He let another girl use my special pillow for him
By babyanna
@babyanna (1216)
China
November 6, 2011 5:34am CST
Hi,my dear mylotters~
So yesterday was my boyfriend's birthday.We invited a bunch of his friends and went to Maya Bar for dinner and then went to a karaoke place.We pretty much had fun.Two of us are still students.One me,one another girl from another university.So the dormitories close at 10:30.She asked me what she should do since the dormitory would be closed.So I asked my boyfriend since we two girls just met.He asked about my advice and I said maybe we could find her a hotel room.When we got back,it was about 1:30 this morning,he said maybe she could crash at his room and I said "yeah,sure,okay".I was feeling a little bit uncomfortable back then already.I know they two are really good friends and they flirted with each other sometimes before he and I started dating.
I made this special pillow for him for his birthday,with two of his pictures on it.I designed the photos and made it pretty cool.It took me a lot of energy to finish the designing since the shops wouldn't help me design it and I was also preparing for my mid-term exams.
When he put the pillow down for her to crash,I was feeling terrible.He himself even hasn't used it yet.And I don't want other girls to sleep on his pictures.
I don't know if I was just being jealous or I was just feeling low for the past few days.Or maybe he did something wrong too.
So is it proper for a guy to let another girl use his birthday present which is given by his girlfriend?
I don't know if I was just being jealous or I was just feeling low for the past few days.Or maybe he did something wrong too.
So is it proper for a guy to let another girl use his birthday present which is given by his girlfriend?12 responses
@purplealabaster (22094)
• United States
6 Nov 11
I can understand why you would feel hurt and angry about him letting her use the pillow. You made it specially for him, so it should not have been used by another person, especially since he had just received it and had not even used it himself. I am not even sure that such a special pillow should be "used" but rather it should be admired and maybe held by him when you are not there and he is missing you, since you made it for him.
1 person likes this
@purplealabaster (22094)
• United States
26 Nov 11
I have also heard that guys do not pay attention to these sort of things, and it is explained and forgiven by saying "Oh, it is just a guy thing - they can't help it". Well, I do not agree or believe this. First, it is not just guys that can be thoughtless. Second, I think that sometimes guys take advantage and just it as an excuse for their bad behavior rather than taking responsibility for making a mistake and trying to change. Third, I know plenty of guys that do not forget anniversaries or birthdays or other important dates and take them just as seriously and think they are just as special as girls are "supposed" to.
It sounds like your guy is sorry for not realizing how special the pillow was and how you would feel about another girl using it, especially since he had not even used it himself. I hope that he continues to try to think about your feelings and remember important dates, and it sounds like he is working on that, which is wonderful.
@babyanna (1216)
• China
26 Nov 11
Hi,there~
He's using it when he plays Wii games or watches TV in the living room.So that's good.
I've pretty much forgiven him for what he did.And sometimes guys are careless in this kind of areas.They don't give much thought to what we girls pay great attention to.At least that's what I think.I've heard stories about men forgetting their wedding anniversaries and some other big events.I do hope he could try his best to remember some big days in our relationship.
Anyway,thanks for your reply~
I've pretty much forgiven him for what he did.And sometimes guys are careless in this kind of areas.They don't give much thought to what we girls pay great attention to.At least that's what I think.I've heard stories about men forgetting their wedding anniversaries and some other big events.I do hope he could try his best to remember some big days in our relationship.
Anyway,thanks for your reply~1 person likes this
@babyanna (1216)
• China
4 May 12
Yeah,I know.
Some guys do use that as an excuse, mainly because they don't really care that much about the girls.
My roomie once dated a guy who would send her flowers or give her gifts on their monthly anniversary, which is sooooooo sweet. Sadly, she doesn't like him that much and broke up with him.
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
6 Nov 11
Hi babyanna 
I felt hurt reading that... at least he should have considered some facts... You know, even my wife has this UGLY thing with her and many a times I feel really hurt... but then there are many people who will simply not understand and feeling bad about there repeated actions doesnt get me any good.
