Would you tell her or not?

Philippines
May 16, 2011 3:19am CST
When accidentally you saw your friend's boyfriend dating with another girl in a posh exclusive restaurant, would you tell your friend the truth or would you rather spare her of the emotional betrayal? Many of us have encountered this dilemma, and I should say this is a tough one. Some prefer to keep mum, out of fear of accusation of meddling with the affairs of other people. For me, I would rather tell my friend the truth. I do not mind if I would be accused of meddling my friend's life. If she is my friend, she deserves my loyalty. Thus, if someone is cheating on her, I believe it is my moral duty to tell that to her. How about you my fellow, mylotters? I want to hear from my fellow mylotters, what would you do if confronted with the same scenario?
7 people like this
29 responses
• China
16 May 11
But how can you confirm this boyfriend is cheating on your friend? If I were you, I would not tell her the scene I saw in a direct way. Maybe I would remind her skifully of spending more time with her boyfriend, or something else similar. Maybe there is still a chance between them. Maybe what you saw is not what you think.
• Philippines
17 May 11
hi felicityjiang. Thank you for your response. Is it normal to see a guy with a girl who is not his family or relative in a restaurant?
• China
17 May 11
Maybe just a normal friend. When a boy have his girlfriend, then he still have the right to have a dinner with his girl friend.
• Philippines
19 May 11
Hi felicityjiang! Got your point. But it would arouse suspicion if a boy and a girl is seen at a posh restaurant. I am not concluding that they are having an affair, but it would be more prudent for a guy to inform his girlfriend that he is having dinner or lunch with his girl friend.
@wolfwise (100)
• Philippines
16 May 11
Personally for me, I could tell my friend on what I have seen but U think I will not speculate further on what I saw, I'll just show the facts and not say any more or less.
@wolfwise (100)
• Philippines
16 May 11
Sorry for the typo it's actually "I think" not "U think".
• Philippines
17 May 11
I think we share the same opinion wolfwise. Have you experienced the same scenario before? I did. I was very concise and objective, but my friend reacted frantically. This friend of mine has heard from my other friends that her boyfriend is seeing another girl. Coincidentally, the girl whom they described also fits to the description of the girl I saw.
• China
16 May 11
Just as upstairs says.You can't tell if they are really "dating". But if I see they are kissing,I would definetly tell my friend.So she will be well-prepared for whatever she'll have to face in the future.
• Philippines
17 May 11
Hi rabbitcanfly! So, given the same scenario you will probably not tell your friend. However, it would be the other way around if you saw your friend's boyfriend with a girl and they were very affectionate with each other. Is it normal for a guy with a girl to see in a restaurant? (Assuming that the girl is not his relative or family.)
• Philippines
17 May 11
error: Is is normal to see a guy in a restaurant with a girl who is not his family or relative?
@obe212003 (2302)
• Philippines
16 May 11
Doing it a nice friendly conversation, just seeing what you saw and not exaggerating anything than what has transpired. There are cases when we see things differently that is with an easy deduction of a negative impression. Like i go out with my sister, my female co-worker and my friend's wives on a dinner date/appointment or whatever, and if you saw me other than my wife, then probably you would be leaning on the notion that i am doing something wrong. Judgment in terms of intuition or make belief sometimes cause more harm than good, so better tell her straight to the point what you saw, nothing more and nothing less.
• Philippines
16 May 11
Totally agree! It is sometimes harmful rather than helpful to be loyal to a friend when it comes to this kind of concern. It is best that if you can't help but tell her, just keep it brief.
• Philippines
17 May 11
hi obe212003 and sophiecheer! Thank you for your response. Keeping it brief and objective are the best way to tell her the incident. No preconceived judgment to keep out from any troubles.
@gyani1978 (147)
• India
16 May 11
Hi, If my girlfriend dating with another boy, then first I'll ask her about that what I have seen, come to the reality not one time but repeated that again and again then obviously I can't manage with that. Because my opinion said as I am as she should be.
• Philippines
17 May 11
hi gyani1978. Thank you for your response. You are right, if several of your friends are telling the same thing which is they kept on seeing your girlfriend with the same guy, it means something. Probably she is cheating.
@toniganzon (53392)
• Philippines
16 May 11
I would definitely tell her. If i'm going to reverse the situation, i would feel betrayed if my friend won't tell me that she knew all along that my boyfriend or husband is cheating on me. That's too painful for me. Going back to your question, I feel like i am obligated to tell my friend but not in an intriguing way but in a way that she wouldn't feel that i don't like her boyfriend or i'm trying to mess up her relationship. A true friend would always protect her good friend. Maybe i would even approach the boyfriend or husband and see what he will tell me. Like you i am a very loyal friend and i feel like i owe my friend my honesty.
• Philippines
17 May 11
Hi toniganzon. Thank you for your response! We have the same opinion!
• Philippines
16 May 11
if you are his or her true friend you must need to tell the truth,,b'coz theres a saying that the truth will set you free...be the bestfriend as you can be and you can do it by being honest with him or her all the time.
