Wicked weekend..
By saphrina
@saphrina (31552)
South Africa
June 12, 2011 12:47am CST
Okay, let me explain this as short and fast i can.
I was in a relationship for 17 years, didn't work out for the last 5 years, so i left him and moved to live with my mom.
Now, to my surprise Adrian {ex} rocked up here on friday and stayed the weekend. I wasn't really impressed, but anyway. He spoiled my nephews and niece as usual, but they do seem to have changed towards him for some reason. He took me out for dinner last night, big mistake. He tried the "will you marry me" thing in front of strangers.
I lost it and thru a tantrum like a 5 year old.
It seems that this one won't give up though.
Doesn't he get it that i'm not interested anymore?
You cannot force someone to love you.
You cannot marry someone if you don't love them.
And don't try to impress my family, even if they know you for a long time either. or try to use them to get at me. That really pisses me off.
The one i fell in love with last year, asked me to marry him as well.
I would have married him in a heart beat, but now he lost interest as well.
I have a funky life for some reason when it comes to men.
Maybe i was born to stay single. Seems like a better idea to me.
Will you marry someone even if you don't love him/her?
9 people like this
38 responses
@dpk262006 (58675)
• Delhi, India
12 Jun 11
Hi Sweetie!
You see it is your life and if you do not want to marry your ex or present, it is entirely your choice. No one should force you or can force you for marrying.
My answer will also be in negative that if I do not love someone, there is no question of marrying her.
Have a great day. :-)
3 people like this
@jaiho2009 (39142)
• Philippines
12 Jun 11
oho...i've never noticed this baby...
i can't imagine marrying a baby either...i better find a guy 16 years older than me 
1 person likes this
@bhabycatch013 (9150)
• Philippines
12 Jun 11
How come this baby is talking about marriage
When you grow up and find the person you want to spend the rest of your life it should be your choice
When you grow up and find the person you want to spend the rest of your life it should be your choice 2 people like this
@shibham (16977)
• India
12 Jun 11
Hi saphie dear..
I understand your situation. Its very hard to continue a relationship with a person that we dont like. Its better to live alone. Love for lasting not for lusting.
Well, i am also alone and waiting for the right girl to me... wait, time will bring your prince. All the best.
3 people like this
@jaiho2009 (39142)
• Philippines
12 Jun 11
you are waiting?
i thought you have no heart and you don't believed in love aint?
i thought you have no heart and you don't believed in love aint?
@vandana7 (98830)
• India
12 Jun 11
Honestly blondie, you are lucky that a person loves you. :)
As to your query, it depends. I thoroughly love and enjoy my life as a single, with all its idiosyncrasies. Given a chance, I would never give it up. But if it came to saving my life, I might even marry a murderer. 
3 people like this
@allknowing (130064)
• India
12 Jun 11
When you say it did not work out in the last 5 years perhaps you could go through those 5 years to know what went wrong. If it was lack of love from either side love will not make its presence even now. There is a thing called marriage of convenience. Perhaps you could go for that if you find it to be a better alternative than your present status.
2 people like this
@vandana7 (98830)
• India
12 Jun 11
allknowing..I would love to live alone. I mean nobody remarks how long you take for bath, or cooking, or why are you singing at 10 pm in night (we get old songs around that time), or why something is burnt, or why we have to eat bread today...blah blah..men are truly most dispensable..
But the fear of not being looked after in old age, in our country is so acute. And then being at mercy of unscrupulous lot. That is why such thoughts do come and go..but in the heart singles like me truly dont want it.
1 person likes this
@allknowing (130064)
• India
12 Jun 11
Marriage for you now will not guarantee old age care as you would be marrying someone older and marrying with that in mind, according to me should not be the reason. You could perhaps adopt someone who is old enough in the hope that perhaps she will be there for you in your old age.
Lt's hear from saphrina!
2 people like this
@vandana7 (98830)
• India
12 Jun 11
It is a hope at all ends actually. Agreed I would be marrying an older person, hopefully somebody who has half a dozen kids, so if one child does not look after me, the other would. I am also shrewd allknowing. If I adopt a girl, her responsibility comes on me. Should anything happen to me considering my age, she becomes susceptible to the advances of my relatives, who would not spare her. That has been the deterrant all the way allknowing. Otherwise, there have been plenty of cute girls all around whom I have felt like kidnapping at some time or the other. My chances would be better if I adopted a boy. He could at least run away. And one more thing. I find it very difficult to shower my love on children of colleagues or relatives. I am ok with them normally. But if I have to repair any child's life, I would prefer to pick an orphan. That person would stay with me. A child of friend or relative would run away to his or her parent. Doesnt make me feel very secure.