Anyways, I find that bar thing interesting though
I felt hurt reading that... at least he should have considered some facts... You know, even my wife has this UGLY thing with her and many a times I feel really hurt... but then there are many people who will simply not understand and feeling bad about there repeated actions doesnt get me any good.
Anyways, I find that bar thing interesting though @thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
6 Nov 11
Jealous 
You are kidding me... I know that jealousy is a kind of fundamental right and copyright for girls but you have been so very different and that is why I feel that you are not actually jealous instead you are a bit of possessive about your gift. (Even I too am one of those especially when it comes to gifts for people close to heart).
That girl should be away by now but maybe she kind of in a party mood and found you a better friend (just a guess coz when it comes to understanding friends, it gets quite confusing at times)
Wow the Mexican food makes my taste buds go all insane... I havent had much just a few dishes but I found them much tasty... the one with rice and chiken and also rice and shrimps.
You are kidding me... I know that jealousy is a kind of fundamental right and copyright for girls but you have been so very different and that is why I feel that you are not actually jealous instead you are a bit of possessive about your gift. (Even I too am one of those especially when it comes to gifts for people close to heart).
That girl should be away by now but maybe she kind of in a party mood and found you a better friend (just a guess coz when it comes to understanding friends, it gets quite confusing at times)
Wow the Mexican food makes my taste buds go all insane... I havent had much just a few dishes but I found them much tasty... the one with rice and chiken and also rice and shrimps.1 person likes this
@babyanna (1216)
• China
11 Nov 11
Haha,still,glad to know at least at that time you thought I was not the jealous type~
I do admit I'm possessive of my gifts though,like you said,especially the ones for people close to heart.
She is kind of easy-going.And to be honest,she's not a bad friend.Maybe I'm just being overcautious.Haha~I think I might even become great friends with her if she didn't have a history with him or if I was not being jealous.
Hmm,I never had the ones with rice and chicken or rice and shrimps.I've been to two Mexican places.One I went last year and ordered something I didn't really like and it kinda ruined my first impression of it.The Maya Bar,though,has really great food but limited varieties.It's just Burritos,Super Burritos,Nachos and Salad.Has a lot of different beverage though.I like that street.There're so many foreign restaurants.French,Spanish,Mexican and Thai.It would be better if it has an Indian restaurant there.It might be one 'cause I didn't really pay much attention to the whole street.:)If you ever come to Hangzhou,please let me know.I would be happy to take you there,haha~
I do admit I'm possessive of my gifts though,like you said,especially the ones for people close to heart.
She is kind of easy-going.And to be honest,she's not a bad friend.Maybe I'm just being overcautious.Haha~I think I might even become great friends with her if she didn't have a history with him or if I was not being jealous.
Hmm,I never had the ones with rice and chicken or rice and shrimps.I've been to two Mexican places.One I went last year and ordered something I didn't really like and it kinda ruined my first impression of it.The Maya Bar,though,has really great food but limited varieties.It's just Burritos,Super Burritos,Nachos and Salad.Has a lot of different beverage though.I like that street.There're so many foreign restaurants.French,Spanish,Mexican and Thai.It would be better if it has an Indian restaurant there.It might be one 'cause I didn't really pay much attention to the whole street.:)If you ever come to Hangzhou,please let me know.I would be happy to take you there,haha~@babyanna (1216)
• China
6 Nov 11
Hi,thesids~
I think I need to talk to him about it.And I kinda have this feeling that she does have something for him.Because this morning,while she woke up,she asked if she could take a shower in the bathroom.And I was thinking,it was 10:30 already,the hot water in the dormitory will soon be open,why couldn't she just go back to her own room and take a shower?
I just don't wanna be a girl who easily gets jealous.
