How Am I (SPECIAL CASE) Supposed to Ask for Marriage?

@mythociate (13822)
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
February 9, 2013 4:25pm CST
Lacking a car (in this city that's so sprawled-out that going to pretty-much anything big WITHOUT a car takes figuratively as much work as a whole jungle-expedition) makes me feel 'unworthy' when women (who might marry me) could far-more-easily marry 'any loser with a car' & have a life at ease---rather than working double-time all the time to take care of the kids AND -the husband. Then there's the fact that I don't bring in a "provider's" income. That- & a general laziness (excused-for by my near-fatal brain-injury of years ago)-make it difficult for me to hang around doing nothing in public. But 'hanging around doing nothing in public' seems to be the way I'm supposed to meet my wife. Well, my parents met in school---Oklahoma University, if I'm not mistaken. I could go do that (except my brain-injury makes me ineligible for any MORE student-loans ... or something grown-up like that ) ... ... and besides, I'm STILL 'unworthy' (compared to any loser with the mobility an automobile brings); and would have to wait for some aggressive feminist to have mercy on me & -to use me as the 'Mr. Mom' in her plan to take over the male-dominated world of ... whatever it is she wants to do. Maybe I feel like my mom felt waiting for my dad all those years ago (and how most women feel when they're waiting for men to take the initiative & marry them ... except that it's USUAL for men to take the initiative, but my waiting for a WOMAN to take the initiative will give me quite a while to wait). Of course I think 'maybe I should take the initiative,' but how? Invite a girl from the Karaoke-bar to come to my place 'to talk' (and REALLY "just talk")? Or a girl from my church? Or invite one to come with me to the other?
1 person likes this
9 responses
10 Feb 13
First off, not having a car is not important. You're already far more interesting than wife-beaters, multiple divorcees, ex-cons, really fugly people with body odour, psychotics and people who live in Britain or Germany (who regularly rank really badly on those "Hot or Not" sites). Secondly, chances are you'll find someone as soon as you stop looking. Mostly because you won't seem so eager, so you'll therefore be more interesting (yes, female psychology is demented). Just be you. Someone will find you and think you're the best thing since sliced bread. In my case, she fell into my lap (not literally) at a most unexpected time. We were friends first, then together - and in five days it'll be 20 years I've known her!
1 person likes this
• Penrith, Australia
10 Feb 13
That's true about finding someone when you're not looking. It even works for women too. Apparently, guys like the confident independent woman who looks like she doesn't need a man to be happy. But then it only works if you are 100% not looking/not expecting for love. I have no idea why that happens.
1 person likes this
11 Feb 13
I suspect it's just life being a pain in the butt. :)
• Penrith, Australia
12 Feb 13
Haha! Pain in the butt it is. What i dont like about it is that when you know that love comes when you're not looking, you're kind of expecting at as well. So its somewhat looking too.
1 person likes this
@Nursefrai06 (2498)
• Penrith, Australia
9 Feb 13
Use online dating, make a connection with people but be sure to be honest though. I dont think you'd really want people o just have mercy on you. That would be an awful feeling to be just someone another person took pity on, so what if you are special, that just makes you special. Lol.
@mythociate (13822)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
9 Feb 13
I don't have that kind of money either!
• Penrith, Australia
10 Feb 13
Money for online dating? I thought that was free. Haha
@mythociate (13822)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
10 Feb 13
The only online-dating that's FREE is ... social sites like this, Xomba, Friendster, Facebook---like in real life: you just go there & do 'what you do' and the opposite-gender gets to know you by hanging out with you 'doing what you do'
@lisacope (82)
10 Feb 13
Plenty of people don't drive, I wouldn't worry about it! I wouldn't dismiss a guy purely because he didn't drive or didn't have a car. It can be a nice bonus, and if I wanted a family with him I'm sure it'd help... but it's not essential. Especially if you have a reason you don't drive. Why can't you bring in an income? Are you on disability? Either way if you do have a good reason again it probably wouldn't be essential for every female. I agree with the person who suggested online dating. You can tell people about yourself before you meet them that way and let people get to know you and like you, not your car or your job. If you invite a girl from your karaoke bar I'd recommend asking to go for coffee in the day sometime, or for a drink at night some place... but not your place because she will automatically think you're after one thing, and if you're not then you'll either attract the wrong girl, or put off the right girl.
