How do you know you should stop?

@chiyosan (30204)
Philippines
November 10, 2011 4:50am CST
So, We give everything we think we should - in our relationships, in our work (so our careers would be better), to the company we work for, we give as much as we have to our family. We wake up one day and realize we have not done anything for ourselves - we always are thinking of other people's happness, we think of their welfare, we love them unconditionally and yet... we have never gotten anything in return. not the same level as we give, anyhow. When you are in such a situation, we would say we should stop, we should love ourselves... but then we only end up not doing it and still carry on with whatever it is that we are doing right? What do you think? How would we know, how can we be sure that we ought to stop doing things for others, stop caring for them too much, etc and start thinking about ourselves already?
3 people like this
15 responses
@debshie (392)
• Philippines
10 Nov 11
I think there is a great misconception or argument about what loving ourselves really mean. Others think that they should always put themselves first before others. Others also say that by loving too much, you are robbing yourself of love intended for you. To answer your question as to when we should stop, I say, we should never stop. We should never stop loving, never stop caring, never stop giving happiness to others. It should always be our attitude to never expect anything in return because if we do we will end up frustrated and depressed. We are humans - which means there is a great tendency of loving ourselves more than others; seeking our happiness more than the happiness of others. People can never measure up to how we expect them to treat us which would leave us depressed. All of us should seek to defy this. We should love not because we expect to be loved. We should care not because we expect people to care for us. We should give happiness not because we expect to be happy. Seeing how much love we give, how much caring we can do and how much happiness we bring to others should be enough reason to continue because this will ultimately mean that we love ourselves enough by bringing others ahead of us.
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (30204)
• Philippines
11 Nov 11
Hi Debshie, your response to the discussion is really on a difference perspective. I kind of feel very uplifted with what you shared to us regarding the matter and it made me feel so much better. There is this moment while reading your response that i suddenly feel i am so lucky i am capable of giving so much, and of loving so much, and by that i was hurt - because i did what i did without asking anything in return. Wow. It was such a positive thing that you are right, i am able to do this because i loved myself and knew that i am never lost if i love and gave my all. As humans, I know maybe i am feeling this because somehow there is the hope that someone would be the same for me...
@debshie (392)
• Philippines
11 Nov 11
I am glad that my response affected you somehow. It is true that you are blessed if you can love unconditionally. Think of how it would be if a mother stops loving and caring for her children because they are being a pain. You may call be religious but think of how it would be if the Lord will stop loving us because we have done nothing but defy Him? So don't stop...if you love without condition you are already blessed!
@chiyosan (30204)
• Philippines
17 Jan 13
Appreciate your response to the discussion, thank you very much and have a nice day! see you around the site! =P
@CTHanum (8254)
• Malaysia
10 Nov 11
Stop doing things for others?? We should not stop doing so~At the same time we need to be fair with ourselves as well. I always say to myself not to give my full heart to everything till I missed the other behind. We need to spend and save a little for ourselves so we won't regret it in a future. So don't stop helping others just spend some or give some of the time just for yourself.(^^)
@chiyosan (30204)
• Philippines
11 Nov 11
that should be the keyword - being fair with ourselves and with others. in as much as i want to stop myself, i really find myself not able to do anything about the urge to give and give to people. =( its just not really what i am. i am trying to be fair to myself, but i tend to always end up being the same.
1 person likes this
@CTHanum (8254)
• Malaysia
12 Nov 11
You end up being the same so that is mean it still not a correct time to stop doing so~(^^)
@maz1207 (221)
• Malaysia
10 Nov 11
Hi, i think i sacrifice for,people a lot too. I think about them first than myself. I try to change and be selfish but i can't. It's really hard to change.
@chiyosan (30204)
• Philippines
11 Nov 11
thanks maz for your response. :D its great to know that a lot of people are selfless. It was one of the best compliment i got, really that i am such a person. it can only be positive.
@maz1207 (221)
• Malaysia
11 Nov 11
Hi, yes. keep up the good work..don't just love yourself, love others too. :)
@mariahhh (1328)
• United Arab Emirates
14 Nov 11
That is really a difficult situation. Balancing your time and efforts are important for us to enjoy our everyday life. Be sure to take a break sometimes. You should stop doing things for others if you don't enjoy doing it anymore. It's hard to stop, so maybe talk to them personally about this issue. Maybe they can help you and support you about this.
@chiyosan (30204)
• Philippines
17 Jan 13
Its great to have you in the discussion, thank you for taking time to respond, appreciate your inputs herewith. See you around, and happy mylotting! Cheers! d=)
• Philippines
11 Nov 11
That is the key of a good and fruitful life - Balance. Too much of anything is not good. You need to set your priorities in life... If you want to give much time to your family - then spend more time with them and less work...
@chiyosan (30204)
• Philippines
17 Jan 13
Hello there! thanks for your time in your response to the discussion. appreciate your sharing this to us... hope to see you around and have a happy mylotting day!
@KrauseHome (35522)
• United States
10 Nov 11
It is so true. Often we give more to others than they will ever give back to us, and often we give more to others than we even allow to give back to ourselves. We need to remember when giving back we do need to make sure and take time to do things for ourself, and be able to Love ourselves and take time for ourself. Not everything needs to be focused around someone else. When we neglect ourselves things happen and often we are the ones with BIG regrets.
