i don't get it
By jazel_juan
@jazel_juan (15747)
Philippines
March 31, 2013 7:06pm CST
From the time i got confined, money has been tight again as of course we spent some money on the hospital and the bill was high so we also have to borrow money from my husband's brother.
Though the brother is very nice ( quite well off) he does not asks us to pay him right away, instead he wants us to pay it slowly if we can. But i am that comfortable with it and if possible pay him right away..and of course there are still other bills to think of life water, electricity and the likes at home.. i am actually raking my brains right now as to how to recover from it...
and here comes hubby, who received a phone call from his parents ( his parents are miles away in Nueva Ecija) his parents asked for his bank account to deposit some money for him, it is his share from the harvest ( they own a big parcel of land which they harvest rice and of course earn from it and he has share from it) and i don't know the rest of their conversation as i did not stay and listen...
anyways, afterwards he sat down with me on the table as i was drinking hot choco that time and he told me that they were asking for his account as they will give money his share... and he told me he did not accept it.
So really i don't get it right now why he didn't accept it. Probably his pride? i told him we quite honestly need it. I am not one who would insist on asking money especially from his parents, i am even one as much as possible earn it on my own rather than ask from his parents or mine even. But right now, we are sooo tight i feel like choking and there he refused and he knows how much we are struggling.
it's his pride right?
2 people like this
10 responses
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
1 Apr 13
I reckon it's his pride, yes. The thing is, if he's tempted (and hasn't been at the moment) may it happen again in future? I guess he doesn't want to be dependent on them for money. My hubby used to have money given to him by his parents all the time and I found out a while ago that he had to pay them back in installments (depending on what the money was for) and I didn't know this to start with.
So, he rarely gets money off his parents now and I'm glad. He earns more money at work and I really do think that - yes, you're saying (quite rightly) that you actually NEED the money right now..but, because of my husband's situation, I can see it from YOUR hubby's perspective as well.
I don't know your husband's situation employment wise but if he's in a pickle at the moment..it will pass.
Trust me.
2 people like this
@jazel_juan (15747)
• Philippines
1 Apr 13
He is employed full time and his pay is of average but of course we still needs more. The thing is we never did ask money from his parents..but we did asked money from MY parents which he didn't discourage me from. so i don't get it.
@jazel_juan (15747)
• Philippines
1 Apr 13
i could speak to them but i decided i would rather not interfere.. as to avoid further problems 
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
1 Apr 13
Oh, right, I see what you mean. Can't you speak to them without involving him, or is that impossible (like it is in this house funnily enough).
1 person likes this
@allknowing (130064)
• India
1 Apr 13
There must be some background for your husband to refuse, what is legitimately his. I find this strange. Is you husband at logger heads with his parents for any reason? Unless this is clarified it is difficult to know why he would refuse at a time when you are in a tight spot.
2 people like this
@jazel_juan (15747)
• Philippines
1 Apr 13
If i would really think back, there was never really a time he even had an argument with them..ever. So it is mind boggling as to why he would refuse.
@allknowing (130064)
• India
1 Apr 13
You better use all your wits and get him to agree. Wish you good luck!
1 person likes this
@nanayangel (7879)
• Philippines
1 Apr 13
Hi there Jazel Juan!
I understand how you feel. Well, of course we cannot tell for sure. Pride, as you have said might be one of the reasons if not the main reason why your husband refused the money. Another thing to consider is the financial situation of his parents. Probably they also need the money?
@jazel_juan (15747)
• Philippines
1 Apr 13
As far as i know their part of the family is quite well off..so i guess that was why they offered him the money as they don't need it.
@MoonGypsy (4606)
• United States
1 Apr 13
maybe he doesn't want to tap into that money. maybe he plan on saving it for you guys' future. although, i don't understand why he wouldn't want to use it now that it is an emergency.
2 people like this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
1 Apr 13
From my point-of-view, I would have encouraged him to accept it. However, we don't know the whole conversation. Perhaps the parents were telling him to help out more or have told him something that might have touched his pride. You know these men, the macho in them talks louder than practicality. Perhaps if you share with him the problems of finances, he could think too of what he can do instead of being macho.
I have that same problem with my father. He's too macho to accept the fact that he needs to lower down the pride. But well, I can't do anything, I'm just the daughter. But you're the wife, you can find ways for him to understand the situation. If he doesn't accept the money, perhaps he can do something to contribute to the finances.
Good luck to that. Have a great mylot experience ahead!
2 people like this
@jazel_juan (15747)
• Philippines
1 Apr 13
Well he did told me that his mom told him that he never did share any of his problems to them.. my husband was never one who calls them unless i urged him to do so. So i guess my in-laws were referring to the time i was confined and we need help financially..he never did call them or even when we were struggling from our house rent and the likes..he never did call them.
He do know about our finances and he knows it, as i do tell him about the bills..and yes its pride i guess. oh well.. as long as he thinks he can provide more then ill let him decide on this one.
@jaiho2009 (39142)
• Philippines
1 Apr 13
Maybe it is his pride (can't see any reason for rejecting the offer)
Not to mention that it's his parents who offer and he never ask for it.
I couldn't understand either why your hubby refuse it since it is share and not something like a give-away or a loan.
Well- maybe your husband has a good reason aside from his pride :)
@jazel_juan (15747)
• Philippines
1 Apr 13
i hope so! probably he will ask for it in the future..like during May, for enrollment! 
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
1 Apr 13
hi jazel Juan I do not get it either as its his money his share from the profits and his parents wanted him to have it and what better way to make use of it that way. Pride is good but when money really tight its better to take a gift and use it wisely to clear up hospital debts. Pride often goes before a fall too.
@jazel_juan (15747)
• Philippines
1 Apr 13
probably, there are reasons for his decision and somehow it might be for the future and for good.. somehow i will still shed light from this.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
1 Apr 13
Yup! Definitely his pride. But really, he should have accepted it as it was not just something given to him. It is his share from their family business' earnings. I think he should consider accepting them coz it will really be a big help.
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
1 Apr 13
Just like you, if we are in a tight situation, i would definitely would like my husband to accept it, because it wasn't asked from his parents but it was his parents who offered it.
They won't be offering it to him, if they themselves are in need of the money.
Besides, family are like that. They seem to know when a member is in a tight situation.
Or maybe your husband doesn't like it because maybe it's your brother-in-law who told the parents that he lent money to your husband. Thus, your husband seem not to like it when he is being pitied and helped like that.
Which is for me baloney!
1 person likes this
@jazel_juan (15747)
• Philippines
1 Apr 13
can't help but laugh about what you have said, baloney..which i have to agree. i was finishing my cup of hot choco last night and that was what i was thinking, a few days ago he was thinking of how to earn more or have extra money and now it is being handed to him, he won't accept it..and if it was me and my parents, i do accept it i mean, honestly i need the money so why would i be ashamed in accepting it right? and he does not object when i do it.
@tiffnkeat (1673)
• Singapore
1 Apr 13
It's best to sit down and have a good talk with him. Do not guess what the reasons are or conjure all sorts of stories in your mind. You will only make yourself miserable. Get the truth from him, if he is willing to talk. If he refuses to talk, you should also respect that. Pride or otherwise, the decision is made. If it is pride, do you expect him to eat humble pie and go back to his parents and now want the money?
Stick together close because of the lack of money. It will be good for the relationship in the long run.
