Guess I should not let it bother me but...

Jacksonville, Florida
July 5, 2012 5:49pm CST
So, my sister and I were talking and she happened to tell me that my aunt who is here and my brother and his family along with my parents are all going to her house tomorrow night. You could tell it slipped out of her mouth because she kind of paused right after she said it. I know I should not let it bother me but geez, the only one not invited is me and my family. Of course it is bothering me a , little. It hurt. I just wish if she did not want us there that she did not say anything about it. We don't have a vehicle right now so maybe that is why but she could have said, I would love for you guys to be here but I don't have a way to get you here. That would have been fine because at least then we would have been kind of included and invited. But to not say anything at all until she slipped and told me...I don't know, I am tired of being the black sheep of the family. It hurts. Have you been hurt like this where you felt unwanted by family???
2 people like this
7 responses
@Shellyann36 (8619)
• United States
6 Jul 12
Wow your sister was totally wrong to do that to you. Geeze! I have felt like this on a few occasions recently. My sisters and I are really spaced out in age. I am 40, my middle sister is 30 and my youngest sister is 17. My Mama was really there for me when I was younger and helped me out alot with my kids while I was going through my divorce. I am remarried now with more kids but she just visits them and does not see them as often and has never kept them overnight. My middle sister has relied on my parents for a long time for help with her kids too and she keeps trying to get my Mama to babysit frequently. Unfortunately, my Mama is getting up there in age and she is having all sorts of physical problems and my middle sister does not take this into consideration. My younger sister is 17 and basically doted on by my parents. They do alot for her that they did not do for me or my sister when we were her age. At times it is hard to realize that we should stop being so dependent on our parents for things. I had twins back in October of 2011 and my Mama offered to stay out of work and come help with them. I accepted because I really needed the help. She never did stay out of work and come help. She didn't even come and help on the weekends. She always come up with an excuse, she was sick or was not feeling well or something of that nature but it hurt just the same. Now my middle sister is feeling the pressure like this because my Mama is turning her down left and right when she asks for help. I don't really blame my Mama one bit because she is feeling poorly and kids drain her. I do wish that she had not offered to help me with the twins if she did not mean it. I do wish that she would spend more time with them even if it is just a brief visit. She is the person in the family that comes up with the baby nicknames that sticks with the child throughout their life (my oldest boys (ages 22, 21 & 18) all still answer to their nicknames she gave them). My youngest boys (ages 2yr and 8 months) don't have a nickname yet and it does hurt.
• Jacksonville, Florida
6 Jul 12
Yeah it was wrong and it hurt a lot. Being the only ones left out felt terrible. Everyone else in the family is going, why ignore us? Why not at least invite us? They know we cannot get there anyway so what would have been the big deal of just asking? =( It is very sad that your mother offered and then did not go through with it. Sometimes I wish people would not say anything rather than say something and back out of it. I really cannot stand that. I am sure it hurts you, that would hurt me a lot too. It is sad that she does not even visit sometimes. My parents don't come to my house either, if I want to see them or want my kids to see them we have to find a ride over there because they refuse to come here. I know how you feel. So sad that family can be so hurtful!!
• United States
9 Jul 12
So sorry that you are feeling so bad about it. I do hope that they refrain from being so thoughtless in the future. I think when we are down (especially financially) it seems that our friends/family avoid us like the plague. I wonder if they think its contagious? I guess the best thing is to be self reliant and try to ignore their selfish and hateful actions. My parents did come by this weekend but there was an ulterior motive... they wanted me to help my youngest sister with her financial aid application online.... just as soon as I was done with it my Daddy was saying "well let's go." . I didn't even bother getting upset.
• Jacksonville, Florida
9 Jul 12
They do avoid us like the plague when were down that is the truth. That was funny, "I wonder if they think its contagious"? Lol. See my family does the same type of things, if they do show up it is for their benefit not just to see us. And some people will call us just when their bored...Which is mentioned over and over in the conversation...
@choybel (5059)
• Philippines
5 Jul 12
Our family suffered a lot after it went through many obstacles and my relatives were kind enough to help us anyway they can, but there is that feeling that we are the family of disaster, so my father told me this and let me share it all here " They may be right for now, but you have to stand up for yourself and prove them wrong later on. Show them that you will not allow to just be looked down on. Use this as your motivation."...and truly it has. This is one of the things that has keep me going to go for my dreams. I am sure your sister did not mean to hurt you by that. Maybe in time they will realize this mistake and make up for it.