Anyways,the bar is pretty cool.It is owned by an Irish guy and they have many great stuff there,mostly Mexican food.The burritos there are AWESOME~
I think I need to talk to him about it.And I kinda have this feeling that she does have something for him.Because this morning,while she woke up,she asked if she could take a shower in the bathroom.And I was thinking,it was 10:30 already,the hot water in the dormitory will soon be open,why couldn't she just go back to her own room and take a shower?
I just don't wanna be a girl who easily gets jealous.
Anyways,the bar is pretty cool.It is owned by an Irish guy and they have many great stuff there,mostly Mexican food.The burritos there are AWESOME~
@tiffnkeat (1673)
• Singapore
6 Nov 11
Hi anna, if you were in your boyfriend's shoes, what would you have done? Maybe you could use that as a discussion point with him when you are more cooled down. I am not trying to defend your boyfriend, but isn't it better that he gave her a new pillow than the one he himself slept on (with all his smell and such?)
Although the pillow is of significance to you, remember you have given it to him and it is not that it has both your pictures on it. It's just 2 of his pictures, right?
I know you are hurt, so if you love him, talk to him. He may not have meant what you think. But if he really mean to like this girl, isn't it better that you know it earlier then to hold out for him?
1 person likes this
@babyanna (1216)
• China
4 May 12
Hi,tiffnkeat~
Sorry for the delayed reply(soooo delayed). Been spending a lot of time with my bf lately.
You are right. It was better than giving her the one he uses.
I have talked with him and he made it pretty clear that he has no feelings(that kind) for that girl whatsoever.And he said sorry.So yeah,it's pretty much settled.
Thanks for your reply and sorry again for the delayed feedback.
I have talked with him and he made it pretty clear that he has no feelings(that kind) for that girl whatsoever.And he said sorry.So yeah,it's pretty much settled.
Thanks for your reply and sorry again for the delayed feedback.
@Oldsix691418 (3872)
• China
6 Nov 11
Maybe such things happen very often in the universities in China nowadays,but I think that your boyfriend was too unfair for you.He must have seen that you have loved him deeply,so he should have refused that girl to join him celebrating his birthday.But in the opposite he did,and what's more,he used the best gift from you to serve another girl!
But did he do that showing the girl that you were his cup of tea?I hope so but it's not a good way anyway.Have a nice day!
1 person likes this
@babyanna (1216)
• China
6 Nov 11
Hi,oldsix~
Nice to see ya~
I understand why he did that.The pillow I gave him is not a big one.And he doesn't really have any extra pillows in his place.I guess I wouldn't feel good either if he snatched my pillow and gave that to her.The small one is definitely gonna be uncomfortable.So...
He did show the girl that I am his girlfriend.On the taxi back,he was always talking to me instead of her.And he didn't ask me to carry the big cake.
I understand why he did that.The pillow I gave him is not a big one.And he doesn't really have any extra pillows in his place.I guess I wouldn't feel good either if he snatched my pillow and gave that to her.The small one is definitely gonna be uncomfortable.So...
He did show the girl that I am his girlfriend.On the taxi back,he was always talking to me instead of her.And he didn't ask me to carry the big cake.
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
6 Nov 11
Babyanna, this is not about him letting use an other girl the pillow you made for him.
It's about the fact your boyfriend finds it normal to let her stay over at his place with you as well.
He already planned that, just asked you for your opinion so he can blame you if you will tell him later you don't like it at all.
He knew you are not such a impolite person to say: it's her problem where she is sleeping not ours.
I think he and she are still way more as just friends. Otherwise he would have found her an other place to sleep or she could have gone home earlier.
You are not the only gf he has.
1 person likes this
@bulastika (5966)
• Philippines
27 May 12
I do agree. As you say she is a student. I guess she is bright enough to be studying right? I mean she knows that the dorm is going to be close at 10:30Pm right? Shes knows and yet she remain to say. hmp. As if she is a gf also? lols.
Come on. I have friends also. If its time to go its time to go. Beside we all know how to give space between the two lovers. So I guess she also know it.
I don't even understand why she don't feel awkward that she is staying with you and your bf since she don't even know you.
