November 20, 2015 6:25pm CST
When you're a kid, where to spend holidays is usually decided for you. There's no worrying about whether one member of the family will be upset if you go to dinner at another family member's house. And no worrying about which inlaws get you for which holidays. You just go and eat, and on Christmas, you get more presents everywhere you go. When you're an adult it gets complicated. If I had my druthers, I would stay home for Thanksgiving. It wouldn't be a fancy feast, but we'd have turkey and all the usual sides. My sister simply informed me that dinner is at the house of her son and his wife. If I had my druthers, I wouldn't go there because it's a little less comfortable for me and mine, mostly because I am not sure his wife is that happy to have us. But I pretty much do what my sister wants. There's a reason for that. She was diagnosed with cancer three Thanksgivings ago. And I can't be much help as she goes through treatment, but what I can do is go with her wherever she needs to go or wants to go if she wants someone to come along for company or support. I bought a turkey today. When she saw it, she got concerned and said "Dinner is at G's house. They are planning the menu around the count they have which includes you". So, I guess I have to go. It won't be great fun, because her son's wife has a huge family who attend, and well... we don't mix well. It would be more comfortable to be with just immediate family. But we don't know what tomorrow holds, and so I guess I will be going to G's house. And dragging my crew with me. Besides, we can have another turkey dinner another day. I have the turkey. Who decides where you spend holidays? Do you sometimes end up going where you would rather not go and spending it with people you'd rather not see?
24 people like this
21 Nov 15
Nobody really decide where we spend holidays. I feel obliged to spend Christmas with my Mom, she is 94 and I would really feel bad going in some nice place to spend a few relaxing days and not spending time with her. Who knows, I can go before she goes.
• United States
21 Nov 15
We don't have that issue anymore. We did for awhile, it was always a fight between going to the in laws or going to hubby's sister's. Now the in laws are gone and we don't speak to hubby's sister, so the holidays are always at home with just us. I kind of miss making plans though... holidays don't really feel the same when you have no one to share them with.
• Sudbury, England
21 Nov 15
Think we all have those problematical decisions, at this time of year and trying to keep everyone happy is a mammoth task sometimes, and I do hate being used as a 'go-between' twixt in-laws and out-laws, rarely a good mix, but nice to be asked first not just assumed, that your company is a 'given', even by your sister...
21 Nov 15
I can understand your reasoning but no I don't do that, haven't had to do that. I guess I'm blessed with no one ill or needing help. The other thing is we have always lived far away form our families. They can come to visit when they want to and we visit when we want to but we are days away.
26 Nov 15
You are right if we go at that family mamber who know us but we not know their other guest then lillte uncomfortable because we not feel freedom and we cant talk and eat as we want. But you do is right thing because you want to do respect for your sister. Generally we decide to where to go but on thanksgiving we go with parents to some relative with whom we not much know at that time we just seat and keep quiet and relative said your son is so quite but onlybwe know why.
• New Zealand
22 Nov 15
We go where our son is these days. For a few years we went to his partner's house in a nearby town, which was interesting. These days, we have the final say. This year we're travelling to where he lives, three hours away, as he works Christmas Eve and Boxing Day. Not sure if it is just going to be the three of us, or if he will be bringing someone else at this stage. Whoever it may be will be welcome.