I'm so frustrated with my husband!

United States
March 23, 2012 8:53pm CST
He literally is no help. He doesn't try to help at all with anything.It makes me so angry. It's amazing how I do everything and have no type of help. This week has been so stressful. We have been having problems with our car and he will not try and help. I had a doctor's appointment that I had scheduled a month ago and since I can't start the car, he didn't want to take me. I need him to take me to work tomorrow and he's already complaining. Last time he tried showing some type of trick that he has figured out to get it started, some how when I did it it got stuck and wouldn't start for about 30 mins. And he was upset with me because it got stuck after I tried it. So I said that I wasn't going to mess with it anymore. So now he wants me to go out to the car and practice, yet when I try to get it to work it will not work at all and then it seems to get stuck worse. Our little girl has been really cranky this week and he hasn't offered to help at all. He just sits and plays his video game while I'm literally doing everything. I just want this week to be over with.
3 people like this
11 responses
@SassyBrat (463)
• Canada
24 Mar 12
I'm so sorry you are having such a rough week. It sounds like your husband is setting you up for failure. It is incredibly selfish of him to treat you this way. Is he always this way with you? Does he want you to be strictly dependent on him for a family income?
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Mar 12
To me as well it seems like he is setting me up for failure. It makes me so upset that he knows I will not be able to start it and yet he doesn't care enough to try and help me. I'm not sure what he is trying to do as far as having me be dependent on him but he is not willing to help me. It is so very frustrating. I hate the situation I'm in because when something goes wrong I'm the one who has to take care of everything with no help. That is not the way things are suppose to be. I'm always willing to help him. If it was vice versa I wouldn't have a problem taking him to work and I have more responsibilities than he does. I would have to take our daughter with me and change her schedule but I would do because if he needed help I would be willing. The only thing that he would be missing if he was to go to work with me is playing his video games and that isn't a priority in my book.
• Canada
24 Mar 12
I don't think he has any intention of changing. Whatever attracted you to him, doesn't seem to be there. You are now parenting your husband. He is supposed to be your equal. I would seriously sit back and think about what it is best for YOU. What do YOU want, that will make you happy in your life. We only have one shot at life, and happiness doesn't come in bucket loads.
@SomeCowgirl (32270)
• United States
24 Mar 12
It sounds to me as if he needs to wake up and help out. If the car won't start for you but will for him for some reason then he needs to go out and start it, and be ready to come pick you up when it won't start again. Better yet, maybe he should see about getting it fixed. I'm sorry you're having such a hard week but it's almost over. Hopefully you can get some much needed R&R and some TLC.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Mar 12
I completely agree with you that he should get it fixed. But he has already said that he is not spending any money on it, and that we will just have to basically deal with it the way it is right now. Well if that is the case then I think he should be more than willing to take me to work. The last time I had a problem with it I told him that I couldn't get it started and that he should go with me(It only takes me a few hours to work two at most when I go in). It's like once you take the key out it's hard to get it to switch over in the ignition again. But he did not take me so I had to go knowing that I can't miss work. After work I spent a hour and a half trying to get it started. It was from eight thirty to ten at night. I finally had to call my mother who lives forty five minutes away from me to drive me home. Then she had to drive him back to my job to have him get the car. Which I think is so unfair to my mom. Because all of this could have been avoided if he would have went with me because I told him I wasn't going to be able to get it started after work. It really shouldn't be that big of a deal for him to help me. When I go to work he spends a little time with our daughter and then it's time for her to go to bed. After that he plays his video games until midnight. So it's not like he is doing something important that requires his immediate attention,where he can not help me. But when I ask for his help because of a legitimate need he makes a big deal out of it and it makes me so upset. I too hope that I will be able to get that needed rest and time for myself. Because my frustration level with him is through the roof.
@adhyz82 (36289)
• Indonesia
27 Mar 12
well..i think you must be frustrated with the husband like that.. but i think you must talk with him.. you must say that you are unhappy with this situation..and do you want he can changed because he is the head of this family
• United States
27 Mar 12
Yes his actions have made me very frustrated.And I do talk with him about how I feel. I think that it's important to let him know when he is causing me a great deal of frustration and when I think that he is not showing me the consideration that I deserve.
@adhyz82 (36289)
• Indonesia
27 Mar 12
so, what is his respond when you had talked about your feeling??
@lifes97 (885)
• United Arab Emirates
6 Apr 12
hi, i think its a real that men can not focus on many things at the same, they can not make multitasks at all, for real, not like women can do 5 things maybe at the same time, funny, and i know how you feel life is take and give from both sides, so i think you know your husband better and has to find your way in convinceing him to do some tasks at home, with some people treating them the same way may work and make them feel that they ahve to put some effort, and some of them just being nice makes them want to return this niceness, so pick what suits you and the work you want him to do more than how to do.
• United States
6 Apr 12
Thanks for your help. I appreciate it. I will definitely keep letting him know that he should help out and what things he can do. It makes my load a lot lighter when he helps. The other night he did some of the dishes which was helpful. I appreciated that.
• Philippines
24 Mar 12
hi im sorry to hear that. how about try talking to your husband tell him how you feel. voice out your concern. make sure that he understands how this is such a stressful week to you. he may just be insensitive and just needs a wake up call to notice you.
• United States
25 Mar 12
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts. Unfortunately when i share my thoughts he doesn't listen unless i get really upset with him. I think that he should try and hear me out before hand. But he usually waits until I get really upset before he decides to listen to what I have to say. I hope that sometime soon he will do better in this regard. As my patience isn't doing that well. He is making me feel very sad about our relationship and the way he's treating me.
• Philippines
24 Mar 12
Sorry to hear that you are having problem with your husband and few things are making it worse. I can say that my partner is a hands on when it comes to helping me with house works and other things.Hope your husband will give and show a little care helping you, maybe not necessarily with house works, but at least attending your daughter's need.
