working moms... would you rather stay at home?

@dagami (1166)
Rome, Italy
March 25, 2013 4:16am CST
there was a time when the men worked, the women stayed at home to care care of the kids and the household. society has evolved since then. modern women opt to work and be financially independent. mothers leave their kids to nannies. some take them to day care centers at a very early age. most women feel guilty that they have to do this. most of them would rather be home taking care of their babies, staying with them until they are ready for school. for most families however, both parents need to work in order to provide for their needs. if your husband is financially capable of supporting your family, would you rather stay at home?
4 people like this
11 responses
@ayeeesha (1134)
• Philippines
25 Mar 13
I'm a stay-at-home mom so my answer is really biased :) But given a choice, I'd still choose to stay at home and take care of my daughter. Nowadays, its so hatd to look for nannies who'll genuinely take care of my baby. And if my husband can provide a good life, its okay for me to stay at home. BUT that doesn't mean I'll just rely on him all the time. Even if I'm at home, I still look for ways to earn money for myself.
1 person likes this
@dagami (1166)
• Rome, Italy
25 Mar 13
yes, it's hard to look for a someone to trust with our babies. i was lucky when i had my son. my mother had just retired from her teaching job and i just got someone to help her out with the other household chores. she was the one who took good care of my baby while i was working.
@ayeeesha (1134)
• Philippines
25 Mar 13
Lucky for you. I can't find someone who'll stay with us and take care of my baby. But I have no regrets though. I would love to work and have a stable job and career on my own but there are other ways I can earn while attending to my baby's needs :)
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Mar 13
I can't really give you a woman's perspective on this, but as a stay at home dad, I can say staying home with my kids was very important to me. My fiancee had twins and when we started doing the figures for child care it was more feasible for one of us to stay home and raise our own kids. My fiancee had the higher paying job so she continued to work. She does feel a sense of guilt about leaving the babies, but when she comes back home she gives the babies her full attention. Meanwhile, I do feel too financially dependent on someone else, but the time with my children has been very valuable. I never knew all the things I missed out on because I was a working father before and I was too absorbed with my job that I had very little time for my older kids.
1 person likes this
@dagami (1166)
• Rome, Italy
25 Mar 13
it's good to have a man's perspective on this matter too. some dads who loose their jobs and are forced to stay at home to take care of the kids and do the chores become irritable. the man needs to have the strength and confidence in himself in order to get thru this. you seem to have both since you were able to take care of your twins well. this is even a harder job. was your wife working when you had your older kids? if not, how did you feel about her not contributing to the family income?
• United States
25 Mar 13
My older kids are from a previous relationship and the mom was a stay at home mom. I think at some point I start resenting the fact that I had the only income in the house, but now that shoe is on the other foot I learned how selfish I was when I was the working parent. I think at some point, both parents should take off from the job and spend time with their kids. It really helps put things into perspective. Most people get so consumed with making money they forget that parental obligations don't stop when you punch out from work.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12815)
• Philippines
25 Mar 13
I would rather have my own means too. Though it's essential that mothers be there for the kids, there should also be a venue for her to find her own means and be able to find self-worth in the process. Remember, being a mother is a thankless job and a never-ending job. When a mom has the right venue to earn too, she feels satisfied and motivated in her life. The routine of taking care of the family may dull her excitement, but having sources of income for herself can give her more ideas on how to budget and manage the home well. Further, if the mom is just at home all day, it would take much toll on the relationship between the husband too. She'd be tempted to nag a lot because she will always just keep her eyes on the husband's whereabouts. Further, she's also going to be frustrated because she's depending on her husband and kids for happiness. If they're not home, then she will be bored. All she'll think about the whole day is "when are they coming back?!" ehhehee.. My mom, on the other hand, has a better circumstance (I think). She isn't required to have a job, but she has a flexi-time job. She has a source of fund (though not very big) but she's able to come home earlier than my dad and the children to take care of the domestic duties. She also goes out with friends (recently going to Bangkok for a week) and still has time to keep herself beautiful. My mom isn't insecure. Neither is she giving up family for career. I think all women should work. But also remember their obligations for the family. Therefore, women shouldn't be too focused on work (no overtime, not handle too much responsibilities as well). I guess the problem here is the fact that most of the people these days cannot really choose their jobs. Further, women are becoming more into career and husbands don't compete as much. Which makes the family life threatened, fathers no longer have stable jobs.. Temptation is really massive these days, husbands and wives cheat. Single men and women are no longer afraid to steal married men/women from their families. Homes are broken and all because people no longer value and work hard for the family. It's difficult. But I do hope we'd have stronger family relationships soon.
1 person likes this
@dagami (1166)
• Rome, Italy
25 Mar 13
your mom is definitely lucky. and by the way you talk about her, she must have been able to manage her time between this part time job and her family well. some women stay at home because they have no other option since it is hard to find a job nowadays. i am also a working mom although my son already has a family of his own and is no longer financially dependent on us. i wouldn't feel good if i were not earning. anytime that i have to buy something i would need to inform my husband about it since i probably would feel guilty spending his hard earned money on myself (although i know he wouldn't mind).
@laydee (12815)
• Philippines
27 Mar 13
Yes, that's the great part there ~ she manages her time well and could still end up beautiful after the day's over. Indeed most women these days don't choose to be stay home moms but there are reasons why they cannot find jobs. One would the fact that it's difficult to find a job these days, not to mention the difficulty of finding a nanny (and they're expensive too). Yeah, it's good to have money on your own. She tells me that she's guilty whenever she need to spend for herself using my father's money, she said it's better to spend on basic needs rather than herself for it. So, since she has money, she has the confidence to spend for herself. Thanks for the best response mark! It's truly appreciated! Have a great mylot experience ahead!
