how to forgive our enemy? it is really hard..

@atwilson (540)
Indonesia
March 25, 2012 8:36am CST
forgivin could be the hardest part in life. moreover if that person has hurt us crazily. how do you deal about it guys? can you forgive someone? please suggest me.
3 people like this
29 responses
@carmelanirel (20979)
• United States
26 Mar 12
Yes, forgiving someone is very difficult, and I have seen some have asked you if this person you need to forgive, has asked first. (I may be wrong, but I think that is a Catholic teaching, because my cousin says the same thing). Anyway, the bigger the offense, the harder it is to forgive, but with time and daily handing it over to G♥d, it can be done.
@atwilson (540)
• Indonesia
28 Mar 12
Hello carmel. God has the power to make us forgive each other. I will try it. We are just human. Do not make our life useless. Thanks for responding anyway. Have a nice day. :)
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Mar 12
Yes astwilson, He does give us the power, but we have to take the action to use that power..and you are welcome..:)
@atwilson (540)
• Indonesia
28 Mar 12
You are very nice carmelanirel. :) May God always be with you. Keep.on doing the best. once again i wanna say thanks to you. :)
1 person likes this
@entrerri (14)
• Bulgaria
26 Mar 12
Forgiving someone who hurt you is actually pointless,it is far better to just FORGET.Forget that person and what he did.How to do it? Just stay away from that person,do not have any contact with him/her.When the time comes,in a month/year/decade/whatever you will just not care whether this person hurt you or not.Just kick him/her our of your life.
• Bulgaria
26 Mar 12
i meant out*** of your life
• China
27 Mar 12
yes just kick him out of your life,cause one's personality is difficult to change, if you forgive him, he may hurt you again. so we'd better not contact him any longer
@atwilson (540)
• Indonesia
28 Mar 12
Hey everyone. The point i got from you was stay away from them, because they may hurt us again, right? If so, i appreciate it. Thanks for responding anyway. Have a nice day. :)
• Las Pinas City, Philippines
25 Mar 12
Yes but of course it would take time to forgive somebody who did wrong to you. Time will heal all the wound. Actually, what I always do is first to just think of the good things we shared together and how we were so happy before the wrongdoings happened. But of course, I can't see the person for at least a month or more for me to ease the pain.
@atwilson (540)
• Indonesia
28 Mar 12
Hi Andrey. It takes time to forgive someone. But i love your point, "just think of the good things.. ". Well, thanks for responding. Have a nice day any way. :)
@katie0 (5212)
• Japan
29 Mar 12
Wow, thank you. But yes! It's really hard. What happened is that when I thought about certain 'enemies' (not from my part) I'd feel the heart beating race a little, the breath become a little harsh. Nowadays I don't feel that way and can even talk about them. I'm sure God blesses us just by trying Have a great day!
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
25 Mar 12
Has he asked you for forgiveness? That is usually the first step. There are also somethings that you cannot forgive - blasphemy for example, and there are things you have to leave in God's hands. You also have to think if it was deliberate and also if what he did or she actually caused you any harm. If that person does not come and say that he or she is sorry, then it would be best to pray to God. I not not think forgiving someone yourself unless they ask is right. But asking God to perhaps enter that person's heard so that they will repent will help. And if that person will not, God will bring experiences into his or her life that will make him or her wish he or she did.
25 Mar 12
Forgiveness is a very hard thing for anyone to do depending what the person has done, but forgiveness can be attained once trust can be established.
@atwilson (540)
• Indonesia
27 Mar 12
no, he has not. thats why i think it is really hard. what should i do? is praying enough? do you have another way? :(
@kyle19 (42)
27 Mar 12
I have a very simple belief on this. If someone is really, truly, unequivocally sorry and really means it wholeheartedly and is wiling to go all-out to apologise or seek forgiveness, then I'll forgive them. If they aren't serious about feeling sorry, then I won't. It doesn't matter how badly I've been hurt by them, but by how sorry they are and how much work they are willing to do to mend my pain, undo as much damage and pain as they can and just say, with meaning, the word sorry. If someone vandalised my garden, but they came genuinly seeking forgiveness and offered to help rebuild it somehow, and said sorry and explained how they learned the error of their ways, then I'd forgive them. That would be the case whatever had happened: it depends not upon the severity of the act that was commited, but on their effort to apologise and seek forgiveness, an effort that should match the severity of the act that was commited. If I was disabled as a result, then they should spend their whole life improving my quality of life, for example. Regarding enemies, I don't have enemies. There's humans, who do bad things sometimes, even to the extent that they should be taught the error of their ways or seek medical help, but I don't class anyone as an "enemy". At worst, I class them as mentally insane or simply wrong. If they were willing, I'd probably even help someone learn the error of their ways, regardless of what they have done to me or others, simply because they are a fellow human being and are willing to learn/change. I despise bad actions, rather than human beings. The only time and place I would have an enemy, would be if I joined the army. When humans genuinly realise those bad actions and try to undo the damage and genuinly seek a life of forgiveness, then I can forgive those bad actions. Until then, I will remain pained, angry and/or sadened, but "enemy" or some kind of "revenge" is out of the question. It's about genuinly feeling sorry and taking on the responsibility of understanding the act and its implications and dedicating oneself to making amends for it.
