Do you expect to get paid when you help a family member?

@Porcospino (18396)
Denmark
April 29, 2013 12:11pm CST
Today my husband visited his mother and she told him that her cousin's daughter had asked her for money in exchange for her help. My mother-in-law wanted to clean the entire kitchen and because of her health she is not able to do everything on her own, so she asked her cousin's daughter if she wanted to help her clean the kitchen cabinets etc. Her cousin's daughter said: "Yes, I will help you if you pay me $15 per hour" My husband told me about the things she had said and he told me that he was shocked that her cousin's daughter only wanted to help my mother-in-law if she got paid for it. I asked my husband if he was sure that the comment about $15 wasn't a joke and he said: "No no, she was serious". My husband and I would never ask for money if help a family member. Do you think that it is okay to ask for $15 per hour when you help a family member? Why/why not? Would you help a family members without payment? Or do you expect payment in exchange for your help?
4 people like this
14 responses
• United States
29 Apr 13
I personally don't think that any family member should ask for money for helping out, maybe asking for the gas money to be covered would be one thing, but the hourly rate thing is just a little rude to me. There has only been one time that I was irritated that my brother didn't pay me for help, but that was only because his wife gives her brother 100 dollars to dog sit, and her brother really doesn't do anything, he doesn't work or have a girlfriend or go to school. So my brother had me dogsit even though I was very busy just so he could save money. If they didn't pay her brother, I would have no problem doing him any favor for free, but I just feel like its an insult to me like he's better than me so therefor he gets compensated. If that makes any sense lol
1 person likes this
@Porcospino (18396)
• Denmark
30 Apr 13
I agree with that. In my family we don't ask for money when we help eachother, but some of the members of my husband's family expect to get paid if they help a family member. I always thought that was a little rude. Like you say asking for gas money is one thing, but I would never ask for a certain amount per hour in exchange for my help. I understand how you feel about your brother's dog. I would dog sit for free, but I would be upset if I discovered that they paid another family member who did the same thing and expected me to do it for free
@dagami (1162)
• Rome, Italy
29 Apr 13
it would depend on how close your mom in law is with her cousin and her counsin's daughter. if they aren't really close and they seldom frequent each other, then i can understand the girl's asking for money specially if she is badly need of it. however, she shouldn't have mentioned an exact amount. however, if your mom in law is close to them and she has helped them out several times in the past, then asking for money was bad. i have helped relatives a lot in the past. when there were parties or special occasins, i didn't wait to be asked, i went to the house of my relatives and helped. it is natural for us because we have extended families. we live close to cousins and we grew up together so we always help out each other.
1 person likes this
@Porcospino (18396)
• Denmark
29 Apr 13
My mother-im-law and her cousin and her cousin's daughters are very close and they spend a lot of time together. That is also one of the reasons why we were surpriced to find out that she had asked for money. My mother-in-law has helped them many times in the past, and I don't think that it is nice of her cousin's daughter to ask for money in exchange for her help. My mother-in-law is in her 70's and she has different illnesses. It is not easy for her to clean her home like she did in the past, and that is the reason why she asked her cousin's daughter for help.
• United States
29 Apr 13
This is not a close relative. This is a "cousin's daughter." The girl did not offer help. Instead, your mother-in-law sought to impose upon her--to saddle her with work and not to compensate her in any manner. The girl was well within her rights to say that she would do it for pay. It is one thing to offer help to a family member when they need it. When a family member asks for a favor, one may lend a hand if one can. However, when it comes to various cousins, one should not feel some obligation to go help everyone out for free just because they expect it. I would help out a family member as a favor. However, I would not be too happy if someone thought that they could take up a big chunk of my time and energy doing their housework for free. I have my own housework to do as well as cooking, writing and other activities.
1 person likes this
@Porcospino (18396)
• Denmark
29 Apr 13
I don't think that is true. My mother-in-law did not impose it upon her, she would never do that, she simply asked her for help, and if the girl had said no, she would have accepted it immediately. My mother-in-law is a very modest person, and she would never try to talk people into something if they said no or ask them more than once. If you knew her you would understand what I mean I wouldn’t ask a family member for money if I helped them with something. That doesn’t mean that I would help anyone anytime, I would say no if I was too busy with other things, but if I agree to help them I wouldn’t ask them to pay me. My family members don’t ask for money either when the situation is the other way around.
• Philippines
29 Apr 13
I think that relative of yours who asked for money badly needs it, that's why she offer herself in return of paying her. One thing that I really don't like is that she named her price. She shouldn't do it.
