How do you state your opinion without hurting another person?

United States
November 8, 2012 11:04am CST
I am overall a nice person; I try to treat others the way I would like to be treated.. I have a question though how can you state your opinion and not hurt someone in the process.. Sometimes my feelings are so strong that I tend to say things in a way that hurts the other person.. Then by the time I realized what I had said its too late.. My aunt taught me STOP THINK and RESTART.. I do that for the most part but I still make people upset.. On one hand I am upset that I hurt someone but glad that I expressed my feelings.. Generally; when I know that there is a subject that is going to turn out bad or ugly I tend to avoid the subject completely.. Or just listen and keep my feeling about it to myself.. I may decide to talk to someone else about it later.. But it doesnt address the issue.. Any suggestions or Advise Fellow Mylotters.. Thank you in advance
6 people like this
14 responses
@WakeUpKitty (8706)
• Netherlands
8 Nov 12
First of all: there is no way to prefend you will NEVER hurt anyone's feelings. What will hurt one person might not hurt 200 other people. It all depends on the kind of person, their past, the way they are raised, education, etc. It is important to say your opinion and not hold in just out of fear to hurt someone. If I understand it right it can be that you are in some cases kind of "over reacting" if you want to say your opinon about something? You should ask yourself first if this is always the case or just in some cases. Is anyone ever taking you serious (or your opinion) and can this be the reason why? Or are some subjects worth fighting for? For example unjustice? There are some subjects I think most people will have problems with if you say your opinion (politics, religion mostly). Seems most people are not very tolarant if it comes to that or not willing to hear anyone's else opinion. I think that if people (family/friends/acquintances) do know you, they will appreciate your opinion (even if they don't share it), they will know who you are and that you are not the one who is saying things to stabb in the back or hurt on purpose. I think you should stay the person who you are, honest and straight away. Only then people know they can count on you and trust you.
2 people like this
• United States
8 Nov 12
Thank you for your advice Yes I do have a tendency of over reacting.. Not all the time but more often then most.. And yes there are times were I act before knowing the whole story.. But lately I have just been keeping quiet because I do not know what to say; I know that the topic is rather sensitive for both sides; but I am not willing to change my views.. Is that wrong? I use to stay on the fence persay; not allowing many or any people knowing the true me.. I am realizing that is not the way I should live life.. I use to be a people pleaser would do just about anything to make someone happy.. And if what I was doing was not enough I would work hard or put more effort into what ever it was; to make the person happy.. Not thinking of how I felt or what I wanted.. I put myself second to everyone else.. I am slowly breaking that habit.. Its getting easier as I go along.. But I do not want to become someone that is stuck on themselves, and doesnt care at all about other people..
@lampar (7597)
• United States
9 Nov 12
I will refrain from using term or word that can create feeling of animosity on the other person, like calling the person who doesn't agree with your view as 'stupid'; 'moron', ' Piggy' , etc... or words that can hurt a person feeling or with the intent to provoke will not use by me either. It is pointless to engage in a discussion if you can not accept another person point of view and begin to start a series of name calling, it is just plain childish and rude. Sometime it has a lot to do with the responder sense of civility and level of education and respect for others in order to engage in a productive discussion. Normally i will be as polite as possible in forwarding my personal view and final conclusion in a friendly way.
2 people like this
@lacieice (2065)
• United States
8 Nov 12
I'm afraid I get really upset when someone answers my posts with smart a$$ comments and rude replies. No one has the right to make fun or be rude about my opinions and beliefs. I have been know to tell people off, and to tell them to not respond to my posts. Is it the right thing to do? I don't know, but it makes me feel better.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Nov 12
Your right people shouldnt make fun of you for what you are saying.. That is completely wrong.. Especially on mylot when there is a policy that is in place to stop that kind of harshment.. Those kinds of actions can resolute in the comment/discussion and possibly that person's account deleted.. From what I have seen there is an zero tolerance policy to that kind of treatment.. So my friend the next time that happens instead of reactioning back at the person that is or has done that to you, report it to mylot..
@lacieice (2065)
• United States
9 Nov 12
Yes, that's what I should, and may, do...however, right now, I just give them a minus rating.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Nov 12
Thats one way of handling it If you decide not to report it that is your choice.. But the harshment may continue; some people do not care about the rating system and others just close the current account and get a new one..
@SomeCowgirl (32266)
• United States
8 Nov 12
Honestly if you think about it there really is no way to go about not hurting someone's feelings. No matter how much we try and no matter how sensitive we are to it, some people are extremely sensitive and will still get hurt, even if they don't outwardly show it. I am a very sensitive person, and so unless I feel very passionate about something and my mouth starts talking before my heart does... Well I try to be as sensitive to them as I'd want them to be to me in a reverse roll. Though sometimes we do feel so passionately about something our tongue lashes out before we can lap it back in and apologize.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Nov 12
This is true.. I can be very sensitve about certian things; and then others it doesnt bug me at all... In the past I wouldnt stick out for myself; but if it was an issue conserning one of my loved ones I was right there defending them.. I have had many people stick up for me with I do appericate a lot.. I just would like to do it for myself.. I want to be proactive; but not go about in a way that makes me the total opposite of passive.. When I do stand up for myself I feel like a warrior ready to attack; I try to control that feeling.. When it does come out I can get extremely mean.. I do not want to be that type of person..