@atwilson (540)
• Indonesia
28 Mar 12
Hello kyle. It is a very clear explanation from you. I like it. Thanks for your sharing. Have a nice day, kyle. :)
@megamatt (14329)
• United States
27 Mar 12
Forgiveness is really something that takes a while to get to. Granted, there are times where we really do need to forgive, to clear ourselves, to move right onto our lives. To move forward, to really enjoy some of the best things right in life. I really do think that it is unwise to hold onto a grudge, no matter how much the other person has really done, and if they have felt something that has lead to any remorse. Of course, I really don't know if I have had such a breach with someone that I would consider them an enemy. The enemy is really just such a strong word right there. But of course, if I do need to forgive something, I need to understand why they might have done what they have done. Understanding is the first tentative steps right onto the road to forgiveness. Perhaps I can forgive someone. Time is the healer of most wounds.
@atwilson (540)
• Indonesia
28 Mar 12
Hello megamatt. Yes you are right. time is the healer of most wounds. It is unwise to hold on a grudge. Thanks For responding anyway. Have a nice day. :)
@meozard22 (872)
• Philippines
27 Mar 12
for me I'll forgive a person if he's worth forgiving. Therefore, who am I not to forgive, even God can forgive all sins of the world
@atwilson (540)
• Indonesia
28 Mar 12
Hello meo. Yes it is true. God even can forgive us. Why we can not? I will think about it then. Thanks for responding anyway, Have a nice day. :)
• Philippines
27 Mar 12
I guess I'll keep my distance from that person for a while for me to forget about the wrong things that have been done to me,move on w/my life & maybe forgive that person when my heart has completely healed.
@atwilson (540)
• Indonesia
28 Mar 12
Hello princess. I love your username anyway. hehe. Yes, i also do that, i keep my distance to him. It is hard to accept his mistake. Just let the time go. Thanks for responding anyway. Have a nice day, princess. :)
@1hopefulman (30236)
• Canada
26 Mar 12
This is a challenging subject. Can I ask: on what do you base the concept that we should forgive? Can you give us an example of where it is hard to forgive?
@atwilson (540)
• Indonesia
28 Mar 12
For example, if your friend open your weakness to public. What will you do? It is hard, right? Try to imagine it bro. Thanks for responding anyway. Have a nice day. :)
@eljayo (1107)
• Philippines
26 Mar 12
Hi! It is really hard to forgive someone who has hurt you badly. But we must really forgive.Time heals, just don't meddle on it too much. Forgiving is possible. God can forgive us ,how much more we humans. We must learn to forgive. Just make sure its sincere.;))
@atwilson (540)
• Indonesia
28 Mar 12
Hi eljayo. Yes, just make sure its sincere. I agree with you. Thanks for responding anyway. Have a nice day. :)
@bonding2 (219)
• South Africa
26 Mar 12
you are right it is the hardest part of life ,it is worse if the person who wronged you was your once trusted friend ,the only thing is to allow yourself time to heal form the wound by not seein the person for sometme ,seeing the person makes the pains worse but when you dont see the person ,it becomes easier . however it all depends on the degree of what was done to you ,if it has something to do with my life i will forgive but will never trust the person again
@atwilson (540)
• Indonesia
28 Mar 12
Hi bonding. To trust someone that has hurt us is also the hardest thing. Maybe forgiving is much easier than it. Thank You for responding anyway. Have a nice day. :)
@derek_a (10902)
26 Mar 12
I would say that forgiving is a "state of being" and not something that we can do. First of all we need to be willing to forgive and then forgiveness will visit us, not so much as we will make it happen. As a therapist, I would say that forgiveness is one of the most powerful experiences to have, because it releases us from anger and hate that can only hurt ourselves. Yes, there are times when we seem to hang on to anger and hatred, and in the past I have experienced that myself, but the realization that you can let it go and feel much better, much healthy and much more settled, is quite strong and frees us from any emotions that are potentially toxic. If I feel I have been hurt, I meditate and focus on the hurt that I believe the other person has caused. I hold it in my mind, with a willingness to let it all go, and it always happens completely and I get closure. _Derek
@atwilson (540)
• Indonesia
28 Mar 12
hello Sir Derek. "state of being" i love this word. As an analyst, I believe you have a good knowledge about this. Thanks for responding anyway. Have a nice day. :)
@shylade (3137)
• Philippines
26 Mar 12
its hard to forgive someone who have wronged but you need to let go of the grudge because it is really unhealthy. imagine yourself holding a burning charcoal in your hands, the longer you hold it, the more painful you will feel. if someone had wrong you then forgive him but never forget so it will never happen again and learn from it.
