Is that good to be too frank to the lover?

India
August 30, 2011 3:33pm CST
I used to tell everything to my lover. I don't hide anything. And moreover i tell about my parents, my brother, All the incidents happened in my life,whatever i did good or bad in past and my everyday activities. My friends always advice me not to be too frank to him. Its not good. Keep your personal things with you. He might have listening now. But when days passed, during any misunderstanding he'll denote all like i know you. You were like that, you did this that like this. What you think about this?
1 person likes this
13 responses
@walker23 (23)
• United States
30 Aug 11
I think it's very important to be totally honest in a relationship. This way you can build trust between eachother. I personally hate when my girlfriend hides things from me, so now she tells me everything so I am able to see the real her. You're not doing anything wrong, just make sure that you don't go into extreme details about your 'very personal' past.
• India
30 Aug 11
Nothing there i left like very personal. Even i told him what are the messages i sent to guys i flirted in my college days and all. He know my history and present too. Till now our relationship going smoothly. I like his frankness too. He is not like me update everything. But he is frank enough. He told all the important incidents that happened in his life.
• United States
30 Aug 11
Well, maybe he feels slightly uncomfortable to a point. He might feel like these other people had more of an impact on you than himself. I respect your honesty for him, but he's also got limits. I understand your conflicts though.
• India
6 Sep 11
No. I make him clear that whatever happened in my past currently i have crush on him only. It wont end also. :)
@kavya06 (373)
• India
31 Aug 11
Even though,i don't have a boy friend..i think we must frank if they are frank towards.,so times i think having a boy friend will be nice,but after only i think about my studies and if they cheat us i will not handle it., so if you think he is frank,then do bother your friend and love him much frankly., before that had a search about his past time,so that you can find his real behaviour,thank you..!
• India
6 Sep 11
Yes Sister. You dont love while studying. It wont be good. Finish your studies, settle in good job and then enjoy life. All the best for your bright future. Thanks for your suggestion.
@kavya06 (373)
• India
6 Sep 11
Thanks friend., for wishing me.,i don't think all of them are like this.,many of girls are not aware of there future life.!.
• Philippines
31 Aug 11
on the point of view of a man...there is nothing wrong being a frank but it doesnt mean also its OK to be frank all the time...it becomes like a nag if it become routinary...as a rule for both parties...there are things keep to yourself so to maintain self trust and confidence...being frank is a double edge sword...for a liberated guy is ok and its just a brush off from the shoulder...but for a conservative guy it becomes dominating...but for a guy in between its a balancing act. Whatever blurts in your mouth to your boyfriend about urself and people around shows the person who are. In a relationship start little by little to be franks until both you stabilizes and accepts the person who you are but dont make it routinary when in the relationship become plateau.
• India
6 Sep 11
Thanks for your valuable answer. We've been in relationship for 2 years. we got attracted to each other because of this frank mind only. As years passed, we know each other very well and feel comfortable to each other. I can say sometimes misunderstanding happened because of this. Still we have good bond. :)
@veedee13 (242)
• United States
30 Aug 11
I think it's important that you're honest to your other half.If they really like you,they will accept you no matter what.If they can't then that just shows that they were never really in love with you in the first place.I think being honest is also a good way to test how true the persons love is really.
• India
6 Sep 11
Yes you're true. We'll know their true love then only.
@soulist (2987)
• United States
30 Aug 11
I never keep anything from my boyfriend. We share everything in our lives good or bad. I mean if I cant share it all with him who can I share everything with? He should be the one person that I can share personal things with.
• India
1 Sep 11
Yes. I feel the same. I've other friends also to share things. I always feel comfortable to share all my things to him only.
@judelen (428)
• Philippines
11 Sep 11
Hello! It's really good to be frank to your lover and even to everyone. I can't see wrong of being frank and be honest to our self. Being honest to once lover is the best thing you should do, because by doing that you can measure your lover how he loves you. By this you can decide to yourself whether you are be with him or same to your lovers too. There's a saying says "Honesty is the best policy" so why we tell a lie being frank, for me is the best thing we do.
• India
3 Sep 11
According to me be pure and true honest partner and be frank with your lover ..but if u feel him as ur lover then why to hide anything if u have any dought on him then its bad thing be ..give your 100% god will never ever allow anyone to hurt you ..be frank be happy dear
@nurseclare (2210)
• Philippines
2 Sep 11
Hi shineveramya, I think your friend is right when she said you must not tell everything to your lover. He might use it against you. the only person yu could trust is GOD. Some guys are not so good and will take advantage on you.So please be careful on what you say to your partner. In my part, I don't tell my deepest secrets to him for there will be no excitement if he knows everything. I think excitement and mystery is significant for a relationship to last long, for both parties crave at each other. I just love it when I found out new about him, it giggles me!
@kry893 (222)
• Canada
1 Sep 11
Well, I don't think I'd be too frank with a lover depending on how long I've known the person. Usually, just the basic things where we can share to each other so long as it's all fine and we're honest with each other. Because if I were dating someone for not too long, I don't think I'd be too open.
@WakeUpKitty (8709)
• Netherlands
31 Aug 11
There is a big difference between being honest and being frank (telling everything). If your friend is telling you with every misunderstanding, discussion or fight that he knows you because you did this or that etc.. he is abusing your trust in him. There is no need to share everything with him, tell him everything. Especially not if it comes to information you give him about other people (your parents, brother, friends, etc). Your boyfriend will use that against them too in time (if he doesn't already is doing that). I think your friends are right. You should learn to know what to tell and what not. Especially since you know your boyfriend better by now. Being honest means you don't lie and tell the truth. Also: if you are frank it doesn't mean he is frank to you too.
31 Aug 11
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@ebuscat (5949)
• Philippines
31 Aug 11
For me yes if it is your attitude to talked not a liar thing.
• Philippines
31 Aug 11
Shineveramya, this is only an opinion and does not intend to compliment, contradict or bewrong your action. It is normal to tell stories to each other for a newly engage couple, since you haven't had anything to talk about yet. It's something like feeling the likes and dislikes to avoid trouble - because you are not only educated but also cultured to the tune of the present time. You never was frank yet in your story, assuming that is it. Frankness is to tell someone, in person, what it has that it need not and/or must - do and/or change. Frankness denote direct description of the negative traits as to knowledge, skills, attitude and/or habits, to mention few. Example, you are frank if you tell your lover his bad breath, if he truly has. That is not frankness if you tell him he has bad breath when ha does not have - it is called "insult". It's frankness if you tell him he has a lousy fashion, if he truly dress out of place - that is insult if it's not. It's frankness if you tell your lover about his lowly intellect - this time do it lovingly with passion and correct choice of words. Your lover's connecting your stories to your conflicts makes him ...- may be educated but not cultured. Every conflict is different from the rest - unless they are really connected. But mistake does not attribute to the attitude of human as a person. As I initiate, this is just an opinion - Rules of spouse's in the past of "No Secrets" is not true always and most often than not, it is not true at all. You may have a secret agent lover boy - you need him not his job, but it is what it is. Your choice.