son suffer for my pain.

@luisaR (452)
Philippines
May 13, 2012 3:18am CST
I have breathe about this here before but my heart is heavy again. I know it's just a matter of moving on wit my life but why it's hard for me to do. Once in awhile,my son's father visit him, borrow him,take him out for dinner or movies. He gave him a phone and texts and call him. This set up makes me feel bitter. whenever I see the man in front of my house fetching the kid and calling him on the phone, I always feel a pinch in my heart. he is like a living nightmare and his family in my life. Whenever things has something to do with them, I get anxious. It always remind me of the pain he had cause and his family on me. The beating, the hurtful words, their combined criticism against me, his insufficient support for the child, his disrespecting me on getting married with someone else without even informing me and never patching the gap as the kid's parents.he's letting me provide generally for the kid. these just don't let go in my mind and heart. It seem that i need to get out of this situation that's been hurting me for all these years. I told my son, if one day, I leave u with ur father, it doesn't mean I dont love you but because I cannot stand seeing the him anymore and I cannot take him with me because i don't have a supportive family like his father. If I don't wake up the next day, then no one would care for him, with his father,he can have a good normal complete family and they can provide for him because they are stable financially. the my son cry, it's breaking his heart because he don't want me to leave him...but I just can't stand everything, it's too much to bear. They are insensitive. because of anger, I breathe most of my sentiments with my son, because I got no one to breathe it with and it's hurting the child's feeling. god I don't know what to do, I wanna leave but taking my son with me won't be a good idea. I know if I do, I will never get to be with son forever as long as his dad is alive. they are my nightmare. They are the people who hurt me over and over again and my life will never be happy everytime I see them.
1 person likes this
4 responses
@SIMPLYD (78669)
• Philippines
14 May 12
I can feel your hurt my friend. However, telling your son that you want him to be with his dad and family, could be more hurtful for your son. Just be thankful that despite the bad experience with the father's family, they still remain good with your son. At least, when something happens, your son is assured that he can turn to them too. Meantime, do all you can to raise your son. What is important is he is with you, and that's what makes him happy. Try to learn how to accept the situation, and don't let them have that bad effect on you again. And also try to put up a happy disposition always, specially when your son is around. Make the environment happy for the both of you. Just be happy that you are free of them and your child prefers you than them.
@igi266 (26)
• Croatia (Hrvatska)
13 May 12
Hard to give any good advice and coment here when we know just your side of story. Usually in those kind of situations people blaime each other so its hard to be judge without knowing the complete story. Giving up is easyest way to do, and if you love your kid you shouldnt just give up because its hard for you. Try to find a job, maybe tomorow will be better. I had hard times in life to, almost separated with my wife, lost my job, couldnt pay my bank loans. Than i tryed to make some $ online doing whatever i could, also looked for job and lived day by day. Now i have a job again making some cash online which also helps me. As long as you live there is a hope and chance that something good hapen.
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
13 May 12
Hi Luisa, I am sorry you are hurting so. You do need to find a way to get this under control. I raised 4 daughters on my own and I know at first it is awkward and painful to see the ex but you have to suck it up for the child's sake and focus on what is the best for him. As Kitty said, be grateful that you got rid of the ex...he sounds abusive. One thing for sure is that you should not be telling your son or even hinting that you may leave him with his father! This will only make him afraid to even go with his father and afraid to leave you for fear of losing you. How old is your son? He needs you and I think you need him. I really think if you leave the boy with his father and don't go back for him, you will come to regret it deeply. You are too focused on bitterness and anger that you have toward the father. If you took that energy and focused on being a good mom for your son then you would feel so much better and maybe you could move on in your life.
@WakeUpKitty (8707)
• Netherlands
13 May 12
If he was a real nightmare and so was his family please be happy you got rid of him! See his contact with his son as something completely different as the contact you have/had with his father. It's your own choice what you do with your life now, your future. Will you allow him to make you feel miserable or will you ignore it, say to yourself: I am so happy I get rid of that guy! It's up to you if you decide to stay or leave, take your son with you or leave him behind. But I do think it's wrong to tell your son nobody will miss you if you leave or you die. Perhaps the father of your son and his family can provide for him but there is way more in a kid's life as money. A kid needs love, attention, a safe place to stay, rules, and to grow up in a warm/healthy/welcoming atmosphere. It sounds to me at this moment you are the one breaking your son down and not his father is. Please find someone to talk to, to help you solve your problems, your pain, your hurt because it's not ok for you son's health to deal with that.