I'm such a bad mother!

Bad Mom - Bad Mother?
@ctryhnny (3463)
United States
April 20, 2013 6:17pm CST
Thursday I read on fb that my son was going to be dj'ing tonight so I sent a message to my d/i/l asking if she wanted me to babysit. Of course she never got back to me so I sent a text to my son asking him if her mother was going to babysit and he said they hadn't asked and did I want to do it. Of course I said yes and that was the last I heard anything from him or her. This afternoon I read on fb...again...that he had fallen down the stairs while taking the babycarriage down them. I started to worry....where was the baby? I texted him and asked and he said he had put the baby in the playpen while he did that. He said he hit his head, back and leg. I asked if he wanted me to go there so he could rest and he said no which is par for the course for him. Then I reminded him about his gig tonight and he said he cancelled it. Being the pessimist that I am I didn't believe him so I called the place he was supposed to dj and they said he cancelled because he fell down some steps. He doesn't know I did that so now I'm feeling like a real jerk. I was just so sure that he didn't want to tell me his m/i/l was going to babysit instead of me! The poor guy is really hurt and here I was thinking the worst about him and I'm feeling so bad! Does my not believing him make me a bad Mom? I know how he is and thought for sure he didn't want to tell me the truth!
4 people like this
15 responses
• United States
21 Apr 13
i dont think you are a bad mother at all. i mean obviously you had a reason to think that he lied to you. plus no one but you knows that you call so its not like it started a whole thing to where he knows you didnt trust him. now its just time to be there for him and help him in any way that he will let you or that he needs to recover and get better. i hope that your son is doing ok..!!??
@ctryhnny (3463)
• United States
21 Apr 13
The only way I know how their doing sadly is through fb. He knows I'm here for him but he always says he doesn't want to 'bother' me. Bother me? I want nothing more than spending time with him and his family.
• United States
22 Apr 13
awww that is sad because i understand. i am the same way with my mother. i dont know anything unless it is over facebook but of course i have diffrent reasons. i understand you want to spend time with him have you ever talked to him and told him how you feel that it isnt a bother that you want to be in his life and help him the best you can?
@mariaperalta (19096)
• Mexico
20 Apr 13
Shame on you !!! just kidding. So why would you not have believed your son in the first place? has he lied to you before?
@ctryhnny (3463)
• United States
21 Apr 13
NO, he hasn't lied to me before it was just a feeling I got and went overboard with. When I don't get replies to my texts I have to wonder why. I know there are times when my d/i/l has asked her mom and my son has asked me for the same day/night and my son doesn't like to let me down by telling me this because he's knows how important it is to me.
• Mexico
21 Apr 13
I understand that, mothers can be over protected sometimes. Hope hes well now. have a great Sunday there.
• United States
21 Apr 13
If you cannot trust your son--whom you raised from birth--on something like this, you really do need to be working on this with a counselor. Why was it that you couldn't trust that your son would have just told you the truth if they had chosen to have his mother-in-law babysit instead? While you want to spend time with your grandson, you decrease the likelihood of it when you behave in this way. While your son may not find out about this particular incident, he has to know that you are a bit obsessive over that kid. Your first response to reading that your son had injured himself should have been to contact him to make sure that he was okay--not to ask where the kid was. Obviously, if the kid had been in the stroller and been injured, your son wouldn't have been posting to FB; he likely would have had his son off getting checked out by a doctor.
@ctryhnny (3463)
• United States
21 Apr 13
The first thing I thought about was the baby because I'm not sure how they do things like taking him out in the carraige. I did offer to go to my sons apt so he could rest but he said no he was fine which is where I started second guessing what he said. If I fell down stairs and had a baby to take care of I would want the help wouldn't you? Obsessive? Me? YES I am when it comes to my kids and they know it.
@lelin1123 (15645)
• Puerto Rico
21 Apr 13
OMG I can't believe you didn't trust your own son. If I were you yes I would be feeling really sick that I would stoop that low. Are you jealous of the MIL babysitting over you? I think this is what the real deal is here. I wouldn't tell your son what you did but I also hope that he never finds out. He would be so upset that you didn't trust what he said. Especially that he really got hurt falling down the stairs.
@ctryhnny (3463)
• United States
21 Apr 13
I hate to admit it but there is a sort of rivalry between me and the m/i/l. My daughter tells me all the time that she will get picked over me because her daughter is the Mom of the baby. But she lives in another state and I live ten minutes away from them and just really want a relationship with my 1 yr old grandson. They will never find out I called so I'm not worried about that. I do hope my son is more careful down those stairs.
@wolfie34 (26881)
• United Kingdom
21 Apr 13
I actually think you were being caring, and you like any mother was worrying about your son, doesn't matter how old children get to be, mothers will never stop worrying, look at me I am 42 this year and my mum is always worrying about me, bless her. I actually fully understand why you rang up the gig, I think I would have done the same thing, don't think of it as being foolish, think of it as putting your mind at ease. And don't you think under the circumstance of how they act and behave towards you, that you have every right to be a touch suspicious?
