The use of the F word.

United States
November 11, 2011 10:41am CST
I need your help. A director used the F a word and then gave a great apology. Now what? Does a great apology fix things? I'm straight but not narrow . I need to know should I boycott his work or accept his apology? I'm on the fence. I know once a person says something to demean Any group I lose respect for them. but after an apology, I stop being angry but I never truly go back to where it was before. But this I'm unsure what I should do. Help!
5 people like this
13 responses
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
11 Nov 11
Hi behen A director has more of responsibily and this behavior is unacceptable. I am thinking if this is his way of life... how is he going to handle the team? Personally, I would never return back, there are many ways and options to keep me engaged. The apology is fine many times but there are times when they just dont work out... how about slapping someone and saying "Oh dear... I am so sorry..." That doesnt work. Sorry, I was a little rude... but when it comes to my behen... there is no one I can be considerate about.
• United States
11 Nov 11
Hi Bhai. Thanks. To degrade gays by using the F word is real bad. He has withdrew from directing the Oscars. So the backlash Has happened. I guess I'll stay away too.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
14 Nov 11
`ok so I read thru this discussion and figured out which F-word it is that you are talking about. I don't personally use the word and don't like it either. Still, I have to say, I have heard that word used on strait people in joking around and by people that I know would never ever intentionally offend a particular group of people. In fact I've heard them slip up and use it front of a gay person, catch themselves, apologize and the gay person would laugh it off. I don't know the movie so I don't know the spirit in which it was intended. I would talk to the guy and take it from there. I'm sure in talking to him you'll get a better idea if it was just being used as slang or if he was really being disrespectful.
2 people like this
• United States
15 Nov 11
He is in Hollywood and after dissing directors who Do rehearse I don't want to talk to him anyway! I think he meant it as slang.But it really doesn't matter.
• United States
16 Nov 11
Oh Sid! You didn't know.We live and learn. Back in my day it was Oriental this or that but now it is Asian. It took me about a few months to get used to it. We live and learn.
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
16 Nov 11
I really didn't know. I felt so bad afterwards. I would never deliberatly offend a group of people by using words like that. The lady never once let on that she was offended. I hate the lables.
2 people like this
@thezone (9451)
• Ireland
21 Nov 11
In film or life it depends on the context. We have never seen the F as a big deal. As you posted this in Gay rights, I will elaborate. No one here really cares. I have straight friends and gay friends, I don't really see the difference. I call them all kinds of words and they call me the same I say relax a bit more
2 people like this
• United States
21 Nov 11
There is a huge difference between you and your pals kidding around and taking what others find offensive and making i a term of endearment, like the brothers use the N word. And a total stranger using the term to demean others. Especially here. The director wasn't even talking about homosexuals , he was trying to demean other directors . He just used the wrong term and lost dearly. What you see as no big deal , lost the director his Oscar gig. ps. Don't tell me or anyone else to relax. What you may see as no big deal It Huge to me and others.And all it does is make me even angrier. So I don't have the right to be upset? and I'm not the only one. In fact I won't be surprised if trying to get his next project will be That much harder.
@bounce58 (17526)
• Canada
16 Nov 11
Unfortunately, a person like this has scarred himself already. He may have not meant to say it, or he may have a great apology, but the fact that this is in his vocabulary means that he is prejudiced. It would be great if his apology could be backed up by forever not uttering the word. People would surely stop being angry, but still they will never forget.
2 people like this
@ShyBear88 (17538)
• United States
14 Nov 11
Well your leavin out a lot to the story so it hard to give advise on this one.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Nov 11
My bad. Hear is the story. The Director of Tower Heist was asked does he rehearse before filming and he said rehearsing is for F Words. Then he apologized. but he also withthrew from directing the Oscars. Eddie Murphy steeped down from hosting the Oscars because he wanted to work this director. And I was in the middle, on the fence . He said the F word but he Did apologize and I hear it was a heartfelt. But since I wrote this post, I decided not to see Tower Heist in the theater, but at home later. Why? Because he offended all the directors who Do rehearse before filming. sorry I was vague.
@ShyBear88 (17538)
• United States
14 Nov 11
Ah okay I didn't hear about that. I don't even know the movie your talking about. But okay do what mskesyou happy.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Nov 11
The movie is Tower Heist.