@mythociate (13822)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
10 Feb 13
The car-thing: in Oklahoma City, it IS essential. If you were here, you would see what I mean by SPRAWL. And it's not like I'm any girl's ONLY choice, when it would be unfortunate-but-livable; every girl has the choice of either 'unfortunate-but-livable' with me or 'highly comfortable' with ANYBODY ELSE
• Penrith, Australia
10 Feb 13
Sorry to butt in, but if ever i were a woman in your area, i wouldn't date you because you don't have a car. I wouldn't date you because your self-esteem is damaged. In my life, I've known better to not want screwed up men.
• Penrith, Australia
10 Feb 13
I meant, I'd still date people without cars. So far, I've never even had a boyfriend who owned a car.
• United States
11 Feb 13
First off , You Are Worthy of Love! Everyone is. You don't need a woman who sees you as a pocketbook! Or her way to live it up big on Your money! You need a woman who sees who you are and loves what she sees. The hardest part is to wait and try to meet her. this is why I say go out and do things You like to do and look around. Meeting a woman at church may work. The ice breaker is already there, you are members of the same church! Don't give up and Never, Ever put yourself down in my presence!
@mythociate (13822)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
11 Feb 13
Thank you for the Amazing Grace
1 person likes this
@mythociate (13822)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
11 Feb 13
But if a woman CAN'T see me as a pocketbook, she's bound to see me as a DRAIN on her own pocketbook. (Oh, my love is a very-satisfying reward; but it doesn't figure into any MONETARY balance!)
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Feb 13
You are welcome. What are friends for? No she won't! True love Has Nothing to do with money! The right woman for you will see And Love you. You two may not have money but you will have each other. you will be rich in love. And that's what matters, right?
@sissy15 (5012)
• United States
10 Feb 13
I saw someone mention online dating. You don't have to spend money on it. There are a few sites that have free online dating sites. I met my boyfriend through a free online dating site. It's called plentyoffish.com. I am sure there are other free ones out there too you just have to look. I think there is jumpdates and casualkiss too. I tried a few before I found my boyfriend. As for the whole car thing it's something a lot of women can look past. I think the first thing you need to do is have a little more confidence. Some women are really about material things, but not all of them are. My boyfriend does have a job (minimum wage and child support is being taken out) but he doesn't drive because we can't afford a car and he doesn't have a HS diploma. I mean needless to say he may not be a lot of women's pick because he can't offer as much, but he offers more than what people may think. He is my best friend it's the fact that he is willing to listen to me and treat me right. He is smart, caring, loyal, sensitive, makes me laugh, and would do anything for me. That's what women should be looking for what you can give to a relationship not your income or what you can give them materialistically. I mean sure it helps to be more driven and have an idea where you want your life to go. That doesn't mean you have to have a high paying income or a car. It just means create goals from things you can do. Figure out that and go from there. Have more confidence in yourself, don't sell yourself short and don't be in such a rush for marriage. Best place to start is as friends and take it slowly from there. You need to build a foundation before you jump into something as serious as marriage. Good Luck! Hope you can find someone great!
@mythociate (13822)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
12 Feb 13
You ought to break up your paragraph into more easy-to-swallow bites (double-returning every 1-to-6 lines of text) ... I'll show you: "I saw someone mention online dating. You don't have to spend money on it. There are a few sites that have free online dating sites. I met my boyfriend through a free online dating site. It's called plentyoffish.com. I am sure there are other free ones out there too you just have to look. I think there is jumpdates and casualkiss too. I tried a few before I found my boyfriend. As for the whole car thing it's something a lot of women can look past. I think the first thing you need to do is have a little more confidence. Some women are really about material things, but not all of them are. My boyfriend does have a job (minimum wage and child support is being taken out) but he doesn't drive because we can't afford a car and he doesn't have a HS diploma. I mean needless to say he may not be a lot of women's pick because he can't offer as much, but he offers more than what people may think. He is my best friend it's the fact that he is willing to listen to me and treat me right. He is smart, caring, loyal, sensitive, makes me laugh, and would do anything for me. That's what women should be looking for what you can give to a relationship not your income or what you can give them materialistically. I mean sure it helps to be more driven and have an idea where you want your life to go. That doesn't mean you have to have a high paying income or a car. It just means create goals from things you can do. Figure out that and go from there. Have more confidence in yourself, don't sell yourself short and don't be in such a rush for marriage. Best place to start is as friends and take it slowly from there. You need to build a foundation before you jump into