A worry I had while pregnant

@shaggin (27026)
United States
November 2, 2017 7:59am CST
When I was pregnant with my daughter I was 20 years old. I was married at 19. No one my age I knew was settled down like that it was all people 10 years older I related with. That doesn't really have much to do with my story but just trying to get you picturing a young somewhat nervous mom. I was happy and ready for this adventure it was not an unplanned thing. When I was pregnant I wasn't worried about the labor pains etc what I was worried about was that I would love my baby while she was small but not as she got older and out of the cute stage. I think I had this worry due to my experiences as a teen. My sister and I were wild and unruly and my mother told us she hated us. So this became a fear embedded in my brain of what might happen with my own babies. My kids are 10 and 13 and that love did not go away as they grew. I cannot imagine ever hating my children at any age no matter what mistakes they make or how they act. What kind of worries did you have when you were pregnant (if you are a mom) or what do you worry about when you will be a parent in the future?
29 people like this
25 responses
• Jacksonville, Florida
2 Nov
I think our own fears come from how we were raised most definitely. I was worried that I would raise my children the way my parents raised me and my siblings. But I don't, I am strict but I also allow independence that we did not have. I also lift my children up and don't bring them down.
7 people like this
@shaggin (27026)
• United States
3 Nov
You sound like an incredible mom. If we all learn from our parents mistakes and turn around and raise each other better you would think each generation should be getting better but it doesn't seem to be the case across most the world.
2 people like this
@Marty1 (26890)
• Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
3 Nov
I admire your parenting skills. I wish you could have been my mom and raised me. I love when I find posts by you to hear how your family is doing
3 people like this
• Jacksonville, Florida
3 Nov
@shaggin Thank you! I try to be the best mom I can be. =) I think parents today are becoming less and less strict which seems to be the problem.
2 people like this
@1creekgirl (8789)
• United States
2 Nov
Oh, that was a horrible thing for a mother to tell her child! You sound like a good mom and I'm sure your kids know how much you love them. I also had my first child at 19. I remember thinking that a little girl would be fun, but what in the world do you do with little boys? It was a boy and he and his sister have been the joy of my life.
6 people like this
@shaggin (27026)
• United States
2 Nov
I have a boy and girl and I think it is perfect :) I got to play girly toys with my daughter and then cars and things with my son. I always enjoyed both kinds of toys when I was young so bonding with a boy was no trouble for me. I had post partum after having my daughter but not with my son so it was actuall easier to bond immediately with after birth where as with my daughter I didn't.
4 people like this
@much2say (35427)
• United States
2 Nov
@1creekgirl My family had girls - so I somehow naturally assumed I would only have girls. But I found out my second one would be a boy - and that's exactly what I wondered - what in the world do you do with little boys! But after he was born, funny how it wasn't such a mystery anymore . . . we loved him just as we did his older sister and life went on .
3 people like this
@shaggin (27026)
• United States
2 Nov
@much2say My daughter was my father in laws first granddaughter. He had 4 boys and his one son had 4 boys so he was sure I would have a boy too.
3 people like this
@Corbin5 (82065)
• United States
2 Nov
Well, I had gestational diabetes, Bell's Palsy, and had to take medication in my 2nd and 3rd trimester, and I worried if the baby would be OK. He was a big baby, but a healthy one.
5 people like this
@shaggin (27026)
• United States
3 Nov
The gestational diabetes can make them big. The Bells Palsy is from a past case of lyme disease correct?
2 people like this
@Corbin5 (82065)
• United States
3 Nov
@shaggin Lyme disease is one cause, but my Bells Palsy was probably due to pregnancy and the gestational diabetes. My doctor thought I had a stroke because the left side of my face was paralyzed so upstairs to the hospital I went. The right side of my face is still not quite right due to Bell's Palsy. I sure know not to ever rub my eye on that side because rubbing it will really hurt. Josh was 9 pounds, so he was a hefty baby.
Bell's palsy is an unexplained episode of facial muscle weakness or paralysis. It begins suddenly and worsens over 48 hours.
3 people like this
@shaggin (27026)
• United States
5 Nov
@Corbin5 Oh my goodness I had no idea gestational diabetes could cause that.
2 people like this
@BarBaraPrz (17589)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
2 Nov
I could see myself throttling the kid, so I didn't have any. I'm much calmer now, in my old age, but misbehaving kids in public do get on my nerves.
4 people like this
@shaggin (27026)
• United States
3 Nov
Lol well at least you are honest and did not have any if you were not ready for them! I think you made a wise choice.
2 people like this
@BarBaraPrz (17589)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
3 Nov
@shaggin Thank you.
