You just cant please everyone but that doesn't mean it would stop me from trying
By davaome
@davaome (1826)
Philippines
December 22, 2011 8:27am CST
I had a get together with classmates from high school a few days back, and we had fun, there was one among us who is the known "bully" of the batch and he was hated by, i guess most of us, and at that time he was still the same old bully that we once knew back in the day, but still me and other batchmates still accommodated him and still he was not really left out.
Just today, 1 of my classmate and I had a chat about the get together that we have, and she was a very frank person, and she had something in mind that she wishes to tell me, everyone knows from my batchmates that I am a friendly person but they also know that I dislike that bully of a classmate of ours.
and she said to me that she was a bit disappointed with me. that I was plastic(faking), that I am able to act so friendly around the bully while infact I disliked him.
Some how she shocked be for a second, but then I was able to reply to her "I was just being nice to the guy. And I wasn't faking at all, I grew mature about it and even though he is like that I am able to be flexible enough to adjust to his personality."
and we had a little bit of an argument after that.
In my opinion, Being nice to someone you dislike doesn't mean your plastic or fake.
It means that you are mature enough to tolerate your dislike towards them.
And at that time during the get together I was sure that everyone had a good time, because I made the party lively a bit so that everyone would enjoy the party. but, after talking to her, I knew she wasn't pleased on how I acted that day.
But it wouldn't stop me from trying to please everyone still because that's just me. I guess...
2 people like this
17 responses
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
22 Dec 11
I agree with you. I don't feel it's fair to be branded as "fake". As long as the guy is not physically hurting anyone then it's fine. The guy is a bully and it is may be his way of overcoming his insecurities too. Maybe there is some soft spot on him too which everyone could not see since the guy is acting that way and no one even care to get to know him well because of his annoying attitude.
2 people like this
@davaome (1826)
• Philippines
22 Dec 11
People should always give others a chance to be able to mingle with one another. I know that to some, first impression lasts, but it doesn't necessarily mean that they cannot change. Maybe if we just given him the chance to better himself maybe he would have changed back then and all would have been well.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
22 Dec 11
I also agree with the two of you. You weren't being fake Davaome. You were being gracious. And who knows, maybe this guy really is insecure and has few friends. Maybe there is a reason he is the way he is. Maybe your kindness made an impact on him in some small way.
1 person likes this
@davaome (1826)
• Philippines
22 Dec 11
Hopefully I made an impact to him. and Better if he would change his ways so that people would try to consider him as a friend, a companion as well. He himself tried to bully me before, but never did succeeded, and I fought back but it was useless, didn't really changed anything. Hopefully sooner or later i will see improvement from him, because I know that some of us really don't like him, and he knows that, just don't know why he still the way he is.
1 person likes this
@megamatt (14292)
• United States
22 Dec 11
Pleasing people now of days is just really something that I have no patience for. If people are going to like me, they are going to like me for who I am. Chances are, I'm not going to like a person if they are not going to like me for who I really am. So why waste precious oxygen and time trying to win a battle that may not be impossible, but rather not hard.
People deal with things in their own way. Pleasing everyone can be rather frustrating, because of the fact that there are so many dynamic people, with different views. So I'll do what I have to do and that is just what I do. There are going to be people out there that I can't stand but I don't expect them to act any differently.
2 people like this
@glesil_00 (1142)
• Philippines
24 Dec 11
Yes like you megamatt, i am not a person-pleaser sometimes. If the person is not nice to me i am not nice too. If he/she is i am too. Someone can tell and know if i dislike the person because it shows my actions. I do not interact withe the person.
Sometimes i do talk to the person but not to accommodate and keep[ talking to the said person.
We have different actions dealing with the person we dislike.
For my own opinion too dealing and talking to the person we dislike is not faking.
1 person likes this
@davaome (1826)
• Philippines
22 Dec 11
Some are really like that, they have no patience to adjust to others because they feel that they don't need people who don't like them for who they are. and I don't really mind that. Because I have mingled with different kinds of people, of different origins, of different nationalities and of different races, and not all really are as pleasing and are as polite as others but that is how they act, and some people actually misjudge their actions because, they have different views in life, to some it may be a funny statement but to others they feel insulted.
It is not easy to please everyone, but in order for you to be able to know them better you need to be flexible enough to adjust to them and hopefully they will adjust to you as well.
1 person likes this
@vivasuzi (4127)
• United States
23 Dec 11
I agree with you - it means you are mature. You aren't there to start trouble. You want to have a good time so you put your differences aside. It sounds like your friend who brought this up likes drama! Because why would it bother her at all if you were nice to this guy?
Tell your friend that if everyone always acted the way they truly felt, a lot of people would never get together. If you always acted like a total jerk around that bully classmate, chances are he wouldn't want to be around you and others wouldn't either.
I'm on your side with this one :) Being Nice isn't a bad thing!
