Is it wrong to mourn a dead cat more than a dead relative?

Edwy
@indexer (1720)
Leicester, England
January 30, 2018 10:55am CST
We have had two recent deaths in the family - my mother-in-law died two weeks ago, and our cat was put down yesterday. For my mother-in-law - who had dementia and was in constant pain from spinal cancer - it was a happy release. But we are so sad about losing our cat, who was a real member of the family and such a good friend. And yet it just feels wrong to "well up" over a cat more than a person.
27 people like this
20 responses
@irishidid (8734)
• United States
30 Jan
I don't think so, especially in the case of your mother-in-law. She's no longer in pain and that's a good thing.
5 people like this
@indexer (1720)
• Leicester, England
30 Jan
Thanks for your response - it's appreciated.
5 people like this
@jaboUK (55052)
• United Kingdom
30 Jan
No-one can help the way they feel, and there's no need to feel sorry for someone dying when they have dementia. Pets become members of our family, don't they?
4 people like this
@indexer (1720)
• Leicester, England
30 Jan
Thanks for responding. Our Edwy was certainly a family member - at times he was in control of the rest of us!
3 people like this
@jaboUK (55052)
• United Kingdom
30 Jan
@indexer Lol - that's often the case
2 people like this
@pyewacket (44036)
• United States
31 Jan
I actually feel more grief when one of my "babies" has passed on also...meaning one of my cats. I've had cats since I was about five years old, I'm now 62, so I've had many "deaths" in the family. Our pets give us unconditional love in such a way that a relative may not. My mother passed away eleven years ago. She had many medical issues, so with her passing it was almost a sigh of relief as I had been her caregiver for many years
4 people like this
@indexer (1720)
• Leicester, England
31 Jan
Thanks for your response - it's good to see that so many people take the same line.
1 person likes this
• Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic
30 Jan
I dont think so, it also depends who is dying, mother in laws arent amongst the most favorable when passing, jk, sorry for your loss either way
4 people like this
@indexer (1720)
• Leicester, England
30 Jan
Well, I'm not that keen on the old myth that nobody likes their mother-in-law. In this case, she was a lovely lady - when she was more herself in the past - and I liked her a lot. I have many happy memories of her during the 30+ years that I have known her.
3 people like this
@nanette64 (17976)
• Fairfield, Texas
30 Jan
Hi John. I haven't heard from you in a long time. There is nothing wrong with the way you are feeling. They are our babies. I have lost 5 of my furbabies since December of 2016 and I still cry. It is so good to hear from you @indexer even under these sad circumstances.
3 people like this
@indexer (1720)
• Leicester, England
30 Jan
Thanks for your response, Nanette. I was reminded today about MyLot and was shocked to discover that I haven't been around here for nearly two years! I thought I would see what response I got with this issue and am delighted to rediscover just how supportive a community this is.
3 people like this
@nanette64 (17976)
• Fairfield, Texas
31 Jan
@indexer I'm so glad you are back.
@nanette64 (17976)
• Fairfield, Texas
31 Jan
@indexer I'm so glad you are back.
@sallypup (28624)
• Moses Lake, Washington
30 Jan
You lost a "meazer"?? I am terribly sorry and yeah, I would be crying for days over the loss of my fur person. I still mourn two of my meazers and its been a couple of years. They had cancer so I had to do it but dang its a miserable business. I am addicted to all things Siamese. I rescued another from a shelter so last night at 2 a.m. there was Beau Teak all ready for a snuggle. I truly am sorry for your loss and that includes your human loss.
3 people like this
@indexer (1720)
• Leicester, England
30 Jan
Thanks for your response. "Edwy" was 16 years old and certainly had a full life. The loss of his predecessor - aged 10 - was worse in many respects because he disappeared while we were away on holiday and a friend was coming in to feed him. On the day of our return he left the house and never came back - we never knew what happened to him.
2 people like this
@sallypup (28624)
• Moses Lake, Washington
30 Jan
@indexer About 3 weeks ago my Sonny James- the big guy in my photo- suddenly disappeared outside for 8 days. I went a bit crazy. That not knowing; that not being able to properly say goodbye. And his not being near me when I slept. Drove me batty. One morning I heard a noise and there he was out on the wooden deck looking up at me like he had just stepped outside! Such joy.
1 person likes this
@mandala100 (50705)
• Hong Kong
30 Jan
@indexer Are animals more valuable than human lives?
2 people like this
@indexer (1720)
• Leicester, England
30 Jan
I suppose it depends on what you mean by value. Value to whom, for example? Due to her dementia - not to mention physical distance - my mother-in-law has not been around for a long time, whereas the cat most certainly was.
2 people like this
@mandala100 (50705)
• Hong Kong
30 Jan
@indexer Objectively speaking as a general proposition. Otherwise, everything will be relative in this world my friend. And there will be no difference at all between human beings and animals for that matter my friend.
2 people like this
• United States
30 Jan
Losing a pet can be devastating. We have a totally different relationship with humans and pets and I'm sure the grief you feel is understandable
2 people like this
@indexer (1720)
• Leicester, England
30 Jan
Thanks for your response - I'm sure you are right.
1 person likes this
@JohnRoberts (63280)
• Los Angeles, California
30 Jan
I say no. It all depends upon circumstances and yours is quite understandable.
2 people like this
@LaDeBoheme (1992)
• United States
30 Jan
I don't think it's wrong at all. It's a different level and there is a different connection. We mourn deaths because we will miss their presence, whether it be human or pet. My cats have been my best friends, someone I can talk to about anything. They're there when I'm happy and when I'm down. It's the unconditional love and trust thing. When I lose one or have to put one down, it's a devastating and gut-wrenching experience, With relatives or friends, there are usually others to share the grief. With a pet (whether it be cat or dog or other), it is more of a personal loss -- a very real part of our own life is gone forever.
2 people like this
@Asylum (48224)
• Manchester, England
30 Jan
There is no right or wrong in this case, it is simply human nature.
1 person likes this
@DianneN (85311)
• United States
21 Oct
It is not wrong and you can grieve for both. Our cat was laid to rest Thursday and we are still in mourning. My deepest condolences to you. I feel your pain.
@Aquitaine24 (1504)
• San Jose, California
21 Oct
I think your mother in law was glad to be free from the pain,if she was lucid enough to notice it.If she was,she probably wanted you to be glad for her,because she would want you to think aout what you would want for your self in the same situation.
@TheHorse (72521)
• Walnut Creek, California
4 Mar
It is what it is. We grieve each loss in different ways. I grieved the loss of my horse more deeply that that of most humans I've lost. We were together for 23 years.
@Dena91 (4659)
• United States
9 Feb
No I think our pets love us unconditionally whereas we humans not always. Prayers for comfort for you and your family in the days ahead.
@Shiva49 (14003)
• Singapore
31 Jan
Agreed, a pet becomes a member of the family and it is a release from pain for a very sick person to leave us. When a dear one is in intense pain family members feel helpless to alleviate the pain. Yes, some pets are akin to own family - siva
@sjvg1976 (18405)
• Delhi, India
31 Jan
It depends . Yes our pets are like our family members and it hurts when they die and leave us. I am sorry for your car and MIL.
@Hannihar (42283)
31 Jan
If you felt closer to the cat then why not mourn the cat more. How did you feel about your mother-in-law? Was she nice? They both were members of the family and can mourn them equally.
• United States
31 Jan
If the cat was more loyal and the two of you were extremely close but not the same with the relative, then sure--- God won't mind probably
• Philippines
31 Jan
nothign wrong with it you just value youre cat so much.its natural for cat lovers