Stayig together for the kids?

United States
June 2, 2011 11:17am CST
A new study says kids 6 and under suffer More stress when they lose a parent to divorce than when the couple stays together. I am thinking Really? Is it Truly better for kids to see that Mommy and Daddy are either fighting Or just going through the motions? is this Really how the parents have to do? I mean pretend they are lovey dovey in front of the kids and then fight in private? Would That work? Your thoughts.
3 people like this
20 responses
@SViswan (12071)
• India
4 Jun 11
I haven't read about the study...but you say kids under 6. It makes sense because really young kids can't make out the difference when parents are having a cold war or saying mean things to each other if they do it in a not so angry tone. Even if they are fighting and arguing all the time....both parents are equal for a very young child..and though they can't articulate what they feel, they won't remember the fighting later but they will always know about the divorce. Kids older than 6 are able to understand the equation shift if explained in a proper way.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Jun 11
So a couple Should stay until the kids can truly understand how miserable You Really are?
@SViswan (12071)
• India
6 Jun 11
Personally, I don't think they SHOULD....but I'm just trying to understand it from the study point of view. In our community, divorce/separation is discouraged and the elders would do anything in their power to try and get the couple to stick together especially when there are kids involved....no matter how miserable the people in the relationship are. I don't think it's a good idea...because all the negativity is coming on to the kids and it's definitely not good for their development...I'd rather they parents separated and the kids got to see the nice side of their parents rather than the quarelling side. In the long run that's what is beneficial for the kids though they might feel bad during the time of the separation/divorce.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Jun 11
If they stay together but are so miserab;e the kids learn that marriage Is suppose to be a misery.
• Portugal
3 Jun 11
no sarah. that wouldnt work. even if you hid it from them sooner or later they would find it out. they would like appear out of nowhere and listen to their arguements. besides stay with someone you dont love for kids thats a nonsense. for sure in those cases parents should just be honest with each other. and dont let their kids see the arguements thats right but get divorced. i agree that its not good for them to assist to arguements but the divorce should happen. that way the kids will be happier as they grow up and also the parents.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Jun 11
Agreed. And if they are lucky they will see their parents meet their True partner ans then the kids will have 4 loving parents instead of 2.
3 Jun 11
Kids will eventually understand that it is more beneficial for their parents to be separated rather than opt to stay together just for their sakes. I think that they would appreciate their parents more because of their honesty.
@inertia4 (27713)
• United States
15 Jun 11
Maybe someone should have told this to my ex-wife. She left three years ago when my son was only 6 years old and my daughter was only 4. I know it destroyed them, I saw their faces when she told them and the pain in my sons eyes and voice is something I can never get out of my head. I will never forgive her for that. I am a total wreck ever since then.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Jun 11
She left the kids with you? I'm so sorry. There is nothing I can say to take that pain away. Let me say this before I forget. I want to wish you a Happy Father's Day. Single Dads are great and should be celebrated.
• Canada
8 Jun 11
In my case, it would have been a lot less stressful if my parents had divorced early, than if they had stayed together the way they did. All they ever did was fight, and it was a living hell. I know they both loved my sister and I, but the way they fought with eachother was horrible!
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Jun 11
I'm so sorry. Question. Has your sister found someone to love? Am I prying?
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
3 Jun 11
I can't imagine it would be better that way unless they were some very good actors. I think it would be raising their children with a lie..they are saying it's ok to be unhappy in their marriage. I think there are extremes on either side though. I think it depends on how the parent who leaves acts after they go too. If it is someone that just leaves their child high and dry..it's going to be very different than a parent that stays activly involved.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Jun 11
Agreed.It may turn into a good thing in the long run if and Only if Both parents remain in the child's life.
• Philippines
3 Jun 11
I say yes. Children are happy to see their parents together. Parents should not fight in front of their children because they are very much affected emotionally and psychologically. I never saw my parents fought in front of us. They just remained silent and that's what I did also. We separated without fighting.
• United States
3 Jun 11
I never saw my parents fight either And I could feel they Really loved each other . But I Knew from an young age that this would never happen to me.So I will never marry.