• Philippines
17 May 11
hi louiejayescabarte! Thank you for your response! I totally agree with you. Sometimes, friendship can be tested in this manner. If I were on the same shoe with my friend, I definitely expect her to tell me the truth. However, we should also consider on how to say it. As wargamon say, telling her indirectly would reduce the risk of being accused as tattletale.
• United States
16 May 11
I will definetely let my friend know about it because later on I don't want to regret that I had the option of warning my friend but I didn't.
• Philippines
17 May 11
Hi crazyash. Thank you for your response! We have the same opinion. Telling her the truth is the best way to show our loyalty to her, isn't it? However, we must also consider on how we would say it to her. The advice of wargamon is correct. Telling the incident indirectly would definitely make a difference!
@visavis (5945)
• Philippines
16 May 11
Here is my view about with spiritual thing - bible says, if you know or see a truth but you did not do the right thing your sinning. So this simple sentence I given is giving you my comments about your friend - if you are convected to tell her about you witness go ahead, it is your duty to tell your friend. May be she will not believe in the first place but you should prepare about it... see you around
• Philippines
17 May 11
Hi visavis. Thank you for your response! I experienced this dilemma a long time ago. I was very concise and objective, but my friend reacted frantically. It so happened that several of her friends told her that they saw her boyfriend with another girl. Coincidentally, the girl they were describing fits to the same description which I saw in the restaurant.
@aerous (13474)
• Philippines
28 May 11
It's not a duty to tell what you saw but it's an obligation as friends. Just to tell about what you saw not just to tell what in your mind. Because we don't know if the companionship is a pure related business or the girl or the boy are relatives...
@Jlyn10 (10916)
• Malaysia
20 May 11
Well, if you know that guy, maybe you can just walk up to where they were sitting and ask where his girlfriend is, and then see the reaction on both their faces. Maybe then you will know whether they are just casual friends or more than that. The best is to confront your friend's boyfriend first before telling the truth to your friend.
@bounce58 (17524)
• Canada
19 May 11
First off, I wouldn't jump into conclusions. The person involved being my friend, I would give her more credit that she is a good judge of character, and that this guy that she is 'dating' is not two-timing her. There should be a logical explanation for it. If there isn't, then I don't have any problems telling her.
@secretbear (19464)
• Philippines
19 May 11
Hi hot_legs! That's a really tough situation and even though it happens most of the time, there is really no right thing to do. I mean, whatever you do, there's always a bad side to it. If you tell your friend, you're meddling with her affairs. If you don't, you're not concerned for her. I am thankful I have not yet faced this kind of situation but if I do, I think I would also tell my friend what I saw. However, I will not give any meaning to what I saw or I would not jump into conclusion. The problem is how will I tell her about it as plainly and casually as possible without giving any meaning to it. It's not like I can say "hey, I saw your boyfriend (somewhere) with someone" without sounding suspicious. Even if I can, this will depend entirely on my friend. If she has a total trust to her boyfriend, then she would not give meaning to it at all. But if she suspects anything of her boyfriend, then this would definitely sound something for her no matter how casual and plain I said it.
@Gabbi1 (12)
• United States
18 May 11
I agree, you should tell your friend but you should also be there for her when the news sinks in. It feels awful to find out that one of the people that you trust the most, betrays you like that. I believe that it would be better for her to find out through you instead of through someone else or worse, herself.
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
18 May 11
Hi. hot_legs. Welcome to myLot! I know that you don't want to get in the way of telling your best friend that you saw her boyfriend with another girl. But if you have to do this, then that is what will have to be done. She is your best friend and I can understand you not hiding anything from her at all. She deserves to know the truth and she does not deserve to be cheated on either. Men can be great liars and if my best friend knew that my man was cheating on me, I would want her to tell me. I don't want to be a fool into staying with him at all.
@jdyrj777 (6556)
• United States
17 May 11
You know what? They say a picture is worth athousand words. Most people have cell phones now and most of them have cameras on them. I say take a pic. Send the pic to the innocent party.
@cerebellum (3871)
• United States
17 May 11
Saying something to your friend might lead to more trouble. It could have been very innocent. The girl he was with might have been a relative or co-worker. If possible, I would try and talk to the guy first and see what the situation is. If he is seeing someone else I would try and get him to tell her. If you tell your friend and they break-up, she might blame you. It is better to stay out of it if you can and still have her happiness at heart.
• Indonesia
17 May 11
Well, I won't tell anybody if I encounter something like this. Better to remain silent and not involved in it.
@hpalm710 (87)
• Philippines
17 May 11
if this happens to me, i would investigate what is the real score between the guy and the girl. then i would ask my friend what would she feel if her partner cheats on her or what she will do if she found out that her friend is cheated by her partner. then i would find a way she can catch them herself. i am afraid to tell her directly because she might not understand or might not believe me.
@knicnax (2234)
• Philippines
17 May 11
I would tell my friend what I saw. Though cheating is slowly becoming a norm these days, it still doesn't change the fact that it's wrong