Marriage. How to proceed? Any tips?

@shibham (17025)
India
February 23, 2012 8:47am CST
Hi everyone... You know, my parents were searching a bride for me as i had no girlfriend. There were some offers but lastly i have choiced her... yes, she is well educated, beautiful, cultured and so on.... yes, she is my choice, i wish to marry her (arrange marriage and surely i have not met her till date). So, is it a wrong decision to marry a stranger? i am a little afraid of about it? what will be in next? How should i proceed? Any tips? I am really in dilemma right now. Without meeting her but receiving her all details i wish to marry her. Anything wrong? Please rescue me from this dilemma. Thanks in advance.
7 people like this
32 responses
• Philippines
23 Feb 12
Is it really the custom in your country? Well, i would say that it would be difficult to marry someone you don't know. You will be together for life and how could you get along with her instantly. Although there are arranged marriage that lasted, i would say that you should give yourselves time to know each other better. The descriptions on her you receive from other people may not be accurate so it is best that you be the one to really know who she is. Good Luck!
2 people like this
@vandana7 (67531)
• India
23 Feb 12
It is the custom of our country alright..:)
1 person likes this
@krajibg (11936)
• Guwahati, India
23 Feb 12
It was a custom that is being followed still by some section of people and not necessary that you always adhere to it. This is not necessarily compulsive for the boys to marry completely a stranger today. and the fact is that most boys today do not do that. Even girls are against this cult. There are examples of the bride running away with her finance n the night of wedding when the arranged bridegroom has already arrived the house of the bride. Scenes are fast changing in out society now.
1 person likes this
@shibham (17025)
• India
26 Feb 12
Hi... It was a custom of our country but now a days some peoples dont follow it. Love marriage is also growing up equally with the existence of arranged marriage. You are right tripejazzm51, i have to study her and she too coz it is a life time bonding, so need to be sincere before stepping. Have a nice time.
• Chennai, India
23 Feb 12
My piece of advice. It's a tradition in our country, so don't give too much importance about the stranger thing. Just make sure the family background of her is ok. (In our tradition, elders take care of that too.) The first two years of your married life is very important. Don't take anything for granted and don't let anything to be taken for granted. (It's a tough thing, but you have to.) Keep it simple. Remember the popular saying "Don't say YES when you want to say NO; Don't say NO when you want to say YES". This one thing will do.
2 people like this
@kalav56 (11502)
• India
24 Feb 12
1 person likes this
@shibham (17025)
• India
26 Feb 12
Hi venkata... It may be a tradition of our country but love marriages are also running on equally and i have seen couples happy with such marriages. Her family background is fine as i have been informed. Nope, i will consider all those aspects from my point of view. My parents suggestions are to welcome them. Yes, i am that type of person who never pretend to anything and expose what is in his mind? have a nice time.
@ravisivan (14055)
• India
24 Feb 12
I would suggest both of your meeting in person-- have discussion about likes, preferences at least for an hour. Learn about educational qualification, work experience, employment,habits. If both of your like each other proceed. blessings.
2 people like this
@shibham (17025)
• India
26 Feb 12
Hello sir... She is an M.A. and have no job. I dont like to have a job too. But you are right, there are many subjects that i have to know before taking any step like marriage. Have a nice time and thanks for the wishes.
@krajibg (11936)
• Guwahati, India
23 Feb 12
Hi shibham, How is it? Once you have said she is your choice as she is well educated, cultured, beautiful etc. there should not be any question of stepping back. This is an arranged marriage. Go to her, have a chat. See if she would fit on your shoe. If yes, yes, and if no, no. After all this is your life not of your parents or relations'. The choice is yours.
2 people like this
@shibham (17025)
• India
26 Feb 12
Hi boss.. I am not thinking to step back rather i am stepping forward.... Yes, i shall try to meet her and chat with her so that i can understand her very well and so that no problem will create later on. Agree, the life is mine and i am all in all to handle it. have a nice time.
@aerous (13474)
• Philippines
23 Feb 12
Not only choosing anyone whom you like. Better to start a relationship being girl friend or boyfriend to develop love which is the most important in a relationship...
1 person likes this
@wqdayang (137)
• China
24 Feb 12
that's right,before we decided to marry a boy or a girl,we should know very much each other,that's the base to get along well with each other.
