When it is truly not your fault.
By Amber
@AmbiePam (85498)
United States
November 5, 2017 5:15am CST
I was caught off guard yesterday when I heard a woman blame a woman she knew for her own sexual assault. The woman knew the man had a reputation for being "pushy", and she chose to work with him. The lady I heard said the victim wanted to further her career, so she took the chance and is partly responsible for the asssult.
That was an alarming statement. Sure, she shouldn't have taken the chance, but that doesn't give anyone the right to say she is too blame for her own assault. That's like saying walking by yourself warrants an attack.
Also alarming is when I hear people say that cancer sufferers are to blame for their own illness. Believe it or not, a lot of cancer is in our genetics and their is no preventing it. You can do your best to stay healthy, but you can't control it. Studies show cancer is often random. You hear someone blamed for getting Alzheimer's Disease. My mom had dementia of the frontal lobe, and it wasn't her fault. She was diagnosed at 46, but scans she had when she was 33 revealed early dementia was in her future (my parents never revealed that to me as it is not wise to scare your teenagers). That had nothing to do with an unhealthy lifestyle.
The saddest is when a person flat out tells the person they are responsible for their own tragedy when they truly are not. Compassion, not condemnation, is warranted.
*I forgot about smoking and lung cancer until someone mentioned it.
14 people like this
14 responses
@katsmeow1213 (28717)
• United States
5 Nov 17
No woman ever asks to be sexually assaulted and it's absolutely ridiculous to blame the victim in situations like that.
As for cancer, these days I think everything causes it. Stuff in our food, in our water, air pollution.. there's no avoiding it really. Are smokers to blame for their own lung cancer? Well who is to say it wasn't air pollution that caused their cancer instead of the smoke. I know a lot of smokers who never got lung cancer.. and a lot of non-smokers who did get lung cancer. If the whole world stopped smoking and never ever smoked again, lung cancer would not go away.. doctor's would just need to put the blame elsewhere.
3 people like this
@katsmeow1213 (28717)
• United States
7 Nov 17
@AmbiePam Did your grandparents smoke?
My parents all smoked.. and when I was in high school smoking was the cool thing to do. I started when I was 14ish.
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (85498)
• United States
7 Nov 17
@katsmeow1213 My grandfather did before he had kids, but after he had my uncle he quit.
@LovingMyBabies (85127)
• Valdosta, Georgia
5 Nov 17
People have lost sympathy it seems and that's awful. This world is filled with ugliness, pain, illness, struggles and we should all be lifting each other up and helping-not putting each other down!
3 people like this
@LilyBeBack (1994)
• United Kingdom
5 Nov 17
As you say, it is NEVER the victims fault (specifically talking about assault) and while everyone is entitled to their opinion, on some matters not everyone is entitled to have their opinion respected.
2 people like this
@LilyBeBack (1994)
• United Kingdom
5 Nov 17
@AmbiePam Me too 
It's not worth my sanity getting into an argument about it, but I can at least add my name to the list of people with a bit of common sense
It's not worth my sanity getting into an argument about it, but I can at least add my name to the list of people with a bit of common sense1 person likes this
@TiarasOceanView (70035)
• United States
5 Nov 17
I hate when people do that to women who are assaulted, as if the assault was not bad enough...that is total injustice to blame the victim for any part of it
3 people like this
@Juliaacv (48447)
• Canada
5 Nov 17
It sounds like she knew that she was putting herself in harm's way.
Actions like that I do question.
When people suffer from cancer or alzheimers I feel for them, and for their families.
I do question cancer patients who undergo all kinds of medical treatments and rely on their friends and relatives heavily and yet continue to smoke. That irks me.
2 people like this
@Juliaacv (48447)
• Canada
5 Nov 17
@AmbiePam No, not in your mother's case I'm sure. But when I see some of the documentaries about what is going on out in the streets today I am convinced that it has to have its effects mentally.
Look at what research is finding to be true about concussions, and how that affects the mind. Of course we cannot start to live in a bubble, but we can exercise an ounce of prevention on many habits.
1 person likes this
@fishtiger58 (29823)
• Momence, Illinois
5 Nov 17
It's no one's place to place blame on the victim in any situation. Crazy blame doesn't nothing but promote hard feelings. It's so not necessary.
3 people like this
@peavey (16936)
• United States
5 Nov 17
No matter if the guy was pushy, he had no right to assault her. That makes it his fault, not hers.
And, even if a person is responsible for a disease, they didn't say "I am going to smoke so I can have cancer." Compassion means understanding, too. No one starts out to have dementia or cancer or diabetes, or whatever. Things happen to everyone.
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
6 Nov 17
Sometimes we cannot help but blame the person when he would be inflicted with an ailment, especially when everyone in the house keeps reminding him not to smoke.
But when he is stricken by the ailment caused by smoking or eating unhealthily and not getting any exercise at all, we all can just keep our mouth shut and just be caring. No need to tell him of his being stubborn. He knows that actually.
1 person likes this
@BelleStarr (61047)
• United States
6 Nov 17
When a man assaults a woman he is totally responsible not her in any way. I'm afraid I would have had to tell off that very judgemental and stupid woman.
1 person likes this
@cahaya1983 (11121)
• Malaysia
11 Nov 17
The blame culture is really disturbing. Seems like many people would rather keep themselves busy blaming the victims than giving them support.
1 person likes this
@Srbageldog (7716)
• United States
6 Nov 17
People like that are infuriating. I once had an aunt tell me that I had "made my bed and had to lay in it" because I had been born poor. Like I had any say in the matter or had chosen my parents...
People really lack empathy these days it seems.
1 person likes this
@DianneN (246838)
• United States
5 Nov 17
No one ever deserves to be assaulted! Someone once said that the way young girls dress at bars are asking for it. I strongly disagreed. As for diseases, we know what is preventable and what is not. Only fools continue to smoke, as one example.
2 people like this
@ilocosboy (45157)
• Philippines
5 Nov 17
its their fault or not their fault, no one has the right to blame the person especially when they're a victim.
2 people like this
