Holiday Decisions

@Rollo1 (16689)
Boston, Massachusetts
November 20, 2015 6:25pm CST
When you're a kid, where to spend holidays is usually decided for you. There's no worrying about whether one member of the family will be upset if you go to dinner at another family member's house. And no worrying about which inlaws get you for which holidays. You just go and eat, and on Christmas, you get more presents everywhere you go. When you're an adult it gets complicated. If I had my druthers, I would stay home for Thanksgiving. It wouldn't be a fancy feast, but we'd have turkey and all the usual sides. My sister simply informed me that dinner is at the house of her son and his wife. If I had my druthers, I wouldn't go there because it's a little less comfortable for me and mine, mostly because I am not sure his wife is that happy to have us. But I pretty much do what my sister wants. There's a reason for that. She was diagnosed with cancer three Thanksgivings ago. And I can't be much help as she goes through treatment, but what I can do is go with her wherever she needs to go or wants to go if she wants someone to come along for company or support. I bought a turkey today. When she saw it, she got concerned and said "Dinner is at G's house. They are planning the menu around the count they have which includes you". So, I guess I have to go. It won't be great fun, because her son's wife has a huge family who attend, and well... we don't mix well. It would be more comfortable to be with just immediate family. But we don't know what tomorrow holds, and so I guess I will be going to G's house. And dragging my crew with me. Besides, we can have another turkey dinner another day. I have the turkey. Who decides where you spend holidays? Do you sometimes end up going where you would rather not go and spending it with people you'd rather not see?
24 people like this
29 responses
@Tampa_girl7 (25677)
• United States
21 Nov 15
We would really rather be in our own home too. We will all gather at my parents and then on another day do a turkey dinner at our own home.
5 people like this
@Rollo1 (16689)
• Boston, Massachusetts
21 Nov 15
I am sure we will have another dinner, and if not, I have the Christmas turkey in the freezer.
1 person likes this
@TRBRocks420 (77333)
• Banks, Oregon
21 Nov 15
These days I just spend it, with my immediate family for the most part, which I enjoy a lot more. I don't like being around fake people.
5 people like this
@Rollo1 (16689)
• Boston, Massachusetts
21 Nov 15
I prefer small gatherings of immediate family . It's more relaxing.
3 people like this
@JudyEv (123138)
• Bunbury, Australia
21 Nov 15
It is good of you to go when it's not what you really want. But sometimes the only way to support a person is to be one less that causes them any grief. So much praise to you.
4 people like this
@Rollo1 (16689)
• Boston, Massachusetts
21 Nov 15
Going along is sometimes all I can do. Sometimes she will call and ask if I need to go to the store. Often, I don't but I go anyway. She lives alone and I think that is doubly lonely when you're fighting an illness.
3 people like this
@JudyEv (123138)
• Bunbury, Australia
21 Nov 15
@Rollo1 I have often thought about people who are ill but living alone. It must be doubly hard to stay positive. Imagine lying there badly wanting a drink or whatever but so ill you can barely get out of bed.
1 person likes this
@Marcyaz (35672)
• United States
21 Nov 15
@Rollo1 It is hard for someone living alone and I am glad that you go when your sister calls.
1 person likes this
@amnabas (10282)
• Karachi, Pakistan
21 Nov 15
We stayed home and had ver few holidays out
3 people like this
@Rollo1 (16689)
• Boston, Massachusetts
21 Nov 15
Here in the US, there are several holidays that cause families to all rush to one gathering place for a loud feast.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (118210)
• Boise, Idaho
21 Nov 15
You are lucky to have a family. I have my daughter, and her son and daughter. All but one lives here so I don't really have that much of a decision to make. Hope yours come out okay.
2 people like this
@Rollo1 (16689)
• Boston, Massachusetts
21 Nov 15
I think I have to do the big family thing until we aren't the big family. I hope you have a good holiday, too.
2 people like this
@Marcyaz (35672)
• United States
21 Nov 15
I have 2 sons and a daughter in-law here and the rest of the family is scattered in Arizona and California so we will have our dinner here.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (118210)
• Boise, Idaho
22 Nov 15
@Marcyaz ....It's nice to have some of them close. All mine are here.
1 person likes this
@Jessicalynnt (47854)
• Centralia, Missouri
21 Nov 15
We tried to make it to everyones, I hated it then...now I really miss it
2 people like this
@Rollo1 (16689)
• Boston, Massachusetts
21 Nov 15
I guess it seems that as you grow older, family dwindles or is far away. You don't realize how good those visits were until those people are gone.
3 people like this
• Centralia, Missouri
21 Nov 15
@Rollo1 pretty much, plus dynamics changed, and things aren't what they once were
1 person likes this
@glenniah (1201)
• Mandurah, Australia
21 Nov 15
@Rollo1 So true. Once we had 12 people in the family for Christmas now it has dwindled down to 4 of us.
2 people like this
@LadyDuck (156900)
• Switzerland
21 Nov 15
Nobody really decide where we spend holidays. I feel obliged to spend Christmas with my Mom, she is 94 and I would really feel bad going in some nice place to spend a few relaxing days and not spending time with her. Who knows, I can go before she goes.