1 person likes this
@shibham (17025)
• India
26 Feb 12
Hi aerouse... you are right but it is not easy to start a relationship being boyfriend with her. Basically in this case. I think i should meet her and talk to her. it will also work in bonding. have a nice time.
@aerous (13474)
• Philippines
27 Feb 12
You need to meet her and talk something about interest so that you can build a relationship with her. That is the best to know both of you each other. Because you can figure out her attitude and what she really want in life and anything so that you may know what the best gift to give her in any occasion that is important to her
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11502)
• India
23 Feb 12
There is nothing wrong in your being impressed by her profile and feeling she would be a good match for you.But I would also suggest you need to talk to her before ; you are pretty close to your family; only son a nd a loving brother.Your family is also pretty cose knit.Make it very clear to her that you need your personal space and ensure that she would be a contented , happy girl.What is her qualification? Will she take up a job? WHat is her father doing? How many siblings does she have ? Is her mother a good , nice, decent lady? You need to find all this out. Nowadays, girls hae a lot of expectaation from life and expect these to be fulfilled by their husbands. Be aware of all this and ensure that she would suit your lifestyle.
1 person likes this
@shibham (17025)
• India
26 Feb 12
Yes kaladi.. I should not be hurry to marry her just after viewing her profile because there may have some negatives beyond the profile. I need to meet her and talk for some minutes. She is an M.A. and no, she has no job (and i dont wish to have the same). Her father is expired and she has total 5 siblings. As far my information is concerned her mom is a decent lady and my mom knows her very well from her early days. That is the problem .... would she suit my life style and so, i need to meet her first. Have a nice time.
@kalav56 (11502)
• India
26 Feb 12
Is this girl the eldest? And how many sons are there? You will have to think really hard because a lot of responsibility on her part to her family would put you under considerable strain.I know you are from a slightly conservative background and your role in your family. So, do tread warily and seek the advice of your father too in this regard.
@shibham (17025)
• India
28 Feb 12
No kaladi.. She is the youngest one and there are two sons in that family. Nope, i am not from a conservative background? How you have gotten it? Yes, my parents advices always have priority. have a nice time.
@loonys (418)
25 Feb 12
I'm sure she is marrying a nice guy. Make a romantic party just for both of you and let her to wear the wedding dress.Take some photos as a memory for your kids. After all she is not your servant. Congratulatios shiby. hugs.
1 person likes this
@shibham (17025)
• India
26 Feb 12
Thanks for your comments loony. I have not married her yet and even have not met... so why party? She is not my servant,sure. have a nice time.
@loonys (418)
26 Feb 12
Go and meet her than...silly.
@shibham (17025)
• India
28 Feb 12
• India
24 Feb 12
Hello Shibham, Nice to know that you have selected a girl for yourself who is well educated, beautiful and cultured. Well if you have chosen her based on her bio data or profile without even meeting her for once, I am sure your decision has come out purely from your heart. And in such matters we should listen to our heart. But as you mentioned you haven't met her yet, I think you should meet her. Meeting her in personal will help both of you in understanding each other. Will help you know about each others likes and dislikes. And after all communication plays a vital role in the formation of any relationship. Good Luck!
@shibham (17025)
• India
26 Feb 12
Hi Inderjeet... Thanks. yes, i have chosen her by her profile and the information collected by some well wishers. Perhaps it comes from heart... perhaps...coz my thoughtfulness, why? why it is? i dont know. Yes, i will meet her as soon as possible so that i can understand her better and proceed for the next step of life. Thanks for the wishes and have a nice time.
• India
27 Feb 12
Sometimes there are no answers to our "whys". Well, just follow your heart, meet her, try to know her... also help her know you better. I am sure everything will fall in place. Take Care.
1 person likes this
@shibham (17025)
• India
28 Feb 12
Thanks for your faith on this issue.
• Singapore
24 Feb 12
Hi shi... Such good news from you so early in the morning, congrats! Are you excited? You must be We do not practice arrange marriages nowadays but during my parents' time, they still do. The boy and girl would still meet however, go out together to get to know each other better before they really decide. It would be good to do that shi, and also best to reach an understanding with her as to how to make your marriage work better. I believe the key factors to a successful relationship will include mutual understanding, trust, love, care and concern, and sufficient communication. Of course these factors are not exclusive, and you may find yourselves connect in many other ways. All the best to you!
