unable to take a decision on my love

August 19, 2012 5:20am CST
hello guys, i have a problem with my love...actually my love is on online and we both are serious in our love and this is going on since 4years...actually the problem is that when ever i ask her for out or for any other place or just for meetup etc she ignores it and one more thing is that i never saw her till now but we both live in the same city. what would it might be is she really loving me or just making fun?
3 people like this
16 responses
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
19 Aug 12
I think being with someone for 4 years and not meeting up shows that something is not right. I mean, if you're in different countries that could be okay, however, you are in the same city.. It's like meeting a friend or something over coffee, that should have happened after a few "conversations" online. Before you "commit" to this person who can't even meet you, you should be safe. Perhaps she's not the same person she tells you she is. Worst, maybe you'll only end up with a broken heart in the end. If I were you, I will demand that we meet in a place and demand the time and date. If she doesn't show, then stop wasting time and move on. Have a great Mylot experience ahead!
1 person likes this
19 Aug 12
thanks laydee.. yea i already demanded her to meet at any cost many times and she postponed every time and still she says that she is not ready to meet me when i asked whats the reasons she says i don't want to meet now and says to stop the topic about to meet or else says bye for sometime :(
1 person likes this
@zoey7879 (3104)
• United States
19 Aug 12
I have to agree with Laydee on this, especially if you are living in the same city. If she has fears that you might be bad, suggesting to meet somewhere very open and in the public (like the mall or a busy cafe) would be good. If she still continues to say no, I'm sorry, but I would think that she is either lying about something serious, has major issues with herself, or is just stringing you along. I met a lot of people online that I would later meet in real life. Some were just friends, some were men that I ended up dating - One in particular that I have ended up marrying. NONE of them turned out to be psychos or weirdos - I'm still friends with all of them. Tell her to give you the chance to prove how you feel.. Or move on.
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
20 Aug 12
There you go zoey7879 was able to meet her friends online and nothing bad happened (as long as you meet in a public and safe place). @ksandeepkumark, I don't think that it's about her not being ready. I think she's not who she really is or who she shows you to be. Perhaps she's some married woman just looking for "fun" online and nothing more. I think 4 years is too long to be not ready when you have always been talking as people in a relationship.
19 Aug 12
It seems to me quite strange that even having had known for four years she is not interested in meeting up with you. Also both of you live in the same city so distance is not the barrier in any way. It might be said that there must be something that is not going right from her side. It is you who must make a decision about this affair. But it just seems very unusual on her part to behave in this strange way when it comes to see each other which is not happening between you two.
1 person likes this
19 Aug 12
yea that's the only problem i have dude when ever i ask her for out she just ignores it or else tells me or gets angry to change the topic or else she says bye for that moment for sometime :( and she even dont allow me to visit her address and i dont even donno that her address is right
@allknowing (63060)
• India
20 Aug 12
4 years and you have still not had a meeting? That sounds strange unless she merely wants a virtual relationship. You better ask her about this and get her answer.
1 person likes this
@else22 (4319)
• India
19 Aug 12
Welcome to Mylot.It is either God or the girl herself who can say whether she has any feelings for you or not.So far as my opinion is concerned,I would like to warn you against this so called online love.You have never seen her,you are quite unaware of her nature,her interests,her character,her whereabouts etc etc.Without knowing all this how on earth can you love her.Please don't take me else if I say it is not love.It's just a physical attraction.I would like to suggest you not to get swayed away by this so called online affair.It's dangerous.
19 Aug 12
i agree with you but i'm in a stage to judge myself whether i can stay with her as my partner.. have to decide it as soon as possible before it get worse
@else22 (4319)
• India
20 Aug 12
But,please tell me how can you judge her unless you meet her and know her nature and interests? She talks to you online,but never shows herself.Obviously she is not interested in anything like 'love'.May be she is just the one among those who entertain themselves by only in talking about love online.Otherwise why she does not meet you? Is it not a one-sided affair?Thanks.
@jenny1015 (13390)
• Philippines
20 Aug 12
I think the best way is to have a heart to hear talk with her and ask her how she truly feels about you. You can not be just sitting around guessing what she has on her mind and heart.
• Vietnam
21 Aug 12
I think it is one of best advices. If a man love a woman regardless of what she does like, this will be a solid relationship. Dont just sitting around guessing what she has on her mind and heart.
• Philippines
19 Aug 12
First of all, if she loves you, automatically she would also feel the same. Same what? Same as how much you wanted her to see. And it have been 4 years, how can you exactly tell that you love someone without seeing her in person? At the same time, you just live in the same city that's why it's easier for you guys to meet up. But on the other side, maybe she has her own reason why she never wanted to see you. For me, as a girl, I would be afraid to meet you up in person if I really love you and don't want to lose you if I know withing myself that I am not pretty enough. I am afraid that you might not like me at all if you see my true looks. Hope this help, Goodluck!