1 person likes this
@doroffee (4235)
• Hungary
25 Mar 13
I'm going to be a working mom, but I don't have kids, and I haven't even graduated :D. But. I don't think I would be a stay at home mom. It just wouldn't be my style. To be honest, I'm pretty sure that I had to go to work for financial reasons even if I didn't want to, but I do want to :P. First of all, I really wanna be independent financially. I mean, I trust my boyfriend, but you never know whether your relationship is going to last forever. Then the wife can be really vulnerable and exposed. No matter how hard raising a child can be, it's not going to be paid... and the guy can be like, I've earned all the money, she just spent the time at home, I'm gonna bring everything with me. I don't want to get into a situation where I have no money, no work experience and no roof over my head. Also, I like mental working, I'd like to find my individual fulfilment, I wanna do something with my skills. Also, for me, it would be really boring to stay at home with the kids, almost every day being the same, not being among adults every single day to talk to :D.
1 person likes this
@Angelpink (4023)
• Philippines
25 Mar 13
Hi there ! I loved to take care of little children , to nurture them well to the best of my ability but i just too talented to stay in four walls of the house. I have the skill , talent and the profession , i want to use this and to prove my worth to the family. I am working at same time i am managing my family also. It doesn't mean that because i have children then i will be setting aside my profession and skill , i still can perfectly do all my duties and obligations to my kids at same working . It is just a matter of having a systematic system then all will run smoothly without sacrificing the other.
1 person likes this
@dagami (1166)
• Rome, Italy
25 Mar 13
time management is very important. it is also important that a working mom doesn't have a very demanding job that entails working late and lots of travelling while the kids are still young. unless of course if the father is at home and taking care of them.
@TLilly12 (1230)
• United States
25 Mar 13
When I had my son, I had to work back then, since I was the only one raising my son, my husband was no where around, and later he ended up in prison, where he is today now my son is older, he has kids of his own I baby sit, for him sometime but I on longer make it a habit like i use to.
1 person likes this
@dagami (1166)
• Rome, Italy
25 Mar 13
i admire you for being able to raise your kid alone. this is not an easy task but the rewards of being a mother outweigh the hardships. it is also very thoughtful of you to help babysit your grandchildren. my mother did this for me too and i really appreciated that.
@hunibani (720)
• Philippines
25 Mar 13
I prefer to work than staying home. I would rather be out than be inside all the time. It doesn't mean I dont want to take care of the kids but that can be solve. A working mom can do multiple things. I've seen a lot of them. :] xx
1 person likes this
@dagami (1166)
• Rome, Italy
25 Mar 13
the modern day woman is like "wonder woman". she gets up early in the morning, prepares breakfast for her family, prepares herself for work and her kids for school. after a long and tiring day at work, she arrives home, help her children with the homework, and starts preparing dinner. she needs to get groceries but this can wait until the weekends. the house can be cleaned during saturdays too. the dishes however need to be washed everyday and the beds made every morning. and oh, there's the laundry that needs to be washed and ironed. yes, a working mom can do multiple things...
@suni51 (1690)
25 Mar 13
I wish they thought lie you. I can see many of such moms are regretting their decision. I know someone special to me who would have been better off if she would stayed home rather than earning millions that she does. She is so sad that her only son is not with her but staying far off, almost 10 k KM. I am so sorry for her because I too am responsible for her suffering. Cheers.
1 person likes this
@dagami (1166)
• Rome, Italy
25 Mar 13
yes, i am familiar with situations like this. some women work abroad in order to provide better opputunities for their children. sometimes it's even a choice of whether to have food or going hungry. in this case i think it even becomes a MUST. i just hope that when these babies grow older, they will be able to appreciate the sacrifices that their mothers did for them.
@cherigucchi (3858)
• Philippines
25 Mar 13
I love being a working mom no matter how difficult it may be side by side with my responsibilities as a mother and a wife. Just like one of the discussants said, I also want to have my own means too and find my own individuality as a career woman. Time will come and our kids will become adult and they will need us less and less. They would finally find their own life and interest and when that time comes we will feel alone with nothing to fall back on. Besides it feels better that you are able to fulfill your duties as a mom and a career woman at the same time.
@dagami (1166)
• Rome, Italy
25 Mar 13
yes, you're right there. i have friends who stayed at home while their babies were small. they are lucky to have husbands who provide well for them. babies grow (thankfully) and when they finally decided to go back to working, they found it hard to re-insert themselves.
@ARIES1973 (8746)
• Legaspi, Philippines
26 Mar 13
I have been working for several years already and if ever given a chance, I would like to stay at home but of course I still want to work but not the one with a boss anymore. That is why I am trying my best to be successful with my online career so that time will come that I don't have to leave home anymore in order to work. Travelling everyday makes me sick.
@dagami (1166)
• Rome, Italy
26 Mar 13
good idea although i don't know if the money that would come in from the online jobs would be the same. the daily commute to work can be frustrating too especially if you leave from from work and encounter too much traffic.
@neelia27 (897)
• Philippines
26 Mar 13
i am a stay at home.. though sometimes we have financial problems but thank God their are people helping us.. i choose to be a stay at home mom because of my son.. i think he is too small to leave him to a nanny which i don't know if he will be going to be taken good care of.. so i decided to be with him for now.. if he is grown up i might consider working to help my husband with our expenses..
@dagami (1166)
• Rome, Italy
26 Mar 13
you're lucky you don't have to worry much about your finances. this is always the the most important thing to consider since if the money is not enough, the mom needs to work in order to augment the family's income. when my son was a baby, i would leave home feeling slightly guilty.