@ctryhnny (3463)
• United States
23 Apr 13
I was 60 yrs old when my Mom past on and she was still worrying about me even then. OUr last conversation was New years eve and she said said she hoped the new year would be better for me. I'll never forget her words.
• India
21 Apr 13
Hi friend, sad to hear about this, don't worry. I don't think you are a bad mother, really you are a caring person, so only you think about that baby and interested in baby sitting. I think your son and DIL don't understand you, hope they will realize their mistake and get back soon
@ctryhnny (3463)
• United States
23 Apr 13
They obviously don't understand me! I think it will be too late by the time they do. I'm not going to live forever.
• Philippines
21 Apr 13
mother is not considered to be bad at all..They just do for the good for their children..as they said mother knows best...:)
@ctryhnny (3463)
• United States
21 Apr 13
I obviously wasn't doing anything good. I was not believing my poor son and I feel so bad about it today.
@dagami (1163)
• Rome, Italy
21 Apr 13
children have a habit of lying to their parents about their health conditions because they don't want them to worry. moms know this and probably this was the reason why you didn't believe him at once. no harm was done. i hope you didn't who you were to the person you talked with on the phone. if you did and that person mentions this to your son, then your son might feel bad about your dobting him. you're not a bad mom. it's natural for us to think about the welfare of our children, no matter how old they are.
@ctryhnny (3463)
• United States
21 Apr 13
NO, I didn't say who I was when I called because I know that would have caused trouble which I'm trying to stay out of...lol
@Kathy1981 (157)
• United States
21 Apr 13
My mother has always been like that. She starts to worry that something went wrong if I am late going over to see her. My kids are young so I do not worry like that yet. You are probably just acting like a mother to your grown son.
@ctryhnny (3463)
• United States
21 Apr 13
Yes, I think I am over mothering him. I tend to forget he's married and has a family that I'm not part of.
• China
21 Apr 13
Sorry to hear the bad news.But i think you should take good care of your child in the future.now don't worry about it,it's water over the dam.Hope you wouldn't make the same mistake nest time.
@ctryhnny (3463)
• United States
21 Apr 13
NO, I think I have to learn to trust him more as hard as it is.
@MsSuzz (13)
• United States
20 Apr 13
I don't think you're a bad mother at all. You obviously care a great deal about you son and his family. Try to relax a little bit and enjoy the time you do have with them. I'm sure they all love you very much!
@ctryhnny (3463)
• United States
21 Apr 13
Yes, I think I care too much about my family and take everything to heart. Every time I think it's ok to 'relax' and not worry about something something else pops up!
• United States
20 Apr 13
Why are you looking for trouble? I would never have done that and shame on you. Now don't you feel silly and all along no one was lying. And your MIL was not going to babysit. Don't do this to yourself, it'll make you a miserable old lady.
@ctryhnny (3463)
• United States
21 Apr 13
lol...I AM a miserable old lady...obviously or I wouldn't have done that and believed my son.
@jenny1015 (13394)
• Philippines
23 Apr 13
Don't be too hard on yourself. You are a mother and you worry for your son and grandchild.
@suspenseful (40326)
• Canada
21 Apr 13
He did not want to hurt your feelings and the mother-in-law probably just dropped by and asked if she could look after the baby and he either forgot or it slipped his mind.. You are not a bad mother. It is just that you were worried about him. Of course, he would not take the baby carriage with the baby in it. He would have put the baby in the crib or a play pen. Makes common sense. So how is he doing now?
21 Apr 13
It doesn't make you a bad mom but it suggests you are very insecure in your relationship with your son and daughter-in-law - and that is making you a bit paranoid. From what you've said, there doesn't seem to be any genuine grounds for you to worry. Perhaps it's just the fact that, once he married, you were no longer the most important woman in his life and, while you can accept that, you also fear that his mother-in-law will be given preference to you. That's understandable as obviously his wife will be closer to her own mother and will naturally want her around. There is a fear that the wife and her mother will somehow come between you and your son and you will be less and less included in his life and that of your grandchild. The unfortunate truth is, you can bring that worse scenario about if you act jealous, controlling, blaming or interfering. If it becomes an emotional challenge to keep you happy, he may withdraw. Be friendly with your daughter-in-law's mother and not in competition. You are just as much the child's grandmother. Unfortunately, men do sometimes forget how their own mother must be feeling. Just tell your son and his wife you want them to know how much you love them and just make it a stress-free pleasure for both of them to see you. Then they can think of you happily instead of with anxiety/guilt. My own mother had a daughter-in-law who treated her with hatred from day one and brought up her grandchildren to hate her too. That broke her heart so badly. It doesn't seem you are in that sort of position, so count your blessings. You may need to practise a little diplomacy - but try to stop feeling rejected! They should of course have rung you to let you know about the accident, and that you weren't needed to babysit after all, but maybe they were caught up in the stress of it themselves. It was thoughtless rather than devious. You were way over the top to imagine some kind of conspiracy against you rather than primarily being concerned for your injured son - but then, you know that. You may not be the absolute center of your son's world - that's his wife and child - but you are and always will be a very important part of it and you should feel confident in that and stop worrying. Just be there for them when they need you and be a happy factor in their lives.