Why get married....when there is option to divorce?
By sweet_pea
@sweet_pea (3322)
Philippines
May 31, 2011 9:12pm CST
Ideally, marriages is supposed to be a happy-ever-after thing. We usually get married because we love the person and we want to be with the same person for the rest of our lives. But because of irreconcilable differences, the marriage didn't work and couples file for divorce.
Would it be easier to just be in a live-in arrangement so when the time comes that you are not happy anymore with your partner, you don't go through divorce, child custody battle, alimony and property settlement? I see couples who aren't married but have been very happy together for a long time. I also see celebrities spending a fortune on their weddings and won't even reach their first anniversary together.
We don't have divorce in my country. We only have annulment and legal separation and those who usually can avail are those with money. And it takes years to have them approved. Currently there is a heated discussion of trying to revive a bill to introduce divorce in the Philippines after Malta, the only other country that has banned divorce, passed a referendum to legalize divorce.
What is with marriage that makes it attractive to couples and sour afterwards?
Would you still get married even when you know you can get divorced?
7 people like this
24 responses
@ptower76 (1616)
• United States
1 Jun 11
I don't think that people get married thinking of divorce. But it is important to understand that in today's world, marriage is a contract. A business arrangement between two people. As with any contract, if a party breaches the contract, then legal action can be taken. I personally have not found the person yet that I would enter into a marriage contract with.
1 person likes this
@sweet_pea (3322)
• Philippines
2 Jun 11
I agree. People think positive outcome of their marriages so they enter into one.
Nobody wishes theirs would end in divorce. Hope you will find your better half soon ptower!
@sweet_pea (3322)
• Philippines
2 Jun 11
Nobody is too old for love!
We will always be young....at heart that is!
@marapplestiffy (2182)
• Philippines
1 Jun 11
Most people get married because it's the natural step in society to proclaim your love for one another, most people do marry for love and that lasts, or their illusion of love and once that illusion is shattered so is the marriage, or for standing/wealth/stability and that usually lasts but it never is a happy one...
There are more marriages that lasts in this world versus those that is broken, divorce is better in my opinion because here in my country even though we don't have divorce it's not a guarantee that the couple will not separate and start another family, sometimes with people who are also married already, that is such a sham.
I will marry my fiancée not only because I love him(I know that even if divorce would be legalized in our country, we would never get divorced), but also because I love and honor my parents. I would live with him without marriage and I know that our commitment would not change, but for the sake of our parents, we will go through the ceremony first and live together after...
1 person likes this
@sweet_pea (3322)
• Philippines
2 Jun 11
Divorce has it's pros and cons.
I'm sure we will hear a lot from the Church again about this issue.
The RH bill hasn't even passed and another one is coming.
Nothing will ever be resolved with the Church meddling in the state's affair.
And I learned in school that there is separation between the Church and the State.
@sweet_pea (3322)
• Philippines
1 Jun 11
Sigh! But we are in the same situation.
I really don't want to get married but for the sake of my parents I had too.
They usually are bothered about what other people will say and so concerned about their reputation more than support the choices I want to make.
I love my husband but it is okay for me if we don't get married.
However, live-in arrangements are a no, no to my mom.
She won't heard of it!
True, even without divorce in our country, couples still separate.
But do you still want to have divorce in our country?
@marapplestiffy (2182)
• Philippines
1 Jun 11
yes, though I know that would be a very long time from now, because I think it gives freedom to those who are locked in a loveless marriage, or a cheating husband/wife...I know many will oppose this idea, but I think it's kinder for children to have their parents go through divorce and start their lives anew than to stay together and fight everyday...or for husbands/wives of cheating/abusive wives/husbands to rebuild their self-confidence and find someone worthy of them...
My mother is the same, I don't get that but I love her so I'll just follow her...
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
2 Jun 11
p eople are too mu ch in a hurry now days, everything has to be instand and when the mate turns out to be an ordinary human being not mr perfect
or miss gorgeous they get all upset and sue for divorce. nobody loves unconditionally where you fall in love with a person wrinkles, warts and all and love the person anyway just as is no makeup no changes asked, the love ts total, the whole person as she or he is. this is the love that lasts and makes two people marry and stick together for lfve. most modern people w ant instant perfections and trust me there are no perfect people there are almost but not perfect. people who really love have patience, they love t the person for all that they are their good points and their bad points. outside good looks are great but we all age and change and droop and sag and so what, so bloody what. we'are human beings.not angels we a re humans and we have faults. accept that and move on. love can conquer all but the persons have to have some intelligence and accept each other as imperfect wonderful human beings flaws and wonderful points both.
@sweet_pea (3322)
• Philippines
3 Jun 11
I feel Hatley you are referring to me!
