"some people just like to express what they are feeling"

@prashu228 (25589)
India
October 1, 2012 10:08pm CST
hello friends, some people just speak or express what they feel , without thinking about the consequences, i don't say its bad, but few people take it in a wrong way ,this is because no two people think alike. One of my friend is like this, she is my childhood friend . We are friends from our nursery , went to the same school till tenth , then different colleges, but still our friendship continues. Now ,she is like that,she speaks up what ever she feels, we can say very straight forward, but not with the intention to hurt others. But this is taken in wrong way ,by people many times. Because of this habit, she gets into problems . why people just don't understand it? friends can you give any suggestions,
1 person likes this
7 responses
@ravisivan (14055)
• India
2 Oct 12
prashu It is like this. If you have confidence in me whatever I say will appear right. On the contrary if you do not have confidence in what I speak you will find mistakes. Same thing is happening for your friend. Possibly she is not employed and her parents are trying to fix marriage and it gets delayed -- all this anger will be on that young girl . Ask her to speak after thinking twice, also visit temple regularly every day and be hopeful of positive life.
@prashu228 (25589)
• India
2 Oct 12
she is like that from childhood, she cant get married now, she have elder sisters. they should get married first. here its not the question of marriage at all. she is very straight forward.
@ravisivan (14055)
• India
2 Oct 12
prashu yes. i understand. Ask her to read the book "Born to Win" by Dr. Eric Berne-- she will understand. -- Transactional Analysis and its uses. please see my another reply comment.
@ravisivan (14055)
• India
2 Oct 12
For some people getting a success takes a lot of time. I got introduced to five or six boys and girls last year online. One got employment in one month, another in three months like that . And just now got a mail from this Andhra girl stating that she got employment in andhra Bank. great. She is an MCA she was struggling for quite some time. her parents were not allowing her to go for software company jobs. and now her problem is solved, so one has to be patient,
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
2 Oct 12
Some people are straight forward, but sometimes they become too tactless. They never consider other's feelings- they are only concern about their own feelings. But, once they've heard bad words or any words against them, they feel bad. They are inconsiderate but they want other people to consider their frankness - so pathetic.
@prashu228 (25589)
• India
2 Oct 12
yes, this is the problem, over frankness, doesn't help us, instead makes us mad, people cant be polite all the time, she must realize it
@ravisivan (14055)
• India
2 Oct 12
prashu It is because girls get married at 25/26 years nowadays. They live in the house only girl or only child. Then lot of pampering for them. This makes them feel that they can get anything they want. That increases their confidence and they do not react properly to people especially inlaws.
@ravisivan (14055)
• India
2 Oct 12
jaiho you are on the other side of the table -- you are in inlaws position-- and you are a clever woman indeed. ahahah today also you changed your avatar? what is this? I cannot identify jaiho in a crowd !!
@celticeagle (119157)
• Boise, Idaho
2 Oct 12
No two people do think alike. Your friend is going to conform to other's way of thinking. If she isn't going to learn to think alittle before acting or saying just what she is feeling. If she doesn't choose to do this then she will have to take the wrath of the people she opens up to.
@prashu228 (25589)
• India
2 Oct 12
yes, she is already facing the consequences, lost her job recently,
@ravisivan (14055)
• India
2 Oct 12
Losing a job is not a big issue. How to retain the next job is relevant. please read the following links: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transactional_Analysis http://www.businessballs.com/transact.htm very very useful materials. they may be useful in online life also. good day.
@celticeagle (119157)
• Boise, Idaho
2 Oct 12
Online life? Interesting.
@Hatley (164507)
• Garden Grove, California
2 Oct 12
hi prashu since shes really a longtime friend of yours you should b e able to be plain spoken to her,. maybe hug her then tell her she must engage her brain before talking so she can soften her words and not hurt peoples feelings. I have had to think myself how to word something so it will not be misunderstood. we all need to engage our brains as the best way to say something without upsetting anyone.
@prashu228 (25589)
• India
2 Oct 12
yes, she realize it, but after sometime she again goes to the same line, but thinks alot ,as to where she is wrong and what can she do to over come , she is still working on that , hope she will succeed
@ravisivan (14055)
• India
2 Oct 12
Hatley aunty: I am sure you are aware of Transactional analysis by Dr,. Eric Berne http://www.businessballs.com/transact.htm Most importantly avoid anger, be good to people, be good to bad people also to an extent, be kind to others-- these points will help any one.
@prashu228 (25589)
• India
2 Oct 12
now her problem is the same ,she cant just "hi" to the people who are bad or done something bad to her, she just cant act,(which is not at all harmful to others) at least which is very much required now a days.
• Indonesia
2 Oct 12
well, it is good to express your feeling rather than fake. but, how you express your feeling is the other thing also. you should talk to your friend and give her understanding that she should manage her expression, depend on the people she face. good luck :)
@prashu228 (25589)
• India
2 Oct 12
she is like that from childhood, but things doesn't work that way, even she lost her job recently, because of this.
@ravisivan (14055)
• India
2 Oct 12
This is explained in a theory known as Transactional analysis - Each of our personalities is made up of various parts: the Parent, the Adult, and the Child ego states. Parent ego state is based on what is taught to us. --being strict, lenient, kind child ego state is based on feelings--happy, sorrow. Adult ego state is what is to be used in day to day operations - in office - act based on here and now situation -- supposing some person asks why did you come late? One can answer as follows: You are also one among myself -- you have no right to ask You also came late yesterday. I am an important person, nobody can ask me. Sorry. I got up late due to tiredness. I got delayed. All are responses but the last the response may avoid further problems.
@natliegleb (5184)
• India
3 Oct 12
that is exactly correct and the way ideally to do for sure and i like those kind of people who generally do like that to express it instantly ,its the best way possible
@prashu228 (25589)
• India
6 Oct 12
its the best, but people just don't understand it, they think otherwise, straight forwardness also leads to some problems, few people may understand it but many cant resist.
@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
2 Oct 12
Hi prashu, We are all different and some are more sensitive than others. I think that your friend has to realize this and be more careful of her words when speaking to strangers or people that she has found to be easily offended. She may not mean to hurt anyone but some people have to be handled more carefully than others. Blessings.
@prashu228 (25589)
• India
2 Oct 12
yes, she is just thinking that ,she is frank, but that frankness is creating problems to her, i advised her few times not to be like that, but.. may be she will learn the things slowly.