My writing group effort
By Judy Evans
November 23, 2017 5:40pm CST
I belong to a writing group. Of course, I couldn’t attend while we were overseas but I haven’t been since I returned either. Since joining myLot, I do very little writing of fiction or any other sort. I can’t seem to get motivated. However I’d quite like to go to the Christmas wind-up in a few weeks and feel I can’t just turn up for that if I haven’t been going regularly. So this afternoon I’ll be off to the local library to meet with the rest. The homework from last time was to take a piece of writing and rewrite it without using ‘the’ or ‘a’. I’ve used a piece I wrote some time ago. I suppose it’s a good exercise but I don’t think my story flows as well as the original. Some of you will have read it before but for what it’s worth I’ll include it here. BRIGHT LIGHTS Sally was filled with fear. Darkness, oppressively quiet, made her heart flail against her chest as small birds, desperate to escape, might beat their wings against aviary bars. Her breath came in short bursts that rasped their way out of her dry throat. She remembered her mother’s words: ‘Trust me, darling. Go towards that light. Grandma and Pop will be watching for you. Truly, they’ll be waiting to see you. Just go towards that light. You’ll be just fine.’ She saw again tears and tremulous smiles on her parents’ faces, as they whispered ‘you are so beautiful, precious child’. She remembered her father’s farewell, his strong arms holding her tenderly. She could still feel his lips kissing her hair. And now she was on her own – just waiting. It was so sombre and silent. Even after all she had been through, Sally was no longer sure she was ready. She tried to breathe deeply and suddenly became aware of insistent humming which forced its way into her consciousness. Soft, gentle music gave way to vibrant, pulsing rhythms. Trumpets suddenly blared and cymbals clashed. Velvet curtains swished open and, looking glamorous and radiant, Sally sashayed through catwalk footlights to thunderous applause. Do you belong to a group but go to meetings somewhat reluctantly?
19 people like this
• New Zealand
That is very good. I haven't read your first piece, but you've managed excellent flow here. Removing those two little words definitely gives it strength. I love my writing groups and seldom go reluctantly. Just out of interest, I've just edited this comment, removing all "the' and 'a' words. Makes for tight writing, doesn't it!
5 people like this
• United States
Oh my. You did a fine job on this one!!! I was really becoming quite sad until.......!! I am not a fan of scheduled meetings, but I have belonged to a few groups that had me going to regular meetings more than reluctantly.
4 people like this
Hey Judy, I enjoyed reading this, Love your use of sensory words. I've never been good at painting a picture in my writing. I recently started an FB group where writers can gather and practice writing sensory words. If anyone is interested, look up sensory words exercise and join. It's an open group. Just started a couple weeks ago. it sure is helping me. Anyway, Judy, you have talent as a writer. Keep up the good work.