He Doesn't Understand Why I Was Upset

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This is a bit of a feeling sorry for myself post! Well, I have a great relationship with D. He's lovely and he's really good to me. It was his granddaughter's first birthday this week. Now, as she lives 200 miles away, I don't expect to be able to just pop round or anything. But she had a party to which the whole of D's family (who also live near us) were invited and went. D was not invited. His parents went down. They knew he wanted to go down but didn't offer to take him with them. His sister and her family went down. I don't think D even knew they intended to. I did tell D that he could have asked me to take him had he wanted to go but, as I said, he wasn't even invited. There are some complicated things about this. Well, it's not that complicated. Basically, the granddaughter isn't D's biological daughter's child but the child of the daughter to whom he'd been a Dad since she was a baby. Whom he took on as his own and never stopped thinking of or treating her as his own. When he found out she was having a baby, he was happy that he was going to be a Grandad. It didn't occur to him that he'd be anything else. However, after the baby was born (and despite knowing that D had told everyone he was going to have a granddaughter and be a Grandad), his daughter suddenly decided that he was to be called 'uncle'. I know he was upset about it (although he seems to have forgotten that or denying it) and so was I. He said 'at least I have a title'. Well, I said at the time that it's not a title, it's an insult. He said he would just have to accept it. Even though I told him that the reasons for it didn't make sense, and that he didn't have to accept it, he still did. Anyway, so we haven't seen his granddaughter since then (when she was 2 weeks old). I knew that the baby was having a party for her birthday and I knew that D's parents were going. That was OK, if a little upsetting that they had ignored the fact he wanted to go. However, when I saw that D's sister and her family were there too, it absolutely broke my heart. D didn't understand why I was upset. He said he's not bothered by it so I shouldn't be. Well, I told him that he should be and that it bothers me that he isn't. He keeps trying to blame himself and justify everyone else pushing him out. The problem is that not of what he's told me really points to him being at fault. That's not me being biased. He thinks he did wrong by not fighting for his girls when their mum first stopped him from seeing them. The reason she stopped him seeing them was because he couldn't guarantee having them at the same time each week because of his job. That would be the job which was providing for the girls. Well, anyway, that was a long time ago. I have finally persuaded him that he can do something about it. The girls are adults now. I know D has always been worried about trying to fight for them because of the possibility of his ex kicking off and making things more difficult. He said something about not caring, about not feeling certain emotions (because he has emotional autism) but there are things I know he has felt (whether or not he does now). He's also said that he thought the situation was unfair but couldn't see that he could do anything so just accepted it. That's despite me telling him a year ago that he didn't have to accept it. As I said, I've finally persuaded him that there is something he can do and that he's got someone on his side. He said he didn't understand why I was upset that we weren't included in his granddaughter's birthday. I don't think he understands why 'I' would be upset over 'his' granddaughter. Well, I was upset for him as well as myself and I don't believe that he's really not bothered. If he wasn't bothered, he wouldn't think it was unfair and he wouldn't need to put feelings to one side - which he said he's done because he can and doesn't see the point in letting himself feel things if there's no reason for them or if there's nothing he can do to change a situation. I think he found it easier to pretend - or put aside feelings or whatever he's done - than to think about the fact that he's not wanted. I don't know if that all makes sense. I did speak to him and told him what I think. I'm upset that we've missed out on a year of his granddaughter's life and that nobody seems to care. He might not be her mum's biological dad but she never knew whomever that was so D, for all intents and purposes, IS her Dad, as she believed him to be from when she was a baby until her mum and mum's ex-husband decided to tell her she wasn't.