1 person likes this
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
12 Jun 11
Oh dear saphrina 
I knew something happening since the last discussion you put up here at MyLot and then on another thread. Sorry that this had to happen. As I mentioned, the two men who did not succeed - it seems they have some great bad luck.
I know, it gets difficult when you think getting married to someone whom you dont love, but here in India, this used to be a part of culture and even today many dont marry the ones they love or get married to complete strangers. For me, I have married the one whom I love and it is been 4+ years.
Knowing you I am sure, you have made up your mind (in terms of staying single or getting married) and I wish that whatever you have decided upon, be flexible and open on that - I know one thing for sure, love can happen anytime and it would be unfair to commit no-marriage now and then later changing the decision or otherwise. Please do not shut off yourself to something just because something happened
I knew something happening since the last discussion you put up here at MyLot and then on another thread. Sorry that this had to happen. As I mentioned, the two men who did not succeed - it seems they have some great bad luck.
I know, it gets difficult when you think getting married to someone whom you dont love, but here in India, this used to be a part of culture and even today many dont marry the ones they love or get married to complete strangers. For me, I have married the one whom I love and it is been 4+ years.
Knowing you I am sure, you have made up your mind (in terms of staying single or getting married) and I wish that whatever you have decided upon, be flexible and open on that - I know one thing for sure, love can happen anytime and it would be unfair to commit no-marriage now and then later changing the decision or otherwise. Please do not shut off yourself to something just because something happened 3 people like this
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
13 Jun 11
This is the first time you addressed me as "sids" and the sad part is that it had to come now when you are going to be around here less. And worst is what is going on at your end. I wished things got resolved faster than ever and you could get back to what I have known you during the past so many months.
Take care and stay safe wherever you are... I will surely miss you (maybe more that I had ever thought)
It was for the two Saphy mentioned. Not the ones in the line @bhabycatch013 (9150)
• Philippines
12 Jun 11
dear,
I received a marriage proposal before I was madly in love with this guy I imagine myself spending my whole life with him but it did not happened sometimes even how much we love a person if you think it's not the right time to marry one you just can't.
I will marry someone whom I love and not someone who I don't love
I will never go for an arrange marriage or marriage for convenience
My father always telling me there will always someone who is destined for us now I am wondering where is MINE? 
miss yah!
I am exhausted and not feeling well so no tequila or vodka
miss yah!
I am exhausted and not feeling well so no tequila or vodka 2 people like this
@jaiho2009 (39142)
• Philippines
12 Jun 11
uh uh...
your prince will soon arrive...i guess dada will send you your lucky guy soon
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39142)
• Philippines
12 Jun 11
oho- don't asks me...if i know who you preferred to
1 person likes this
@bhabycatch013 (9150)
• Philippines
12 Jun 11
which one of them?
Darn got so many proposals from Indian guys what about a Mexican or Brazilian
Yeah Baba (your dada or our dada) already asked bout my status 2 people like this
@jazel_juan (15747)
• Philippines
13 Jun 11
Wow that is quite a wicked weekend ma'am!
Well..nope, i cannot marry someone whom i do not love. Marriage is deep, hard..and it is not an easy task!
Marriage entails you to be like a sponge sometimes... you have to be flexible too..
Well..nope, i cannot marry someone whom i do not love. Marriage is deep, hard..and it is not an easy task!
Marriage entails you to be like a sponge sometimes... you have to be flexible too..
1 person likes this
@jazel_juan (15747)
• Philippines
13 Jun 11
but i guess i am still too early on this travel called marriage to be able to tell how easy or hard it will be
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39142)
• Philippines
12 Jun 11
dear saphy,
NEVER..let's stay single than marry someone without LOVE.
As simple as that...or else i could have been married long time ago.
(been receiving marriage proposals a hundred times)
No drink today dear...my migraine's attacking me.
@jaiho2009 (39142)
• Philippines
12 Jun 11
bhaby,
Sure...you will always be the first to know..and you know that 
1 person likes this
@bhabycatch013 (9150)
• Philippines
12 Jun 11
@ jaiho,
If ever you change your mind I can be your flower girl
2 people like this
@purplealabaster (22094)
• United States
12 Jun 11
I am sorry to hear that you are having so many problems, Saphy! I definitely would not marry unless it was for love, and even then I was hesitant to do it, especially the second time after things did not work out the first time. I jokingly say that I should marry for money, but that would not happen.
I have had guys try to impress my family and get close to them just to get closer to me, and that really does not set well with me, so I can definitely understand your anger over that! If a person does that, then it tells me that they are willing to use and manipulate people to get what they want, and that definitely is not a good sign!
Go with your instincts and heart here, Saphy, because you know what is the right thing. *HUGS*
I definitely would not marry unless it was for love, and even then I was hesitant to do it, especially the second time after things did not work out the first time. I jokingly say that I should marry for money, but that would not happen.