2 people like this
@Marcyaz (35672)
• United States
21 Nov 15
You really need to spend the time with your mom as you never know how much longer she will be with you.
1 person likes this
@Marcyaz (35672)
• United States
22 Nov 15
@LadyDuck That is what most people would do if hey cared about their families.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (29047)
• United States
21 Nov 15
We don't have that issue anymore. We did for awhile, it was always a fight between going to the in laws or going to hubby's sister's. Now the in laws are gone and we don't speak to hubby's sister, so the holidays are always at home with just us. I kind of miss making plans though... holidays don't really feel the same when you have no one to share them with.
2 people like this
@Rollo1 (16689)
• Boston, Massachusetts
21 Nov 15
There's a feeling of belonging and security in having family , even if you don't like them that much.
1 person likes this
@ison_1 (1252)
21 Nov 15
We usually get invites to various places, but usually keep at at home with just the immediate family
2 people like this
@Rollo1 (16689)
• Boston, Massachusetts
21 Nov 15
I guess I should be happy to be on anyone's invite list. I am rather awkward and difficult to have around.
1 person likes this
@boiboing (12423)
• Northampton, England
21 Nov 15
One of the most wonderful things about my husband is that he has no family - at least none he's not estranged from. It makes such decisions much easier. Plus he often has to work at Christmas.
2 people like this
@Rollo1 (16689)
• Boston, Massachusetts
21 Nov 15
Mine has a small amount of family, but they live on the other side of the ocean. So he pretty much gets dragged to my family's affairs.
1 person likes this
@zebra2222 (5157)
• United States
21 Nov 15
My family goes to Frankemuth for Thanksgiving. We have a big buffet meal.
2 people like this
@Rollo1 (16689)
• Boston, Massachusetts
21 Nov 15
That sounds like fun. I think having a regular tradition is nice, no matter what kind of tradition it is.
1 person likes this
@jstory07 (66946)
• Roseburg, Oregon
21 Nov 15
I have always spend Thanksgiving with my family. One of my children.
2 people like this
@Rollo1 (16689)
• Boston, Massachusetts
21 Nov 15
I just want to stay home, but it seems it's not in the cards.
3 people like this
@softbabe44 (5902)
• Vancouver, Washington
21 Nov 15
Things are normally done before thanksgiving
1 person likes this
@Rollo1 (16689)
• Boston, Massachusetts
21 Nov 15
You make your holiday decisions you mean?
1 person likes this
• Vancouver, Washington
22 Nov 15
@Rollo1 Yea we try and make those decisions.
@srisahara (4149)
• Indonesia
21 Nov 15
This weekend, I do not special planning to go, maybe in the Saturday night I and my family will walking around my village and see celebration of Hero's Day.
1 person likes this
@Rollo1 (16689)
• Boston, Massachusetts
21 Nov 15
What is Hero's Day?
1 person likes this
@srisahara (4149)
• Indonesia
21 Nov 15
@Rollo1 It is a day to commemorate the heroes' merits who fight for Indonesia's independence 70 years ago. Usually, government held some competitions in some field of sports.
@bookbar (1614)
• Sudbury, England
21 Nov 15
Think we all have those problematical decisions, at this time of year and trying to keep everyone happy is a mammoth task sometimes, and I do hate being used as a 'go-between' twixt in-laws and out-laws, rarely a good mix, but nice to be asked first not just assumed, that your company is a 'given', even by your sister...
1 person likes this
@Rollo1 (16689)
• Boston, Massachusetts
21 Nov 15
I think we pretty much have to go. It won't be great but there will be lots of food I didn't cook.
@PainsOnSlate (20254)
• Canada
21 Nov 15
I can understand your reasoning but no I don't do that, haven't had to do that. I guess I'm blessed with no one ill or needing help. The other thing is we have always lived far away form our families. They can come to visit when they want to and we visit when we want to but we are days away.
1 person likes this
@Trensue (5256)
• United States
21 Nov 15
I think I am just going to hide. Last year was so messed up and I tried not to participate and got roped in. I think I have Thanksgiving flu.
@lmpandey (73)
• New Delhi, India
21 Nov 15
I prefer to visit my relatives and I enjoy the company of close relatives.
1 person likes this
@birjudanak (7224)
• India
26 Nov 15
You are right if we go at that family mamber who know us but we not know their other guest then lillte uncomfortable because we not feel freedom and we cant talk and eat as we want. But you do is right thing because you want to do respect for your sister. Generally we decide to where to go but on thanksgiving we go with parents to some relative with whom we not much know at that time we just seat and keep quiet and relative said your son is so quite but onlybwe know why.
@valmnz (12759)
• New Zealand
22 Nov 15
We go where our son is these days. For a few years we went to his partner's house in a nearby town, which was interesting. These days, we have the final say. This year we're travelling to where he lives, three hours away, as he works Christmas Eve and Boxing Day. Not sure if it is just going to be the three of us, or if he will be bringing someone else at this stage. Whoever it may be will be welcome.