Why people are so afraid to be single?
By Suggar
@Suggar (3606)
Bulgaria
July 31, 2012 8:41am CST
I was having a friend in the past. She was a co-worker and became one of my friends. They were working with her man in the same company, being together and seeing each other every day. Their relationship was long, probably few years. She didn't seem like loving him as a man already, she looked like she loves him as a good friend and a person she could trust on for whatever.
He asked if she wants them to get married. She accepted it and we spoke a lot about it. She didn't felt like it will bring her lots of happiness if she marry him, but still said "I prefer I to be the one who is loved more, than to be the one who will love move and forgive all the time".
They get married. I remember her, she was very excited, planned her wedding herself and it was a great moment. Then she moved on another job and they were already working in different companies. On the new place she became something like ... a person responsible for the money and the stocks in the shop, something like manager. The work was so great for her, she could express all of her beauty and flirt with every single client. She started to cheat this guy. She was going out late at the evening, visiting parties, going our with her friends. And her marriage became a boring thing for her. They moved in their own flat with her husband, he wanted kids, she didn't wanted kids.
He asked a divorce after catching her where she goes. She signed the papers about being divorced. Her man moved out of her flat and found another girl, she was dating some younger boy, but wasn't that happy. Her ex husband is having a kid now, as I know. When my friend understood about it she started crying how she would have a great family, but she wasn't able to take the right decisions.
Well she moved out of her flat, because living alone she couldn't afford paying her expenses.
We spoke after that and I told her it will be a great moment for her to start moving on, move again in her own flat and start living properly after this bad experience. It could help her much more if she knew what she wanted. But no, she didn't want to live alone, it was making her depressed to get back in the empty flat.
Now I am asking myself how I would do if it was me in her shoes. It's not like I don't have feelings, but I would do much different. If once the mistake was made and I lost my husband, I would try to move on. To continue working and to pay my bills and live alone, til I find the person I would like to meet. If I was having my own place I would be so happy about it, I would never quit it because of any reason. Having a place is such a freedom here in my country where we work to pay our rent and only our bills, little part of what we earn stays for ourselves and we usually put it for food and other needs for living.
I know it's a long first post, but I would be glad to know what you think about it.
2 people like this
12 responses
@Cutie18f (9546)
• Philippines
31 Jul 12
It is always good to have company. And marrying for reasons other than love is always not good. I would prefer to live alone too if that is what will give me peace and happiness because living with someone you can't stand is the worst thing in the world.
@Mantohave (83)
• Trinidad And Tobago
31 Jul 12
There's no need to be afraid of being single. I am 61 years old and never married. I find my fulfillment in my religion and in my reading and writing and the friends I have. You don't have to be lonely. Just fill your life with the things that interest you and that you like.
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26770)
• United Kingdom
31 Jul 12
For me I am more afraid to be in a relationship! I love being single, I wouldn't want it any other way. I was in not one but TWO abusive relationships in the past which lasted 9 years in total, I was trapped and I began to hate my partner and things really really got bad that I was diagnozed with depression and had a breakdown. I have been in therapy ever since! Now that is something to be afraid of. I think in my last response to your excellent discussion I said becareful what you wish for... On my own I can do as I like, go where I want, see who I want, be who I want, no compromise, I hate compromise! I am a free bird out of the cage! I answer to no one. No going home to arguments, moods, bad habits, suspicions and doubts that your partner is seeing someone else, or they are at the drinks cabinet again! I can do without all that. I don't do commitment, only to myself, I commit that I will NEVER ever get into a relationship. I run miles. So for me being single is wonderful and never be afraid to be single. Spending quality time with yourself is the best that life can offer. Being single is like being a bird able to flap its wings and fly, being in a relationship is like being a bird stuck in a cage with its wings well and truly clipped and unflyable.
1 person likes this
@Suggar (3606)
• Bulgaria
31 Jul 12
Thanks for sharing your experience with me. Yes, I remember exactly what we spoke about it. I am glad in the world there is a person who doesn't worry to be alone.
I have never had this problem. When I was single I was having all kind of emotions. Someone may say it was stupid to change the guys as nose wipes, but I would say for myself that I built so nice experience that I had a good base which I could step on for my future.
@1corner (744)
• Canada
31 Jul 12
I've wondered the same thing plenty of times, and one reason I keep hearing over & over again is that people are afraid of being alone in their old age. A lot of folks seem to marry with this in mind, not exactly because they love the other person. What's weird is that not everyone who marry for convenience end up separated or divorced.
