Kids Say the Darndest Things

@phyrre (2324)
United States
September 1, 2015 8:18am CST
Everyone knows this is fundamentally true, enough so that an entire comedy show was dedicated to this. But I think people underestimate exactly how true this is until they start spending a lot of time around kids. At least, I did. But my goodness does my daughter say some nuggets! She's horribly smart (too smart, sometimes, for her own good) and she loves to think about things. I just love seeing the little cogs in her head whirring away. But, for all the good it does her, it seems she has had the misfortune of inheriting my complete lack of common sense! We had this lovely little exchange in the car on the way to school this morning: Her: Are spider webs poisonous? Me: No. Her: Are you sure? Me: They're not poisonous, babe. Her: Well, [friend] thought they were. Me: Well, they're not. Her: We thought they were. We were poking them and then screaming because we thought they were poisonous. Me: So...you decided to touch the thing you thought would kill you if you touched it? Her: ...yes? Me: *facepalm* Do you have any funny stories about your children or any recent moments that made you both laugh and question what exactly you're doing as a parent? :P
8 people like this
8 responses
• United States
1 Sep 15
Oh no, perhaps she won't live long enough to become an evil genius and conquer the world!
5 people like this
@phyrre (2324)
• United States
1 Sep 15
Hey, I wouldn't comment too much about my daughter, as that redacted name where I put [friend] just so happens to be YOUR daughter. And I'm not referring to me. :P So apparently our children will sink or swim together lol.
4 people like this
• United States
1 Sep 15
@phyrre Here I was going to say that your child is a bad influence on mine, but I am not sure any more ... I think that they are both equally bad. At least we know that they are in things together, so I guess that is a good thing, because they will have each other's backs, even if it is while doing something stupid. It could be worse - one could be telling the other "I think this is poisonous and will kill you, so you try it and if it doesn't kill you, then I will do it, too."
3 people like this
@phyrre (2324)
• United States
1 Sep 15
@purplealabaster Modern day Bonnie and Clyde, just without the romantic overtones. :P Just pray that they're not like hubby and his cousin, because then I'd have to wonder which one is like his cousin and have to up the insurance on that one just in case. xD Though, I think my daughter would be more likely to be the one to go, "You try it first, just in case." I think we've at least taught her that much sense.
3 people like this
@topffer (33798)
• France
1 Sep 15
I have a couple of friends having a daughter way ahead of her years. When she was 6 years old I teased her during a lunch because she had not invited any boy to her birthday party, and she responded : "All boys are useless, they only want to f.ck girls !" Her mother screamed at her, and she said "Sorry, mom, I wanted to say 'to make love'". The parents blushed, but the rest of the adults around the table laughed.
3 people like this
• United States
1 Sep 15
Boys are not useless, especially if you know their motivation. If they were going to teach her that much, then the mother at least should have gone the rest of the way and taught her how to use it to her advantage rather than saying it was useless information.
2 people like this
@topffer (33798)
• France
1 Sep 15
@phyrre It is one of my goddaughters. She is 12 now, and has always been a bit out of control. She recently opened a Facebook page without the agreement of her parents and they learned it from the mother of another kid. They blocked the access to Facebook for her, but she showed me how it is easy for her to connect to internet with her mother's password. I swore to not tell anything to her parents : they are very satisfied with their parental control software listing any site surfed by their daughter.
2 people like this
@phyrre (2324)
• United States
1 Sep 15
@topffer Kids are smart! I think parents underestimate that. You can only go so far to restrict kids from things before they figure out another way. This is why I believe that you should never grow up but always be youthful and child-like. This way, you have a leg up on them because you can think like they do. ;) I remember we used to do all sorts of things to shirk authority and whatnot when I was younger. I'm sort of preparing myself for when my daughter starts that. Thankfully, right now she's very honest, and we've tried to instill that in her and been fair with how we handle when she tells us she's done something she wasn't supposed to since she actually told us. xD
2 people like this
• United States
1 Sep 15
Oh that is too funny. I really don't have any stories to share with ya at the moment. But one thing I did learn in raising my kids is if you don't want things repeated make sure they aren't in hearing distance. I mean for example if you gonna say something negative about your mother-in-law, make sure the kids aren't around, because they will tell on you.