• India
3 Jun 11
fighting in front of kids, or doing comments about divorce infront of kids is not good for them
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Jun 11
Shouldn't they just separate if they can't stop fighting?
• Philippines
3 Jun 11
for me it would be better for kids to have parents who have a better relationship separated than for them to stay together and fight every day. it would be good if both sides explain properly to their children what's happening, and tell them that this is what's best for everyone. children can understand and they are not insensitive. if it really won't work anymore, stop it before worse things happen.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Jun 11
@blue65packer (11835)
• United States
2 Jun 11
Kids can grow up normal if their parents divorce! Alot do! Why stay together if you and your spouse ar not happy? That is so stupid! As long as the kids are not put in the middle of the divorce,like alot are when the divorce gets ugly,I see no big problem! As long as the couple are friends! So what!
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Jun 11
That's the key, how to remain friends After the split? If a couple can do this , the kids will be fine.
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
2 Jun 11
You should not stay in a relationship sjust because you have children together. sooner or later the relationship you havwe with your significant other will suffer. You can still have a good relationship with your children even if you can't with someone else. Staying together for the sake of the children will just make everyone miserable in time.
• United States
3 Jun 11
I think so too. But this study is implying the opposite.But by staying wouldn't the children learn that marriage Is Suppose to be stressful?
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
2 Jun 11
I don't pretend in front of the kids. I wonder if somebody could really pull that off...
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Jun 11
You would be surprised. I have this feeling many couples agree to remained married for the children. They just are cordial in front of the kids .It is true the kids don't see them fight , but they don't see them even touch either. the focus is on the kids. An then once the youngest goes to college , they divorce.
@dodo19 (33609)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
4 Jun 11
As much as a couple might try and stay together for the kids, I still am not sure if that's a good thing, especially when the couple is often fighting. Fighting certainly can't help the kids. You should try and resolve the problems, especially if you do have kids, but if it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out, and it might just be better to separate.
1 person likes this
3 Jun 11
I don't approve of such set-up. I think that pretending to be happy or to stay together because for the kids will be more depressing for them. I give credit to couples who pretend but I think kids are not that "stup!d" not to realize the real situation. The best thing is open communication.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Jun 11
I don't think it's always best for the kids for a couple to stay together for the kids. Even if a couple think their fighting privately, kids see and hear more than we think even at ayoung age. Kids can feel the tension as well when a couple isn't gettng along.
1 person likes this
@Jiabsa (512)
• India
3 Jun 11
Parents should not fight in front of their children. It will create bad impression in children about their parents.Children who watch the fight of their parents will become gloomy. They will suffer depression in their life. So avoid the word disputes if your children are at home. Some parents are always in fight without any serious matter. It is very bad and unhealthy. It makes their children as an introvert.
1 person likes this
@youless (93640)
• Guangzhou, China
3 Jun 11
I don't know. But I am sure that kids will have a big negative effect if their parents divorce. If the couples choose to live together for the sake of the children, perhaps they will pretend to love each other and behave better when their children are around. If so, it is good anyway, at least for the children. I love China
• Mexico
3 Jun 11
well, this is totally true, kids are tend to be little bit more wild or rebeld when parents fight infront of them or get separate, seems like they dont understand so much about the problem, but in real they absorb every single negative action from adults and keep them deeply in memory and heart and is ssd that sometimes we cannot do anything to help them, the only way is to give them a great life as parents, and think very good before fight as couple.
@jillhill (37383)
• United States
2 Jun 11
I think they under estimate the kids...They know..or feel what's going one. I don't think anyone should ever stay together for the kids....that's just wrong. YOu only have one life to live and you should be happy...not playing pretend.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Jun 11
I believe kids are much smarter then the studies and or people think. Though one could try and pretend I do not think one can actually pull it off as well as one thinks. It would be too difficult for humans to completely pretend, as though their face and or words say one thing their gestures would certainly appear to be differently. A couple can try but sooner or later then will not be able to continue the fa-sod.
1 person likes this
@besthope44 (12145)
• India
2 Jun 11
Hi sarahruthbeth, Its true. Children at their young age cannot take up to see their parents fighting and this will emotionally disturb them. My cousin who use to see their parents fighting had mental depression. Now their parents are counselled not to fight before them.
1 person likes this