1 person likes this
@LilyBeBack (1705)
• United Kingdom
3 Nov
When I was pregnant all of my fears revolved around the risk of losing my baby before he was born because I've got PCOS and it's associated with an increased risk of miscarriage, so that consumed me and it wasn't until I was holding him that I ever believed he was really mine to keep
3 people like this
@shaggin (27026)
• United States
5 Nov
Aww I had no idea that it is common to have a miscarriage with PCOS I just knew it can make it very hard to get pregnant at all. I can completely understand your fear of miscarriage due to that I would have been very worried as well I'm sure.
3 people like this
• United Kingdom
5 Nov
@shaggin When I found out I was pregnant it was actually at a scan to confirm my fears that I had PCOS. I always knew, since I was a teenager, and after nearly 15 years of worry I'd got used to the idea that I'd probably never have my own children. Then in this scan the nurse said "right, I'd say you've definitely got PCOS but it also looks like you're about five weeks pregnant!"
1 person likes this
@shaggin (27026)
• United States
6 Nov
@LilyBeBack That must have been such awesome news! I think it is likely I have PCOS as well after hearing all the symptoms it causes etc. It is something I think I should talk to my doctor about.
1 person likes this
@Happy2BeMe (69988)
• Canada
2 Nov
I always worried if I would be a good mom. Sure I made mistakes along the way but looking at my children today I know I did something right. They are both strong and independent and are doing extremely well in life.
3 people like this
@shaggin (27026)
• United States
2 Nov
I know I am a good mom but I still have worries like you did but hopefully my children are happy healthy adults someday.
3 people like this
@Happy2BeMe (69988)
• Canada
2 Nov
@shaggin I am sure they will be. You are a good mom. I knew I was too but I always second guessed myself.
3 people like this
@shaggin (27026)
• United States
3 Nov
@Happy2BeMe yes me too
2 people like this
@JudyEv (101131)
• Bunbury, Australia
3 Nov
It is sad that your mother told you she hated you but I guess she found your behaviour hard to cope with. It is good that you have been able to stay good friends with your own children. Often childhood patterns can be hard to break.
3 people like this
@shaggin (27026)
• United States
3 Nov
I am sure my behaviour was very hard to deal with but she was to controlling and as an adult I see where she has a lot of issues she herself cannot see. She is a narcissict.
3 people like this
@JudyEv (101131)
• Bunbury, Australia
3 Nov
@shaggin It's good you've been able to forge a new pathway as a parent.
3 people like this
@jaboUK (50723)
• United Kingdom
2 Nov
Your mother sounds unnatural, that was an awful thing to say to you. I didn't have any worries at all during my first pregnancy, but as it resulted in a stillbirth I worried like heck during my next two. Fortunately the babies were alive and healthy.
3 people like this
@shaggin (27026)
• United States
3 Nov
Oh my how sad :( I would have been terrified of it happening again as well. That has to be such a horrible thing to go through. I am so glad the other children were fine!
3 people like this
@jaboUK (50723)
• United Kingdom
3 Nov
@shaggin Yes, I was extremely lucky to have healthy children afterwards, and they have brought nothing but joy to us.
3 people like this
@m_audrey6788 (11509)
• Germany
2 Nov
I married late and have a hard time to get a baby of my own but still have faith it`ll come. So, I don`t really worry too much about having a kid as I experienced taking care of my big sisters kids when they were babies and had some knowledge handling them. I`ll just love them and give my best to let them grow into a good person
3 people like this
@shaggin (27026)
• United States
2 Nov
My sister had a baby about a year and a half before me so I learned from watching him what to do differently with my own children.
2 people like this
• Germany
2 Nov
@shaggin Oh ok. How was it?
• United States
2 Nov
I'm glad that you have been able to see that your worries were unfounded and since my children are all grown I can honestly say there wasn't any time in life that I didn't love them. Of course teenagers make you want to pull your hair out but I never ever would have said I hate you to my children. I feel bad that you and your sister had to listen to your mom say such painful things
3 people like this
@shaggin (27026)
• United States
3 Nov
Sometimes I feel maybe I deserved the things she said but I cannot imagine ever saying that or feeling that way about my own kids. No matter how bad they are at times I still love them just as much. My mother is very controlling and tough to get along with.
3 people like this
@PainsOnSlate (19253)
• Canada
8 Nov
I had Postpartum Depression after my first child and knew it when I was in the hospital, it took a few weeks, maybe a couple of months to make it go away but my husband was helpful and loved loving our baby girl. It was a weird uncomfortable feeling, I didn't like it. My second came 5 years later when I had the urge to have another... thankfully my baby boy was quiet and I was fine...my last one came about 6 years later and he was 4 years old when he joined us so no problems there... I have loved and still love all three, I'm so glad I had them and worried about my first because of my depression but she is the strongest of the three.
2 people like this
@shaggin (27026)
• United States
8 Nov
I had post partum after giving birth to my daughter as well. It was not what I wanted to feel after having a child. I felt no emotions it was like I was babysitting for a few months. I was so happy when the feelings of unconditional love for her finally happened. I did not have post partum with my son at all when he was born 3 1/2 years later. A psychiatrist told me it is more common to have post partum after having baby girls due to the extra feminine hormones during pregnancy.