19 Aug 12
i agree with you but the thing is that she looks good as far i know but what would it be she don't too meetup is she true in love or no...i'm unable to judge myself about that and she will be on phone calls most of the time more than 5+ hrs a day and when i ask her about that she says she is on call with her brother and where the hell that brother can spend more than 5+hrs a day on phone?? and even i asked her to send her pic atleast or else atleast on webcam chat or else even for a meetup near by but she always ignores it and changes the topic if i still continue about that to meet her she ignores me by saying bye
• India
19 Aug 12
Hi friend, welcome to mylot. Good to hear about your love story. As you mentioned you both are in same city, why don't you try your maximum to find out her address and meet her directly? she only knows whether her love is true or not, Some girls are very conservative and not interested in dating with online friends, may be it is the reason for her denying activities for your hangout requests.
19 Aug 12
thanks prakash... yea i agree with you and even i tried that but she already warned me that if she does such things like finding her address or may be coming to college... if i go to her place or clg then she will leave me forever and relation.. :( and she even now spending a lot time on phone calls and when i ask her about that she says she is speaking wid her brother that too even for more than 4 to 5hrs a day.. :(
@natliegleb (5186)
• India
19 Aug 12
its your love life after all,at the end of the day you have to take decision and keep following what your heart says rathern than brain.its better to express even if she ignores it.dont ever take that sympots as fun,just propose to him
19 Aug 12
i agree with you natlie that taking up decision is in my hands but the thing is that i'm unable to judge myself about my love because i'm in a confusion because we are in relation since 4years and i donno that she is true with me or no because she always ignores for a meetup and the thing is that we stay in the same city and she even ignores me to go to her address or may be her college... rite now i just know her mobile number and we are on love since 4years on that phone calls thats it
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
21 Nov 12
Well, I would think that the woman that you are talking to is not serious about the relationship that you are trying to pursue at all. Instead, I would possibly think that the girl that you've been talking to for the past several years is using you for a little bit of fun and it might well be that this woman is actually in a serious relationship as well. That would be the reason that she has not been willing to meet you in person. If I were you, I think that I would give up on that relationship and move on to meeting someone that will take the relationship more seriously.
@eynjel78 (44)
• Philippines
21 Aug 12
this one is definitely playing with you. you've had this relationship for 4yrs yet you've never met her although you live in the same city? who are we kidding here? if she's as serious as you are with the relationship, she would be glad to take the relationship offline and into real life. but her not wanting to see you offline is her saying she can only go as far as her internet connection will take her. sorry, but you've got to find someone more deserving of your love and attention.
• Vietnam
21 Aug 12
a rather crazy relationship, lol. both of you live in the same city but never meet each other, dont you? if I dont meet my girlfriend at least once a week, I will be mad :D. she is probably not very beautiful so she does not want you to meet her, you should prove her that you love her actually regardless of what she is like. I believe your love will have a happing ending. good luck
@xixiAtom (69)
• Dalian, China
20 Aug 12
hey ksandeepkumark in my opinion as a girl she does not that love you. if i were her,i'd be glad to be with my bf. actually i go to meet him every weekends since wo are not in the same city. though tired after taking buses and trains ,i do feel happy and satisfied while we are together, thats ok for me.so maybe you need to find a girl who can love you more lol but hey just for referrence and donot mind lol.
@zamalia2 (116)
• Philippines
20 Aug 12
You're a very committed type of person to last it for 4 years without even actually meeting that person personally. I read all the responses with this discussion and I agreed to most of their advice. If this person does not want to meet you personally, she's just entertaining you and your so-called relationship as something to pass time with or maybe she is hiding something that she does not want you to know. My suggestion is to give her a choice as her last chance--she meetup with you or put an end to the relationship. I strongly advise you move on--change numbers, emails, etc., any form of contact you have with her. Find someone whom you already met personally.
@tiffnkeat (1679)
• Singapore
20 Aug 12
You seem a very sentimental person and takes the relationship seriously. I cannot say the same for your "love", otherwise she should not be avoiding you after 4 years. My advice...move on.
• United States
19 Aug 12
Maybe she's not as serious as you are, or maybe there are things prevent her from wanting to leave. There was a guy who I was seeing online, but I wasn't really serious about him, and he wanted to see me, and he wanted me to come and meet him, but I couldn't because he lived too far away, I didn't have the money, and I had a lot of family priorities. I wasn't mature, I hadn't finished college, and I just wasn't ready for a relationship at all. Also, he was very religious, and that was becoming a turn off for me. In fact, there was a lot about him that just scared me. It was never going to work out between us. I eventually called it off with him, and I told him that I just couldn't be with him or meet him because I didn't love him, and that it was never going to work out between us. Also, he wanted me to come and see him, but he was never going to make the effort to come and see me? This was never going to work out. He got the message after awhile, and I told him to move on and let me move on, and we did. You need to ask her, and tell her to be honest, and that you won't be mad at her if this is how she feels, but is she serious about your relationship? If she isn't, then tell her that we need to quit wasting time with each other, and get on with our lives. If she isn't serious at all, then quit wasting time with her because she isn't ready, and you need something more, and she can't give that to you.
• United States
19 Aug 12
It's as real as you choose to make it!