• Jacksonville, Florida
6 Jul 12
That is how our family looks at us, like the low life of the family. I know it and my husband knows it and that is also why it bothers us so badly. Thank you for telling me that. It is so true and one day I pray to God we prove them ALL so wrong! It will feel so darn good to us! They do it a lot to us choybel so I am not surprised it was done again. They will only try to make up for it when my husband gets his settlement check, then they will want to be buddy buddy with us which will NOT happen for all the heartache they caused us...
@choybel (5059)
• Philippines
6 Jul 12
I always believe in opportunities and one will be available for you someday, and I hope that when that time comes you are ready for it and you will make the best of it so that you can improve your way of life and show to those who looked down on you especially your family that you did just fine without them. Oh, it is really sad that you had to go through this, and to think that they are your family. I can only hope and pray the best for you.
6 Jul 12
This didn't actually happen with my family, but my partners family. It was my partners mums birthday last a few months ago, and my partner has 2 sisters. One of the sisters was throwing a BBQ.. and we werent invited. The reason we weren't invited is because like yourself, we don't have a car, and my partners family live in another town so we had no way there, so they didn't invite us because no one could get us, and we had no way there. It hurt but we could understand it wasn't on purpose etc. I don't think your sister didn't invite you because she didn't WANT you there.. it was probably the car thing. Because if your sister didn't want you around her, why would she be talking to you at all?
• Jacksonville, Florida
6 Jul 12
Yeah I understand that like I said but the fact is she could have said we would love for you to come but we have no way to get you here. Then we would have at least felt wanted and cared about. The fact that it was a secret because that was the first I heard about it was somewhat hurtful too. She could have said something before now. My brother told us a month ago they were coming so it was planned. Not like a last minute thing. She talks to me because when my husband gets his settlement check we told her we would pay for her wedding. So she keeps me around for whenever we get the check. Yes she is like that, they all are...
@ally12 (1205)
• Philippines
6 Jul 12
Oh we're in the same boat! Just few weeks ago I saw from my facebook wall the newly uploaded pics of my close relatives together with my father and brother while having dinner in some resto. and that afternoon we were together yet nobody told or ask me and my husband if we wanna go with them..I was hurt but decided to keep it to myself and not to let my husband know about it coz i thought it would just aggravate the pain in me once I heard my husband's sympathy..but the secret didnt last for long when my husband had a sneak on my facebook and saw those pictures..he asked me when was it and there I told him the whole story..he was hurt too but I just told him oh just let them be..we can dine out even with out them..we can have our lives even with out them.. we can enjoy even with out them..but of course the pain is still there,, maybe this is one reason why Im becoming a lil tough and hard hearted person..
• Jacksonville, Florida
6 Jul 12
That must have been very hurtful for you too. I thought about not telling my husband because he gets so angry when my family hurts me and he will not be nice to them like I am. He will speak his mind over it. He is so sick of them hurting me. I understand his point but I don't like confrontation and more problems. I told him because I needed to talk to someone about how I was feeling. Of course the pain is there, it hurts no matter how much we try to convince ourselves otherwise. I understand trust me. My husband was going to say something to my sister so she would invite us and I told him no. I said even if she invites us now I would not go because I would still feel unwanted and only thought about last minute, no thank you...
• United States
6 Jul 12
I felt bad growing up with my sister getting all the birthday parties and all the toys and snacks. I felt so bad for so long. she got all the clothes and everything else. she was so spoiled rotton.
• Jacksonville, Florida
6 Jul 12
My sister was always the favored one too so I totally get how you feel. =( I'm sorry.
@Thoroughrob (11771)
• United States
5 Jul 12
I haven't, but can just imagine how you feel. What was your reply? I would let them know that it hurt your feelings.
• Jacksonville, Florida
6 Jul 12
Yeah it hurt pretty bad. Honestly, I pretended like I did not even hear it because I did not want to give her the satisfaction of hearing the hurt in my voice.
@besweet (7340)
• Greece
5 Jul 12
I have felt like this from other people in my environment. I might have done it as well in the past so I can't really complain, but sometimes other people might think that they should keep some events secret because they don't want others to go. In my opinion, there are no uninvited people I believe that it's not bad not to invite someone if it's not an important event. And I wouldn't mind in that case. But when the others keep it a secret then it looks personal and it hurts. On the other hand, you have your family and you should be conentrated on them and don't let anyone say that you are unwanted again.
• Jacksonville, Florida
6 Jul 12
See, I have done nothing like this to anyone. I would never do that to them which is why I think it bothers me so much! My whole family that is going to be in town was invited except for my family. I just think that is awful!! It feels personal because the way it was said and the fact that it was a "secret". So of course it felt that way. I would not feel so bad if it was mentioned before or if everyone else was not invited...