My writing group effort

@JudyEv (100439)
Bunbury, Australia
November 23, 2017 5:40pm CST
I belong to a writing group. Of course, I couldn’t attend while we were overseas but I haven’t been since I returned either. Since joining myLot, I do very little writing of fiction or any other sort. I can’t seem to get motivated. However I’d quite like to go to the Christmas wind-up in a few weeks and feel I can’t just turn up for that if I haven’t been going regularly. So this afternoon I’ll be off to the local library to meet with the rest. The homework from last time was to take a piece of writing and rewrite it without using ‘the’ or ‘a’. I’ve used a piece I wrote some time ago. I suppose it’s a good exercise but I don’t think my story flows as well as the original. Some of you will have read it before but for what it’s worth I’ll include it here. BRIGHT LIGHTS Sally was filled with fear. Darkness, oppressively quiet, made her heart flail against her chest as small birds, desperate to escape, might beat their wings against aviary bars. Her breath came in short bursts that rasped their way out of her dry throat. She remembered her mother’s words: ‘Trust me, darling. Go towards that light. Grandma and Pop will be watching for you. Truly, they’ll be waiting to see you. Just go towards that light. You’ll be just fine.’ She saw again tears and tremulous smiles on her parents’ faces, as they whispered ‘you are so beautiful, precious child’. She remembered her father’s farewell, his strong arms holding her tenderly. She could still feel his lips kissing her hair. And now she was on her own – just waiting. It was so sombre and silent. Even after all she had been through, Sally was no longer sure she was ready. She tried to breathe deeply and suddenly became aware of insistent humming which forced its way into her consciousness. Soft, gentle music gave way to vibrant, pulsing rhythms. Trumpets suddenly blared and cymbals clashed. Velvet curtains swished open and, looking glamorous and radiant, Sally sashayed through catwalk footlights to thunderous applause. Do you belong to a group but go to meetings somewhat reluctantly?
19 people like this
20 responses
@valmnz (13137)
• New Zealand
24 Nov
That is very good. I haven't read your first piece, but you've managed excellent flow here. Removing those two little words definitely gives it strength. I love my writing groups and seldom go reluctantly. Just out of interest, I've just edited this comment, removing all "the' and 'a' words. Makes for tight writing, doesn't it!
5 people like this
@JudyEv (100439)
• Bunbury, Australia
24 Nov
It can be very tricky, can't it? Certainly it makes for tight writing but it doesn't always improve it. I always enjoy the group when I get there but I don't seem to have much inspiration lately.
2 people like this
@Corbin5 (81315)
• United States
23 Nov
Oh my. You did a fine job on this one!!! I was really becoming quite sad until.......!! I am not a fan of scheduled meetings, but I have belonged to a few groups that had me going to regular meetings more than reluctantly.
4 people like this
@JudyEv (100439)
• Bunbury, Australia
24 Nov
I'm glad you were heading down the wrong path. That was the intention but it got a bit tricky without 'the' and 'a'.
2 people like this
@cahaya1983 (9415)
• Malaysia
24 Nov
Beautiful piece, Judy! I joined a few groups on Facebook but that's about it. I think there's a writing group here too but it's not very close to where I live so not very convenient for me to go regularly.
3 people like this
@JudyEv (100439)
• Bunbury, Australia
24 Nov
Thanks. I've entered a few online competitions from time to time. I should really research what's available now. Perhaps I'd get some inspiration again.
1 person likes this
@Kandae11 (26790)
24 Nov
Well done - very descriptive .
2 people like this
@JudyEv (100439)
• Bunbury, Australia
25 Nov
Thanks. Glad you enjoyed it.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Nov
Wow, good job. I like stories that change toward the end and redirect you to the real truth going on.
2 people like this
@JudyEv (100439)
• Bunbury, Australia
24 Nov
Thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
1 person likes this
@andriaperry (32926)
• Anniston, Alabama
24 Nov
You are very good!
2 people like this
@JudyEv (100439)
• Bunbury, Australia
24 Nov
Thanks. This one is in an anthology and I actually won some money with it - in its original form.
@KristenH (20356)
• Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio
24 Nov
Great effort Judy. Yes I do. Not reluctantly though. I go once a month, every 2nd Tuesday. I've been there for a few years.
2 people like this
@JudyEv (100439)
• Bunbury, Australia
24 Nov
I think I'm just lazy and I don't seem to have any inspiration lately.