At 25 I felt that I am too old to be single, so I said yes to the first person who proposed to me after just 7 months of meeting him. I am sticking out with him for the past 6 years and hopefully the rest of our lifetime (since there is no divorce in my country). Sometimes I love him, sometimes I hate him, then I love him again. It is such a roller coaster ride. But I am hands up to him for being a good father to my son. He came from a family where his father had an affair. And he saw how her mother cried over that. He promised himself he wouldn't do that to me. And I hope he can lived up to his promise. I'm crossing my fingers.
At 25 I felt that I am too old to be single, so I said yes to the first person who proposed to me after just 7 months of meeting him. I am sticking out with him for the past 6 years and hopefully the rest of our lifetime (since there is no divorce in my country). Sometimes I love him, sometimes I hate him, then I love him again. It is such a roller coaster ride. But I am hands up to him for being a good father to my son. He came from a family where his father had an affair. And he saw how her mother cried over that. He promised himself he wouldn't do that to me. And I hope he can lived up to his promise. I'm crossing my fingers.
@jaiho2009 (39142)
• Philippines
1 Jun 11
hello sweet,
I always want my marriage to be sweet forever (hehehe)
I was thinking about these things recently,since i believed that love is like a fairy tales that "they lived happily ever after"
Now i realized that love is not always a bed of roses and that we cannot hold and control our destiny in the palm of our hands.
Who want divorce and separation anyway...no one right?
But i guess that's a good option for couples that really needs freedom rather than living under one roof without love and respect.
Thu i still consider the holy matrimony and don't agree with divorce- i wish that legal separation and annulment should not be that hard to attain here in our country depending on reasonable situation like physical and mental abuse (both men and women)
You are right my dear,i also known few couples who are living without those papers (marriage contract) but are happily living together for years and even having child and much successful than those ones having the grandest wedding in town.
I don't believed that marriage contract or grand wedding as a basis for a happy and lasting relationship.
I prefer to have the freedom-with or without divorce or annulment.
@jaiho2009 (39142)
• Philippines
1 Jun 11
@ visavis,
friend- i don't go with material things.
see- was bribe and gifted with a car-but no way...he can get the car if he want...even our house and evrything...just never touched my kids...my kids are mine and nothing more.
1 person likes this
@sweet_pea (3322)
• Philippines
3 Jun 11
Yeah, marriages aren't all bed of roses.
Don't forget that roses come with thorns too.
As moms, we can lose everything, our possessions, but not our kids.
They are more than any amount of gold could compare.
They are simply priceless!
As moms, we can lose everything, our possessions, but not our kids.
They are more than any amount of gold could compare.
They are simply priceless!
@visavis (5934)
• Philippines
1 Jun 11
Ok I think I will agree with you as long as you are capable for any future consequences like may be one of the party will abandon the other which I think no legal claim. Because as I said in my other comments entering to marriage is no return no exhange policy.
2 people like this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
1 Jun 11
When we get married, we do not think of getting divorced or separated in the future. Everyone who gets married dreams of that so they work hard to keep the marriage working all throughout their married life.
Nobody knows before they get married that they will end up separated. All they have in mind is getting married and to have a family.
I will still choose to get married rather than living-in with the one i love.
1 person likes this
@sweet_pea (3322)
• Philippines
2 Jun 11
We come to a marriage hoping that it would be the first and the last.
I want to make my marriage work and I have always wanted a complete family with the mom, dad and children together. But it is tough Simply D.
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
2 Jun 11
Making the marriage work is tough indeed. It has to be worked right , by the both of you, not by one party alone.
@arnouardian (286)
• United States
1 Jun 11
hi sweetpea,
it's the same question as: why build a new company, when there is option to dissolve it later?
i think of divorce as a solution to irreconcilable problems in a marriage. so, it is very helpful to end the stressful relationship. of course, i will still get married although i know i can file for divorce. this option even helps me feel relieved because i know it is a legal way to end a problematic marriage. well, of course, i will not hope i will file for divorce when i will marry my girlfriend. once again, it's just the last resort when there is nothing else can mend the problems in a marriage.
@sweet_pea (3322)
• Philippines
2 Jun 11
Nice comparison Ardi!
I think getting into marriage is a risk that one takes. You really don't know if it will be a happy-ever-after ending or one that would end in divorce.
Don't you think couples gives up more easily than working things out when they know there is easy way out to it by going through divorce?
@arnouardian (286)
• United States
4 Jun 11
I appreciate everybody's opinion about marriage and divorce. this is not an easy issue to debate over.
the possibility for a couple to finally get into divorce depends on how much they want to solve the problem. how much they love each other that they think they should maintain their marriage.
@brew2x (3094)
• Philippines
1 Jun 11
I don't think people will commit if they are thinking of separation. Why would you be in a serious relationship if you are thinking that you will break up in the end? People get married because they feel that they find someone to be with for the rest of their lives. Staying in a marriage is lots of hard work and a decision. It is easier to give up if you are just living in together unlike if you are married, you will try everything to make the marriage work.
