Should I keep quiet and maintain my dignity?

@Madona1 (2097)
Gibraltar
May 23, 2012 9:49am CST
Hello, my lotters Following my recent separation from my husband, many friends and relatives of my husband's side have heard a lot of complains and criticism about me. In other words, I got the blame for the separation and everything. For me, I still keep quiet and maintain my dignity. But the words and story he told his relatives and friends start circulating to some of my friends. I know some of the stories are untrue and hurt. Should I continue keep quiet or stand out to tell them my story? Shouldn't I worry about others' gossip? I would like to seek your advise from you. Many thanks in advance for sharing your view.
4 people like this
15 responses
• Philippines
23 May 12
hi Madona, it really hurts how people easily judge you without any basis for me in every failed relationship both parties should be blame, I am kind of person who doesn't think whatever other people will say because they are not feeding me. it's up to you if you can hold your silence while your ex-husband act like a victim let the issue die but if you think you can't you can tell them your side but there is no guarantee they will believe you plus you don't have any obligations to explain what happened because they can't help you to get back the past and make it right. I know the feelings be strong truth will reveal and there is always a karma happy mylotting
@Madona1 (2097)
• Gibraltar
24 May 12
Hello there, base on what you say, I think it is wise to remain silence as done has been done. Many thanks for sharing your view.
• Philippines
23 May 12
@ mzz,
@mzz663 (2777)
• United States
23 May 12
How true bhabycatch013, holding her silence does make her ex look like the victim. The ex told fairy tales about me and now everyone he knows is finding out the fairy tales were just that......I love karma!!
• Philippines
23 May 12
hi! people will believe whatever they want to believe regardless which side of the coin they see. people will judge other people even without learning the whole story. it's like movie trailers. giving you snippets make you judge whether the movie is worth seeing or not. but you can never really give an honest opinion on how good or bad the movie is until you see it for yourself. now, it's like having your ex-hubby give away movie trailers and people judging the movie without seeing the entire movie itself. first off, i can't judge the story i don't even know about. but you do. you know your side of the truth. if you go out and tell everyone off how untrue others' gossips about you really are... would that change anything on the story? would that undo the separation? i'm thinking... no and another no. your family and friends who know you should know what you are capable of and should not be easily swayed by gossips no matter how hurtful those can be. beyond your loved ones, you should not put a care on what others think of you. let them judge all they want. they don't have a hold on you. for as long as you believe yourself on the right side of the fence, everyone else's opinions are like trespassers (they don't have a right to step into someone else's home). should you keep quiet? yes and no. if you want to and you are comfortable enough, yes... tell your side of the story to anyone who's polite enough to ask and not judge you based on hearsay. but no, don't randomly announce just to be on the defensive. if you have nothing to hide, don't. gossips, in time, will die down. never give importance to the negative... it will just pull you down. let the dogs go barking. as long as they don't bite, they shouldn't hurt. but you hold on to your truth, regardless. and think and do those little things that can make you happy once again. love yourself by being happy, beautiful and by being peace-loving. that's the way to sweetly get even, my dear.
@Madona1 (2097)
• Gibraltar
25 May 12
Oh, many thanks for the meaningful poem. It means a lot for me, mylesnarvaez. You are such a good mylotter who is here to give your support and encouragement. Thanks! xoxoxo
• Philippines
26 May 12
i've underwent my own ups and downs too. makes mylot a good place to be.
@Madona1 (2097)
• Gibraltar
24 May 12
Hello there, many thanks for taking the time to prepare this lengthy response, which is very helpful indeed. You give me constructive opinions and kind encouragement, which I most needed. I feel relieve and comfort after reading it.
@dar342 (2)
• United States
24 May 12
I've been through what your going through and I want to encourage you to be strong. I would keep quiet because you're under no obligation to justify yourself to anyone. Any friend that is a true friend to you should know your character and shouldn't feed into the gossip that your husband is putting out about you. Everyone understates that separations can get nasty. My ex tried the same thing when I was going through my divorce. However,one thing that I learned is that time has a way of working things out. And what is done in the dark will always comes to light. And the way that he's doing you will come out. Then when it's all over you'll still have your dignity. Don't give up your self respect for the sake of explaining yourself to others, it's not worth it.
@Madona1 (2097)
• Gibraltar
25 May 12
Very well said. Time can tell and tell can heal. I had better keep quiet and my dignity to show everyone that I am not on the same level as him.
@Madona1 (2097)
• Gibraltar
25 May 12
I should say: Time can tell and time can heal.
@bjc66bjc (6746)
• United States
4 Jun 12
Hi Madona, I do realize that this is a 2 week old post, but when I red it I had to give my opinion,,, Simply continued to do you..those friends that really know should be able to seperate the truth from the fiction...Don't worry about what others say about you because you know there always going to be blame shuffeled to someone and just don;t stree it..weather you are the blame or not... I hope within the last 2 weeks things have gotten better for you. Keep you head up and continue with your life if he is in your past just keep in mind that he is there for a reason.. Good luck to you in the future!!!!!
@Madona1 (2097)
• Gibraltar
5 Jun 12
Hello there, despite this was 2 weeks old post, we have our life high and low throughout the life, so your response is definitely a boost for me. Thanks for your kind greetings and taking the time to contribute your view.
• China
24 May 12
I am very sympathetic to your situation,leaving this man is absolutely a wise choice.For your situation now,keeping quiet is useless,i suggest you have a talk with him, ask him to stop the stupid behavior that spreading the words that untrue and hurt you,if he doesn't accept it,you can use some other mathods ,such as ask your lawyer go to court for your reputation.
