I told my son to leave today

@dragon54u (31298)
United States
July 13, 2017 1:35am CST
He last went into detox on June 27 and came home July 2. A day later he was manically running about cleaning things with a toothbrush. Heroin's his thing but he was combining it with methamphetamine. It all came to a head when he claimed he could not find his food stamp card with $194 on it but he was the one who had it last and he claims his fiancee or I had it. I had gone through my purse this morning cleaning it out and putting some things in my personal safe and the only food stamp card in there was his fiancee's. This evening he told me to go through my purse (I was out of sight in the kitchen) then he went to the back of the house. Sure enough, his card was in my purse that I had previously cleaned out. Then I saw that he had overturned his bed and tore up his and his fiancee's room and scattered the court papers (their child was taken away due to his addiction) she had just organized. I can't put up with violence in my house. And I have never been cursed at like that before when I told him to leave. That is not my son, that's a stranger in his body. I've tried all approaches. I ordered a book recently that I'm going to start reading tomorrow. I plan to go to Al-Anon meetings for families. I'm just so devastated tonight. I feel as if my son died years ago and I'm left dealing with the stranger in his shell. Just venting. It does me good to write stuff down. Is anyone dealing with an addict? Have you experienced this? I'd like to know others' experiences and outcomes. I'm at the point where I'm almost okay with him overdosing just so he can be at peace.
29 people like this
28 responses
@silvermist (15827)
• India
13 Jul
While no one can know exactly what you are going through, I can imagine to an extent.And he is emotionally blackmailing you with the threat to overdose.If HE co-operates,definitely get him to a center for treating his addiction.Are there any close relatives or family friends that can have a talk with him?
4 people like this
@silvermist (15827)
• India
13 Jul
@dragon54u It seems you have tried all you could.Just leave him be.What does his fiance say?
1 person likes this
@silvermist (15827)
• India
15 Jul
@dragon54u I think you just have to let him go his on way, if that is what he wants.
@JudyEv (97454)
• Bunbury, Australia
15 Jul
I am so sorry you are in this position. It must be terrible. I'm glad you feel able to vent here.
3 people like this
@dragon54u (31298)
• United States
15 Jul
For some reason it feels better when I am able to voice my problems. They don't fester inside. He did check into detox, I found out, so maybe he will get better. He just can't come back here anymore. Thanks for your understanding.
2 people like this
@JudyEv (97454)
• Bunbury, Australia
17 Jul
@dragon54u Sometimes I've bottled things up then managed to put my troubles into words and suddenly the problem seems to lose half its intensity somehow. It's really strange. I'm glad your son went back into detox. That has to be a positive step.
1 person likes this
• Lakewood, Colorado
13 Jul
You did the right thing tho it is painful for you. Did he go peacefully?
3 people like this
• Lakewood, Colorado
13 Jul
@dragon54u Yes didn't think he would just leave Dragon..I know those words sting..even if he is out of his mind at the time and I know you will worry about him too. You are very brave..stay strong my friend. I am so sorry to hear all this.
1 person likes this
@Juliaacv (22219)
• Canada
13 Jul
I'm sorry that you're going thru this. Posting this is good, there are other members who have dealt with this with their own children, and there are members who have been the user. Hopefully they see this, read it and can offer you some support.
3 people like this
@dragon54u (31298)
• United States
13 Jul
I was hoping for suggestions for coping but also wanted to tell others they are not alone. Each addict is different and needs different reactions. I haven't found what my son needs yet and have tried compassion, tough love, and all in between. Thank you for your kind words.
1 person likes this
@Juliaacv (22219)
• Canada
13 Jul
@dragon54u You'll get the kind of experienced support that you're looking for here, I cannot offer that, but as another Mom, I can offer you my support in the fact that you're doing the right thing.
2 people like this
@jaboUK (50181)
• United Kingdom
16 Jul
Oh my, what an awful situation for you and your family. Of course you can't have that sort of behaviour in your home, I hope that he will get the help he needs.
3 people like this
@TRBRocks420 (61029)
• Banks, Oregon
13 Jul
Sorry to hear that my friend. I hope he will get help and, become your son again. I have dealt with this with a few family members, one my sister is finally doing better, the other 2 still hoping for the best, but they are in their 50's.
3 people like this
@dragon54u (31298)
• United States
13 Jul
Addiction is cruel to everyone. Thank you for your support and I hope your loved ones conquer it.
1 person likes this
• Jacksonville, Florida
13 Jul
I am so sorry for all you are going through. I have never dealt with this and I pray I never have to. I cannot imagine how much it must rip your heart apart for your son. I hope one day he can get the help he truly needs so you can get your son back.