1 person likes this
@sweet_pea (3322)
• Philippines
3 Jun 11
Yes it is easy to give-up in a live-in arrangement. It gives us the opportunity to know the person we are contemplating of spending the rest of our lives with. If we don't anymore love our partner we can always stop the relationship.
Before marriages, relationships seems to be perfect. Couples tend to put their best foot forward. It is only when they wed that they see who they truly are and it is usually too late to back out. They just need to work out their differences since they are stuck for life. I feel that giving up in a marriage will be easier when there is divorce.
@Manojknair (603)
• India
1 Jun 11
Marriage is all about adjustment , giving, caring and respect for your partner . If you have this quality then , go ahead and find a parter and get married for lifetime . The life will be awesome.
If you don't have these qualities , then please never think of getting married and spoil others life. By the time you realize your marriage is not working out , a new life(your baby ) would have come to this world , where he will suffer .
@sweet_pea (3322)
• Philippines
3 Jun 11
It would have been easy Manoj if such qualities you've mentioned are constant in each person. I mean couples are forever in love, forever respectful, forever giving and caring. But nothing in this world is constant but change. The man you met today maybe different from what the man would become when he gets married. Sometimes, it feels you have married another person from the man you think was perfect for you. It really sucks!
@sender621 (14894)
• United States
1 Jun 11
Marriage is a union of commitment and love and caring for another person. there is always a chance that your heart will get broken by the one that you love. it is a chance worth taking. You can not worry about a marriage ending. it is like waiting for the end to come before you give the relationship the chance to become something special.
1 person likes this
@sweet_pea (3322)
• Philippines
2 Jun 11
Nice response sender621!
Marriage is a risk. You wouldn't know what you'll have unless you try.
Don't anticipate the ending, but enjoy the journey!
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
1 Jun 11
HI sweet_pea 
Oh goodness, no I would not marry simply because I knew divorce was easy and attainable in my country.
I have been living with my boyfriend now for six years and though I love him dearly neither one of us for the moment discuss marriage. We do live in a very committed relationship and maybe one day we will get married, don't know. But surely we did not begin to live together without marriage as we not once discuss not to marry and only live together in case it does not work, it did not happen that way for us. I don't know that anyone actually discusses it that way, especially as they marry.
Oh goodness, no I would not marry simply because I knew divorce was easy and attainable in my country.
I have been living with my boyfriend now for six years and though I love him dearly neither one of us for the moment discuss marriage. We do live in a very committed relationship and maybe one day we will get married, don't know. But surely we did not begin to live together without marriage as we not once discuss not to marry and only live together in case it does not work, it did not happen that way for us. I don't know that anyone actually discusses it that way, especially as they marry. @sweet_pea (3322)
• Philippines
2 Jun 11
I think people go into marriage with a positive attitude that it would work for them. Living in arrangements are good in the sense that you would really know the person. Sometimes people during the dating stage only put their best foot forward, so we think they are perfect for us. Then after marriage they seem to be a different person from the person we seem to know in the first place.
@spazz435 (322)
• United States
1 Jun 11
I think I agree with you. But I think it mainly depends on the couple and how deeply they feel they are "in love" with each other. Yes there is a lot of divorce in the world. But compared to that, there is twice as much love and continued marriage. I also believe it depends on the type of person you are. The reason there is so much divorce is because all the wrong people are getting married. People who shouldn't ever get married are and realize that they shouldn't be married and get divorced. Maybe they do it for money. Who knows.. But I believe that if people who are supposed to get married get married and people who are not supposed to don't, the world could be a happier place. Thank you.
1 person likes this
@sweet_pea (3322)
• Philippines
2 Jun 11
Well there are different reasons why people go into marriage.
Some for selfish reasons and some for love.
But if both parties wouldn't want to work their differences, divorce will always be an option.
@visavis (5934)
• Philippines
1 Jun 11
Hello my friend,
If you are thinking the marriage has an option of divorce it is not called marriage because marriage is very sacred it is a binding of two person, who's binding God not people not anyone but only God. Meaning if you enter or anyone who enter into marriage life only God can depart to each other regardless of their differences. For me marriage is not trial and error method, some says if you are getting married you entering to peaceful or worst life, that's why marriage is not like a rice you take in your mouth when feel hot you can return, blow it..no it is no return no exchange... that's why LOVE and RESPECT is required...
@sweet_pea (3322)
• Philippines
3 Jun 11
Legally speaking visavis, marriages with option to divorce later are valid marriages.
Divorce is a process that ends a valid marriage.
It happens to all countries in the world except the Philippines.
