why I cant be more patient with him.
Where exactly do we learn patience?
@Kalyni2011 (3496)
• India
31 Mar 11
He is 14 and you are 27, he is not your kid, your brother, some boys have different kind of temperament, you should understand that, keep your mind cool, deal like a friend, he is not matured enough, soon you will be good friends..
Thanks for sharing
Happy posting, cheers.
Namastey. 
Kalyani
Happy posting, cheers.
Namastey.
Kalyani