1 person likes this
• Canada
10 Nov
@shaggin very interesting, thanks for the info, I too found no postpartum with my son too. I thought the way I felt was because perhaps I didn't want children. But before the baby I wanted children...nice to know I wasn't crazy...
1 person likes this
@shaggin (27026)
• United States
11 Nov
@PainsOnSlate I was ready and wanted a baby so there should have been no reason to feel as I did so I understand completely what you are saying.
1 person likes this
@Tina30219 (26302)
• Onaway, Michigan
2 Nov
I was a mom early myself not as young as you but I consider it young 20 almost 21. And I love my kids dearly both when they we're babies and now even though we are miles apart.
2 people like this
@shaggin (27026)
• United States
2 Nov
My daughter was a few months old on my 21st birthday. While everyone was out partying for their 21st I was at a chinese buffet eating dinner with my baby and husband.
1 person likes this
@Tina30219 (26302)
• Onaway, Michigan
2 Nov
@shaggin I was at home with my baby on mine. Yours sounds better than mine.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (27026)
• United States
3 Nov
@Tina30219 A new baby is a present in itself!
1 person likes this
@DianneN (59913)
• United States
2 Nov
How awful of your mother to say that! As a parent, I would never ever even think to say that to my boys. I worried if they would be healthy.
2 people like this
@shaggin (27026)
• United States
3 Nov
I can't imagine ever feeling that way or saying that to my kids either. My mother is very hard to get a long with so I just avoid her as much as possible
2 people like this
@DianneN (59913)
• United States
4 Nov
1 person likes this
• Pamplona, Spain
5 Nov
Every time it was about where we would live as we never had our own house either times. Even so we still managed to find work and another house but not our own till much much later on. Worries about the pregnancy also itself and enough money to feed my Sons.
2 people like this
@shaggin (27026)
• United States
6 Nov
Aww those seem like very normal worries! It is hard now for young people to make it out on their own. So many have to stay living with their parents or wind up moving back in.
@wongchoiyee (6586)
• Malaysia
3 Nov
My mum was a hater towards me everytime since I was 11. Till now she never admits it and try to fix back the relationship.
2 people like this
@shaggin (27026)
• United States
5 Nov
That is really sad I am sorry to hear that!
@nangayo (2293)
• Nairobi, Kenya
3 Nov
I am just worried of how my kids will be when the reach the adolescent age. This is an age when they experience many changes in the body. Some just become rowdy and rude, just want to do what all their friends do, are choosy. This is my worry.
2 people like this
@shaggin (27026)
• United States
5 Nov
It is a worry I have as well. I was such a wild teen I worry how mine will be.
2 people like this
@KrauseHome (33387)
• United States
2 Nov
Wow... Sorry your life was like that growing up. Glad you can move past that and have Love and appreciatoon for your own kids.
2 people like this
@shaggin (27026)
• United States
3 Nov
Thank you. I think I learned from my parents exactly how I did NOT want to raise mine like that. I want to be a better parent!
1 person likes this
@Kandae11 (27232)
2 Nov
When I was pregnant and had my son. I worried mostly about dying before he was old enough to take care of himself. I had heard so many horror stories about what some children go through when left in the care of others - even family members. So I was happy seeing the years go by and watching him grow into a healthy, stable young adult.
2 people like this
@shaggin (27026)
• United States
3 Nov
That is a worry I am sure a lot of parents have. With my childrens father dying so young I worry my children will be orphaned and I don't feel anyone I know would give them good care.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (122436)
• Switzerland
2 Nov
What a terrible thing to tell to your children that you hate them. I have no children.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (27026)
• United States
2 Nov
It really was a terrible thing and put that worry in my head. I'm not a big fan of my mother for many reasons we are not very close.
2 people like this
@LadyDuck (122436)
• Switzerland
2 Nov
@shaggin I loved my father a lot, but I am not very close to my mother, she only loves my younger brother.
2 people like this
@shaggin (27026)
• United States
2 Nov
@LadyDuck How sad seems the same as my sister and I the favortism.
2 people like this
@toniganzon (41138)
• Philippines
2 Nov
The only worry I had when I was pregnant was if I'd feel the pain down there when the doctor cut and sew me later on. But it didn't hurt at all.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (27026)
• United States
2 Nov
I am sure if you were cut like I was with my first that you were numbed so you didn't feel it.
@shaggin (27026)
• United States
3 Nov
@toniganzon I know you meant an episotomy however its spelled. They do not like to do them here much anymore but I did request one with my daughter.
1 person likes this
@toniganzon (41138)
• Philippines
3 Nov
@shaggin They still do it here.
1 person likes this