1 person likes this
@shibham (17025)
• India
26 Feb 12
Hi moon... thanks and yes, i am not only excited but also thoughtful regarding my future as this is my first time marriage. Here it is also not mandatory to have arrange marriage as my sister's marriage was a love marriage and we supported her on her choice. I am thinking to do that, i mean to meet her in person so that i can know something more about her and it will help me making decision. I shall try to find out all those on her and show her that i have already installed them on myself. have a nice time and thanks for the wishes.
• Singapore
27 Feb 12
Continue to update us? I am interested to see your progress with her. I know you will do your best!
1 person likes this
@shibham (17025)
• India
28 Feb 12
surely i will.
@wqdayang (137)
• China
24 Feb 12
are you ensure love her?that's not a good idea to know a girl depend on some informations without contact,i think you should spend some time to get along with her to know much better about her,marriage is a very important thing in our life,you should have your own choice and choose your bride by yourself,your parents are good for you and their reference maybe becoming to you,but the most important thing is the bride becoming to you.
@shibham (17025)
• India
26 Feb 12
Hi... Nope, i have liked her, How can i love her without meeting her. Just i have chosen and later i will decide should i marry her, and if yes, then i shall try form a love relationship and later will proceed to marry. As you have said, a meeting is very important here and i am searching the chance to meet her. have a nice time.
@wqdayang (137)
• China
27 Feb 12
hi That's ok. You can find many excuse to invite her to meet you,such as what colour curtains she like best,buy little toys she may like...,make a call to her and play with her.
@shibham (17025)
• India
28 Feb 12
Nice ways indeed. I appreciate your advices.
@nurseclare (2210)
• Philippines
24 Feb 12
Oh my, that's pretty tough! Why you haven't found the girl you certainly love and not being arranged by parents? are you a home buddy or what? i am confused with this... i can't imagine getting married of a stranger.. but if you're really hopeless and you want to have arranged marriage then it's all up to you. The best thing to do is to pray and ask God for guidance.. i hope you'll make the best choice. Marriage is sacred..Godbless
1 person likes this
• Philippines
24 Feb 12
And i would like to congratulate you for the new chapter of your life..stay happy! Cheer up, you'll soon be sleeping in a women with one bed! that is really exciting! hahahaha
1 person likes this
@shibham (17025)
• India
26 Feb 12
Hi dear... well, my past life was so busy that i had no time to fall in love. Once fell but betrayed and from that time, i have not tried too. Sounds may be ridiculous. I am not a home buddy? lol rather have a busy schedule all the time. I am an atheist too. So where is god to guide me as well? Really exciting? let me imagine first. hehehe. Have a nice time.
• Philippines
17 Mar 12
hi shiby, My clan actually was into arrange marriage before until mom broke it glad she did my auntie and uncle got married through arrange marriage after 30years my auntie found her true happiness and annulled her husband I asked her once did she ever been happy with my uncle she said Yes but not all the time though her husband was a good man. For me marriage is a long time commitment something that love should always be present and the end of the day it's still your decision. I hope you find the one and have a happily marriage life happy mylotting
1 person likes this
@shibham (17025)
• India
18 Mar 12
Hi bhaby... Sometimes marriage may be turn to a punishment and boredom but a single side is not responsible. A clap sound cant be made by a single palm, both palms are important. hope you have understood. Now i am happy enough whatever i have found, i mean my fiance who will turn to my bride on coming october/november. Have a nice time and thanks for the wishes.
@MsTickle (24993)
• Australia
2 Mar 12
Hi shiby and felicitations to you on your forthcoming marriage. I noticed primarily that your discussion was about your bride, your marriage and about how you are feeling about things. You will do yourself and your bride a huge favour if you start getting into the habit of caring about her, her fears, her thoughts, her happiness. If you only think of yourself, she will become miserable. If you always put her first, you will set a good example and hopefully, she will do the same for you. This will create happiness and harmony between you and then love will grow.
1 person likes this
@shibham (17025)
• India
4 Mar 12
Thanks Tickle... Unfortunately i have not met her till date and i hope i will shortly. Well, where as i am so much caring and loving to animals so there is no doubt that i will not be the same to my wife. I cant even imagine that i will try to misbehave her. I also do hope that she will be the same with me. Have a nice time.
