How do you deal with people who talk a lot but don't listen?

@TheHorse (70857)
Pleasant Hill, California
April 2, 2018 5:11pm CST
I have a vague feeling that I've written about this before, but it became salient to me this past weekend when I was hiking with a friend. We hiked. He talked. I listened. I tried to share my views. He interrupted me and talked. I listened. I then asked him if I could make a point. He paused and listened for about 30 seconds. Then he went on a tangent, and I listened. After two hours of this, I was glad to get into my car and head home. I called a friend, who turned out to be on the road at the time. He had had a similar experience recently. We both talked. We both listened. What a relief. How do you deal with people who talk and don't listen? What if you're stuck with them for two hours?
21 people like this
22 responses
@xFiacre (4785)
• Ireland
2 Apr
@thehorse You say "can you hold on a moment, I need to nip behind that bush - I've had awful diahorrhea all day". Then you nip behind the bush and disappear. Problem solved.
4 people like this
@TheHorse (70857)
• Pleasant Hill, California
3 Apr
I should try that. My terminology might be a tad different, but it would be fun to try.
3 people like this
@amadeo (70335)
• United States
2 Apr
doesn't matter to me.I cannot hear some of the conversation.
3 people like this
@TheHorse (70857)
• Pleasant Hill, California
2 Apr
Heh. I should feign partial deafness.
@amadeo (70335)
• United States
2 Apr
@TheHorse Give it a shot there.No harm
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (70857)
• Pleasant Hill, California
3 Apr
@amadeo In some degree, I would not be faking it.
@just4him (123866)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
4 Apr
My friend simply tells me to be quiet so she can get a word in. And yes, I do listen.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (70857)
• Pleasant Hill, California
4 Apr
Heh. You're a talker? Some writers are silent types!
1 person likes this
@just4him (123866)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
4 Apr
@TheHorse I am that too, mostly because I'm alone all the time. Though get me started talking and you can't shut me up. I worked in a bakery at one time with the deli right next to it. For my birthday one year, one of the deli gals gave me this and one other can holder with a similar message on it.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (70857)
• Pleasant Hill, California
4 Apr
@just4him Heh heh. I see myself as a listener. But it would be interesting to see how others perceive me.
1 person likes this
@GooglePlus (1381)
2 Apr
I will just tell them shut up and listen to me first
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (70857)
• Pleasant Hill, California
2 Apr
Heh. Does it work? That's exactly what I wanted to say.
2 people like this
2 Apr
@TheHorse it actually varies from person to person. If it is a close friend I can abuse for not allowing me to speak and ask him to let me speak. But when it comes to elders or workplace managers you won't be able to tell thwm anything
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
2 Apr
@TheHorse Sometimes you have to! I won't say it like that but I will say I have something important to talk about and can we do that now before I lose my train of thought.
1 person likes this
@iridion9 (9125)
• Philippines
3 Apr
Make a good alibi and run away immediately. LOL XD ha ha ha
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (70857)
• Pleasant Hill, California
3 Apr
I was tempted. But I stuck it out.
1 person likes this
@iridion9 (9125)
• Philippines
3 Apr
@TheHorse Next time avoid him.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (70857)
• Pleasant Hill, California
3 Apr
@iridion9 We shall see.
1 person likes this
@Platespinner (17045)
• Winston Salem, North Carolina
2 Apr
I just sit with a smile on my little yellow face and think about something else.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (70857)
• Pleasant Hill, California
3 Apr
Maybe that's how I got my reputation a "good listener."
1 person likes this
• Winston Salem, North Carolina
3 Apr
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (70857)
• Pleasant Hill, California
3 Apr
@Platespinner It helps to have a TV with a baseball game on just behind and to the left of the person blabbing away.
@JudyEv (130205)
• Bunbury, Australia
2 Apr
I'd probably be switching off but then I'd get caught out. Think of it this way - he no doubt thought you both had an excellent day out.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (70857)
• Pleasant Hill, California
3 Apr
Perhaps. I'll have to ask him. Maybe he thought I talked too much.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (130205)
• Bunbury, Australia
3 Apr
@TheHorse That would be annoying wouldn't it? If he came clean and said you talked too much.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (70857)
• Pleasant Hill, California
3 Apr
@JudyEv Heh heh. Fact is, we used to work together, so we could share stories about our kid clients. Right now, he's between jobs (he's also a movie set designer), and probably just needs someone to talk to. If I go hiking with him again, I'll just have to get myself in the mindset and focus on the beauty of our surroundings.
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
2 Apr
I have a SIL kind of like that. She will go off on a tangent and it's hard to get a word in edgewise. And if I ask her about a certain thing, she'll start to tell me but veer off course telling a story about one of the participants then maybe someone that person knew and I have to get her back on the subject only to have her go off again. If you ask her how her friend got into a car wreck you might get an answer in about 30 minutes but you'll have to re-ask your question repeatedly! Talking to her is not hard, you just have to listen and insert some monosyllables every so often. But she has a heart of gold and will do her best to listen if I have a real issue I need to talk about! When we get together we do so at her house--then I'm not trapped and can leave whenever I want. I think we learn to be better conversationalists from people like this because they teach us how it feels when someone doesn't value your ideas or feelings. It makes us more sensitive to the needs of others when our own needs are ignored. Did you know this guy was like this? Now you know not to isolate yourself with him again!
