On Kitten Feet

Mount Rainier, with no fog, yes I took this.
Centralia, Missouri
September 9, 2015 7:24pm CST
I wrote this poem over a year ago, and just found a copy of it. Not everyone enjoys poetry anymore, which is sad. I am pretty picky on my own, it has to have a beat. It has to have rhyme. It has to be meant to be heard not just read. Reading this now, I see this was still rough, so I am editing as I post this, and am still not sure it's polished enough. It came on kitten feet, that quiet silent fog, covering both windy path and mossy fallen log. I urged my feet be nimble and swiftly pick up the pace, Trying to beat the fog back home before I lost the race. Alas I lost when world went white, and stars their light went dim Veiled the narrow path, and shrouded all the tree limbs. Afraid to move I stood still, worrying that lost I'd be. Nevermore would I fly home, on swiftly moving feet. It came on kitten feet, that quiet silent cat. Giving me that regal look, to me she did stare at. A moment passed an eon long, and then she turned went, To the south the catkind led, my guide that fortune sent. I knew I better follow close, for catkind don't like fools. her patience would be short, a common catkind rule. Through the fog and over hill, on silently she led, vanishing as we broke free, at the edge of my homestead.
21 people like this
17 responses
• Avenel, New Jersey
10 Sep 15
i love the first two lines!! not that i dont like the rest lol but wow i love the opening :) definitely paints a picture!
4 people like this
• Centralia, Missouri
10 Sep 15
those lines sparked the whole poem. I had those lines echoing through my head one day and realized they needed to be in a poem. 2nd and third groupings I am still picking at. the end is pretty much where I want it to be.
2 people like this
• Avenel, New Jersey
10 Sep 15
@Jessicalynnt oh i can see that!! like it just came to you and forced you to write the rest of it lol i love that. ive had moments like that but im not really good at poetry
2 people like this
• Centralia, Missouri
11 Sep 15
@sprinklesare4winners totally true, like I couldnt get the first two lines out of my head until I wrote them down and made a poem for them to go with.
• United States
10 Sep 15
it's a pity there aint a 'love button' coz i walked 'long side 'n was lookin' fer kitten tracks. whilst some 've a diff'rent perception 'f poetry, like @owlwings states below - i'd not change'a thingy. there's a flow to it, bit 'f innocence involved 'n that's what makes it so special. kudos to ya!
4 people like this
• Centralia, Missouri
11 Sep 15
Why thank you! I hoped to illustrate the snooty cat, stalking off with that huff cats do so well, tail flipping in irritation, and i think perhaps I did
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Sep 15
@Jessicalynnt yes ma'am, in my thoughts ya truly did.
1 person likes this
@gregario888 (1282)
• Aurangabad, India
10 Sep 15
A lovely touch of the bard! And that too with a feline grace. it sure is the way one should rhyme at Mylot. Will myself give the rhyming touch a go, for sure.
3 people like this
• Centralia, Missouri
11 Sep 15
I may eventually do a five word poem challenge, where you throw out five words and everyone has to write a poem using those words, but not on a workday, my creative button is broken.
1 person likes this
• Aurangabad, India
11 Sep 15
@Jessicalynnt The creative touch is usually very spontaneous, you have to keep a few scraps of paper handy, to jot down, the 'wisp', of that touch, when ever it manifests itself.
1 person likes this
• Centralia, Missouri
11 Sep 15
@gregario888 or in my case my cell. I have notepad apps
1 person likes this
• Preston, England
10 Sep 15
great poem really. It gives the journey home in the snow a sense of an epic expedition, and the glacial photo image help. The rhyme works well, with the mysterious guide giving the poem a mystical edge. The cat point of view works well too.
3 people like this
• Centralia, Missouri
11 Sep 15
! you noticed the photo! Thanks! I took that this summer. I didn't have one of fog, so I thought, hey, why not snow, I mean it still fits.
@owlwings (39236)
• Cambridge, England
10 Sep 15
I like the story and the simile very much. You are right that it's a bit rough round the edges but it has a lot going for it. The rhythm stumbles a bit in places (I'd suggest "speed" or something else with one syllable instead of "pick up" in the second stanza) and there are many other places where just a change of words would make it fit the heptameter form you're using better). I'd also be inclined to use a less dogged rhyme than AABB ... - it would sound more subtle, I think, with an ABAB ... rhyming system.
3 people like this
• Centralia, Missouri
11 Sep 15
Right? Some of it flows off the tongue, and some of it you find yourself hesitating or 'tripping', and it's that tripping I am still picking at. The whole point, for me anyways, is to not interrupt the cadence, while keeping the visuals intact.
• United States
10 Sep 15
Are you reincarnated or something? Ha I mean that in the most respectful way. My friend, this is a very beautiful poem. You took me there! But it seemed like an old soul speaking.