@thesids (22357)
• Bhubaneswar, India
9 Nov 12
Must agree with what SomeCowgirl says, it is so true
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Dec 12
I am assuming you're meaning because of an opinion that is always going to differ and seems difficult.. I have found some ways to state an opinion opposing to others and not hurt others. Its usually in the presentation rather than the fact you're stating the opposite of whatever their opinion is.
@celticeagle (120476)
• Boise, Idaho
9 Nov 12
I try to be a honest person and tell it like it is. My granddaughter doesn't like it cause I do tell it like it is and I guess she enjoys living a fantasy world. Avoiding the subject only makes for heartattacks, bad feelings and blow ups later on. Trying to use tact and say things in a nice way helps. And if you are consistant and a person knows they will get th truth and no candy coating can actually be of help. Why lie? Why not get down to it, work it through and then heal? That is the healthy way to do it.
• United States
23 Dec 12
There's nothing wrong with expressing how you feel and being blunt. Some people like the moer subtle approach and others can't stand people's opinions even if they ask for them. Why they ask then, I don't know .
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (120476)
• Boise, Idaho
24 Dec 12
If you are a good and caring person then you know the people you can be blunt with and others that need alittle more tact used. I think they get upset because they don't want to hear the truth. They aren't ready perhaps.
• Greece
8 Nov 12
I don't think you should worry too much about this as you appear to have already given it a great deal of thought. You have asked your aunt for advice and done your best to follow it. Of course you should be free to express an opinion, although it might help if you waited until someone asked for it, or listened quietly to someone else's opinion before giving yours. I suggest that you take a deep breath and smile when you answer. That will take the edge off the way you speak and the reaction of the hearer. Some people have not learned how to react to the things they dislike hearing, so you need to realise that if it isn't necessarily your fault. I'm sure you are a nice person and anyone who knows you well will understand your character and not get needlessly upset.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Nov 12
Thats a good idea. Thank you. A smile usually makes a person feel better.. I didnt even think of that.. I hope you have a wonderful day
• United States
23 Dec 12
the important part is that sjvenden is aware of other people and their feelings, many people in the world seem not to be aware at all.
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
8 Nov 12
You can only express S YOU FEEL. you cN NOT always convwey how that will effect NOTER perSON. YOU Can't protect eceveryone's felings even if you wnt to.
• United States
9 Nov 12
True. I just do not like hurting people that I love and respect.. I guess it does happen sometimes..
@savypat (20246)
• United States
8 Nov 12
Just before you open your mouth engage your mind. Ask yourself this question, if the shoe waa on the other foot what would be the best way I could accept this information? By placing yourself in the other person place you may find that what you have to say is acceptable, or not. Is it worth your time and energy to even try to express you point of view. If the cost of that expression is worth the satisfaction of giving your point of view. These are just a few of the questions you might consider in that very short time before you speak. Myself, I usually just keep my mouth shut, the result is not worth my action.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Nov 12
Yes it is a good idea to look at the other person's view point before speaking.. I am going to have to try the part about how would it be the best way for me to take the information.. This is a new point. Thank you for your response
@thesids (22357)
• Bhubaneswar, India
9 Nov 12
Hi sjvenden Unfortunately you or anyone cannot be sure anytime how the advice or the opinion would be accepted by the other. It depends on many factors - like the mood of the person or even the timing. But I normally dont bother much these days and speak out most of the time. Though I take care not to be blunt or rude but be as polite as I can. But still, I am unsure how the opinion is received. Many a times, people who know me are safer to opine and even if things get sour, they get back to normal sooner as we do know each other better.
1 person likes this
@STOUTjodee (3480)
• United States
9 Nov 12
Oh, I know what you mean! One never knows how some people will respond and I'm sure every one has unintentionally hurt some one's feelings. When I feel passionate about something it's hard to see how some one can't see how I feel about the matter. It's not that I don't think the other person's opinion doesn't matter, because I don't expect every one to agree with me. But if you should disagree with me have some reasoning behind it and don't call me names just because I don't see things the way you do. So most of the time I guess people have hurt my feelings by calling me names just because I tactfully disagreed with some one.
@Canellita (12058)
• United States
9 Nov 12
Choose your words more carefully. Are you familiar with the concept of tact? It's not what you say, but how you say it. You can start a sentence with "In my opinion...," you can take care to use words that are not mean, angry or otherwise negative. in other words, don't just pause to think, learn to be considerate when you do speak.
• United States
23 Dec 12
The words you choose to use are more than half the battle.
@roshigo58 (4871)
• Pune, India
15 Nov 12
Hi, I am straight forward type of person. I tell my opinion to others without thinking. Sometimes it hurts others feelings. But my wife is a kind of person like you. She always tries to understand the feelings of others before speaking. Sometimes we have to hide the truth for goodness of others.
@ctryhnny (3463)
• United States
9 Nov 12
I stay away from discussions that I disagree with. I learned my lesson the hard way some years ago. But there are a lot of negative people in the world and it's hard to stay away from them!
@chiyosan (30205)
• Philippines
9 Nov 12
I think that is very unlikely to happen. That is quite impossible that we say our thoughts and our opinion that would not hurt someone especially if we oppose their decision! of course in a corporate setting disagreements are quite normal but then it is rather unlikely for people to always sugar coat what they are saying, careful not to offend someone..