Rearing Children

@ossie16d (11834)
Australia
November 28, 2006 6:46pm CST
Do you agree with the way your parents raised you? Are, or did you, raise your children the same way as you were or have you done things completely differently? If you are rearing/have reared your children differently, why and what changes did you make? If you don't have children yet, do you plan to rear them as you were or are you going to make some changes? If so, what changes will you make and why?
7 people like this
18 responses
@sherinek (3323)
• United States
29 Nov 06
This is a very good discussion. When I was small, both my parents were very poor and both of them had to work their guts out to put a meal on the table. We never starved but it was a real struggle. So they did not have time for me and my bro. (my bro is 6 yrs older to me). We were not loved and they never helped with our studies. Not that I'm complaining, this is a fact. Actually they didnt have time. I was a lonely kid cos my bro had friends and was out all the time. Now, I understand how much a child needs parents love, understanding and simply being there for them. I try to give what ever I didnt have, to my two kids and sometimes, I feel I am over doing things. But I dont care. Cos I know just how a kid feels when neglected.
@ossie16d (11834)
• Australia
29 Nov 06
It must have been hard on the whole family that your parents were so poor and had to work so hard just to feed you. I am sure that they loved you because they did work to make sure there was food on the table for you, however possibly they were so worn out from work or just didn't know how to express themselves. Most parents that I know only want the best for their child/ren and sometimes they spoil the children. However I agree that we do try to give to our children whatever we can. I believe that the most important thing you can give a child is love and a sense of security. Thank you very much for sharing this with us sherinek. It is appreciated. :)
1 person likes this
@tentwo67 (3385)
• United States
3 Dec 06
crawl before you walk! - raising kids is so tough!  I hope I end up being worthy of my beautiful child
I do not entirely agree with my parents take on raising me and my siblings, particularly in the areas of television and junk food, both of which I still love now - much to my detriment. I think that moderation is important with both of those things and try to instill both in my son, along with a love of drinking water. It's so important to drink plain clean water and I was never encouraged to, so I struggle to make myself do the right thing. I try to make sure my son doesn't have these struggles. I never want to take it too far, though, and push him over the edge to seek excess because I never let him indulge. I don't believe in that at all. I'm just trying my best to guide this amazing child of mine!
@ossie16d (11834)
• Australia
4 Dec 06
You have the right idea tentwo67 in that you are taking the good from your own upbringing and using it with your son. I also agree about the issue of drinking water, because so many people either have to add cordial (sugar) or drink soda/soft drinks which are not good. Sure some junk food does not hurt anyone, but in moderation and infrequently rather than as part of the daily diet. The television is another point but these days it does seem to be as much computer games that the children have. Other activities are much more interesting and will give our children reasons to think, be active and independant thinkers. Thanks for your insight and contribution to the discusion. :)
2 people like this
@Bunny2 (2102)
• Australia
29 Nov 06
Bunny2 - Bunny2
I suppose I have raised my children in a very similar fashion to how my parents raised me. We have always been strict, though perhaps a little more lenient as they've grown older. Oh, and my boys were allowed to have bikes as kids (I wasn't) though they weren't allowed on the street until older - before that only accompanied by us.
1 person likes this
@Bunny2 (2102)
• Australia
29 Nov 06
hmmm. It told me my massage wasn;t allowed due to content so I canged reared to raised and it went through. Seems both went through!
@Bunny2 (2102)
• Australia
29 Nov 06
Oh boy, did I bungle that one! hmmm. It told me my message wasn't allowed due to content so I changed reared to raised and it went through. Seems both went through!
@ossie16d (11834)
• Australia
29 Nov 06
Firstly don't worry about the 'hiccups' that myLot gets from time to time because it does happen to all of us Bunny2. I think that we do tend to get a little bit more lenient as the children get older, and that is perhaps when we see that they can be a little bit more responsible. Also we do let our children have things, like bikes for example, that we never had as children. Thanks very much for your response to the discussion. :)
1 person likes this
@sweetie88 (4560)
• Pakistan
29 Nov 06
Parents - Parents
I am brought up under my Parents care. I am a Pakistani gal and here, Parents themselves look after their children. I am same as my Parents raised me but i am more confident than my elder brothers. May b bcuz i am the eldest at home and got more time and care. After God, I am really very thankful to my Parents who raised me in such good ways and gave me things in such age when i could express my feelings even and could n't talk and walk. I do n't have words to praise them.
@ossie16d (11834)
• Australia
29 Nov 06
It sounds like you had a wonderful childhood sweetie88 and were very secure in the love and warmth of your parents. Thanks for sharing it with us and for contributing to the discussion. :)
@sweetie88 (4560)
• Pakistan
1 Dec 06
Yeah, u r right and welcome!!! Hopefully, urs children too enjoy urs wise company!!!