True. If love and respect are present in a marriage, we wouldn't have any use for divorce. However, nothing is constant in this world but change. People change, feelings change, even love change over time. Because of these irreconcilable differences marriages don't work out. It is really a pity, when you are stuck in a loveless, abusive marriage.
@jacklintan (1302)
• Malaysia
1 Jun 11
HI THERES...
there are many people who understand that marriage and putting hopes to make it work. Tbere are people who just married for the sake of marriage. Many got married because the became pregnant. most because they they need companion,and it is time to move on.
In life,its not the marriage a problem. Its the people who you met and are they still the same after dating sometime.dp they share the same mission in life together.
If you choose to be single and u are comfortable and happy about it, then why bother?
1 person likes this
@sweet_pea (3322)
• Philippines
3 Jun 11
People go into marriages for different reasons.
Others are fortunate to have lasting marriages while others can't seem to compromise thus ending in divorce. It's the parties involved who will make or break a marriage.
@RalphJacob (45)
• Philippines
1 Jun 11
The only country that doesnt approved divorce are Philippines, the only Christian country in Asia and Rome,Vatican. I think you are so right about this. People should know that marriage is not like a hot food that you will just throw when it hurt you.
1 person likes this
@sweet_pea (3322)
• Philippines
3 Jun 11
It is not at all a bed of roses too.
It comes with thorns too that people often forget.
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
4 Jun 11
I got married for the legal rights and benefits of being a certified unit. It didn't change my relationship. I'm not having children, we're not buying a house and, while I would likely be devastated if the relationship came to an end, I have no qualms with getting a divorce. I see it as nothing more serious than any other break-up. Just as marriage is nothing but legal paperwork declaring you are a committed couple, divorce is nothing but the legal paperwork saying you are no longer in a relationship.
I think keeping divorce illegal is horrifically backwards and wrong. Everyone should have the right to leave and unhappy situation.
Furthermore, if you live with someone without being married and you purchase property together and/or have children together, you will still have to go through custody and property settlement if you break up.
@sweet_pea (3322)
• Philippines
8 Jun 11
I think it is very backwards. Laws should be revised every now and then to meet the needs of the people. Why did they agreed on annulment but not divorce when both ends a partnership in marriage? It is not easy too to be unmarried when you have properties and children to consider. But it is easier that way to leave an abusive partner.
@dawnald (85135)
• Shingle Springs, California
2 Jun 11
You don't get married with the intention of getting divorced. But it's much nicer to live in a place where it's an option, especially if you end up in an abusive marriage. But I agree there's a downside. Some people take the easy way out instead of trying to work it out.
@sweet_pea (3322)
• Philippines
6 Jun 11
Hi Dawnald!
True. I think coming to a marriage, we are very positive that it will turn out really well. Until we are proven wrong.
1 person likes this
@dodo19 (47123)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
4 Jun 11
I really don't think that you should enter marriage with the idea of divorce in mind. It's kind of pointless in my opinion. You should marry someone because you want to be with that person and you want to be married to that individual, not because divorce is an option. If you keep divorce in mind, maybe this person is not the right person for you. This is just my opinion.
@sweet_pea (3322)
• Philippines
8 Jun 11
Yeah, right. Coming to a marriage, one must be positive about their future together.
A lot of negativity may not help the marriage at all.
@starsailover (7829)
• Mexico
4 Jun 11
Hi sweet oead: I don't think the problem is marriage. The problem is that people don't take marriage so seriously, getting married without being mature enough to take this decision. I have previously started a discussion on this subject
http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/2520424.aspx
For me, marriage is a blessing from God to your relationship. When people get married they should do it thinking that they are making the most important decision of their lives and that they should do their best to make their relationship last.
ALVARO
@sweet_pea (3322)
• Philippines
8 Jun 11
Sorry Star, if I have overlooked your discussion.
It is just that the issue of divorce has been quite a hot topic in my country recently.
True, the problem is not marriage, but the parties that is involved in that marriage.
It lays in their hands whether they would make or break their marriage.
@besthope44 (12123)
• India
4 Jun 11
Hi Sweet_pea, Divorce is so common and many think thats a chance to escape marriage. But this is not imply to everyone. Marriages are still respected and many live together irrespective of all differences. Many believe differences and intolerance can pave way for divorce. But I feel Marriage is meant for true and everlasting love which holds on till 90's like most grandparents in our country. They are standing example for the true meaning of marriage.
@lilbabycatapillar (497)
• United States
7 Jun 11
I love this guy in my life, and to think of just living with him like a roommate forever would be okay, on one hand, because I really just want to spend my life with him, but it's really -really- not okay.
Marriage is a tradition, and I kind of like the roles it implies. I want to be his woman. I want to be there when he comes home from work, though I might get a job myself, and I want to have his kids. Oh, and kids.
When you have kids, marriage means stability, hopefully. Missus and Mister.
We're still individuals, and we see each other as equals, but this is how it has to be!