1 person likes this
@Porcospino (18396)
• Denmark
29 Apr 13
Yes, I can imagine that she needs money. She is a student and like most students she doesn't have a lot of money. I don't like the way that she asked for payment in exchange for her help. In my family we don't ask for money when we help eachother, but some of the members of my husband's family have a different opinion about this topic and they expect money in exchange for their help. In my own family I often help my relatives and they also help me/us without asking for money.
@lelin1123 (15644)
• Puerto Rico
29 Apr 13
If my husband and I got paid everytime we helped a family member we would be rich today. I don't think it was right for her to ask for payment to help her. That is so wrong and so cold of her. She is a person who is only thinking about money and how she can make it instead of helping her from the kindness of her heart because she can't do it herself. This shows that she was raised with bad values, in my opinion. However, I think the generation coming up now are mostly like that, cold and heartless and want everything for nothing.
1 person likes this
@Porcospino (18396)
• Denmark
29 Apr 13
I know her cousin's daughter and generally I have a good impression of her, but I must admit that I don't like her attitude and the way that she asked for money I wouldn't have done that. I don't ask for money when I help a friend or a family member. We have never done that in my family, and I think that is a natural thing to help eachother without asking for money. My husband was shocked when he discovered she had asked for money in exchange for her help, and he said that he lost part of his respect for that girl when he discovered that she had asked for money.
@ifa225 (11098)
• Indonesia
9 Aug 15
She is awful I would help my family as long as I can I am not gonna push my self to help If I am not able to do that For me who is getting help from other family member, I would give her/him some money but without prior agreement
1 person likes this
@Torunn (2810)
• Norway
30 Apr 13
Depends on what they wanted help with, and which family member it was. I don't have a lot of contact with my cousins and my brother, I don't expect them to help me so I'd be very surprised if they asked. I've got plenty of contact with one cousin, we normally help each other with different things. They the one that needs help normally makes dinner or something help afterwards, as a way of saying thank you but no payment.
1 person likes this
@scubapro (1056)
• Gifu, Japan
30 Apr 13
i think in some cultures it can be normal. it depends on the culture and country. in my country we dont get money sometimes even we help to the people who are not our family member,and just friends. i love helping to the people.i dont prefer getting paid if i know them. but its ok if some people get paid for help for me. peace
1 person likes this
@viju0410 (2286)
• India
30 Apr 13
Today everyone work for money but the question is if we really want to do the work for a pay within the family. May be the girl just need that money for something and she thought its a good idea to take money for her work. I never expect anything from my family. I think family is only one such place where we can work and get our work done without paying money....
@Aja103654 (5658)
• Philippines
30 Apr 13
Well that depends. 15 dollars was too much to ask. What a naive and inconsiderate kid. If I am going to do something for a family member, I would not expect payment like money. They don't have money to pay me anyway. But a free pass to get stuff in their refrigerator is reward enough lol. I will ask kindly of course.
1 person likes this
@sencis (25)
• Latvia
30 Apr 13
I think that asking any amount of money for helping a family member is not ok, because from all the people in the world family is the one group of people you should be happy to help without any rewards.
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
30 Apr 13
My husband and I have helped a lot of people, strangers, friends and family members. We have never asked for money in return, we just like to help others. I would never do something like that ever. I think it's terrible that she did not just want to help to be kind. My parents borrowed $1500 from us 6 months ago that they promised to return, haven't given it back to us but we still do not even ask for the money. When they have it they will pay us back the money we are owed. The only reason we even said it was a loan is because they have been given money many times already and when they asked we really needed the money too. We wanted to help but they also take advantage of us a lot so we did tell them this last time we need it back. That was the only time we even told anyone they needed to pay us back. Anyone else we have helped we have done it because we wanted to help and wanted nothing in return for it.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Apr 13
Hi there porcospino....I'm hoping, really hoping, that the cousin was not serious about that amount. Maybe there is a misunderstanding and it was a joke? I mean, she's only helping out, right? It would be just a kindness for her to help your husbands mother....come on, who wouldn't do that. I still think she didn't mean that amount and someone misunderstood...I hope. If not, that's just plain awful. Who asks a family member for money to do such a simple task.....it's cleaning, we all do this all the time and there is nothing special about it. No, I do not think this is ok and I would never in a million years ask for payment...shame, shame, shame.
@allen0187 (33860)
• Philippines
19 Aug 15
I would help family without expecting any monetary compensation.