2 people like this
• Jacksonville, Florida
13 Jul
@dragon54u Yes I have seen amazing, loving parents who go through this and it boggles my mind. I just don't get it. =(
1 person likes this
@1creekgirl (8381)
• United States
13 Jul
Oh, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine the pain you're going through. I might not have any answers, but I will be praying for you and your son.
2 people like this
@dragon54u (31298)
• United States
13 Jul
Thank you, that means a lot. Prayer is a powerful weapon and a great comfort.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Jul
@dragon54u Prayer truly does get God's attention.
1 person likes this
@Marty1 (25722)
• Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
14 Jul
I had no experience to share but wanted to let you know I am thinking of your son and you and praying for the best and hoping that he gets over hid addiction, and you have your son back to his normal self. I am sending you both sll my love and good thoughts
2 people like this
@dragon54u (31298)
• United States
14 Jul
Thank you so much, prayers will do more good than anything I can think of. I'm hoping he'll let God into his heart and listen to Him and get some help. Lord knows I've done all I humanly can, it's up to Him now.
@RasmaSandra (12674)
• Riga, Latvia
13 Jul
Never experience anything like this. I am so sorry you have to go through all of this. Is his fiancee still staying with you and what is her reaction to all this? I hope that when you got to the meetings you might find some answers or some comfort from the stories of others. Prays and blessings to you.
2 people like this
@Fleura (5886)
• United Kingdom
28 Aug
That is a terrible situation and you're right, it's just like some stranger took over the person's body that you loved. You really want to help but the hard thing is, that unless the addict themselves realises there' a problem and starts to take action, there s nothing you can do. You're right to kick him out because otherwise he will really mess up your life as well. I hope he takes action himself to start on the road to recovery.
1 person likes this
@Tina30219 (25858)
• Onaway, Michigan
14 Jul
So sorry to hear this I hope it don't come to him overdosing. I am sorry to hear they got their child taken away because of this.
1 person likes this
@Tina30219 (25858)
• Onaway, Michigan
14 Jul
@dragon54u Your very welcome. That is good she is with her grandmother and not a stranger. Do you getvto see her at all?Yeah it is awful how did he get into this mess did he get in with the wrong crowd of people?
1 person likes this
@Sreekala (18782)
• India
13 Jul
I understand your feelings, it is difficult to cope with addicted people. But can't you do anything to save from his addiction? I know he must cooperate for the treatment. Hope something will change him.
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31298)
• United States
13 Jul
At this point it is out of my hands. I've done everything I can for him and it has put me deeply in debt as well as hurt me emotionally. I think he doesn't want to change right now. He has already lost custody of his daughter and I can't let his presence put my visiting rights in danger. His fiancee lost her child because of his addiction and earlier this month their baby was born and taken away from them. At least they are with their other grandmother and not strangers It did not seem to affect him, did not make him want to get better. I don't know what will. Than you so much for your good wishes and positive thoughts, it means a lot to me and is a comfort for me.
1 person likes this
@Sreekala (18782)
• India
14 Jul
@dragon54u So things are out of control. Now he must think about his life and should ready to change it.
1 person likes this
@mandala100 (25013)
• Hong Kong
13 Jul
Oh I'm really so sorry to hear this my friend.
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31298)
• United States
13 Jul
It means so much for someone to say that. Thank you so much for the comforting words and for giving me a brief space in your heart.
1 person likes this
@mandala100 (25013)
• Hong Kong
13 Jul
@dragon54u I believed in the power of prayer my friend. I'll pray for you and for your son.
2 people like this
@drannhh (15002)
• United States
6 Aug
It is good for you to be able to share this and to hear people tell you that you did the right thing. You did do the right thing, of course. Anything else would be enabling the destructive behavior. People don't help by being co-dependant. Please do whatever you need to do to keep yourself safe.
1 person likes this
@Tampa_girl7 (21404)
• United States
1 Aug
I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Hugs to you
1 person likes this
@Kandae11 (25734)
13 Jul
You are certainly not alone in this, I have heard so many stories about mothers in a similar situation - and it is heartbreaking. The most I can do is pray for your son.
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31298)
• United States
13 Jul
Thank you for your prayers, they are just what we need! Yes, I have plenty of company and that is so sad to know.
@Tracy04 (10696)
• Malaysia
13 Jul
Hope he recovers soon.
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31298)
• United States
13 Jul
Thank you for your sincere good wishes. I am not hopeful.
@Prshnth (847)
• Bangalore, India
13 Jul
so sad what has happened..hope everything will be alright
1 person likes this
@sugartoes (33955)
• Greencastle, Indiana
13 Jul
I can't say I know what your dealing with BUT in a way I do I'm so sorry you are going through this with your son like he is & I can not blame you for feeling the way you do, I would feel the same way myself. I'm not saying it's right but there's no sense in dealing with something you can't fix alone he HAS to be willing to help his self if he won't do that then you have every right to do what you need to do no matter what it is.
1 person likes this