something as serious as marriage. Good Luck! Hope you can find someone great!" My goal is to stay right here, doing what I'm doing now ... of course, getting more recognition for that would be good---being sought-after like an ancient guru on top of a mountain (by the little part of EVERYONE who wants to be the able-bodied person who seeks the wisdom. The problem is 'where RIGHT HERE is'---in the middle of a SPRAWLED city: think a population like New York City, spread out to four-or-five times the area. Going practically-'anywhere' here, you either need a car, cab-fare or WAY more time than it's worth! And--to be within walking-distance of 'necessities' (the bank, the grocery-store, a few restaraunts &--originally (on a plan that didn't pan out)--the university)--I had to move to a neighborhood that isn't very neighborly. Maybe THAT'S where I should start---gathering the neighbors around a free show (with maybe everybody bringing free snacks to share), and forging sort of a neighborhood clique or something! But that would require getting dressed (after taking a shower ) and being somewhere ... And then there's the whole 'putting on a show'; well, the university I'm near HAS a music/drama/arts school (I was there for ... the original plan was music, but my brain-injury made me settle for entertainment-business, switching to English Composition & economics just before I dropped-out), & I'm SURE some students wouldn't mind 'playing for tips.' I feel like 'Doric of York' (the Medieval barber played by Steve Martin, back when Saturday Night Live was good): imagining all these wonderful things I could do ("using the Scientific Method, I could bring improvements to medicine as well as other things: the arts, music, astronomy, government ... twould be a veritable rebirth, a Renaissance! where new ideas find fertile ground, germinate, blossom & grow, bearing fuller & fuller fruits of ... NAHHHHHHHHH!") Still, we gotta start somewhere ... maybe I'll make myLot-flyers to put up around the university next time I'm passing-by on my way to SONIC Drive-In or BUY FOR LE$$
@sissy15 (5012)
• United States
12 Feb 13
Firstly I do know how to break up my sentences into more easy to read sentences. I just choose not to due to laziness and the fact that I am the mom of a 2 year old and am too tired to care when I write these things. I will however humor you to make it easier for you to read. I'm not giving attitude just saying it is something I know how to do. I get the word sprawled. I am lucky in the fact where I live I can walk across town when needed. Of course it's still takes an hour or two to get there but I can do it if needed. Those are some good ideas. You're on the right track. I think we are all capable of more than we give ourselves credit for. Just remember don't sell yourself short. Just because you can't give some things the average guy can give doesn't mean you have nothing to offer. Not all women want the average guy. Some women just want a decent guy and will accept a man just the way he is car or no car. They can work around that no matter the circumstances. If you love someone enough you figure out ways to make it work no matter how much work it may take. Sometimes the extra effort is worth it to be with someone. I get that you say it's a pain to get around and takes forever without a car. I'm just saying that sometimes the hassle is worth it for what you get in the long run. When I first met my BF he lived in a town about 45 minutes away from me and neither of us had a car. I had a really good best friend that would go get him for me. Then we would spend weekends together. We worked around it. Luckily now we both live together in our own apartment. So don't give up hope it will happen eventually if you just keep at it.
• United States
9 Feb 13
Maybe you should't think of money and marriage otherwise you will miss out on life.
@mythociate (13822)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
9 Feb 13
Right On!
@mensab (4208)
• Philippines
9 Feb 13
there may be ways on how to get a woman to like you. do not think so much ahead about marriage. get a woman first to like you by spending time with her. you will be surprised if i tell you that most women who are truly worthy to be loved are looking for a partner who does not necessarily drive a car or graduate in school. many women still want a partner who listens to them, cares for them, and makes them laugh and happy. be that man, and you will be surprised.
@mythociate (13822)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
9 Feb 13
Yeah, but I still get impatient!
@lampar (7597)
• United States
12 Feb 13
Just live your life like every single man in your area without asking for marriage to a lady, just keep it inside you until you got yourself a car later and can afford to cover all the expenses come with the marriage. It is not that difficult a thing for a single man like you to do, you just don't ask for now, but leave it to a later date. I hope you can see that my suggestion is a very simple solution to a very complex problem you have right now. If it turn out working, you don't have to thank me or you can thank me later, either way is fine with me.
• Kenya
10 Feb 13
You know what, real love is unconditional so, regardless of whether you have a car or not is irrelevant to a girl who will marry you for love. Otherwise thinking of a car to attract love will only mean you want a girl who is attracted to your money, wealth, material things and not in you. I for one love a confident man, an honest, understanding, patient man. It does not matter what he has or what he does not have. It is all about him; the person. Remember, love conquers all.