Dont let your personal experiences effect you ,but is it so easy?
By grvdubey11
@grvdubey11 (1879)
India
April 23, 2013 7:26am CST
I had a friend who suffered due to bad men in her family, her grandfather was mean to her grandmother and her father as mean to her mother.So she used to pick up fight with guys purposely , i noticed that many times during my friendship with her.At first she is extremely nice and cool and then suddenly she used to find faults in guys and pick up a fight.My friendship with her ended due to such a fight,she asked me once to look out for a flat for her ,i told her that a flat in my building is available and suddenly she burst out in anger and said that i purposely gave such a suggestion so that i can be close to her all the time and take advantage of her someday.I dont know what made her think like that because i never even flirted with her.Anyways i am not targeting a particular gender here we see lots of instances where guys have hatred for all girls due to some bad experiences.People tell you to move on and dont generalize things, but is it so easyI also generalize things many times based on my experiences,anyone else here who does the same? is there any way we can stop ourselves from not doing that?
2 people like this
5 responses
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
23 Apr 13
Unfortunately for me, because I was in two abusive relationships, it has deeply affected and influenced me, so much so that I have resigned myself to being single for the rest of my life, I won't date, I won't even meet anyone socially, I put the walls up, I am suspicious, I don't trust and I don't let anyone close to me. I just fear that I will find someone equally as abusive. I am very defensive and now prefer my own company. So I can understand when someone has suffered due to bad men or even bad women in their life that it has changed them, it's a defensive barrier that we put up to stop us getting hurt again. I know it not healthy, but neither is being with abusive partners.
1 person likes this
@grvdubey11 (1879)
• India
24 Apr 13
Thanks for the honest response wolfie, so its clear that bad experiences do effect our thinking a lot.However i wonder if there was a way to get over with it then it would have been helpful to lot of people in breaking the barrier which blocks the happiness too.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
23 Apr 13
I was in an abusive marriage and I have had to step back and realize that not all men are like the one experience that I had. Many are but certainly not most. It is that kind of thinking that helped me to move forward from it. I think that we just have to learn to be more selective in the company that we keep.
@grvdubey11 (1879)
• India
23 Apr 13
That is the right approach,it means you are optimistic even after being in a bad relationship.Normally after facing such situations in life people tend to become cynical and pessimistic .But that way we just close the doors to happiness also which can come our way.Anyways your approach is really inspiring.Thanks a lot for your response.
1 person likes this
@ihopper (97)
• Philippines
24 Apr 13
Honestly speaking, I don't think that there exists such a situation where in personal experiences won't affect us. I think it's completely normal for this to occur. I mean, of course, don't you think it would be irrational if this were to happen? Something already burnt you once and yet you're willing to touch it again? I don't think that this is something that's easy to do. As human beings, one person's experience becomes part of another's. It's like a collective identity that just keeps growing you know? It may be hard to try to get out of this mind set. Essentially, I think that in order to do so, you have to find someone who will prove all of these statements in your head wrong.
@grvdubey11 (1879)
• India
24 Apr 13
I agree with you, theoretically it may be possible but its very difficult practically to ignore and move on when you have bad experiences.You are so right about finding someone who would end all suspicion and presumptions people have due to their bad experiences. However sad thing is that people close all the doors to such opportunities.Thanks a lot for your response.
@dagami (1158)
• Rome, Italy
23 Apr 13
our experiences in life are amongst the several factors that shape our character. as the saying goes, "once bitten, twice shy." your friend may not have been personally bitten but she has seen the lives of her grandma and mom that is why she acts like this. if it very hard to be objective all the time. our emotions are dictated by our mind which has stored memories of past experiences.
@grvdubey11 (1879)
• India
23 Apr 13
You are right,I also get cynical at times based on my past experiences although not to the extreme.I know reputation of men is not good overall but not everyone is bad,may be i am bad too but i was trying to help in this particular case but she had to pick up a fight nevertheless. Thanks a lot for your response.
1 person likes this
@emily7339 (1337)
• Malaysia
23 Apr 13
I guess this problem also common among some parents and their children as well. Many times a parent will used their past experiences to teach their kids. The way of life they live when they were young and they will expect their children to be likewise 
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However, things have changed in this hi-tech era. Children are no longer the kids in the olden days where there is no IT gadgets and so on. Their thinking and influences also has been modenized. So, certain past experiences may not work for the youngsters nowadays 
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However, things have changed in this hi-tech era. Children are no longer the kids in the olden days where there is no IT gadgets and so on. Their thinking and influences also has been modenized. So, certain past experiences may not work for the youngsters nowadays @grvdubey11 (1879)
• India
23 Apr 13
That's a fair point, i agree with you, parents tend to do that.But its better not to generalize things.We get both good and bad people in life and that depends on luck. Of-course we should learn from our experiences but we should not get stubborn with a particular thinking.Thanks a lot for your response.
1 person likes this