@_hope_ (3917)
• Australia
11 Feb 07
Form what i do remember the way my parents reared me is totally different to the way i raised my children .I have shown my children love,respect and i have shown them that they are important . i don`t remember my parents being around that much and what memories there are they were of them fighting with themselves or of hitting us kids .I made sure my children never saw anything like that .I think the sadddest memories are of seeing my parents drunk most evenings .We (kids) looked after each other we cleaned and cooked ,did the washing and learned how to take care of ourselves from such an early age .
@ossie16d (11834)
• Australia
12 Feb 07
It seems that you learnt from early on in life how to take care of yourself and also what you would not do with your own children hope. That is a good sign, and of course I am certain that your children will have much better memories of their childhood that you do of yours. Thanks for sharing this with us, as I realise that it would have been hard for you to do so. :)
@claudia413 (4284)
• United States
9 Feb 07
Ossie, I did raise my kids as my parents raised us. The one thing they did that I insisted upon doing was always letting them know their friends were welcome at our house. Growing up, I never realized that my mom knew where I was, who I was with, and what I was doing. LOL. I remember a house constantly full of kids when I was growing up, and that's how it was with my kids. The other thing they did that I also did was let my kids know that I loved them unconditionally and would be beside them no matter when they went through. I wouldn't buy them out of a fix, but would be there with them through it. I know how much that meant to me and my sisters, and my kids also appreciated being told that. I know that my grandchildren are also being raised with those two things foremost, but I also know that they have many more "things" than either myself or my kids had when growing up. So far, so good. One thing that my mom used to say that I swore I'd never say to my kids was "Because I said so". However, when I finally broke down and used it, I had the biggest sense of satisfaction. I had to call my mom and tell her because I was laughing so hard that my kids thought I was crazy. My mom got a kick out of it.
1 person likes this
@ossie16d (11834)
• Australia
11 Feb 07
It sounds as though you had a good upbringing which you passed onto your children Claudia and even making allowances for different generational changes, it is good to read. Oh yes, I think every child thought they would never say "Because I said so" and yet the majority ended up resorting to those words when they had children of their own. LOL
@oldboy46 (2133)
• Australia
9 Feb 07
My daughters were raised by my mother in many ways ..... for the first few years it was my ex-wife and myself but she wouldn't let my mother have much to do with the girls .... she didn't like my mother. Then the ex-wife wanted to do things so had to get someone to help her .... I was away driving trucks all week ..... so it fell to my mother. The good my mother did was undone by my ex who then banned my mother from seeing the girls when we separated. Some things I would have changed with my mother ...... not too much but she did seem easier on my daughters than she was with us.
@ossie16d (11834)
• Australia
11 Feb 07
It does seem that your daughters were lucky to have their grandmother care for them when they were younger and I am sure that it helped all of them a lot too. A wonderful bond for grandchildren to have with their grandparents. Thanks for sharing this with us oldboy. :)
@caramello (4382)
• Australia
15 Dec 06
I was raised by my Grandmother mainly, she did a pretty good job in trying, and I feel I may have followed some of her footsteps in raising my own, and they have turned out fine!
1 person likes this
@ossie16d (11834)
• Australia
15 Dec 06
I agree caramello that we should take the best from our upbringing, irrespective of who the primary carer is, and use it with our own children. I am pleased that yours turned out find, just as our son did. Thanks for reading and responding to the discussion. :)
@joshdale08 (2325)
• Philippines
1 Dec 06
dancing baby - glad to be born to his kind of parents, maybe?
there was a time when i promised myself, i'll raise my kids differently from the way my parents raised me. my parents were very sensitive, emotional even childish. they fight every chance they got. and they sometimes take it out on us. they were very jealous of the time we spent outside of the family and even if we invite friends over to our house, they'd find something to criticise them about. but, in their own, maybe, unguided way, we learned of family values, of sticking together and looking out for our own and for each other, and of independence and perseverance. my younger brother aptly says, if they were not that way, if we were raised differently, we would not have been the upstanding citizens we are now. so, yes, in some ways, i'm raising my kids in the same way my parents raised us.
@ossie16d (11834)
• Australia
1 Dec 06
I think that we all take some elements of our own childhood and use them with our own children, and although you might not agree with many things your parents did they obviously did a good job. This probably means that you are taking the best points from your own upbringing and using them with your own children. Thanks for sharing this with us and also for contributing to the discussion. :)
@Bunny2 (2102)
• Australia
29 Nov 06
I suppose I have reared my children in a very similar fashion to how my parents raised me. We have always been strict, though perhaps a little more lenient as they've grown older. Oh, and my boys were allowed to have bikes as kids (I wasn't) though they weren't allowed on the street until older - before that only accompanied by us.
