Perhaps I am mean
By youless
@youless (112123)
Guangzhou, China
April 20, 2018 10:47am CST
I have a friend who often borrows money from me. The good news is he always returns the money to me. Last time he borrowed about $600 and I still lent it to him.
Today he tried to borrow money from me again. However, lately we are buying an apartment and actually it will cost most of my husband and my savings. And I will pay for most amount next week.
So this time I hesitate because I have to consider ourselves at first. I think perhaps he spends so much unnecessary in usual and therefore he needs money to pay for the credit card at first. I am not sure how much he needs this time. But it will make me difficult anyway because I also need more money in these days.
It is embarrassing for me to explain this to him but this is the truth. I hope he will understand that this time I can't lend him money because I need it to pay for the apartment and so many things relevant. I must say it is not easy to decline a friend.
29 people like this
29 responses
@AlisaTR (936)
• Trinidad And Tobago
21 Apr 18
@youless I think you should just say no like @amadeo says. If this is your friend for more than just money, then he should understand that you can't lend him and it should be okay. I remember I needed a loan from a friend once to treat with an emergency and she promised she would lend it all the way down to the end, but then at the very last moment, when I called her for it, she replied via text that she couldn't. I was hurt, not because she didn't lend me the money, but because I felt like she could have just been straight and said no upfront and to my face. The fact that she tried to skirt around the issue and pretended until the very last minute made things a little awkward for us for a while.
4 people like this
@marguicha (215470)
• Chile
20 Apr 18
If you need your money for your own needs, then of course you DO NOT have money to lend. And you don´t have to explain: just say that this once you don´t have the money. It seems that he has taken you for granted. You are a fríen, not his personal Bank.
5 people like this
@marguicha (215470)
• Chile
21 Apr 18
@youless I think that you have to learn how to say no, besides your actual needs. You are not helping your friend if he doesn´t learn to live within his limits.
4 people like this
@GardenGerty (157555)
• United States
21 Apr 18
@marguicha You are exactly right. He will not learn any younger.
4 people like this
@allknowing (130064)
• India
20 Apr 18
There is a saying - "Neither a borrower nor a lender be; For loan oft loses both itself and friend.”
4 people like this
@kobesbuddy (74569)
• East Tawas, Michigan
21 Apr 18
And it's time for you to stop being an 'enabler,' which simply creates an easy way, for him to continue on in his foolish ways! When you stop lending to him, he will be forced into changing directions! Don't lend him another penny:(
3 people like this
@kobesbuddy (74569)
• East Tawas, Michigan
22 Apr 18
@youless You must stop giving him money, regardless of what he does.
2 people like this
@mlgen1037 (29886)
• Manila, Philippines
20 Apr 18
No. Sometimes, being selfish is not bad most especially if you are are on a tight budget and more important things to use the money.
3 people like this
@mlgen1037 (29886)
• Manila, Philippines
21 Apr 18
@youless They should so they wont be a burden to others unless badly needed.
2 people like this
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
20 Apr 18
IT sounds as if he is in a trap of his own making. My son got into like circumstances with loans from his bank on his paycheck. It got so that he had to borrow the same $200 week after week--he would pay it off only to find himself short and having to borrow again to pay his bills.
Does your friend waste money on entertainment, clothing, or other non-necessities? Perhaps you need to help him budget his money so that he can escape the trap of borrowing. My son was strict with himself for two months--no movies, no soft drinks on the way to work ($1 a day!), no buying lunches but bringing them to work, store brand food rather than premium brands, cutting his own hair. Just those few steps for 2 months and he was free of borrowing.
I know it is hard to say no but you are doing your friend no kindness in loaning him money. Help him structure his spending so that he can avoid borrowing if you can.
1 person likes this
@youless (112123)
• Guangzhou, China
24 Apr 18
@dragon54u In fact yesterday I occasionally learned that he had a travel from his social app. I don't know how he could make it, but at least I felt less guilty
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
22 Apr 18
@youless Then he doesn't deserve your loans. He is making no effort to dig himself out of his financial hole and the more you help him, the deeper he digs. If you are truly his friend you will stop loaning him money. I know it is very hard to say no but think of it as an act of friendship.