1 person likes this
@davaome (1826)
• Philippines
23 Dec 11
Hahaha, she is a very mature individual but I guess when it comes to this "bully" classmate of ours, she is childish in a way. I think she has a bad experience with him and she doesn't like the thought of me mingling with the enemy. hahahaha not little, but childish really
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
23 Dec 11
I agree with you my friend.
It is said that love begets love and hate begets hate. That's why i understand why you should still be that way to the bully. Bully though he may be, if you continue showing him love, he will soon realize that he is wrong, and would someday mellow and return it.
Since the bully is incorrigible, you might as well bear with him. Anyways, it's not always that you have a get together.
And i can say that it's not being plastic, but being tolerable with a brother.
It is said that love begets love and hate begets hate. That's why i understand why you should still be that way to the bully. Bully though he may be, if you continue showing him love, he will soon realize that he is wrong, and would someday mellow and return it.
Since the bully is incorrigible, you might as well bear with him. Anyways, it's not always that you have a get together.
And i can say that it's not being plastic, but being tolerable with a brother.
1 person likes this
@francesca5 (1344)
•
23 Dec 11
so was this bully well behaved at this get together or did he behave in a bullying way towards anyone?
as if he was extremely nice, well mannered, polite, and genuine towards everyone then i agree with you, however if he behaved as a bully then i agree with your friend, as now he is older if he still behaves in a bullying way a little advice in a non confrontational way from people who have known him a long time would be helpful.
the reason i say this is that one of my daughters has told me a few stories about places she has worked and sometimes people who learnt to bully at school carry on doing it as they get older, and it is not helpful for them.
1 person likes this
@francesca5 (1344)
•
23 Dec 11
so he was fairly well behaved. in that case i will agree that you were right to take the diplomatic approach, and besides it wasn't your responsibility alone to challenge his past behaviour.
1 person likes this
@davaome (1826)
• Philippines
23 Dec 11
For a person with his characteristic, he was actually nice in a bully kind of way. he did a little bit of bullying but made it into laughter to jokingly others who he has bullied before.
Your daughter seemed to be troubled by this co-worker of hers, I guess that would really be a problem if at an age where they are already considered professionals, and still have this kind of attitude then, it would truly have a bad effect in their working environment which may lead for them to really dislike these co-workers.
1 person likes this
@fransmonlot (411)
• United States
23 Dec 11
I agree even if you don't like them you should try your best to get along with them. We all live in this one world we all have to coincide here. Besides what are you going to do kick the person out of earth? I also find myself trying to please everyone even though I know it is imposible. thanx for sharing your thoughts.
@davaome (1826)
• Philippines
23 Dec 11
Oh, someone just like me 
Not really alot of people feel the way we do, but it gives me satisfaction that people can get along and enjoy each others company.
I guess it all started when we graduated high school, the feeling that we will go our separate ways, during graduation day we had mixed emotions, that it was a time to celebrate for our accomplishment, but a time to say goodbye to people I have grown with for the past few years.
Fewer times to see each other so make the most of it and enjoy each others company
Not really alot of people feel the way we do, but it gives me satisfaction that people can get along and enjoy each others company.
I guess it all started when we graduated high school, the feeling that we will go our separate ways, during graduation day we had mixed emotions, that it was a time to celebrate for our accomplishment, but a time to say goodbye to people I have grown with for the past few years.
Fewer times to see each other so make the most of it and enjoy each others company1 person likes this
@fransmonlot (411)
• United States
23 Dec 11
Yeah it is hard to say good bye to freinds and part of your life. Social networks make it easier to stay in contact such as facebook and twitter. If you really want to stay in touch you can. you just have to make some time.
1 person likes this
@alottodo (3056)
• Australia
23 Dec 11
You mention you are flexible enough to adjust to his personality! I could never be flexible enough to adjust my self to a bully no way! yes I would be polite and may be friendly but that is a far as I would go! and no you can't never please every one...just be your self and people will get to know you for the way you are.
@davaome (1826)
• Philippines
23 Dec 11
I can understand how you feel alottodo, and I believe this is who I am so I don't really need to change anything. close friends of mine know that it is my trait that I try to be friends with everyone and possibly please everyone aswell.
It is really a fact that you cannot really please everyone, but like I said this is who I am, and this will not stop me from trying.
close friends of mine know that it is my trait that I try to be friends with everyone and possibly please everyone aswell.
It is really a fact that you cannot really please everyone, but like I said this is who I am, and this will not stop me from trying. 1 person likes this
@globaldoc (858)
• Philippines
25 Dec 11
This may sound insensitive, but I believe that one should not try to please anyone at all. If one tries to please everyone, he will always end up a nobody. I believe that the best thing to do is always to express what is in one's mind, as long as they are not offensive. There are sensitive issues, but these things would have to be addressed carefully so as not to offend the others. But decisions must be out of reason, and never out of wanting to please someone.