1 person likes this
@ossie16d (11834)
• Australia
29 Nov 06
Look below Bunny2 and you will see that the system had the "hiccups" when I was posting as well. LOL
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (29963)
• United States
20 Dec 06
Personally I do not have any children as I was never able to have any. But I have seen a lot of things over the course of my lifetime I know I would do, and would not have done if I would have had any of my own. I do have a God daughter though that is almost 25 I helped raise. There are a lot of good things my Mom instilled in us growing up, but there are also things I look back on and know she could have done better. But I am sure that is True in any situation. I would just try to do my Best I knew how, and Pray for God's guidance to help them grow up the best they can be.
@xtinelee (3380)
• Singapore
29 Nov 06
Rear children. You just made humans sound like Chicken. :/
@Bunny2 (2102)
• Australia
29 Nov 06
Actually it's an acceptable and correct term in English. You raise or rear children.
1 person likes this
@ossie16d (11834)
• Australia
29 Nov 06
Thanks Bunny for that comment. It is much appreciated. :)
@ossie16d (11834)
• Australia
29 Nov 06
Thanks Bunny for that comment. It is much appreciated. :)
@sunita64 (6475)
• India
16 Feb 07
I feel the way my parents raised me is the best way to raise a child, same way my brother and sister are raising their children(well I do not have any)but now my mother is linient to them and pampers them and when I remind her that you are spoiling then she tells me that she was more strict with us than necessary.
@ossie16d (11834)
• Australia
16 Feb 07
You mum is partly right is what she says, but also it was different times then to now. Also these are her grandchildren, so she wants to spoil them which she didn't really have the opportunity to do when you were children. At the time she was probably more concerned about teaching you right from wrong, showing you love, teaching you how to be independent etc. With her grandchildren it is different because the parents can do some of those things as well. Also now she probably has much more time, and if I ever have grandchildren I plan to be like your mum. :) Thanks for your input into the discussion. :)
@koushika (693)
• India
20 Dec 06
well, i like the way i m raised witha lot of freedom and all my wishes fulfilled by my parents, but i felt a little shortage of love in my family as i look upon others in the society, but i would like to bring up my children in a similar way but with more love, care and affection...as they say, a boy and girl are different in the way they should be brought up, so its difficult for me to understand all that until i reach the stage when i have to...
@ossie16d (11834)
• Australia
20 Dec 06
It is good that you see the good methods used by your parents when you were young but also consider that love is very important and will show more to your own children, when the time comes. I think that every child, bou or girl, needs to know that they are loved by their parents and for the parents to show that love and affection.
@remaster74 (4067)
• Greece
29 Nov 06
I think the way my parents raised me and my sister and brother, was the best for them. But I have some points I don't agree with them. That is they had me "locked" in house until i was 18 years old. Only school, english, french and piano. That's it. On the contrary my brother and my sister had all the freedom they wanted. They are younger than me. My parents say as an excuse that I was an experiment in raising their children. My son is going to grow up completely different.
@ossie16d (11834)
• Australia
29 Nov 06
Did you rebel at all remaster74 or just accept this was how your parents were? How much older are you than your brother and sister? It must have been hard for you knowing how you were bought up and then to see the different way your younger siblings were? I can quite understand why you would want things to be different for your own child. Thanks very much for your contribution to the discussion. :)
• United States
29 Nov 06
I was raised by both my parents until I was 13 and then my dad from that time after. My mom was very strict and dad was lenient. Id definitely raise my kids to be more like the way dad was.
@ossie16d (11834)
• Australia
29 Nov 06
Raising children is a pretty fine act on where to draw the line. They do need a certain amount of discipline but some parents can be too harsh, which sounds like how you felt your mother was fival85. You say your father was lenient, but no doubt he had some ground rules that you were expected to obey. Thanks for sharing this with us and for contributing to the discussion. :)
• United States
29 Nov 06
I don't raise my son how my mom raised me. For obvious reasons girls and boys are different. But my mom is a hypochondriac so she wouldn't let me do things that would have been okay simply because she was afraid I'd get hurt. I don't do that with my boy.
@ossie16d (11834)
• Australia
29 Nov 06
I can understand why you would want to do things differently couturekitty, because children have to be allowed to 'find their own way', without putting them at risk of course. I am sure that your son appreciates this too, or he will when he is old enough to understand. Thanks very much for your contribution to the discussion. :)
@izathewzia (5144)
• Philippines
21 Feb 08
I rear my children on my own way. I must admit, I don't like the way we were raised by my parents. It is not proper and it did not develop me well. I learned most of my wisdom from my hard and hurtful experiences.