Is my motther being selfish? Or is she's just being stubborn? Or both?

@thetis74 (1525)
July 20, 2011 4:04am CST
I am a mother and am watchful of my health because I'd hate to get sick one day or at an old age causing worries and trouble to my children just because they have to take care of me and spend a lot of money for the hospital for some disease that I have created for myself. They will have a family of their own and I wouldn't want to add up to the troubles for something I could have prevented myself. Bu t what if there isn't enough money for them to pay for the hospital? Then my children would be in misery. But my mother- she has got diabetes, asthma, high-blood pressure and a heart problem. But she wouldn't quit smoking and not even try to cut down the number of cigarettes that she takes everyday. And I always wonder how her brother already stopped and she can't. No matter what is being said and done she just wouldn't listen. She is fully aware of what could happen and she would even smoke even if her whole family is around. Even if there is a baby near her. It is really irritating that my father has given up asking her to stop. Even when she had an attack and was at the hospital, although I didn't want to, I'd had to go outside to buy her cigarettes because she said she'd go out herself to buy some if I am not going. Despite the doctor's advice she is still that stubborn. I am just so sick an tired of it.It's just terrible.
3 people like this
7 responses
20 Jul 11
I feel for you and know you only want the best for your mother. Unfortunately smoking is an addiction like any other. Unless she wants to quit and has the strength and willpower to do so, nothing you or anyone else can say will make her quit. I wish you all the best x
1 person likes this
@laydee (12813)
• Philippines
20 Jul 11
I know how you feel, it's very frustrating when you are with someone who can't seem to take care of themselves and wouldn't even listen to someone in authority to tell them what they should do about their health. However, haven't you noticed that this is something common to all old people? I think it's innate in us to be stubborn and to be hard-headed when we are older. I mean, would you like it if your kids start telling you what to do? I don't think so, I think it's the thought that they're older (and supposedly much smarter) that makes them not follow what we tell them. My grandmother was the same when she was still alive, regardless if one of my family members is a doctor, she should always do something the isn't called for her condition. We'd find her and my grandfather drinking their urine because someone told them it's good for them! Then they went to other people and tried everything other people said because they'd rather listen to other people that those who are in our family and younger (even if most practiced medical professions). Now, do we blame them? Not really, it's just their way. I guess they've gone through this world for a long time now that they don't think they need our help in deciding for what their body needs. Anyhow, I think it's just best to let her do what she wants, just make her feel comfortable. I think it's enough to tell them once that what they're doing is something bad for them. Let's try to suggest instead of impose, and perhaps if we could now be more patient with them as they've been patient with us when we were younger. Have a great MyLot experience today!!
1 person likes this
@laydee (12813)
• Philippines
22 Jul 11
Thank you so much for the best response mark, I truly appreciate it!
@Riya011 (19)
• India
21 Jul 11
It is really sorry to hear about your mother.she is causing not only for your irritation but also for her misery.mothers have some responsibility for their children,if any mother escaping from it,we would suffer a lot.but we can not forget our duty for her,you should try harder and hardest to get her out from this problem.you can admit her in many type of anti smoking agencies.don't panic,just try to get her out.because we can't leave without our mother,they are like shade in a stormy night.
@thetis74 (1525)
23 Jul 11
Thank you. I am really not panicking. I might panic only if my mother is panicking. And if she is not, then it is really up to her no. We have got nothing else to do than accepting her for whatever she is.
@rowantree (1190)
• United States
20 Jul 11
That's not being stubborn, that's being a selfish, self centered, immature person who is going to screech and moan when the time comes that her behavior really hits her body. I am so sorry that you have to deal with a person like this. Does she have any type of insurance that would help pay for the hospital? Can you afford to set up some type of savings for when she is in the hospital and requires a lot of procedures? Good luck to you.
@thetis74 (1525)
21 Jul 11
I agree with you. I think she only has social security system. But here in the phil I don't know if that should suffice in case anything happens. When she worked at shangri-la hotel pastry cook, they paid for her hospital. Now that she has retired, I don't what s gonna happen. I wish I have savings. My fiance who is a consulting engineer is having difficulty getting a transaction here especially with the type of government we are having and he doesn't want to go back to america to work..That is why my own life too is difficult and that is also why I couldn't imagine how selfish she knowing how extremely it would affect all of us if anything happens to her. Thank you so much. I'm really glad to talk to all of you about this.
@polaris77 (2031)
• Bacau, Romania
20 Jul 11
I feel sorry to hear that;the fact that your mother has so many health problems should have been enough to determine her to stop smoking,but unfortunately there are people who don't want to quit smoking no matter how bad they feel.I'm sure they're all aware that smoking shortens their lives considerably,and yet they are so stubborn that they're not willing to try to quit.I honestly have no idea what can be done to make them change their minds and quit,I'm afraid nothing works if they aren't willing to help themselves and to do the right thing.
@thetis74 (1525)
20 Jul 11
Yes, that is true thank you. No matter what we do to try to help them if they just can't help themselves then nothing good can happen. We are not supposed to give up, but since that's what she chooses, the, so be it. That's her life anyway. I even forgot to mention that she got arthritis too and she is overweight.
@pbbbsra (1214)
• Philippines
20 Jul 11
Quitting smoking is not easy. In my case, everybody in the family except me used to smoke. Fortunately, now it's just my husband who haven't quitted smoking. Quitting smoking depends on the person themselves. First it has to stop within their minds. They have to convince themselves and stop smoking because they want and not because we tell them to stop. In other countries, there is a program that doctors give for those who want to stop smoking. It includes a CD and powder which is like a medicine that will be used along the process. I don't know if they have it here in the Philippines, but you can ask a doctor to be sure. Try to understand your mom. It's not easy to stop it at once. Try to talk with her in a nice way, tell her how much your family care for her and don't want her to get worse with her smoking. Tell her you want to help her. But fist, she has to help herself and love her health... The first step is for her to decide for her own good and not for you, to stop smoking. Good luck
@thetis74 (1525)
20 Jul 11
Than you so much. You are so right when you said she has to stop within her mind. That is what she doesn't have. And I believe she also refuses of thinking to stop. And it does depend on the person because her brother didn't seem to have the difficulty quitting. She even told us she had been smoking since I was in her womb and I am the eldest. I know it's just her. She just doesn't want to stop. She just loves the taste of it.
@Masihi (4227)
• Canada
21 Jul 11
It seems to be just stubbornness to me, most seniors are just plain set in their ways. My father in law's like that, you can't tell him ANYTHING! Not even the doctor. He doesn't smoke, but he has other unhealthy habits, and worse yet, he has to be in excruciating pain before he visits the doctor, or emergency room (I've seen it happen a few times in my married life). I'm against smoking, but in the end, it is something that she enjoys to do, I don't know, it's a hard call. YOu guys have made your opinions known, and since she doesn't want to change, unfortunately there's nothing left to do. It is frustrating, I can agree with you on that line. I think your mother should respect people who don't smoke, though, like not lighting up inside your house or something simple like that.