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (70857)
• Pleasant Hill, California
3 Apr
Well said. Isolate myself with him again. It's interesting how you can feel more lonely WITH someone than when you're alone. But your friend's heart is good, and she listens when you have a real issue? I wonder if this hiking friend would do the same.
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
3 Apr
@TheHorse I think maybe he would, it may have been a bad day for him or he might need firm direction to focus elsewhere!
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (70857)
• Pleasant Hill, California
3 Apr
@dragon54u He may be extra lonesome because he's between jobs.
1 person likes this
@sprite1950 (14498)
• Corsham, England
3 Apr
I'm afraid I'm one of these people. I talk a lot and I interrupt people .. I don't mean to, I just have all these ideas buzzing around in my head which pour out of the hole in the front of my head. It's very annoying apparently
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (70857)
• Pleasant Hill, California
3 Apr
Did someone actually tell you that?
1 person likes this
@sprite1950 (14498)
• Corsham, England
4 Apr
@TheHorse More than once! My last boss used to say "Will you listen!" and my sister says it .. but they are people that like me so they kind of put up with it and I don't mind if they tell me to shut up
@mlgen1037 (29634)
• Manila, Philippines
3 Apr
I just let them talk all they want and I will give sarcastic replies. I am sorry if that was a straight answer but then I am in a situation where I have to save my energy for something worthwhile.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (70857)
• Pleasant Hill, California
3 Apr
I'm not big on sarcasm, though I've been known to be ironic now and then.
1 person likes this
@mlgen1037 (29634)
• Manila, Philippines
4 Apr
@TheHorse not bad but it works being ironic. At least if the person is buying it.
@LadyDuck (170581)
• Switzerland
3 Apr
My mom always talked and never listened, I did what my father used to do. Nodded time by time without listening at all what she said. Time by time I was caught by surprise when she asked something and I had no idea what she was talking about.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (70857)
• Pleasant Hill, California
3 Apr
I'd say something like, "What was the last thing you said? I was thinking about (snippet of something you actually heard)."
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (170581)
• Switzerland
3 Apr
@TheHorse She always talked about the same things, I was pretty good at cheating.
@pgntwo (21929)
• Derry, Northern Ireland
3 Apr
Mental note: find new hike buddy. Or extra chewy toffee...
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (70857)
• Pleasant Hill, California
3 Apr
Or chocolate Ex-Lax, so HE can run off into the bushes while I enjoy the views.
1 person likes this
@pgntwo (21929)
• Derry, Northern Ireland
3 Apr
@TheHorse Ex-lax works best if your hiking buddy is prone to a pollen allergy - have you seen what happens when a cow in a milking hall lifts her tail and then sneezes mid-process...?
@bagarad (12653)
• Paso Robles, California
3 Apr
This discussion hits me hard. Someone I love is like this. I don't think he knows he does it, though I've tried to tell him he needs to let others talk, too. I'm not sure how to help him. I think he can't always remember what stories he's told to people before.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (70857)
• Pleasant Hill, California
3 Apr
My Uncle was like that, especially as he got older (repeating stories). But he was also very loving of us nephews (my brother and me) and could be a good listener at times.
1 person likes this
@bagarad (12653)
• Paso Robles, California
4 Apr
@TheHorse This man is also very loving, and it hurts me do know that his memory isn't what it used to be.
@toniganzon (53187)
• Philippines
2 Apr
Just as long as it's two hours and it's the last time I'll be with that friend coz I don't want to have a friend like that at all.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (70857)
• Pleasant Hill, California
3 Apr
Maybe he was just having a self-absorbed day.
1 person likes this
@toniganzon (53187)
• Philippines
4 Apr
@TheHorse I would know if someone is just having that kind of day or it's that person's personality.
@Berrygal (5410)
3 Apr
I don't listen too when they talk
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (70857)
• Pleasant Hill, California
3 Apr
I try to. But after awhile, I feel like I should be paid for it.
@JohnRoberts (60972)
• Los Angeles, California
3 Apr
I zone out their droning.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (70857)
• Pleasant Hill, California
3 Apr
I do that sometimes as well.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Apr
nod and make "mmm-hmm" noises a lot..and tune them out.that's what i do.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (70857)
• Pleasant Hill, California
3 Apr
You could be a therapist, making $120/hour!
@Starmaiden (7362)
• Canada
2 Apr
I wouldn't go hiking with this friend again. One sided conversations are not healthy and very selfish. :-(
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (70857)
• Pleasant Hill, California
3 Apr
Maybe I'll give it another shot, be psychologically prepared, and see how I feel when it's done.
@Corbin5 (112941)
• United States
2 Apr
I just give up and listen. Not worth the effort to try to get a word in edgewise. Hum a little tune and that helps pass the time.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (70857)
• Pleasant Hill, California
3 Apr
Oh, it's easy to slide into a tune for me.
1 person likes this
@andriaperry (56265)
• United States
3 Apr
HA! I have one in the house, I sometimes only respond to the serious in pain moaning since he talks all the time. I have learned to space them out, auto yeah, yeah, yeah. If I get that quiet, you`re boring to me and I won`t come back for seconds.
@TheHorse (70857)
• Pleasant Hill, California
3 Apr
Hmm. Where's the pain?