@ilocosboy (33256)
• Philippines
24 Nov
I can relate to that. I also write fiction but as of now, no motivation so far.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (100439)
• Bunbury, Australia
24 Nov
Sometimes it is hard to get inspired.
@ilocosboy (33256)
• Philippines
24 Nov
When I was younger I'm so inspired to write many stories, as I grow older my motivation is subsiding.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (100439)
• Bunbury, Australia
24 Nov
@ilocosboy Perhaps you are much busier now with other things.
@1hopefulman (20212)
• Canada
24 Nov
Nice, creative piece! The only writing I do these days is on myLot. I do belong to a religious group that meets twice a week and I go there rain or shine. It is the highlight of the week.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (100439)
• Bunbury, Australia
25 Nov
It is nice to have contact with a like-minded group of people.
1 person likes this
@1hopefulman (20212)
• Canada
25 Nov
@JudyEv Birds of a feather, stick together?
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (100439)
• Bunbury, Australia
25 Nov
@1hopefulman Something like that I guess.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (54647)
• Delhi, India
24 Nov
Very nicely written. I enjoyed reading it. I have not joined any writing group. I just share my thoughts on mylot.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (100439)
• Bunbury, Australia
24 Nov
Thanks. And it's a good site for doing that, isn't it?
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (54647)
• Delhi, India
24 Nov
@JudyEv Yes, mylot is best site to hone our writing skills and to express ourselves. The best thing is we get reactions for our posts/comments, which help us discover ourselves in a better way.
1 person likes this
@LoriAMoore (9949)
• United States
26 Nov
I have an online friend in Chicago, Illinois (USA) who writes flash fiction. I didn't know what it was until he explained it to me. Good job!
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (100439)
• Bunbury, Australia
26 Nov
Thanks. I'm glad you like it. I like writing a 150-word story then paring it down and down to, say, 100 words.
1 person likes this
@Platespinner (18472)
• Winston Salem, North Carolina
26 Nov
Re-writing without a or the sounds a little daunting to me! Nice job!
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (100439)
• Bunbury, Australia
26 Nov
I thought it was a bit of a cheat to use 'that' but I couldn't work out any other way to do it.
1 person likes this
@snowy22315 (34132)
• United States
24 Nov
Great piece of writing! Are you published anywhere?
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (100439)
• Bunbury, Australia
24 Nov
I have a couple of short stories in anthologies and have won a few prizes in online competitions. And a friend and I wrote a couple of one-act plays that were performed locally.
@jstory07 (58278)
• Roseburg, Oregon
24 Nov
I never go to any meetings. You should only go back if it is something that you are going to enjoy doing.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (100439)
• Bunbury, Australia
24 Nov
That's true but I'm getting so I don't go anywhere much although it probably doesn't sound like that from my posts.
@acelawrites (10750)
• Philippines
24 Nov
Such a nice way to practice writing! You did it well!
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (100439)
• Bunbury, Australia
24 Nov
Thank you. I like writing short pieces with a twist at the end.
@BelleStarr (31954)
• Portland, Connecticut
24 Nov
I do remember this because as I am sure you intended, I thought she was dying but not of fright lol Well done.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (100439)
• Bunbury, Australia
24 Nov
Thanks.
1 person likes this
@teamfreak16 (36311)
• Colorado Springs, Colorado
24 Nov
No, I've never been to anything like that. Sounds kind of fun.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (100439)
• Bunbury, Australia
24 Nov
It is good fun. I've just got a bit lazy lately and I have to make an effort to go out.
1 person likes this
• Rochester, New York
24 Nov
There is a group here, but I'm too self conscious to have my work critiqued.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (100439)
• Bunbury, Australia
24 Nov
Mostly we read out our work but it isn't really critiqued unless you specifically ask for it.
@allknowing (55699)
• India
24 Nov
This is a great job you have done without those two words that think no end of themselves (lol) We do not have any such groups here and in fact I hardly have anyone around who shares any of my interests
@coltbiz (65)
24 Nov
Hey Judy, I enjoyed reading this, Love your use of sensory words. I've never been good at painting a picture in my writing. I recently started an FB group where writers can gather and practice writing sensory words. If anyone is interested, look up sensory words exercise and join. It's an open group. Just started a couple weeks ago. it sure is helping me. Anyway, Judy, you have talent as a writer. Keep up the good work.