1 person likes this
@asiacevillar (643)
• Philippines
22 Dec 11
a line from this chinese proverb says: "He who asks is a fool for 5 minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever. I think you and every myLotter can relate to this. 
1 person likes this
@davaome (1826)
• Philippines
22 Dec 11
I am very fond of chinese proverbs but I have not encountered this one before. If you don''t mind, would you like to share your views about this proverb?
Everyone has their own opinion, but since it came from you, it would be best if you yourself would give meaning to it first
1 person likes this
@163Mandolingirl (1052)
•
23 Dec 11
I try and see the good in everyone I meet but if I find a particular person a real trial, I will be as polite as I would be to anyone else but I wouldn't attempt to befriend them. In the long run, I would steer clear of them! That doesn't make me 'a fake' either. I just don't like confrontation and would rather keep the peace.
1 person likes this
@microengineer (587)
• Indonesia
22 Dec 11
Oh yes, we must nice to other when they did well. But disagreement should be expressed sometime. We can not stand as nice guy all the time. But having good relationship is necessary.
Regarding being mature, It does not mean we can tolerate everything. Frankly speaking, if we are good friend, we must tell clearly what we like and what we dislike. If we are being friend and always tell good thing, the relation is not healthy. Having debate or argument is normal for a close friend. But do not include hatred on it.
Dislike is okay, hatred is source of evil deed.
1 person likes this
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
23 Dec 11
I don't know. I still think one shouldn't aim to please everyone because that's impossible. Just do your best at everything and make sure you are not offending anyone.
1 person likes this
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
24 Dec 11
okay. But don't let the motive of pleasing others make you do things that are against your ideals, or do something wrong/bad.
Because at times when you really want to please someone, you forget your individuality and your own self.
for example:
I want to please my friend. He's a gangster. So to please him, he ask me to join his gang but first beat someone up to prove myself to his gang.
Those are events I hate, they are still happening.
1 person likes this
@Luckygal777 (107)
• Malaysia
23 Dec 11
What you did was the best thing. Because someone is a little bit bad doesnt mean there is nothing good about him. Besides maybe if people try and behave in a good manner towards him, he might change his behaviour. Your behaviour to him also shows you are a better person. So whenever you are in a sitation you dont like, do whatever you think is the best if its good and dont let anybody tell you otherwise..
1 person likes this
@michellepacho (17)
•
22 Dec 11
People might annoy us because of our differences but it doesn't mean we will allow them to ruin our beautiful day. You were not faking, you were not trying no please all of them, you were just matured enough to control the situation for the benefit of others.
@davaome (1826)
• Philippines
22 Dec 11
Because of certain differences yes people do get annoyed, and it is always up to you, if you let that ruin your day. It is a choice, to get affected or just merely neglect those actions.
And I guess you're right, that I was just being mature about it. Hopefully others won't get the wrong idea of my actions.
1 person likes this
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
22 Dec 11
You know what I think, Davaome? I think this friend of yours is a drama queen. She would have liked it for you to be snotting to him for his bullying of you all in the past. She would have rather had that to talk about, rather than that you were 'faking' by being nice to him.
This person really is immature to even say anything like this to you. You didn't have to have the party and you didn't have to invite HER either. She is really being disingenuous to you, and I think I would tell her that, being frank, I think she is immature.
Hasn't she grown up enough to learn how to act cordial to someone you don't like? Why should there be drama to ruin a party? She has a lot to learn.
I think she will just have to be happy to be brat she seems to be. 
1 person likes this
@davaome (1826)
• Philippines
22 Dec 11
Sometimes I feel the same way, there are really times that she has been immature about things which I think don't really matter that much. She is one of those spoiled individuals that I grew up with, but I find her very amusing as well, and she is one of my moody friends that I have. I must say she is one of the mature people in our group but recently when she talked to me about the previous party, i have thought otherwise.
Maybe she had a very bad experience with the "bully" and thought that I was making friends with her enemy. Possessive of some sort, but I got used to her being like that.
1 person likes this
@telmesh (1793)
•
23 Dec 11
Being a seaman you know very well you have to work well with all around you, otherwise things can go wrong with the running of the ship. The person you disliked at school is not the person he is now, he had to grow up and mature as well. You may still dislike him and he might not be a person you would choose to be with but in a reunion situation, for one night does it really hurt to show a friendly face. Just be yourself, showing hate to someone would be harder for your you and would probably cause you mental pain. If your friend finds it difficult that you are friendly then unfortunately that is her problem, maybe she will mature out of that way of thinking maybe she won't.
You can't control everyone because they are their own person and they develop the way they want to.
@katipunero5 (277)
• Philippines
22 Dec 11
you are right.. well every circumstances are the way for us to mature.. more and more.... just chill up. we cant please others