3 people like this
• Centralia, Missouri
10 Sep 15
Perhaps, , one never knows. I am glad you enjoyed it!
3 people like this
@Susan2015 (20579)
• United States
10 Sep 15
It has a beat and it has a rhyme. I like it a lot.
3 people like this
• Centralia, Missouri
10 Sep 15
Thanks! I was hoping people might like it.
1 person likes this
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
10 Sep 15
I was initially hesitant to open this page - poems and me normally are poles apart and more so, I was expecting a poem with words and meanings that I would never understand. But as it came from you, I thought to give my luck a chance. And I am all in sync with these lines at the moment - Alas I lost when world went white, and stars their light went dim Veiled the narrow path, and shrouded all the tree limbs. Afraid to move I stood still, worrying that lost I'd be. Nevermore would I fly home, on swiftly moving feet. Wonderful. I loved this
2 people like this
• Centralia, Missouri
11 Sep 15
Many poems to me either don't make sense, or are too formal, or don't flow. I try to not do that, and I am glad that it still touched you, even in English, which is I am assuming your second language?
1 person likes this
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
11 Sep 15
@Jessicalynnt Yes, English is my second language, third to be more precise.
1 person likes this
• Centralia, Missouri
11 Sep 15
@thesids that could easily make poetry hard!
1 person likes this
@jaboUK (53936)
• United Kingdom
10 Sep 15
I like this poem for more than one reason. The first reason is that it's beautiful. and the second is that I'm glad to see that a poem can go down well on this site. I've been known to dabble myself, but I was led to understand that it wouldn't go down well here. I'm encouraged to see that a post can elicit a response without asking a question.
2 people like this
• United States
10 Sep 15
its all in how it makes one feel, thoughts evoked 'n she's done quite well. yepperz, i'm waitin' anxiously fer ya to let loose my friend. yer poetic wit, yer twist on life 'll without a doubt delight!
3 people like this
• Centralia, Missouri
11 Sep 15
@crazyhorseladycx There will be more, I promise, and eventually Ima challenge ya'll to write some too!
@xixAnn (15)
• Beijing, China
10 Sep 15
You have great imagination ,great poem!
2 people like this
• Centralia, Missouri
11 Sep 15
Imagination is something I have always had in spades, and nice to see something that came from it appreciated!
@Rollo1 (16689)
• Boston, Massachusetts
10 Sep 15
Very descriptive verse. I like the fog as a cat.
2 people like this
• Centralia, Missouri
11 Sep 15
thanks! I hoped people could see the images in their head as clearly as I could.
@LadyDuck (157655)
• Switzerland
10 Sep 15
Congratulations, this is a beautiful poem, wonderfully written.
2 people like this
• Centralia, Missouri
11 Sep 15
Why thank you! I needed some bright in my day.
1 person likes this
@DWDavis (10771)
• Pikeville, North Carolina
10 Sep 15
I sense your poem may have been inspired by Mr. Carl Sandberg. Yours is quite beautiful.
2 people like this
• Centralia, Missouri
11 Sep 15
Not intentionally, but since I have read the poem you are referring too before, it could be! lol
@ZHVegas (252)
• Sao Paulo, Brazil
10 Sep 15
I really like poems, even thou I am not good making then.Even in my native language I can't do then. And your poem is great! I wish I could do poems like this.
1 person likes this
• Centralia, Missouri
11 Sep 15
honestly? I work backwards. I have an idea, and work out pairs of rhymes, then build the sentences backwards with that as an ending word. I know, it's really weird.
1 person likes this
@ZHVegas (252)
• Sao Paulo, Brazil
11 Sep 15
@Jessicalynnt Kinda weird, but if it works...! I am really bad rhyming and make something that sounds good like poems
1 person likes this
• Centralia, Missouri
11 Sep 15
@ZHVegas I know, I don't know of anyone who builds their poems backwards like that like I do.
1 person likes this
@wetnosedogs (1557)
• United States
10 Sep 15
Great poem.
1 person likes this
• Centralia, Missouri
11 Sep 15
thank you, I appreciate the feedback!
@kevin1877uk (36976)
10 Sep 15
Wonderful piece, glad you came across a copy of it. I do like poetry and wish I could write some. I have done a few times, guess I need to be in the mood to do so.
1 person likes this
• Centralia, Missouri
11 Sep 15
I lost a lot, and I mean a lot, of poetry in a move once, and it still makes me sick all of that writing is just...gone. I try now to have a digital copy online somewhere,just in case.
@MKAlubs (453)
• United States
10 Sep 15
Your poem was delightful. It really put me there. Whatever you do, don't stop writing poetry!
1 person likes this
• Centralia, Missouri
11 Sep 15
Why thank you! I do on and off. I can force myself to sit and write a poem, but I feel the best ones are the ones that literally make me sit down and write them, just to get them out of my head.