@viju0410 (2286)
• India
1 Mar 12
Hi Shibham, Congrats on your choice. It is good that you are getting /gathering all details about her but I really feel you should meet (see) her once before the final call/wedding. After your first meeting, half of your problems would settle down and you won’t have to worry about the rest. If possible, try to do the shopping, wedding discussions etc jointly that would make you closer to your ‘stranger’. Since she’s educated, I am sure she would also like to meet you before wedding. Why do you not want to meet her? is this her decision too? Wishing you all the best..
@shibham (17025)
• India
2 Mar 12
Thanks viju... Yes, surely i will meet her and without meeting nothing will be progressed. A meet will make each other too close to understand and it is essential as far i think. Nope,i want to meet her but have not scheduled the time, date and venue. I have not even ask her anything and dont know whether she wishes to meet me or not? Have a nice time.
1 person likes this
@espoir (184)
• China
27 Feb 12
Why don't your begin to date now and see if your two can hit it on? Arranged marriage can also be good though, if the god 'arranges' you the right one.
1 person likes this
@shibham (17025)
• India
28 Feb 12
Yes, you are right. Arranged marriage is also fine if we can make a bridge on the relationship with lots of understandings. Have a nice time.
@marguicha (101804)
• Chile
26 Feb 12
It is not simple to answer your question as I belong to another culture where there are no arranged marriages. But if you have doubts, couldn´t you arrange to meet this girl so that both of you can see if there is a posibility of future understanding? What does your family think of her? How much do you value your family´s opinions? Those are other questions that are as important. Remember this is a lifelong commitment.
@shibham (17025)
• India
26 Feb 12
Hi marguicha... Yes, i understand that it is hard for you to provide a solution as you are not belonged to our culture. I can arrange a meeting and trying to schedule it as soon as possible. My family is ready and they have no objection as they have also chosen her. My parents opinion is first and i give too much value to it. You know i am a son of them who have to complete his duty as three sons. Thanks for the concern and have a nice time.
• Pakistan
25 Feb 12
Hey this is great you marry with your parents choose lady. Now your day to day task start; you have to make a better understanding with your wife and asking about her choice for example ask question like that which color she like, which type of dress she like and understand her too... appreciate her abilities and so on
1 person likes this
@shibham (17025)
• India
26 Feb 12
Hi muhammad... No, i have not married her yet. Perhaps you have not read the discussion. Thanks for the response and have a nice time.
@myfb2009 (8304)
• Malaysia
25 Feb 12
Hi Shib, it is good to know that at last you have found a suitable partner. Since myself is not into arrange type of marriage, so i don't have much info to share. But, from my friend's experience, arrange marriage can be great, too. One of my friends marriage was arrange by her parents. She also married a totally stranger. What her family do is, allowed she and her new partner have a few meetings before they decide to engage and getting married. Now, my that friend had 2 children and their marriage is going stronger day by day. Hope the same good blessing for you and your new partner.
1 person likes this
@shibham (17025)
• India
26 Feb 12
Hi friend... I have to wait another some months to say that yes, i have found a suitable partner coz just i have chosen her and now have to meet her, talk to her, understand her and then i can take the decision whether to proceed or not? The story of your friend is inspiring me, really and thanks for sharing it. Oh, my parents marriage was also an arranged marriage. Have anice time.
@rameshchow (5284)
• India
24 Feb 12
hi bro, never think like that. Arrange marriages are the greatest culture in our india. Go ahead, you have happy life with her. all the best.
@shibham (17025)
• India
26 Feb 12
Hi remo... Thanks for the comment and wishes but where were you these days? have a nice time.
@maezee (33282)
• United States
24 Feb 12
I don't know, are arranged marriages normal in your culture or country? They certainly aren't in my country, so I couldn't tell you how to proceed with it. I guess you two should probably spend some time together and get to know one another and whatnot, so you are no longer strangers.
1 person likes this
@shibham (17025)
• India
26 Feb 12
Hi maezee... In early days arranged marriage were almost common in India but now both love and arranged are equally common. My sister marriage was a love marriage. Your suggestion is fine and i am thinking to follow it. Have a nice time.