1 person likes this
@Suggar (3606)
• Bulgaria
31 Jul 12
I don't think my friend did it because of such reasons. She was like ... probably 22 when she got married. At 25 she was already divorced.
She had a lot of time to find the right person, who would be a great partner for her in her life, but she chose the one person who has made the most compromises with the way she was as a person and the way she wanted to live. But patience is not forever.
I am kind of glad that he divorced with her. It made her very sad, but finally the moment when she appreciated what she had came true. The boy was very nice. Not so social person, but was a very hard worker and was doing his best to provide the good way of living for their family.
@CTHanum (8233)
• Malaysia
31 Jul 12
A great lesson and experience. She should learn something about it and move on. If she refused it means that she learned nothing from it. She must felt regret for losing someone that she actually should treasure. Now, it's impossible for her to get him back but she need to continue with her life. There is nothing she should afraid of- being single is not a bad thing.(^^)
@Suggar (3606)
• Bulgaria
31 Jul 12
I still think this girl is completely the same as I knew her long ago. Still looking like a doll, spending lots of money for the way she looks and strange guys leave comments on her facebook wall. For me it means completely the same. Every man likes good looking girls, but not every man deserves the attention to have such girl in a
@natliegleb (5173)
• India
31 Jul 12
that is quite simple since being single is like isolation whereas in a relationship people can share their views and always have a shoulder to rely upon and be quite comfortable and feel safe expressing thoughts and feeling for one self through souls.so we can have some benefits like sharing of bills and caring for each other which is unbounded love.which is not possible in other sorts of relationship
@Suggar (3606)
• Bulgaria
31 Jul 12
I think she could do much better with her life. If it was me in her shoes I would never marry with a person I don't feel passion for. He was begging her for their family to have kids, around 2 years after they got married. She was drinking birth control pills and was checking herself very often just to be sure she is not pregnant. She was having 2-3 boyfriends while she was married, few different guys, one of them was her boss who was very well financially, but still she didn't have money problems, so I wonder what made her go with this guy. Probably the idea that her boss is having his own business, her boss was also married and his wife was pregnant at the time when my friend was dating him.
So when her marriage finish (she already said many times it's too early for her to have kids), why she didn't use the opportunity to build a better life for herself?
She was having a good paid job, she was having her own flat. She had a starter spot.
@Jshean20 (14347)
• Canada
1 Aug 12
I think sometimes people are just afraid to be alone, they don't have the confidence to take on the world by themselves and sometimes people feel that they need the financial security as well. It's sad that people often stay in a relationship where they are miserable, just for the sake of not being alone.
@arizen (152)
• Philippines
31 Jul 12
I think the situation stemmed from the fact that she did not really loved her ex-husband. She married him for comfort and the notion that "just in case there is nobody else". Then she got pretty occupied when she started to make progress. She has no choice but to move on. I believe everybody eventually moves on in the sense that they continue to live their lives. Those who are not are the people who get severely depressed. Trust that your friend will eventually move on. She might always remember her first marriage and express regrets but these events will make her stronger and more mature in the future. For the mean time, just talk to her if she needs to and most importantly, listen to her every time she needs to.
@subhojit10 (7375)
• India
31 Jul 12
Well i think there is not a big issue being single. people these days find it fashionable to be in a relationship and whenever they feel like getting done with that relationship, they find another one for themselves. It is better to be single than to dump your partner and then move on to a new one.
People afraid to be single may be due to peer pressure. But i believe that singlets should not worry about this.
@Suggar (3606)
• Bulgaria
31 Jul 12
Your opinion cover my own. I think being single people get the chance to explore themselves. At least that's what I was doing while I was single. I was working very hard, was doing good money for myself, was going out with friends all the time.
It was much fun. 
@paulli3 (312)
• China
1 Aug 12
people are so afraid to be single becuase they need to live in a group and he will feel comfortable and safe, it is easy to understand, if you are alone, you live alone and no person with you, you will feel you can't be accepted by others and you will feel you are a very different person , you don't know what you should do to let other people accept you and you will be uncomfortable or afraid. it is easy to understand, you live with other people becuase you are a person,too. but if no one accept you, you will doubt it and ask why. so that is why everyone needs friends
@tetris15 (539)
• Philippines
31 Jul 12
They say that we can truly appreciate something or someone if it is not in our possession anymore. I guess that's what happened to the girl who lost her husband then finally being able to understand what she took for granted. There are people who just can't stand being alone to the point that they're using others for their own benefit. I just hope this time she'll learn her lesson well.
