I told my son to leave today
July 13, 2017 1:35am CST
He last went into detox on June 27 and came home July 2. A day later he was manically running about cleaning things with a toothbrush. Heroin's his thing but he was combining it with methamphetamine. It all came to a head when he claimed he could not find his food stamp card with $194 on it but he was the one who had it last and he claims his fiancee or I had it. I had gone through my purse this morning cleaning it out and putting some things in my personal safe and the only food stamp card in there was his fiancee's. This evening he told me to go through my purse (I was out of sight in the kitchen) then he went to the back of the house. Sure enough, his card was in my purse that I had previously cleaned out. Then I saw that he had overturned his bed and tore up his and his fiancee's room and scattered the court papers (their child was taken away due to his addiction) she had just organized. I can't put up with violence in my house. And I have never been cursed at like that before when I told him to leave. That is not my son, that's a stranger in his body. I've tried all approaches. I ordered a book recently that I'm going to start reading tomorrow. I plan to go to Al-Anon meetings for families. I'm just so devastated tonight. I feel as if my son died years ago and I'm left dealing with the stranger in his shell. Just venting. It does me good to write stuff down. Is anyone dealing with an addict? Have you experienced this? I'd like to know others' experiences and outcomes. I'm at the point where I'm almost okay with him overdosing just so he can be at peace.
29 people like this
While no one can know exactly what you are going through, I can imagine to an extent.And he is emotionally blackmailing you with the threat to overdose.If HE co-operates,definitely get him to a center for treating his addiction.Are there any close relatives or family friends that can have a talk with him?
4 people like this
• United States
For some reason it feels better when I am able to voice my problems. They don't fester inside. He did check into detox, I found out, so maybe he will get better. He just can't come back here anymore. Thanks for your understanding.
• Bunbury, Australia
@dragon54u Sometimes I've bottled things up then managed to put my troubles into words and suddenly the problem seems to lose half its intensity somehow. It's really strange. I'm glad your son went back into detox. That has to be a positive step.
• Lakewood, Colorado
@dragon54u Yes didn't think he would just leave Dragon..I know those words sting..even if he is out of his mind at the time and I know you will worry about him too. You are very brave..stay strong my friend. I am so sorry to hear all this.
I'm sorry that you're going thru this. Posting this is good, there are other members who have dealt with this with their own children, and there are members who have been the user. Hopefully they see this, read it and can offer you some support.
• United States
I was hoping for suggestions for coping but also wanted to tell others they are not alone. Each addict is different and needs different reactions. I haven't found what my son needs yet and have tried compassion, tough love, and all in between. Thank you for your kind words.
• Banks, Oregon
Sorry to hear that my friend. I hope he will get help and, become your son again. I have dealt with this with a few family members, one my sister is finally doing better, the other 2 still hoping for the best, but they are in their 50's.
• Jacksonville, Florida
I am so sorry for all you are going through. I have never dealt with this and I pray I never have to. I cannot imagine how much it must rip your heart apart for your son. I hope one day he can get the help he truly needs so you can get your son back.
• Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
I had no experience to share but wanted to let you know I am thinking of your son and you and praying for the best and hoping that he gets over hid addiction, and you have your son back to his normal self. I am sending you both sll my love and good thoughts
• Riga, Latvia
Never experience anything like this. I am so sorry you have to go through all of this. Is his fiancee still staying with you and what is her reaction to all this? I hope that when you got to the meetings you might find some answers or some comfort from the stories of others. Prays and blessings to you.
• United Kingdom
That is a terrible situation and you're right, it's just like some stranger took over the person's body that you loved. You really want to help but the hard thing is, that unless the addict themselves realises there' a problem and starts to take action, there s nothing you can do. You're right to kick him out because otherwise he will really mess up your life as well. I hope he takes action himself to start on the road to recovery.
• United States
At this point it is out of my hands. I've done everything I can for him and it has put me deeply in debt as well as hurt me emotionally. I think he doesn't want to change right now. He has already lost custody of his daughter and I can't let his presence put my visiting rights in danger. His fiancee lost her child because of his addiction and earlier this month their baby was born and taken away from them. At least they are with their other grandmother and not strangers It did not seem to affect him, did not make him want to get better. I don't know what will. Than you so much for your good wishes and positive thoughts, it means a lot to me and is a comfort for me.
• United States
It is good for you to be able to share this and to hear people tell you that you did the right thing. You did do the right thing, of course. Anything else would be enabling the destructive behavior. People don't help by being co-dependant. Please do whatever you need to do to keep yourself safe.
• Greencastle, Indiana
I can't say I know what your dealing with BUT in a way I do I'm so sorry you are going through this with your son like he is & I can not blame you for feeling the way you do, I would feel the same way myself. I'm not saying it's right but there's no sense in dealing with something you can't fix alone he HAS to be willing to help his self if he won't do that then you have every right to do what you need to do no matter what it is.