3 people like this
@phyrre (2324)
• United States
1 Sep 15
Oh my gosh, don't I know it! That's funny, though. I'm assuming you got caught saying something bad about your mother-in-law? :P We've learned to try to have "adult conversations" outside of earshot from our little sponge, though she still picks up on certain things from other people. I'm always interested in what she'll come home with. For instance, she couldn't get the Xbox 360 tray out to put her movie on the other day, and what came out of her mouth but a, "Come on, f*cker." -.-; We had a chat about bad words again, as that was a new one she didn't know about. But she picked that up from my mother-in-law, too, so your comment made me think of that and sort of giggle lol.
3 people like this
@phyrre (2324)
• United States
1 Sep 15
@TexanTornado That makes it rough! I always thought the most difficult part of marriage was that you choose your spouse but you inherit their family whether you like it or not. xD I actually like my mother-in-law. We get along fine...as long as we're not living together. We're just very, very different. She lived with us for a few years and we eventually told her she just had to move out. We don't see eye-to-eye on too many things, and it got to the point where I had constant high blood pressure and everyone in the house was just so stressed and on edge. Now, we still see each other at least twice a week, and we'll sometimes just hang out or go out and do things. It works much better this way. xD
3 people like this
• United States
1 Sep 15
@phyrre Yes, I thought the same thing when I married the 1st time. The 2nd marriage I knew better. I'm glad you get along with her. It does make it a bit easier. Oh yeah, living with an in-law can be hell in it's own way. Yeah, going out and doing things, or even her visiting you always know you have that moment where ya'll will part company.
3 people like this
@sofssu (14467)
2 Sep 15
Kids are so funny.. but they really say what they shouldn't - Mommy told me to tell you that she is not at home. Mommy says your teacher is a weird old woman. Kinds. My son has got me into trouble a couple of times. We used to speak in a different language if they kids were around and we didn't want them to know what we spoke. They called it the bad language.
2 people like this
@phyrre (2324)
• United States
2 Sep 15
LOL! They really do have a knack for painful, brutal honesty, don't they? Especially when you don't want them to tell others. xD I wish we could speak another language when she's around, but it's not possible for us. That's cute, though, that you have a "bad language" hehe.
1 person likes this
@sofssu (14467)
2 Sep 15
@phyrre We do.. But my mother in law thinks we really speak bad
1 person likes this
@Hate2Iron (7756)
• Canada
1 Sep 15
You do have to wonder how their little minds work don't you. We were on vacation several years ago and our daughter decided to pick me a bouquet. "I don't know what they are, but they have a sweet stink" she informed me. It was a handful of mint. I guess to a four year old... they do have a sweet stink. lol
1 person likes this
@phyrre (2324)
• United States
1 Sep 15
Oh, I really have to agree with your daughter. Mint does smell awfully sweet, and there's something sort of lovely in that. I mean, it's definitely not the flower perfume-y smell, but it's sweet all right! That's so cute, though, that she thought of doing that. xD I love how she described it. "Sweet stink." We can learn a lot from kids, I think, if we just listen to them and try to figure out how their mind works since they see the world so differently from us. It's rather lovely, I think. And also terrifying sometimes lol.
1 person likes this
@BelleStarr (37666)
• United States
1 Sep 15
In kindergarten my grandson Brandon told the teacher he had short term memory loss when she asked him a question he couldn't answer, I thought that was quite funny!! Another one Dan told me his food bag was full but his dessert bag was empty when he want dessert before his dinner!!
1 person likes this
@phyrre (2324)
• United States
1 Sep 15
That's cute! Is that something his mother says? I never even thought about it, but when I can't remember something, I sometimes say I have short-term memory loss, too. xD Never even thought that might be something a kid would pick up!
1 Sep 15
Haha! Kids are funny. I love their logical thinking. My girl says some pretty funny things too. I need to start writing them down.
1 person likes this
@phyrre (2324)
• United States
1 Sep 15
They are quite funny! I love sharing things she says sometimes because it's so interesting. Every now and then when we have a really long day, I sometimes do a "living with children" post on Facebook just of quotes from that day. It's always nice for a chuckle and something you can come back to later. But those days don't happen that often.
@vandana7 (63819)
• India
10 Sep 15
Yes. My neighbor's son, he likes me, god alone knows why, but I feel honored to be liked. He is just three and a half years old, and would love to stay at my place 24/7, 365 days, if his mother would let him. So the other day, I was cleaning up corriander, which is a herb. We pluck the top leaves and throw away rest of the stems. By doing that, we prevent the herb from rotting. We played for a while, and he sat near the computer while I was doing this chore, when his mother arrived and asked him to go along with him. He said he wants to stay for some more time. Then his mother said, aunty is cooking, this kiddo said no..."she is not cooking, ..she's pooking". I was not familiar with the word then. So both of us had a hearty laugh.