@atwilson (540)
• Indonesia
28 Mar 12
Hello shylade. Yes it is a good point from you. We should learn from it so that it will happen again. Thanks for responding anyway. Have a nice day. :)
@toniganzon (51715)
• Philippines
26 Mar 12
It depends on what that person did to me. Though i've been hurt bad, i can easily forgive if what the person did wasn't that grave. I have forgiven a friend once who talked behind my back. Though she didn't ask forgiveness i felt the need to forgive her so i could move on with my life as well. That made me feel good afterwards. So pardoning her actually made me a much better person.
@atwilson (540)
• Indonesia
28 Mar 12
Hello toni. Yes it is a good way to be a better person. I am sure i will be able to forgive someone. Thanks for responding anyway. Have a nice way. :)
• India
26 Mar 12
you just try to forgive them even if you can't i mean live it to GOD if they did wrong the god will punish them for their did. you just forget and enjoy your life. if it could be also that you may have done something wrong with anyone so god have punished us to send us enemy .if like that then accept it. forgot what happend .just enjoy . n be true.
@atwilson (540)
• Indonesia
28 Mar 12
Hi bro. I am afraid that God will punish me. I will do better. Thanks for your suggestion anyway. Have a nice day. :)
• Indonesia
26 Mar 12
yes i can forgive my enemy just once, everyone sure have mistakenly. they should change their attitude. everyone can forgive the enemy many times but more people have different perception to forgive people. in the once time i will forgive her/him. in second time i'm difficult to forgive them. but if they can touch my heart to forgive maybe i can accept their forgiving.
@atwilson (540)
• Indonesia
28 Mar 12
Hello bro. Nice to hear from you. But i disagree when you said just once. It is not good i think. Thanks for responding anyway. Have a nice day. :)
@katie0 (5212)
• Japan
26 Mar 12
I find this question could be the most important that we should ask ourselves: Jesus Christ told us to do it and we must listen it doesn't matter our religion cause He was the most perfect in His actions. I struggled with it in 2010 when I realized that I was holding mine for too long, so I received a spiritual advice to keep repeating "I forgive you ...", "I love you..." being the ... the name of the person. I done it constantly, many times a day and for many months, I feel lighter, I think I have, in only two months I felt a lot better. It's like lifting a weight from the shoulders. I have all the reasons to hate that person, it was unfair, it was horrible what it was done, but why would I poison myself with this person right?
@atwilson (540)
• Indonesia
28 Mar 12
Hello katie. i agree with you. We have to obey His word. Thanks for responding anyway. Have a nice day. :)
• Philippines
26 Mar 12
Just forget his or her mistakes from u ,then forgive him or her.U know time of repentance is coming...Never selfish ur forgivenes for God is looking at u................happy lotting....
@atwilson (540)
• Indonesia
28 Mar 12
Hello thelmadacullo. :) Yes we do not have to be selfish. We have to forgive them. Thanks for responding anyway. Have a nice day. :)
25 Mar 12
It is the true. For me is very difficult don't hate a person that do something that hurt me. And is also difficult, the day later, think that it was nothing and do like always. Sometimes I really hate that person and after a few minutes all was like always. The very matter is when I'm alone and I think at all the sad thinks that someone so to me.
@atwilson (540)
• Indonesia
28 Mar 12
Hi sweetneko. :) Forgetting others mistake may be a great challenge for us. We should practice day by day. Thanks for responding anyway. Have a nice day. :)
@Micmac (9020)
25 Mar 12
Forgiving an enemy is a trialsome task. It takes much courage to forgive a weak apology. I have just gone through forgiving someone's weak apology and it a horrible ordeal. If I had to kiss a black cat's tuckus I would have preferred that than having said my forgiveness to an crazy lunatic claiming to be angry at his lewd proposition! I'm not joking that's how hurt I felt and still feel hurt. But what helped me is relying on Jesus's admonition in which he said that we must forgive our enemies not once but even up to seventy times more. So I forgave him and overlook the pain and I am trying to find solace in avoiding insane persons who say sorry to cover up their own decadent lifestyle.
@atwilson (540)
• Indonesia
28 Mar 12
Hi micmac. Ye i agree with you. It is a really trial for Most of us. After reading your explanation i think it would be easier. Thanks for responding. Have a nice day anyway. :)