@inertia4 (27679)
• United States
13 Nov 11
Well now, the F word is a very common word these days. And it's also in the dictionary. LOL. Anyway, if the director used the term in a mean, nasty and hateful way and apologized sincerely, then you should accept his apology and move on. If he said the term in a joke or a comedic way, then it probably does not mean anything. I also think that here in this country, there is way to much of this political correctness. It all depends on the context it was used. It's not something that you can say, "well, this guy said the F and t B word he should go on TV and apologize." This world would be full of banished people if every time someone used the F word. Like I said, it all depends on the context it was used. Remember another thing, I remember when I was growing up in the 70's, those words were thrown around by people all the time. I as a kid heard them thousands of times. It almost, no it did seem normal at that time. So, to him it might not have been saying something bad at all. It is probably programed into his brain under the file named normal or okay to say. I wouldn't be angry, I would just not pay attention. If you pay attention to something, it seems to go on forever. But if it is ignored, it will go away.
• United States
13 Nov 11
It wasn't the F word that really upset me, it was that he insulted Every good director that Rehearses before filming. What he said was that rehearsing is for F words. Really? So in one sentence he showed me how stupid he Really is. But he would have been ok if he had said cowards or wusses. Then I would see him as sadly mistaken , but not stupid.But Ignore this? I can't. Sorry. I'm not angry , in fact I will see his film , but when it comes to cable. Not now.
1 person likes this
@inertia4 (27679)
• United States
14 Nov 11
Well, I did not see that on TV or read it in the paper so I really have nothing to say about it. But. like I said, it's all in the context of how it was said. But you have the right to be upset about it if it bothered you in anyway. I just don't bother with things like that. Hew Now.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Nov 11
We have our differences , My Twin.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
12 Nov 11
I would have used the proper term, homosexual or sodomite and the director should have used those terms. As for a apology, if that is done in sincerity, then okay, but remember back in the 50s and 60s, people called homosexuals, fa---gts and if the director is in his 40s through 60s he has heard that word so many times it is almost impossible for him to change. I would hope that he only uses those words when speaking with his family rather then outsides.. I of course though he used the f-k word and did not know if fa--gts was forbidden here on my lot. Besides I do not like using a word that is supposed to mean happy in an irresponsible way ;to define one specific group. So for me, using the word g-y and fa--g't in reference to homosexuals is equally as bad. AFter all I am not a sour puss or a grouch. And sometimes I am happy in an irresponsible way.
• United States
13 Nov 11
He didn't mean to mention Homosexual he meant to say coward. He said rehearsing before a film is for F- words.So I assume he meant cowards . But in his world Gay people , especially men are cowards. So this statement not only offends homosexuals but also shows him to be a immature idiot. This F- word is as offensive as calling a black person the N word. Many are learning , this a$$hole the hard way. He had to resign from directing the Oscars. I am not sure his latest film will suffer.I hope not. I won't go see it in the theaters but he did apologize so I'll see it on t.v. I'm sorry you find Gay offensive. I find Sodomite offensive. There are female homosexuals too , Are they sodomites too?
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Nov 11
There are many working people who are pro family in Hollywood. The difference? They include All families, not just a mom and a dad and thew 2.6 kids. There are families with single moms and single dads. No the director wasn't saying gay people are cowards. He was trying to say directors who rehearse are cowards. If he said Gays were cowards He would have been fired on the spot. Only an idiot would think a gay person is a coward. It is not easy to say " I'm gay." Many still are thrown out of their families. If they were Truly cowards , they would stay in the closet , play like they are straight and Never Really be happy. As for Gay meaning irresponsible , I thought Gay meant happy.As for Sodomite , it is a little outdated. And many don't know their Bible and won't get it. But Queer is a term that has been taken back. It used to be just as bad as the F word but now the Chant is " Queer, here, get used to it!"No this director isn't a pro Dad and Mom Only family , hero trying to make a stand. He just used the F word when he meant coward.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Nov 11
Sorry many single straight parents want kids but not to marry. And I feel sorry that you definition of a family is so small. Homosexuals are parenting their own kids with or without a partner. And many , like yourself , have adopted their children. Not everyone is Straight and not everyone wants marriage. But it should be available for Any adult that does. Same with kids. Not every adult wants kids but the ones who do Should have and raise them. I think it was just be narrow-minded assuming the birth mother of Your child Had to give up the baby she carried. Times luckily have changed. And the same thing is happening with Gay parents. Once Homosexual automatically meant pedophile. Now many are legally married and parents. I'm so sorry the word gay now means homosexual and it isn't going to change. Like Black means African American.