@Madona1 (2097)
• Gibraltar
25 May 12
The problem is hiring a lawyer will costs me a fortune. If this is the case, I think I rather keep quiet. Anyhow, thanks for sharing your view.
• United States
24 May 12
I think you should speak up and let them know that his rants and accusations against you aren't true. I'm not saying you should lose your cool, you can definitely speak out and maintain you dignity too.
@Madona1 (2097)
• Gibraltar
25 May 12
Hello there, thanks for sharing your view. I will find the right time to speak out.
• United States
23 May 12
Just keep quiet maintain your dignity. It's not worth escalating things to a high extent. Just know that their wrong and your right and no matter how much they talk about you, it doesn't make them right and you wrong.
@Madona1 (2097)
• Gibraltar
24 May 12
True, it is pointless to argue about the right and wrong.
• United States
23 May 12
i have a similar issue. but to me its just another reason why i feel like im blessed not to be in that situation anymore. so if its that serious, that your name has to be bashed even after the relationship, then that shows just how much it meant to them. to me..putting others in your relational issues really just causes alot of confusion. so i say u just keep your dignity and walk away with your head held high and everything will be ok. PS..now my situation be begging to come back and wants to let me know how sorry they are..lol..right i know.. but my response is always..i dont think thats a good idea...i dont want your crowd or circle to know you are still involved with this "person" you made me out to be...
@Madona1 (2097)
• Gibraltar
24 May 12
Lucky you, you were begged to return. I wasn't that lucky as my ex-hubby has found his new love. But I don't miss him much and am ready to move on.
@WakeUpKitty (8726)
• Netherlands
23 May 12
Just build your new life and pamper yourself! It doesn't matter what people say or think, real friends will stay. If not make the right ones. If you start excusing or explaining those who don't believe you or doubt you will still not believe you. It's just a waste of good energy, the kind you need for yourself. It's easy to complain about others till it's your turn. It will be their turn soon you can count on that.
@Madona1 (2097)
• Gibraltar
24 May 12
Very well said, it is about time to move on......thanks for sharing your view.
@Cutie18f (9567)
• Philippines
23 May 12
I'd certainly hate it when I were in that situation you are in now. But maybe the best remedy to that is to just ignore their petty gossips. Anyway, the truth will eventually surface. Let them have their petty talks, but continue to do what is right and soon I hope they will realize the truth of the matter.
@Madona1 (2097)
• Gibraltar
24 May 12
Yeah, fact speaks louder than words.
@thedaddym (1737)
• United States
23 May 12
I think you can tell your story while still maintaining your dignity. For those people who you wish to remain close to I would call them up and tell them you realize they might have heard some negative things about you and you would like an opportunity to tell your side of the story. Then when you tell your story try and tell it with as much dignity as you can while trying to minimize any thing that might be insulting to your ex. This will show that you have more dignity than he does.
@Madona1 (2097)
• Gibraltar
24 May 12
Yeah, I had better wait for the right timing to tell my story and well prepared myself. Thanks!
@palonghorn (5492)
• United States
23 May 12
Those that know you, know the truth. I have found (been there done that) that in every separation/divorce there is always going to be the 'bad guy'. And if he thinks it makes him 'look' better where his family and friends are concerned, so be it! It will come back to bite him in the end, and he is making himself look bad. So, don't worry about it, go on with your life and your friends. In every situation like this there is 3 sides to it, his, her's and the truth. Those that matter know what the truth is. If you stand up and speak out, you are only putting yourself at his level.
@Madona1 (2097)
• Gibraltar
24 May 12
True, what comes around goes around. I don't want to put myself at his level, so I rather remain my dignity and silence. Thanks for contributing your view.
@mzz663 (2777)
• United States
23 May 12
From prior experience, the friends and family of your husband are going to say and think what they choose and it wont matter what you say, family is family. As for your friends, let them know what was going on, if you stay quiet, I think you'll lose them as friends. The ex told everyone all kinds of things about me that weren't true and years later, friends and family of his still believe whatever it was that he told them. My own children believed all of his lies and disrespected me for a long time until I talked to them about things that were going on. He is now remarried and has the same problems that were going on with me are going on with his new wife now. So anyone that she confides in, I'm sure realizes now that it was more him and his behavior than it was me. There are still a few that don't believe what I said was going on and they have nothing to do with me at all but it doesn't hurt my feelings anymore, that just means to me that they aren't worth having in my life anymore. You will find in a situation like this, that you will probably lose many friendships of those in his family and friendships made through him. In the end, the people that matter most are the ones that stick by you no matter what and the ones that don't matter will disappear which is usually for the better anyways. You rarely find someone that doesn't pick sides so I encourage you to find friends that have nothing to do with him.
@Madona1 (2097)
• Gibraltar
24 May 12
Hello there, I am surprise that my story is so similar to your description. Thanks for sharing your view. Following this separation, I can see who are my real friends and realize how important the friends are, who support me during the difficult time.
@KrauseHome (28097)
• United States
27 Apr 13
Personally unfortunately, in situations such as this, I think the best thing is to ignore all this and move on. Where u are no longer wanted it'sbedt to stay away. Hopefully one day they will realize the truth, but leaving them alone makes it much easier for everyone to move on.
@gelomon (286)
• Philippines
24 May 12
Hi! good day to you. I think you should talk to your ex husband because its the right way for the gossips to go away and to correct those misunderstandings between your ex husbands relatives and family and friends, you can tell him to explain to them what really happened and what your side is about this, just be always open minded. Its just like that in the start, but time will come and they will realize it. Just always remember this "doing the best thing is always better than being nice"..