Anyway do she knows that you are a gf? the boy's nanny or sister? lols.
@girl_thinking (1959)
• Philippines
6 Nov 11
Hi babyanna!
I have a bad feeling about this... but let me think first...hmmm.. your boyfriend asked you if he could let your friend stay in his room and you said okay, so I guess your boyfriend is cleared from that scene because he asked permission. I want to know, why did you allow your friend to sleep in his room by the way? Because if I am in your position, I'd say the girl should go home [even if she is my friend]. This is actually the best for her. I will even walk or drive her home.
About the pillow, I would also feel insanely jealous if my boyfriend will let another girl uses his pillow which I especially designed just for him. But you could have avoided this scenario if you did not let your friend sleep or crash in your boyfriend's room.
But anyway, just observe more whenever the two are together. And lastly, tell your friend and boyfriend if you are not comfortable about the them being together. If you boyfriend loves you, of course, he will stay away from the girl. :)
1 person likes this
@bulastika (5966)
• Philippines
27 May 12
I'm just curious. If your boy friend give your gift pillow to her. then what pillow did he give to you and what pillow did he use also?
Because if he give her a pillow and he don't give you a pillow then I guess that's a different story. lols.
But same time. I guess he only give that pillow since its clean and smell free.
As my pillow has my body scent already so I guess you don't want that girl sleeping with your BF pillow and smelling his scent right? lols.
@mjcookie (2271)
• Philippines
7 Nov 11
I think the other myLotters pretty much said it all. If I were you, I'd feel jealous as well about the pillow thing, because it is quite clear that the gift should be exclusively just between the two of you, and there were even photos of the two of you there. The gift should have been very special that he would not let anybody else use it.
I don't even know what to say about your man letting her sleep in his house. That's okay, but the he could have let her sleep anywhere but his bed. 
@mjcookie (2271)
• Philippines
7 Nov 11
On second thought, if your boyfriend was just being nice, like a general nice kind of nice , and there was really nothing fishy about his letting the girl sleep, then I guess things would be all right. You are a good girlfriend but if you told him yes then it should have been because you were okay with it, not because you thought you'd be okay with it but you really were not. I hope things turn out well.
, and there was really nothing fishy about his letting the girl sleep, then I guess things would be all right. You are a good girlfriend but if you told him yes then it should have been because you were okay with it, not because you thought you'd be okay with it but you really were not. I hope things turn out well.@babyanna (1216)
• China
4 May 12
Hi,mjcookie~
Sorry for the late reply.Got caught up and everything.
Things did turn out well.
And sorry for the confusion caused, he didn't let her sleep on the bed,but the couch on the living room. And he closed the bedroom door. And the pillow only has his pictures.
I was pretty upset but I'm okay now.
Thanks for sharing~ And wish a nice weekend
And wish a nice weekend
@bubuth (1815)
• Philippines
25 Mar 12
Maybe he is just shy to tell to his friend that she must not use the fillow because that is your gift for him. I also feel sad when someone use my special gift for my special someone. The one thing that shows that the pillow that you gave to him is important for him is he did not use the pillow that you gave and it shows that he treasure the special gift and he don't want it to become dirty.
@kaeirole (668)
• Philippines
6 Nov 11
for me, it's a big deal for my partner to let someone use my gift, even if he has or hasn't use it..
but what's more big deal to me is to let someone, who has flirting history with your man, sleep in your man's house..it's not an issue of trust or jealousy..but respect..it would be better if you also slept with your man, and the girl just slept on the sofa or anywhere..you're tough because it's ok with you about it..if it happened to me, i will surely freak out..
1 person likes this
@eunique317 (347)
• Philippines
8 Dec 11
Hi babyanna! Tell your boyfriend what you feel and an incident like that should not happen again. If he values you at all he'd get the message and stir clear from her. If the girl is really just a friend, she'd understand why being so close/familiar with your boyfriend isn't a good idea anymore.
