I may not know much about marriage
By ElicBxn
@ElicBxn (64177)
United States
June 4, 2012 9:48pm CST
But I bet I know a lot more about divorce than you'd expect!
From 1984 until 1999, I worked with divorce records in the state of Texas.
If it involved children, I'd probably seen it.
I've also known a lot of folks who have had divorces, both with, and without children.
So, when I hear from a friend who is just started the divorce stuff talking about "husband hunting" it sends off alarm bells.
Now, I'm not talking about someone who's marriage has been beyond on the rocks because of emotional neglect, due to one member of the relationship being unable to connect with people emotionally.
I'm talking about someone who's husband was still doing nice things for her, but she discovered he was cheating.
On the other hand, she wasn't exactly going out of her way to stay with him either, he'd be in other cities for weeks and she'd have to stay behind because she had collected a lot of critters that needed help.
I don't know, it seems to me that they were both wrong - and while I don't exactly know either of them extremely well, I've actually known HIM longer than HER.
I try not to judge, but in this case I think they've both messed up this marriage thing - and I wasn't exactly thrilled when I heard that they had gotten married.
Funny thing about fans (science fiction fans) when they get married... for whatever reason the marriages don't seem to work.
Either one decides to leave fandom and wants their partner to "grow up", or one gets way into a fandom and finds new friends....
Or, one is busy trying to make money and the other is... well... what ever it is they are doing.
The good news is that the only children in this relationship have 4 legs... (or none as is the case of her snakes.)
1 person likes this
5 responses
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
6 Jun 12
a true marriage is sacred, that means you are committed to one person, sorry I cannot say just because she stayed home she was wrong.
If he respected his wife, he wouldn't cheat and perhaps he was using the out of town work as an excuse to cheat.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
10 Jun 12
religion has nothing to do with it, when you marry you are to be faithful, otherwise don't marry don't make that commitment. Marriage is a legal entity, it doesn't have to be religious. When I made my statement I wasn't thinking are they religious or are they atheist etc, they got marriage and committed to each other. He broke that commitment by sleeping around.
@blue65packer (11826)
• United States
6 Jun 12
You know more about marriage then some people do! You knew enough to never get married and never had kids,too!
When it comes to you friend looking for another man,I know of woman like that. When my sister was going through her divorce she found her now husbnad before the divorce was final. I work with a woman who has been married twice and divorced,twice. She is on the man hunt for husband number 3! Some woman just don't want to be alone even though they'd be better off alone! They feel then need a man in their life! Some want to be dependent on men,mostly for money then anything else! This is one of the many reasons's marriages fail!
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (64177)
• United States
6 Jun 12
I think we know someone here who's just finished up a divorce and found another man, there was another lady who was here, but I haven't seen her for a long time, also found a fellow shortly after her divorce. Both of these women were basically in an unsupported relationship with someone who couldn't provide the emotional support that any good marriage needs. I think these women were already ready for a real relationship, having already mourned the end of the marriage before they got the divorce.
As for know about marriage, all I knew when I told my folks I wasn't going to marry, was that it took a mommy and a daddy to have a baby, and I didn't want one! So, no daddies mean no babies! (hey - I was FOUR!)
@GardenGerty (169585)
• United States
5 Jun 12
I imagine a lot of what you have seen regarding divorces has made you even more cautious about marriage. In most cases it seems that it takes a big effort from both members of the marriage to make things work and help them stay together. But if you are not out of a marriage, why go looking for someone new. She must just like being married/
1 person likes this
@WakeUpKitty (8691)
• Netherlands
5 Jun 12
Men are mostly making money, career, leave, go elsewhere, they seldom like their wifes to join them. I do think you judge. I also do think that what you were working with is not representative of all divorces in your country or in the world. It always annoys me if they (who ever they may be) say that .. % is like ...
It doesn't work that way. Many divorces plus the reasons why are never collected or show up in any record. Also the 80% of .. says nothing. 80% of what? The 1000 people who been asked? The 80 people?
I think if it comes to a divorce mostly it is the effect of both, not belonging together, let yourself be humilated or abused by a jerk, not mature enough, devoloping in different ways etc etc. Personally I don't see any reason why people should not divorce. It's better as wasting your life and make yourself plus someone else unhappy. There is a time to come and a time to leave. Also it's a good thing if you know yourself good enough to say: this is the end.
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (64177)
• United States
5 Jun 12
I get kind of unhappy whenever I hear my roomie say "50% of marriages end in divorce" because it isn't 50% of first time marriages end in divorce, its that those who have been divorced once throw the numbers off. A couple who have been previously married are more likely to divorce again.
I worked with a lady who married 3 times - her 3rd husband had never married, this marriage seemed to have worked.
I know one couple who remarried each other (I also knew a lady who married the same guy THREE times) these marriages all failed - again.
I don't see any reason to not divorce, but I do think that there should be a "cooling off" period before they go back on the husband/wife hunt.
Here again, I'm not talking about people who have stayed in a marriage for various reasons, but knew the marriage was over long before they finally get the divorce.
Most states in the U.S. have a "waiting time" between the old marriage and when they can get a new marriage certificate - although at the divorce proceedings you can ask that to be waved (for example someone is expecting a baby and wants to marry the father before it is born.)