• United States
4 Apr 12
I too hope he will help out. I'm hoping that he will help out with the house work more. He really can't help out with our daughter for longer than 15 mins because then she starts crying for me. She is attached to me at the hip. So it would help me out for him to do things around the house. Since more daughter wants me to hold her or do things with her.
@bird123 (10486)
• United States
24 Mar 12
OK, sometimes to change others, you must change yourself first. I'll let you decide your action, however I'll give you an idea to get you started. What happens after your husband does something good??? What do you do?? Nothing?? If I did something good then got a reward or a treat after I did it, I would work a bit harder at doing good. Basic training 101. They say most dogs get better treatment from their wives than the men do. Train your man like you train your dog. Your guessed it. My dog can do all the tricks. Loves doing them. Even volunteers. Of course,even though I'm a man, I would be hard to be trained. On the other hand, being a gentleman, I love to help out even if no reward is involved. I know goodness will return to me.
• United States
4 Apr 12
That is the thing though I'm always showing my husband that I appreciate when he helps out. When he does do something that helps or shows he cares I like to take him to his favorite restaurant, I just bought him this car vacuum that he wanted for work, I get coffee all the time since he loves it, get him shakes and a lot of other things that he likes. He just fails to appreciate all that I do and get for him. Like now I'm trying to plan a surprise weekend trip especially for him. To see one of his favorite bands that will cost me a lot of money (and I personally don't care for the band), and to take him to another show and dinner arena that he has wanted to go too. I really do so much for him that so many people say I shouldn't because he doesn't help me out when I need it. When he didn't want to drive me to work my mother said I shouldn't get him those tickets. The things I ask of him are simple and when I do ask I really do need the help or I wouldn't ask for it. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts with me I appreciate it.
@lampar (7597)
• United States
24 Mar 12
When you need a hand in fixing your car problem, he is not willing to help you, what sort of freaking husband is that? How can he just turn away on his wife when she need help badly, i am totally speechless now. Time for me to log off, it is so depressing to read about it.
• United States
5 Apr 12
lol. I know I was depressed just thinking about all of it. It really was a stressful time for me. Because he really made it hard on me not being willing to help. It was awful. Most husbands would help there wife especially with things like that but he didn't care to help. Which made the situation ten times worse. Thanks so much for your thoughts. It's nice to hear that I wasn't expecting too much from him because I needed his help. Sometimes I feel just like you said. I'm thinking to myself "REALLY?" YOU CANNOT HELP ME WITH THE CAR? I was very upset. So glad that for now it's over with because he isn't very helpful.
• Philippines
24 Mar 12
Sounds like a total slob to me. Don't get me wrong, I am a slob too. Maybe you can resolve this by having a conversation about the problem. Talking really solves problems and maybe this one can also be solved by it. I remember my ex. She wasn't always that vocal when it comes to relationship problems so I always end up figuring out what it is, and most of the time, my guesses are wrong. That's the reason I think having a good talk can solve most relationship problems. If one can do that without any argument and shouting included, plus both sides are willing to participate, I'm sure the problem will be solved quickly, without the need to seek further help.
• United States
5 Apr 12
Yes I'm glad that that situation is over with because it was an awful experience. He was not helping or treating me the way he should have been. I did talk with him and I'm hoping that if anything like that happens again he will do better but I'm not so sure he will. I agree that talking does get things out there and each person will know what the other is expecting from them. Whether a person listens and respects that is a different topic as well.
• United States
24 Mar 12
Sounds to me as though your husband is still in his childhood. Did his parents let him get away with this type of behavior?
• United States
5 Apr 12
I guess when he was younger he didn't do much to help out. But I think that no the main reason he doesn't try to help is because he spends so much time playing video games. Those games really are addicting for so many people. It frustrates me that he would rather play his game than help me out when I really needed his help. I'm so happy that that is done and over with. And the next time something happens with our car I'm just going to have to ask someone else to help because he just complains and has an attitude about helping.
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
24 Mar 12
hi Dominique I think its time you took husband by the hand, sat him down , and told him what you have told u s. He needs to grow u p and quit the damned macho act.Why on earth has not he gone and has the car repaired?sounds l ike he likes getting upset with you.I think now is the time for getting some help from a non biased outsider a family counselor. Make him go with you.do not let him talk you out of it. He has to start treating you like an equal not the little woman.tell him what you want help with and see he does i and if he does not help you might suggest a divorce and upset him enough to start winning you back. I never had that problem with my own husband as we were older I guess and sort of helped each o ther all the time as a matter of course. you must talk tol him and sternly a s you have talked t o us. do not back down on it as its your marriage and your life, and you deserve some help.
• United States
6 Apr 12
Hatley I did have a good talk with my husband. I hope that it has helped. It is important that he helps me. And that is exactly it he was getting upset with me (which he often does when something goes wrong) like it is my fault the car is having problems, my fault because I can't get it started, my fault he has to go pick it up. When he does that it is overwhelming frustrating on me. I think that it would be a great help for us to see a counselor. But he will not go at all. I agree with you wholeheartedly about all of your suggestions. I will definitely work on sticking to my feelings and telling him that he needs to help me in situations like this. You are right I really do deserve this kind of help and it has been unfair to me that he has treated me this way. When he needs help I'm always willing to help. And I don't blame him for things that he can't control (like the car not starting), which he does to me habitually. If it were vice versa I would have had no problem going with him to work for a few hours so that way he wouldn't have to fiddle with the car. And it only takes me at the max two hours to work on occasions like that. He just made such a big deal out of it when it didn't have to be. Thank you so much for your help. I appreciate it. I will be looking for your future advice as I'm sure soon something else will come up that he will blame me for.