@chiyosan (30204)
• Philippines
17 Jan 13
Appreciate your response to the discussion, thank you very much and have a nice day! see you around the site! =P
@Queen_11 (308)
• Philippines
10 Nov 11
We should stop in something that we are doing if we no longer feel the calling for it or if our body no longer permits it. What I actually think is that we are doing ourselves a favor by doing good service to others because that thing we do is the oil that keeps our engine going. We are not giving too much if we are giving willingly.
@chiyosan (30204)
• Philippines
11 Nov 11
=) thank you for sharing. sometimes it is indeed hard to tell whatever boundary that is to determine the limit of us giving, or sharing. at least for me, i find it hard to identify as i tend to never stop especially if it feels right for me =( and that is becoming a bad thing.
@WakeUpKitty (8706)
• Netherlands
10 Nov 11
You know when to stop if it's eating you. If you forget about yourself. If you don't get positive energy out of it, if you feel empty, (ab)used, tired, depressed, can only complain and need your holidays or free day off very badly!
@chiyosan (30204)
• Philippines
11 Nov 11
thanks for the response, kitty. I guess you are right... when all you feel of the situation of your giving is negative, then there is nothing more to say... you ought to take a step back and seriously consider that you also are a person that needs to love yourself.
@ferbjohn69 (1129)
• Philippines
10 Nov 11
I guess we should stop caring for them if we have given everything and even our life,but they seem to not give anything in return and just take us for granted. If we continue to help parasites,a time will come that none is remained for us.I guess we should also care for ourselves even when we love others.:)
@chiyosan (30204)
• Philippines
11 Nov 11
thank you for providing a response to the discussion. =) Bless you!
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
10 Nov 11
when you are not happy anymore doing these things, when you feel you are not whole, and when you start thinking if what you do is worth it all...
@chiyosan (30204)
• Philippines
11 Nov 11
exactly. sometimes we do things, we know we do it because we love to be able to do something for someone but it would come to a point when we would realize that doing it is actually not worth the time, effort, and everything we can give anymore... =(
@Dominique25 (9475)
• United States
10 Nov 11
I think it can be very hard at times to know where to draw the line. I think it is very frustrating when I help someone out a lot or do something for someone and they don't show appreciation for what i've done. And unfortunately I've noticed that I've done this quit a bit. But I think a person has to decide if they are being taken advantage of if they are it's important to draw that line quickly. I will I think always continue to care for others a lot, unless I see that they don't treat me the way I deserve to be treated, or they disrespect me.
@chiyosan (30204)
• Philippines
11 Nov 11
i guess when someone is so giving and so selflessly give to others, we do not realize that we already have been abused in some way... but of course like what most people would say, we still have to know what we can give and leave some for ourselves.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
10 Nov 11
Hi Chiyosan, I think that when you start feeling angry and/or bitter about it then it is time to stop giving to others. When you feel that you are getting nothing in return then it is time to stop. To continue on would mean that you are not giving in the right spirit. If you were then you would feel happiness from giving and that alone would be enough.
@chiyosan (30204)
• Philippines
11 Nov 11
thanks for your response. i guess whenever i feel like this, i need to re assess what i am doing, what i am capable of giving and if i want to do it, etc. its often just not as great anymore when you feel that even if you have given your all, it seems its not yet enough for them to appreciate it.
@loidee (175)
• Philippines
10 Nov 11
Before stopping, I think its best to make those person aware of what we have done, if it still goes unappreciated, then it is enough to stop. In situations like these, it's not really optional to stop. The best way to go about these things is to find balance in everything you do. You can still continue to give, to care but make sure that you leave something for yourself, too.
@chiyosan (30204)
• Philippines
11 Nov 11
Thank you loidee for the response you gave. I think I have already made them aware of the things i did, but i think what i got was a negative response and it sounded to them as if i was actually telling them of those things so they know how "little" they are. =( i did not meant it that way and i was misunderstood.
• Philippines
10 Nov 11
I think we shouldn't stop caring for others. In your case, you only have to start caring about yourself. Caring about the self doesn't mean we should stop caring for others. We can love ourselves more and we can also still love other people. Loving other people unconditionally is the best love you'll give to others. If you decided to love yourself more and to care for yourself more, there's no need to stop caring and loving others. Just balance.
@chiyosan (30204)
• Philippines
11 Nov 11
Thank you butterscotch, maybe that is right. I should start caring for myself more, I need to make myself aware of what my value is for others to value me. I may have neglected that hence, i am feeling this way, always the only person who is giving and always sacrificing, and is the one who is always sacrificing.
@ramonah (213)
• Romania
10 Nov 11
Maybe it's just me but I don't see a bad thing in giving everything to others. The key is more to finding those places where giving becomes getting: a rewarding job.. in money or achievments, depending on what you need to feel accomplished, a better half that gives as much as he/she gets so you have harmony in your private life, friends that help you when in need because you would do that and you do that with every chance you get, and so on. Not getting anything in return is frustrating but also not doing anything for others can be bad for self esteem.. at least for me it was.. I feel good about myself when I do things for others. So my advice is to try and work on the targets of your giving and not about stopping and focusing on yourself.. self focused people can become lonely and it might lead to other forms of frustration.
@chiyosan (30204)
• Philippines
11 Nov 11
Hi Ramonah. thank you for taking time to answer my discussion. =) Bless your heart for your response. I think I am rethinking, but still sticking to my decision though to stop being so giving for a time so i could look into myself more, i guess to know which or what aspects of me that i have neglected because i kind of gave it all to other people... like love, like support and i end up losing all of those. I understand that we cannot give what we don't have and i think i have lost some of those along the way and i just need to pick up the pieces first... God Bless!