16 With Him, 16 Without Him
By CarolDM
@CarolDM (203452)
Nashville, Tennessee
December 9, 2018 1:48pm CST
Trying to stay positive is not always easy. But I keep trying. This time of the year is especially difficult. On this day 16 years ago I lost my only child. He was only 16 years old. This explains the title of my post.
Photo is the last school photo taken of Dustin. I always told him blue was his color. He would say, Aww Momma.
Why am I writing about a sad event you may ask. I want to keep Dustin's memory alive. I remember the happy times. The smiles, the laughs, the jokes. And especially all of the I Love you Mom's. Never enough time.
A parent should never outlive their child. It just should not happen. I want to try and help others realize the importance of not taking your loved ones for granted. They could be gone in an instant. Enjoy every single moment you have with them. Hug them. Tell them how much you love them.
This is not a sympathy post. I truly want to use my tragedy to help others in whatever way I can. If nothing else, think of me when things are not going well for you. Then you can be reminded of what and who you have in your life. Hopefully this inspiration can help you realize things are not so bad after all in your life.
Sorry to be a downer during the holidays. But it is what it is. Enjoy your day, enjoy your family. Enjoy your life. Every single moment.
32 people like this
29 responses
@Courage7 (19633)
• United States
9 Dec 18
I welcome your post Carol and RIP Dustin. It is natural you want to honor Dustin and it is so helpful to others to share your loss and experience and words that are so important especially at the holidays thank you.
And as always I offer my deep condolences. It is just not fair period.
And as always I offer my deep condolences. It is just not fair period.6 people like this
@allknowing (130064)
• India
10 Dec 18
You are fully within your right to do this Hope it has helped you to face this loss.
4 people like this
@Juliaacv (48447)
• Canada
10 Dec 18
Thanks for sharing this post-I found it very moving having buried a child myself, whose grave I actually visited on Dustin's anniversary.
16 years is a very long time, but from my experience my feelings tell me it could have been yesterday.
Your words of advise are strong and good, people never realize until it is too late, and then there is no turning back.
RIP Dustin.
Keep on keeping on Carol.
16 years is a very long time, but from my experience my feelings tell me it could have been yesterday.
Your words of advise are strong and good, people never realize until it is too late, and then there is no turning back.
RIP Dustin.
Keep on keeping on Carol. 4 people like this
@Shiva49 (26202)
• Singapore
10 Dec 18
Thanks for the reminder. I am sorry and feel for your loss.
I agree parents should not outlive their children.
Parents always worry about their children.
My son was born after fourteen years of our marriage and every moment I feel grateful and blessed - siva .
3 people like this
@kobesbuddy (74569)
• East Tawas, Michigan
10 Dec 18
Dustin is definitely a very handsome young man:) I can't imagine even for one second, how painful this loss is for you, as his loving mother! And that love will always remain in your heart
2 people like this
@kobesbuddy (74569)
• East Tawas, Michigan
10 Dec 18
@CarolDM With my first marriage, I had a mental breakdown when Bruce left me. I can't imagine how much worse it would be, to lose one of the kids! It's a parent's (grandparent) greatest fear, ever
2 people like this
@CarolDM (203452)
• Nashville, Tennessee
10 Dec 18
@kobesbuddy Yes I cam very close to the same. And was a single parent.
2 people like this
@responsiveme (22926)
• India
10 Dec 18
Reaching out to you with love.
Thank you for your wise words.
Rest in peace,Dustin. Loved ones are forever alive in our hearts
3 people like this
@porwest (78761)
• United States
10 Dec 18
No downer felt here. It's a tragic thing, always is. And so true how we sometimes take the people we love for granted in our lives, thinking there is always tomorrow when in reality tomorrow is never a guarantee. My Uncle Ron just passed away Saturday and it pained me a bit that I was JUST in Milwaukee the week before on business, and just did not have time to stop in. He suffered dementia and alzheimers for years, but he always recognized me when I came over. I will miss him. As for your son, he is remembered.
2 people like this
@Moon24 (22396)
• Serbia
10 Dec 18
I understand. You want to remember beautiful moments. We who have lost someone we love we have thoughts of loved ones. We want to keep the memories of a beloved person. It is good that you put this discussion in, the people we love should be remembered.
3 people like this
@jvicentevalera (13671)
• Santiago, Chile
11 Dec 18
I have been two weeks and a half in myLot, and this is the first time I read such a touching and emotional post. Carol, I don't know what if feels like to lose a family member like you have experienced, but I sure think it must not be easy to handle even when it is your son the one who passes away. I tell you that my biggest fear is to lose a family member, and to be specific my mom. She means the world to me, so what I do to keep them protected is to pray God every single night noy only for mom, but also my family in general. I am sure that God wherever He is, he listens and cares about my concerns. I have lost two friends, they were very closed ones, and what mostly do is to talk to them when I am alone and I truly feel that they listen to me from wherever they are. So If you haven't done it yet, I encourage you to talk to your son when you're alone and I assure you He will listen to you. Stay strong, God loves you.
2 people like this
@CarolDM (203452)
• Nashville, Tennessee
12 Dec 18
@jvicentevalera I could tell you meant what you said. My post also came from my heart, my broken heart. Thanks again for your encouragement.
1 person likes this
@jvicentevalera (13671)
• Santiago, Chile
12 Dec 18
@CarolDM I will do it Carol! Every single word I posted before came from my heart, cause more than commenting a post like this, it's all about feeling it, and believe me it really touched my heart, I even contained my emotions not to cry, so stay positive and pray God, after doing it I assure you will feel relieved!
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (157555)
• United States
10 Dec 18
I remember you from the other site we were on, and I see how you are growing. I know you never OUTGROW such a loss, big hugs to you and thank you for the reminder.
2 people like this
@rsa101 (37958)
• Philippines
10 Dec 18
Very nice reminder for everybody who is alive and living with love ones. It is never too late really to appreciate those that are around you that are breathing still. Nothing last forever in this world and we really should enjoy every opportune we have with them. 
This message does not only apply to mom - son, father-daughter, etc but for everbody.
This message does not only apply to mom - son, father-daughter, etc but for everbody.2 people like this
@louievill (28851)
• Philippines
9 Dec 18
It's ok, you are not a downer, people who still have their love ones should think again and make each day a special day for them, thanks for sharing your story and the memory of Dustin.
2 people like this
@flapiz (22403)
• United Kingdom
10 Dec 18
My condolences Carol yes it is really sad when a parent outlives a child. As most parents expects there children to grow up, take care of them, and outlive them.
My mother is also sentimental around this period reminiscing her mother, my grandma. I think the holiday season brings about this longing for family as it is the season of togetherness and reunion.
I hope you find comfort that wherever Dustin may be, he is in a better place and he is watching over you.
2 people like this
@anya12adwi (6037)
• India
10 Dec 18
You are such a strong person, Dustin would be happy and in a happy place!! He is surely proud of you!
2 people like this