I have had guys try to impress my family and get close to them just to get closer to me, and that really does not set well with me, so I can definitely understand your anger over that! If a person does that, then it tells me that they are willing to use and manipulate people to get what they want, and that definitely is not a good sign! Go with your instincts and heart here, Saphy, because you know what is the right thing. *HUGS*2 people like this
@topffer (42156)
• France
12 Jun 11
You are the only one able to answer your question. I have fled each time I have heard the word "marriage", and I refuse to be qualified in this domain, though I will certainly not marry someone I don't love. Mentality have changed : two centuries ago, a love marriage was something crazy in Europe, and all those marriages made for other reasons than love were not bad, so every option is possible.
, though I will certainly not marry someone I don't love. Mentality have changed : two centuries ago, a love marriage was something crazy in Europe, and all those marriages made for other reasons than love were not bad, so every option is possible.2 people like this
@purplealabaster (22094)
• United States
12 Jun 11
Marriage ... marriage ... marriage ... are you running yet, Top?
1 person likes this
I know you can get through all of this~
Do like your heart says!
P/S-I think you should whip them!
That is a punishment for trying to come back as well as for never understand you!
@Memnon (2170)
•
13 Jun 11
I think that some of us fare better than others in relationships. I need a lot of my own space, so my partner seems to crowd me in all the more; like some irritating maths that dictate that the more you need something, the less you will get, in ever reducing proportions. The harder someone pushes me towards a destination the more I will resist it. A lot of people are too stupid to realise that. Looks like you have met one of them. He needs to move on! 
1 person likes this
@Memnon (2170)
•
13 Jun 11
None taken; you are most likely right about us chaps. I have to admit that there are days when my patience is sorely tested too. Yesterday was one of them.
@amitgune (877)
• India
13 Jun 11
That's a weekend full of spice. As far as your question goes, who has heard of someone marrying a person whom he or she does not love? And what for? Its better to stay single. As far as I am concerned, I like being single. I love women too much to get married. If I do that I would have to marry a woman. I don't think I am that 'one woman type man' yet.
@youaremylush (479)
• United States
12 Jun 11
That is quite the weekend lol. You must be quite the catch if you've had two men wanting to marry you in the past few years. This may imply that the problem isn't you, it's the men. However, it does take two to tango as they say. There's someone out there for you, it's just a matter of the planets aligning and the gods smiling upon you.
I wouldn't marry someone I didn't love. Even if it was Prince Harry or Bill Gates.
There should be much more than love taken into consideration. You can love someone, but you may not be able to compromise with them or do simple every day things with them because you don't have similar interests. Or maybe you're too similar, I think that could also cause problems.
With all this being said, marriage is something that should really be thought over about. I'm glad I have six more years to think about it, lol.
2 people like this
@alottodo (3056)
• Australia
12 Jun 11
What a week end! I really dislike this type of person who like to get to you through your family liking him!...my ex said...once... that my family really missed him not being around...and I said well I Am not missing you at all! if my family want to see you that is ok with me but let me out of the picture I have nothing to do with it!
And no I won't marry any one unless I Am in love with that person...marriage is difficult at the best of times...just imagine marrying some one you don't have feelings for.
1 person likes this
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
12 Jun 11
I am truly sorry Saphy That love did not work out with either one of them. I would say that perhaps they simply just did not deserve you and all the love you were giving them. Everyone deserves love my friend.
I went through the same years ago and though I finally found someone that I also love as much as he loves me. I can say that no I would never marry anyone unless I truly loved them, though I am not interested in getting married quite yet.
Yes nothing impressive they do for anyone else I love would get me to say yes unless, of course I was interested in marrying.
That love did not work out with either one of them. I would say that perhaps they simply just did not deserve you and all the love you were giving them. Everyone deserves love my friend.
I went through the same years ago and though I finally found someone that I also love as much as he loves me. I can say that no I would never marry anyone unless I truly loved them, though I am not interested in getting married quite yet.
Yes nothing impressive they do for anyone else I love would get me to say yes unless, of course I was interested in marrying.
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
13 Jun 11
Oh saphy I was not inferring you should beg.
I was agreeing that they do not deserve you and I also agreed that I would not marry unless I wanted too. 
I was agreeing that they do not deserve you and I also agreed that I would not marry unless I wanted too. 
@inu1711 (5285)
• Romania
12 Jun 11
Hello Saphrina,
It's useless to ask us what to do. Your heart knows better than anybody else. If your heart tells "no", then listen to it and let these men go away.
Maybe there is some soul mate for you somewhere. You only need the luck to meet him.
Why don't you listen to your heart, maybe it has something to tell you?