1 person likes this
• China
13 Nov 11
I don't know what the "F" exactly means,but I guess he certainly offended you.In my opinion, Whether you accept his apology or not depends on how he conduct himself in normal times.That is to say,If he is correct in behaviour all the way and didn't say that on purpose this time,You may forgive him for that;otherwise you may do what you should.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Nov 11
The F word is a demeaning term for an homosexual.it rhymes with bag. It is Just as offensive as the N word for black people.I am not sure he was trying to be offensive but he was, And I strongly disagreed with idea of the Whole sentence. He implied that only good directors film without rehearsing. Wrong!
• China
14 Nov 11
Oh ! It has such a naughty meaning!He is surely an arrogant and shameless guy.
1 person likes this
• Canada
30 Nov 11
It depends on how the F word was used, and how you feel about the word itsself. Of I drop something on my foot and REALLY HURT MYSELF and say "ah F---" then that's not a problem. However, if I call someone an effing something, or tell someone to F off, that's entirely different. I feel the word is only offensive when directed AT someone.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Nov 11
No! Not that F word. I love that F word. It has so many uses and I love using it. The F word I meant rhymes with Nag. It ranks up there with the N word. No one should use either.
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
12 Nov 11
Well...the truth is that if he accidentally said it publicly...he probably says it a whole lot more privately. A slip up like that doesn't really happen unless they use that word anyway.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Nov 11
And that slip of the tongue has cost him his Oscar directing gig and Eddie Murphy A hosting gig. Eddie has decided not to host the Oscars because this Idiot bowed out and Eddie Only wanted to work with him. Oh Well. I heard Bily Crystal is replacing Eddie! Yea!
• India
12 Nov 11
Many people use the slang without even being conscious or concerned about it as often if not with every breath. I see young lads & lasses use the word routinely. If the director is generally sparing in use but did it consciously in a fit and felt repentant, you may consider it dispassionately. If this kind of behavior is his wont and habitual, you should not compromise. Weigh the circumstances and make an objective decision.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Nov 11
I have thought about it and I will not see his film Why?not only did he insult the gay community but he Also demeaned Every director who Does rehearse! Let me explain. He said Rehearing before a movie is for F words! Really? Most great directore Rehearse! So By the Statement he showee himself to be a bigot And a idiot!
• Pakistan
12 Nov 11
There are so many things you need to compromise in life but without compromising on self respect. You inner soul is the best judge.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Nov 11
Thanks. I will follow my heart. I won't go see his movie! In a year or two I may see it on t.v. but not now!
@bagarad (12300)
• Paso Robles, California
12 Nov 11
It seems these days people think they can say or do anything and then just apologize afterwards. Is this a person who frequently makes this kind of slip? Is he in the habit of reforming and changing behavior after he apologizes? Or does he apologize and go right back into the same behaviors again after a short period of time. Any person can say something when angry or drunk he may truly regret having said afterwards. But if he really regrets it, the behavior will not continue. Is it a lapse or a look at his real character. Make your decision on what his character appears to be.
• United States
12 Nov 11
That is the problem. I don't know this guy Well enough to know if he just Truly didn't know he Can't use this word these days Or he is Just that stupid that he uses the word All the time. In fact I have a problem with the contex he used it. He was saying that rehearsing before a film is for F words. It wasn't the gay slur that got me , it was the menatlity. Many fine directors rehearse before they get Anything on film. So I think I have made my mind up. If do see his film , it will be on t.v.! Thanks. I Now know he is the type that uses the word All the time because he is That stupid! I always think people who use these slurs Are the slur they use. It doesn't go to the group they are demeaning , it returnd back on them! This thing has already lose him the Oscar gig. And Eddie Murphy has bowed out brcause he wanted to only work with this guy!Oh well.