So sad my son is struggling so much with emotions at school

@shaggin (36666)
United States
November 13, 2015 11:43am CST
My son is 8. Each year at the beginning of the school year he has struggled for about two weeks. This time it is lasting longer and is much different. He is so emotional. Crying so easily and so badly. Tuesday was Parent Teacher Conferences and both of my children are doing amazing. My daughter is pretty much the perfect student attitude wise and grades. She made high honors this marking period. My son is doing amazing with his grades as well. They grade them a little different when they are younger but he got A- A- A E and S+. I told him how well he did and he said he probably got the worst grades in the whole entire grade. He brought home test papers a few days ago that he got a 92 on and a 97. I said how good he did and he said that those grades are terrible and he won't accept any less then hundreds. My god I barely ever saw grades that high when I was young he is doing so well and I am so proud of him and he just doesn't see it. Yesterday during library he picked out a book that he didn't realize was a girls book and he said everyone was staring at him and he was embarrassed and could not stop crying. The school counselor talked to him and finally ended up calling me to come pick him up as sending him back to class wasn't going to work. I brought him home and he went to the mirror where I had put up a drawing he did at school last week and he took it down and ripped it to shreds saying how ugly it was. I absolutely loved this drawing it was so good I was so sad he ripped it up. I wish he didn't feel so poorly about himself. The guidance counselor at school suggested outside help for him. I just called a local mental health place in town to get him in to talk to someone. I think it would be good for him to talk to a therapist since he really doesn't open up to me.
4 people like this
5 responses
@sallypup (26658)
• Moses Lake, Washington
13 Nov 15
Your post has me curious about your son. Something seems to be for sure going on. Personally I hate peer pressure and I hate how early it starts. I wonder why he has such low self esteem? He sounds sensitive- is he an artistic type or more scientific? Friends? (My own school career is for sure nothing to brag about.) Are there school bullies that you might not know about?
@shaggin (36666)
• United States
16 Nov 15
I really don't know because he doesn't like to tell me how he feels. I asked him if people picked on him and that is why he got so embarrassed but he said no that everyone was just staring at him. I took him to a birthday party this weekend and in the second round of bowling he accidentally rolled the ball backwards down the lane. He started crying and gave up bowling after that and wanted to go home. He gets embarrassed very easily.
@sallypup (26658)
• Moses Lake, Washington
16 Nov 15
@shaggin This scenario kind of reminds me of when I was a kid. I did not start crying when I had goofed but I pretty much stayed alone and to myself. I don't know how a person bonds with a place like a school or people but I sure didn't. Is there a group your son can join so that he feels part of something? The group would accept him no matter what he did- much later in middle age, I finally found a group like that and the loving acceptance really woke my self esteem up. It sounds like you need something like that.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (36666)
• United States
17 Nov 15
@sallypup what was the group that you joined? I asked my son if he would like to join boy scouts but he isn't sure. I asked him if any of his friends are in it that would make it funner and he didn't know. I did see on facebook that two of his friends were in it and did a can collecting drive for the local food bank. I am going to mention it to him that his two friends are in it and maybe he would be interested in giving it a try.
@celticeagle (117749)
• Boise, Idaho
14 Nov 15
Sounds like you have a perfectionist in your midst. I would try to curb that if you can. Might be time for some counseling. I see you are headed that way. Hope it helps.
@shaggin (36666)
• United States
20 Nov 15
I hadn't thought about the term perfectionist until it was mentioned here by you and another mylotter. He has an appointment with a local therapist tomorrow. I don't know how it will go. He insists that he is not going.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (117749)
• Boise, Idaho
20 Nov 15
@shaggin ...He is probably afraid and unsure. I would just tell him it will be okay and comfort him. It could be hormonal or a lot of things.
@shaggin (36666)
• United States
23 Nov 15
@celticeagle The therapist said to my son that he is striving to be perfect and how he needs to be learn to be okay when he gets a good grade that isn't quite perfect. There are quite a few different things he is going to work on with my son the most part being his anxiety. The appointment went well. The man was really nice and my son liked him. It is nice to see how intelligent my son is when he talked with him.
@Rollo1 (16649)
• Boston, Massachusetts
13 Nov 15
He definitely needs a third party to talk to, if he's not too shy to talk, that is. Sometimes, it takes a while to find the right person. Another option is a mentor who comes to take him places and helps him get more confident in social situations. It's going to be hard to understand the root of his emotional upset without help.
@shaggin (36666)
• United States
16 Nov 15
My son is very timid he likely would not go anywhere without me unless it was someone he was close to like my parents. He has an appointment on Friday to evaluate him for services for therapy. My son does not want to go but I told him I think it would be nice for him to have someone to talk to about how he is feeling like how he could when a mobile therapist used to come to our house.
@Hatley (164671)
• Garden Grove, California
16 Nov 15
@shaggin hiu hatley here that al most sounds like my childhood til i met this wonderful teacher who was m y fourth grade teacherl I sometimes cried too when embarrassed but she listened to me and she helped me to accept myself I did very well in school but also was a perfectionist and my dad was too so if I did not get an a' plus on something he got very angry but I owed so much to that teacher; that is what your son needs someone he would not be afraid to open up to so I hope l you can get him a good counselor
1 person likes this
@shaggin (36666)
• United States
17 Nov 15
@Hatley aww how sad for you that your father got so angry if you got below an A+ I am not like that at all. As long as they get over failing I am happy with their efforts. I was a terrible student. Only one time in high school did I make merit roll. Other years I'm not even sure how I was moved onto the next grade. I couldn't concentrate and my memory is terrible. My grades were so bad. My son does seem to be a perfectionist like you mention. His teacher last year and this year were so wonderful. I am so happy he has them to help him and the counselor but it doesn't seem to be helping enough. They are so kind and understand and try so hard with him but he just gets embarrassed so badly and so easily and once in that mood he cannot get out of it.
• Jacksonville, Florida
14 Nov 15
Oh poor guy. That is so sad. =( I hope you can find him someone he can trust to talk to, and I hope it helps him. Reading this made me so sad for both of you, I can't imagine how your feeling.
@shaggin (36666)
• United States
17 Nov 15
It really breaks my heart seeing him feeling this way. It hurts so much when our children aren't happy and we can't change that. I did get him an appointment with a local therapist. His appointment to meet with him is on Friday. I told my son and he said he won't talk to anyone. I said ok well we can go and you can sit and look at the guy you don't have to talk lol. He said he won't go at all. I told him that isn't an option and that I think it will be nice for him to have someone he can talk to about his feelings like he used to with his mobile therapist who came to our house.
@sharon6345 (121711)
• United States
13 Nov 15
You should be proud of yourself for being a great mo. You know how many parents are in denial about the child needing help. It says a lot when your willing to go the extra mile to make things flow better for all involved.
@shaggin (36666)
• United States
16 Nov 15
I know children who really need counseling but the parents just don't get them help. I think it is going to be worse when they get older to have these issues. Its better to work on it while they are young to try to change it before they become out of control with emotions as teenagers or adults.