Is it wrong to mourn a dead cat more than a dead relative?

Edwy
@indexer (1194)
Leicester, England
January 30, 2018 10:55am CST
We have had two recent deaths in the family - my mother-in-law died two weeks ago, and our cat was put down yesterday. For my mother-in-law - who had dementia and was in constant pain from spinal cancer - it was a happy release. But we are so sad about losing our cat, who was a real member of the family and such a good friend. And yet it just feels wrong to "well up" over a cat more than a person.
25 people like this
18 responses
@irishidid (8563)
• United States
30 Jan
I don't think so, especially in the case of your mother-in-law. She's no longer in pain and that's a good thing.
5 people like this
@indexer (1194)
• Leicester, England
30 Jan
Thanks for your response - it's appreciated.
5 people like this
@jaboUK (53920)
• United Kingdom
30 Jan
No-one can help the way they feel, and there's no need to feel sorry for someone dying when they have dementia. Pets become members of our family, don't they?
4 people like this
@indexer (1194)
• Leicester, England
30 Jan
Thanks for responding. Our Edwy was certainly a family member - at times he was in control of the rest of us!
3 people like this
@jaboUK (53920)
• United Kingdom
30 Jan
@indexer Lol - that's often the case
2 people like this
@pyewacket (44036)
• United States
31 Jan
I actually feel more grief when one of my "babies" has passed on also...meaning one of my cats. I've had cats since I was about five years old, I'm now 62, so I've had many "deaths" in the family. Our pets give us unconditional love in such a way that a relative may not. My mother passed away eleven years ago. She had many medical issues, so with her passing it was almost a sigh of relief as I had been her caregiver for many years
4 people like this
@indexer (1194)
• Leicester, England
31 Jan
Thanks for your response - it's good to see that so many people take the same line.
1 person likes this
• Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic
30 Jan
I dont think so, it also depends who is dying, mother in laws arent amongst the most favorable when passing, jk, sorry for your loss either way
4 people like this
@indexer (1194)
• Leicester, England
30 Jan
Well, I'm not that keen on the old myth that nobody likes their mother-in-law. In this case, she was a lovely lady - when she was more herself in the past - and I liked her a lot. I have many happy memories of her during the 30+ years that I have known her.
3 people like this
@nanette64 (17610)
• Fairfield, Texas
30 Jan
Hi John. I haven't heard from you in a long time. There is nothing wrong with the way you are feeling. They are our babies. I have lost 5 of my furbabies since December of 2016 and I still cry. It is so good to hear from you @indexer even under these sad circumstances.
3 people like this
@indexer (1194)
• Leicester, England
30 Jan
Thanks for your response, Nanette. I was reminded today about MyLot and was shocked to discover that I haven't been around here for nearly two years! I thought I would see what response I got with this issue and am delighted to rediscover just how supportive a community this is.
3 people like this
@nanette64 (17610)
• Fairfield, Texas
31 Jan
@indexer I'm so glad you are back.
@nanette64 (17610)
• Fairfield, Texas
31 Jan
@indexer I'm so glad you are back.
@sallypup (27063)
• Moses Lake, Washington
30 Jan
You lost a "meazer"?? I am terribly sorry and yeah, I would be crying for days over the loss of my fur person. I still mourn two of my meazers and its been a couple of years. They had cancer so I had to do it but dang its a miserable business. I am addicted to all things Siamese. I rescued another from a shelter so last night at 2 a.m. there was Beau Teak all ready for a snuggle. I truly am sorry for your loss and that includes your human loss.
3 people like this
@indexer (1194)
• Leicester, England
30 Jan
Thanks for your response. "Edwy" was 16 years old and certainly had a full life. The loss of his predecessor - aged 10 - was worse in many respects because he disappeared while we were away on holiday and a friend was coming in to feed him. On the day of our return he left the house and never came back - we never knew what happened to him.
2 people like this
@sallypup (27063)
• Moses Lake, Washington
30 Jan
@indexer About 3 weeks ago my Sonny James- the big guy in my photo- suddenly disappeared outside for 8 days. I went a bit crazy. That not knowing; that not being able to properly say goodbye. And his not being near me when I slept. Drove me batty. One morning I heard a noise and there he was out on the wooden deck looking up at me like he had just stepped outside! Such joy.
1 person likes this
@mandala100 (43312)
• Hong Kong
30 Jan
@indexer Are animals more valuable than human lives?
2 people like this
@indexer (1194)
• Leicester, England
30 Jan
I suppose it depends on what you mean by value. Value to whom, for example? Due to her dementia - not to mention physical distance - my mother-in-law has not been around for a long time, whereas the cat most certainly was.
2 people like this
@mandala100 (43312)
• Hong Kong
30 Jan
@indexer Objectively speaking as a general proposition. Otherwise, everything will be relative in this world my friend. And there will be no difference at all between human beings and animals for that matter my friend.
2 people like this
• United States
30 Jan
Losing a pet can be devastating. We have a totally different relationship with humans and pets and I'm sure the grief you feel is understandable
2 people like this
@indexer (1194)
• Leicester, England
30 Jan
Thanks for your response - I'm sure you are right.
1 person likes this
@JohnRoberts (56767)
• Los Angeles, California
30 Jan
I say no. It all depends upon circumstances and yours is quite understandable.
2 people like this
@LaDeBoheme (1988)
• United States
30 Jan
I don't think it's wrong at all. It's a different level and there is a different connection. We mourn deaths because we will miss their presence, whether it be human or pet. My cats have been my best friends, someone I can talk to about anything. They're there when I'm happy and when I'm down. It's the unconditional love and trust thing. When I lose one or have to put one down, it's a devastating and gut-wrenching experience, With relatives or friends, there are usually others to share the grief. With a pet (whether it be cat or dog or other), it is more of a personal loss -- a very real part of our own life is gone forever.
2 people like this
@Asylum (48281)
• Manchester, England
30 Jan
There is no right or wrong in this case, it is simply human nature.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (65696)
• Pleasant Hill, California
4 Mar
It is what it is. We grieve each loss in different ways. I grieved the loss of my horse more deeply that that of most humans I've lost. We were together for 23 years.
@Dena91 (4212)
• United States
9 Feb
No I think our pets love us unconditionally whereas we humans not always. Prayers for comfort for you and your family in the days ahead.
@Shiva49 (12969)
• Singapore
31 Jan
Agreed, a pet becomes a member of the family and it is a release from pain for a very sick person to leave us. When a dear one is in intense pain family members feel helpless to alleviate the pain. Yes, some pets are akin to own family - siva
@sjvg1976 (18386)
• Delhi, India
31 Jan
It depends . Yes our pets are like our family members and it hurts when they die and leave us. I am sorry for your car and MIL.
@Hannihar (36163)
31 Jan
If you felt closer to the cat then why not mourn the cat more. How did you feel about your mother-in-law? Was she nice? They both were members of the family and can mourn them equally.
• United States
31 Jan
If the cat was more loyal and the two of you were extremely close but not the same with the relative, then sure--- God won't mind probably
• Philippines
31 Jan
nothign wrong with it you just value youre cat so much.its natural for cat lovers