Who is Right?
By jadoixa
@jadoixa (1166)
Philippines
December 17, 2011 6:01pm CST
my mom and one of her close friends had a fight recently because one day the friend of my mom invited her to go somewhere else and my mom committed and tell her that yes they would go together and then later in the day my mom receive a call from another friend telling her that they will have a practice of some dance on that day too and my mom cannot say no to this because she just to go to the practice,,it is important for her to dance for this one christmas party so my mom cancelled her walk with another friend..that friend felt bad about it and they have some sort of a fight..now their friendship is kind of ruined just because of it..my mom didn't know that there was a practice on that day and already said yes to the other friend..who do you think is right? if you have committed first to one friend not knowing that later on the same day something would came up, would you say no to this and still go with the first commitment or cancel the 1st because the last one is kind of necessary?
1 person likes this
11 responses
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
18 Dec 11
A promise is a promise.
I would keep that promise and skip the dancing appointment no matter if I knew about it, did not knew about it or simply forgot.
If it's worth to fight about I doubt but I would ask myself why that friend is so upset. If I missed something.
There is no wrong or right if it comes to this. The only thing that is wrong is fighting about it.
@jadoixa (1166)
• Philippines
18 Dec 11
this friend of my mom is so dependent on her..it's like she cannot go out by herself, she cancels that walk herself when my mom can't go with her..maybe because when they go out my mom drives her own transportation that's why.,,my mom decided to cancel the promised appointment to her because she thinks she can't skip the dance practice for their christmas party..now my mom's friend was so upset about it,.she makes it such a big deal that she said to my mom she doesn't want to be friends with her anymore.,,but can't she go by herself without my mom or can't she understand that was a dance rehearsal she needs to go to...
@succeednow (1633)
• Singapore
18 Dec 11
Hi jadoixa, I think this is not a question of who is right or who is wrong? In any relationship there is bound to be problems and misunderstandings. It's how we manage it. One must develop tact in dealing with relationship matters. In this case your Mum should have called up her friend immediately and apologise for not being able to go with her for the walk. She should explain to her friend about the importance of needing to attend dance practice for the Christmas party. By doing so I'm sure her friend will be understanding enough to accept and perhaps they can make arrangement for their walk another time. If your Mum has indeed done so and her friend refuses to accept her explanation and is adamant and insistent that your Mum must fulfill her earlier commitment then sad to say I think such a friend is not worth having.
@jadoixa (1166)
• Philippines
18 Dec 11
it was on a sunday and they should go this shrine where they will light a candle and pray.and then later on go to this place with beautiful christmas decors and lights and do picture taking but it didn't happen because of it..my mom told there was an unexpected dance practice and she must go to it so sadly she cannot go through with the earlier plans..her friend got upset about it..december is still a long month to go..there are still other days ahead when they can go take pictures and go there to the shrine some other time and day when my mom is free..but she is too upset that she wants to end a friendship just for it..how sad for them..
@sjvg1976 (41132)
• Delhi, India
18 Dec 11
Hello jadoixa,
I think if dance practice was essential than your mother did right 
but i think she should have informed her friend about this and should have apologised that she won't be able to come and will go along with her next time once she came to know that she has to go for dance practice.May be your mom's friend would have understood your mother's urgency then.
but i think she should have informed her friend about this and should have apologised that she won't be able to come and will go along with her next time once she came to know that she has to go for dance practice.May be your mom's friend would have understood your mother's urgency then. @jadoixa (1166)
• Philippines
18 Dec 11
she told her later that sorry she cannot go on with their plans on that day because suddenly she had some dance practice, then the friend got upset already and said she wouldn't go too anymore because my mom is not with her...maybe there is no next time for them because their friendship nowadays is kind of ruin just because of this,,,my mom's friends really wants and likes her company and maybe because they can get a free ride because my mom drives when they go out otherwise they will be commuting..i think that is also the reason that upsets her about it..she cannot accept it..
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
18 Dec 11
It's a tough situation but if the practice was something she couldn't miss, then it's understandable if she had to cancel on her friend. Her friend should have understood the situation and realized that they could just go on their walk another day when your mom didn't have something that she really needed to do.
If things come up when I've already made plans, I feel bad cancelling but my friends understand that when I cancel, it's for something that I can't miss.
@jadoixa (1166)
• Philippines
18 Dec 11
yes, this friend of my mom really wants that her own way should be followed..she cannot understand that it was a dance practice that couldn't be missed..she didn;t go by herself because my mom wasn't there with her..she canceled her own walk..she was so upset that she said she didn't want to be friends with my mom anymore..now their friendship is ruined..
@bjc66bjc (6730)
• United States
18 Dec 11
Hi jadoixa, if the first friend was a real friend she would undertand
why your mom had to cancel their get together and did you say it was
a walk that your mom was going with her on...Wow I can't believe that
something so unimportant could really distroy a real friendship...
Your mom had practice for a preformance at that time.not really saying
the walk was not important but the practice was...Give them time real
friends can get through this..
Good luck and be safe!!!!!!
@jadoixa (1166)
• Philippines
18 Dec 11
yes the friend made it a big issue..now they are cold with each other..they saw each other recently at the church and then the friend was still upset even if it happened a week already and told her she doesn;t want to be friends with my mom anymore..if i am in the situation, i would understand my friend..knowing it's a practice she has to go to and just go by myself..we can still have a lot of times as friends that we can go out with some other days..not only that moment..isn;t it??
@li123456li (101)
• China
18 Dec 11
Hi,jadoixa,if it's happened to me,I will do the necessary one no matter which one is the first.the importent thing is your mom must explain to her friend who dated her first. and the firend of your mom would understand.but at last they had a fight,I think the firend of your mom made a mistake.
@jadoixa (1166)
• Philippines
18 Dec 11
yes she made it such a big deal that she wants to end their friendship..she told my mom straight in the face "i don't want to be friends with you anymore.." and my mom said "please, don't be like that because it is christmas, we should be at peace with each other.." but why can't she go on her own? if my mom can't be with her..she cannot walk by herself...she said "she doesn't want to go anymore.." because my mom cannot be there with her..she should understand and maybe go by herself..but she didn't..maybe it is because she wants to take advantage of the transportation too because my mom drives whenever they go out..
@bellis716 (4799)
• United States
19 Dec 11
Late scheduling of dance practice was unfortunate, and her friend should understand. Surely the trip with her friend can be rescheduled.
@cowboyofhell (3063)
• Philippines
18 Dec 11
Your mother should have first looked upon her future activities if one coincides with the trip somewhere with her friend and even that there is one or two day distance from the day, she informed her friend the possibility that the trip would be canceled. This I think is what her friend wanted your mother to have done.
@tiina05 (2317)
• Philippines
18 Dec 11
hello,
Ohh? that is kinda sad because of that they had a fight. Well, if i will be in your mom situation I will do the same thing because I love to dance and I never expect that I will have a practice. So, we can actually move on the other day and I hope my friend will understand. 
@alansailing (74)
• China
31 Dec 11
My personal believe :
1: Compromise the promise is very important and can not break easily !! This is also the best way show respect to both party.
2: If you have the emergency thing need to handle, you can cancel the original schedule ,but have to say sorry to the concern person and try to doing sth remedy.
3: I dont think christmans dance practice is too important to let your mun cancel the original plan.
4: This is not a big deal , just can call her friend say sorry and just take some necessary action is ok , but next time ,also please try to avoid such case happened again
