Is it best to feel guity or forgive ourselves?
By Pose123
@Pose123 (21635)
Canada
August 1, 2011 11:50am CST
Learning to accept the things that we perceive as wrong can be difficult for many people. Most of us were brought up to accept that it is normal to feel guilty about our actions and that doing so is the right thing to do. Even though we might feel that we have a reason to feel guilty for the choices we have made, I feel that it is much more important to learn how to deal with them in a healthy and positive way.
Look back at our past and really assessing what has happened, we begin to realize that there were many reasons our actions. While feeling guilty might allay our feelings at first, it is really only a short-term solution. It is ironic that being hard on ourselves is the easy way out. If we truly are able to see our past through the lens of compassion, we will be able to see that there is much more to what we do and have done than we realize. Perhaps we were simply trying to protect ourselves or others and did the best we could at the time, or maybe we thought we had no other recourse. Once we realize that dwelling on our negative feelings will only make us feel worse, and will accomplish nothing more, we will see the folly of it and recognize that it is only through forgiving ourselves that we can truly heal any resentment we have about our past. Would not this be a better way than punishing ourselves by feeling guilty?
5 people like this
12 responses
@frontvisions101 (16043)
• Philippines
1 Aug 11
I don't think this is a choice. We feel guilty because of the things that we have done wrong and we forgive ourselves whenever we find that it's okay for us to do so. We don't usually just forgive ourselves if we still feel the guilt. It won't ease the heaviness if we prematurely do that. I think time can only tell whether we can already forgive ourselves or not.
1 person likes this
@frontvisions101 (16043)
• Philippines
1 Aug 11
Yep, it does no good to anyone but, as I've said, guilt is something we can't turn off that easily. Imagine a man who just killed someone, then he forgave himself right after he did it. Would it be appropriate? Put yourself in the shoes of that person. Would you be able to forgive yourself if you killed someone?
1 person likes this
@starsailover (7829)
• Mexico
7 Aug 11
Hi Pose: I agree with you. I would say that people don't get anything by living in the past. We have to accept our own mistakes as a part of our learning process and we have the right to be wrong. It's not comfortable and we have received pain from our mistakes but what we can do know is to find the lessons that our mistakes give to us for our future and off course we should forgive ourselves to grow up.
ALVARO
1 person likes this
@megamatt (14292)
• United States
2 Aug 11
All forgiveness starts within ourselves in many ways. I think that there are bad situations where multiple parties can in fact be in the wrong for whatever reasons. There are times where our lack of ability to come to terms with said situation is going to drastically affect our lives in many ways. Guilt can be a powerful and crippling thing and just feeling guilty does not mean we can learn from the situation. The exact opposite as a matter of fact.
We cannot really forgive other people, unless we are the one's that forgive ourselves. It is just really that simple to say the very least. Forgiveness first comes within and thus there are many things where its going to really not occur unless we first forgive ourselves. We can come to terms and learn a lesson but if we can't get those lessons learned with ourselves, its going to be difficult to do so for other people.
1 person likes this
@balaji85in (459)
• India
3 Aug 11
Hi friend 
. Human life is a form of all sort of feelings and emotions. If we come to know that we have did something wrong, then we will really feel guilty, Because our mind conscious wont allow us to be happy or peace in that situation. Also it wont allow us to forgive ourselves at first.. We should feel for it. After vent out our emotions as tears and after realized our mistake, then everything will be OK.. Feeling guilty is not a punishment, Its a kind of spirit.. Its a sentimental feeling. We really can't control it. I think feeling guilty ourselves is also a kind of heal. A nice topic 
. Human life is a form of all sort of feelings and emotions. If we come to know that we have did something wrong, then we will really feel guilty, Because our mind conscious wont allow us to be happy or peace in that situation. Also it wont allow us to forgive ourselves at first.. We should feel for it. After vent out our emotions as tears and after realized our mistake, then everything will be OK.. Feeling guilty is not a punishment, Its a kind of spirit.. Its a sentimental feeling. We really can't control it. I think feeling guilty ourselves is also a kind of heal. A nice topic 1 person likes this
@ronadelle (1547)
• Philippines
2 Aug 11
As to my experience, it's only lately that I've forgiven myself totally for making my aunt very angry 4 years ago. For my friends, the wrong thing that I did toward my aunt was only a petty thing. They told me not to worry so much about it and try to ignore my aunt's tantrums (mind you that until now she still is angry at me). I actually don't know why she's mad all this time! All i know is that she hates my ex-boyfriend [now my husband ;)] that she forced me on breaking up with him last 4 years ago. She tried to make ways on not having the opportunity to see my husband in those times. I blamed myself most of the times but I didn't stop on being good to her. I've forgiven her and myself a long time already. I'm just hoping that she gets to forgive too. There's no reason for a person to punish or torture self when the mere fact is, how wrong your mistakes could be, the Lord will redeem you. Forgive and free yourself from the negative feelings. Nice post!
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
1 Aug 11
It is best to pray to God and ask for His forgiveness. The trouble is that often HE still allows the punishment to go ahead. That thief on the cross still had to be crucified. The other thing is that often even though God does forgive us for our sins, sometimes people believe that God's forgiveness was wrong and they continue to punish the person. I can think of that story of Les Miserables when the convict had gone to the galleys, paid for his crime, and yet still was considered a criminal and not allowed to get a decent job. And he had to change his name and pretend to be someone else.
Now I can give examples, one relating to me, and I am sure there are others around the same age who went through the sam thing. Unfortunately one cannot go back to the past, be in the same physical condition and yet not know whether even if one did not do the thing one did then whether the result will be the same. That is the uncertainty of that.
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
1 Aug 11
Hi suspenseful, Some people don't believe in God or they may believe that God has already forgiven them while others think that God could never forgive them. Whether we believe in God or not, it isn't healthy to continue to feel guilty for something that happened in the past and that we would never do today. We all make mistakes. Blessings.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
3 Aug 11
I did know of a man who thought that he was so wicked, God never forgave him. He did have mental problems too. But it is easier said then done about forgiving yourself. The thing is even though they may not do it now, they may still suffer from the effects. I mean someone who smoked a lot in the past may still have had half his lung removed. He may not smoke any more now, but the damage has been done. And I suppose he still regrets what he has done.
So when one feels guilty, it is usually something that affected him physically or something that caused harm to another.
@sender621 (14894)
• United States
1 Aug 11
Feeling guilty can never bring a feeling of achievement or suceess or any kind of gratification. forgiveness is a healing process. We have to be able to forgive ourselves and get past feelings of guilt. How can we forgive anyone else if we can't do it for ourselves first?1 person likes this
@santosmarichris (1849)
• Philippines
2 Aug 11
Hi. We can't help but feel guilty specially if we did something wrong but what's important is that we learned our lesson. After that we can forgive ourselves and move on.
@QeeGood (1213)
• Sweden
1 Aug 11
I keep going through to put blame on myself for being so naive believing people want good things for me, but after they have got what they wanted from me the leave me. People use my goodness over and over again before I recognize it. I keep asking myself, will I ever meet people who want me to have something good without using me for their selfishness. Why must I stand there empty handed. So over and over again I forgive myself being so naive believe in the good in people. when I do worng or I am the biggest failure in the world. I dwell and then I forgive myself.
