Visiting the Cemetary

@ladym33 (11009)
United States
September 21, 2012 1:03pm CST
I remember for about the first 5 years after my mother in law passed away everyone would meet at the cemetery on her birthday and bring flowers to her grave. Usually we visited one other part of the year as well. For the last few years if we are in the area and have time we might stop in, I have a sister in law buried there too so we visit both graves when we go. Yesterday was my Mother in Laws birthday and nobody that I am aware of went to the cemetery, nor did my husband even mention her or the fact that it was her birthday. I actually forgot until today. I actually prefer to go in the spring and bring some face flowers, if you put them down at this time of the year the grounds keeper collects them all and gets rid of them before the first snow fall. My mother in law has been gone for 11 years now. My sister in law has been gone for about 9. Do you still visit the cemetery where loved ones are buried? Do you visit with as much frequency as before, or has the amount of times you visit per year become less over the years?
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7 responses
@Pegasus72 (1904)
22 Sep 12
Yes I still visit my parent's grave. I don't have set days that I visit them just when I am missing them, although most of the time that I miss them the most the cemetary is closed, so I just end up driving by some of our old houses.
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@ladym33 (11009)
• United States
22 Sep 12
That is so sweet. I am so glad that you still visit.
@winterose (39931)
• Canada
22 Sep 12
I know of only one person who visited her mother's graveside every year for 30 years. The rest of us go for awhile and over time the visits just stop.
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@ladym33 (11009)
• United States
22 Sep 12
I feel bad that I have not been there in a while. I am going to go in the spring and make sure the stone is clean and not covered with leaves or anything and leave some silk flowers.
@much2say (34411)
• United States
21 Sep 12
When we were kids, we used to go to the cemetary at least once a year to visit my "grandparents". This cemetary was a bit far away - but I believe we made the trek every year on Memorial Day. We would always know if someone else in the family went . . . usually the first one there would clean out the grave marker (clear it of weeds and such). But when I hit middle school, my mother had a fall out with her siblings and that's when we started going less and less - and finally not at all. I think the issue was more my mom didn't want to accidentally run into her siblings there (which we rarely did). My parents bought a plot along with the rest of my dad's family (so the family literally will be together later on) at another cemetary. We have visited it several times though no one was there . . . maybe my parents wanted us to remember where it was - but we did it as a side trip from a visit to a wharf/seaport. But now that my aunt is there, we haven't gone at all - and I'm not sure why. Maybe it was all too real then - that "one of us" was now there.
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@ladym33 (11009)
• United States
22 Sep 12
It would make it seem more of a reality, and the others might not feel comfortable going there now thinking that they will be there someday. My sister in law's stone is actually for her and my brother in law both. If you only have one person you get a flat stone if you have two or more people next to each other you can have a standing stone. They have a really pretty heart shaped stone with their wedding picture on it. He is still alive but his name is already on the stone which is is kind of odd, his birthdate is listed and the other date is of course blank. My husband and I have not done any type of planning of that sort.
@subhojit10 (7384)
• India
21 Sep 12
hey i feel so sorry for your mother and i hope her soul is always at peace. I can understand how lonely u must be feeling and how much u are missing her. It is great to hear that u have been visiting your mother's cemetary place in order to pray for her soul. this shows the love and respect u still have for your mother. We do not have this type of tradition in our culture so i have no experience regarding this. i wish your mother's blessings are always there on u. What say?
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@ladym33 (11009)
• United States
22 Sep 12
I feel badly that we don't get there more often. Do you you have cemeteries in your country?
@cher913 (25895)
• Canada
21 Sep 12
i think it is normal to become less and less as time goes by. my dad passed away 3 years ago and i generally go out to the cemetary around his birthday (which is close to Father's day) and i know my mom goes out but i think she doesn't go that often any more due to health and i am an only child so we are pretty much the only ones that go out to visit it.
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@ladym33 (11009)
• United States
22 Sep 12
You are right, it is kind of sad though.
@hmkoct5 (2067)
• United States
2 Oct 12
I can honestly say I have never visited a loved one at a cemetery. I don't live near any loved ones that are buried. I would go visit them if I lived near them. I feel bad that people tend to let it go after a while. I guess it is good to move on and they are never far from our thoughts though.
@violann (437)
• United States
22 Sep 12
My parents were cremated so there is no grave to visit, even if there was a grave I wouldn't go visit it for they are not there, they have moved on. When I want to visit my parents I will look at old photos. Besides visiting them while they were still alive is way more important than visiting a plot in a cemetary, and I believe they got cremated so they could be free and not couped up in a box forever. I personally will be cremated myself when it's my turn to move out of this world.