1 person likes this
@neelia_lyn (2003)
• Philippines
21 Apr 18
It's okay to lend money if he pays on time, but if he keeps on borrowing even if he knows you need the money too is another story. But you're right, it's not easy to say no to a friend, but if he's really a friend then he'll understand.
1 person likes this
@neelia_lyn (2003)
• Philippines
21 Apr 18
@youless Right, it's not always that we can help others by lending money or in any form of help.
1 person likes this
@cttolledo (5460)
• Legaspi, Philippines
21 Apr 18
I know that feeling' it's really hard to say no , but i know he will understand for sure.
1 person likes this
@caopaopao (12395)
• China
22 Apr 18
I can understand you. You are not mean. It's difficult to say no to a friend, I think it's annoying to have such a friend.
1 person likes this
@youless (112123)
• Guangzhou, China
22 Apr 18
@caopaopao I don't know whether he tries to borrow money from other friends. In fact I keep it as secret and I have never mentioned to other friends that I lent him money. So he still has the dignity. One day when we had a meal, he said he bought the matsutake and it was quite expensive. At that time I was in shock because I didn't understand why he spent so much for it. We were not the people who could afford to have it as a meal.
1 person likes this
@caopaopao (12395)
• China
22 Apr 18
@youless I won't make friends with that kind of person. So you just say no, no matter what he thinks. I won't regret to lose such a friend.
1 person likes this
@MALUSE (69413)
• Germany
21 Apr 18
If you suspect that he spends money in a silly way, you should have helped him long ago to get his account in order. He should make a list and write down for some months how much money he spends on what and then see what is necessary and what isn't. Of course, talking about such things to a friend isn't nice. Yet, in the end, only this can help him.
Anyways, stop lending him money once and for all. You don't need to explain to him what you need your money for.
2 people like this
@prakashj256 (926)
•
21 Apr 18
600 dollar is not a small amount. He should return it first and understand your problem. No doubt you should meet your needs first.
1 person likes this
@youless (112123)
• Guangzhou, China
22 Apr 18
@prakashj256 Yeah, today the real estate price is very crazy. If we didn't buy one, we would never know it could be so horrible today.
1 person likes this
@prakashj256 (926)
•
21 Apr 18
@youless definitely apartments are so costly these days and you also have your own requirements. So money should be saved for those. You did take right decision.
1 person likes this
@Bullshark (3477)
• Netherlands
21 Apr 18
True friends don't need an explanation. You should stop lending him money...
2 people like this
@youless (112123)
• Guangzhou, China
22 Apr 18
I sent him the screenshot of the dialogue between me and the real estate staff as the proof. So at least I am not telling a lie and I really have to pay for a lot of money for the apartment next week and this is why I won't have more money left lately.
1 person likes this
@Bullshark (3477)
• Netherlands
23 Apr 18
@youless He should understand by now... :)
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (159058)
• Boise, Idaho
21 Apr 18
I learned many years ago that letting people borrow money from me does not always end well. It may go smoothly for a while but then they may begin to think of you as a ATM. I wouldn't be embarrassed to tell him the reasons you can't. You are doing him a big favor and him paying you back before borrowing more is a good rule to set.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (159058)
• Boise, Idaho
23 Apr 18
@youless ....It's the choices you make.
1 person likes this
@much2say (53958)
• Los Angeles, California
21 Apr 18
@youless You are a good person for always helping your friends. But you are right - you are not an ATM. Even if he is good on his word for returning money to you, it does not mean you always have money available to spare. If this person is also a good friend, they will understand.
1 person likes this
@Iam_jauntyjen (4951)
•
20 Apr 18
I don't think that's being mean. I am sure will understand if you explain to him. It really hard to say no sometimes. I have relatives and friends who have borrowed from me and until now they have not returned the money yet. One friend has been paying in installment though.
1 person likes this
@MsBooklover (3974)
• United States
21 Apr 18
Maybe he needs to get a part-time job to help him with this.
1 person likes this
@MsBooklover (3974)
• United States
21 Apr 18
@youless I think he needs a different kind of help.
1 person likes this
@Jessabuma (31700)
• Baguio, Philippines
20 Apr 18
You don't need to lend your friend, your money , especially if you also need it, just tell him and if he is really your friend, he will understand you and your situation..
1 person likes this
