Going out alone without a man to protect me
@shaggin (71662)
United States
December 28, 2023 11:07pm CST
My husband was telling me tonight that people have asked him how he feels safe with me taking his daughter all over the place.
He said that I don’t go very far (an hour at the most usually) and he told me that if he is fine with his wife doing it then they shouldn’t be worrying about it either.
It irritated me the more I thought of it. I said what makes it better in their eyes if he went out with her instead. He said he’s a big guy and usually carry’s a gun. I said I always have pepper spray! He told me I should start carrying a knife. Being just over 100 pounds my pockets are quite small to fit a knife but I can attempt it.
My mother for one is 63 years old and won’t go out anywhere without my father. She’s worried what creeps may do to her. She’s mentioned a few times how she worries when I’m out. I don’t think my dad who has had strokes and is no taller then I am and maybe weighs 150 pounds looks more intimidating to strangers then her being alone.
If I had to wait until my husband went places with me I’d only get out a few times a year and we’d never have groceries either. The kids would never get to any of their doctors appointments especially ones like my two year old who has to see specialists an hour and a half to two hours away.
I’m not going to live in a bubble because the world’s full of creepy people. I don’t do anything I think will endanger my children and I rarely come across anyone who makes me feel uncomfortable.
The photo is unrelated. It’s just a pretty flower I took a photo of in September. Notice the critter in the middle?
17 people like this
16 responses
@MarieCoyle (28715)
•
29 Dec
We can't stop living our lives. Some things have to be done--as you say, doctor appointments, and other errands, etc. I am often alone doing errands, I drive out of town alone, I've driven long distances alone. It's just what happens when your kids grow up and have lives of their own. We are more careful than we used to be here, I think. Some areas are best avoided after dark, at least if a person is alone, but those are areas I rarely go to, anyway.
I think many things can be prevented if we are always aware of our surroundings as well. If I find myself anywhere near someone who, as you say, makes me uncomfortable in some way, I immediately remove myself from the situation, as soon as possible.
4 people like this
@shaggin (71662)
• United States
31 Dec
@MarieCoyle I wonder if they would care if it was just me going out alone or they think I’m a bad mom for taking my little one out all over alone. Either way they can think what they want I’m not going to live in a bubble. Yes leaving immediately when I get a bad vibe from someone is important I think.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (28715)
•
1 Jan
@shaggin
All we can do is the best we can. Staying home and isolating 24/7 is not healthy.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (71662)
• United States
31 Dec
@Juliaacv I think the more I think about it he means if I am in the woods to carry a knife in case an animal attacks me he said people have survived bear and coyote attacks etc with a knife. I can’t really go hiking anymore with how painful my toes are though anyway.
2 people like this
@shaggin (71662)
• United States
31 Dec
@Juliaacv I wouldn’t want to kill one either but if one had me pinned down and was going to kill me and leave my child alone or possibly be killed too I think I’d have to do it. The will to survive is pretty strong.When I did go hiking I always had bear spray I carried.
1 person likes this
@Juliaacv (48417)
• Canada
31 Dec
@shaggin That is much different, sorry for the misunderstanding.
It would just be my luck that if I carried a knife that would be the time that I would encounter a wild animal. I couldn't kill an animal or even fight one off. I realize that I am invading their space if I choose to go to the woods.
1 person likes this
@much2say (53954)
• Los Angeles, California
29 Dec
Although I get it can be an unsafe world out there, we gotta do what we gotta do. We want to stay safe, but we don't need to be feel "stuck" that we can't do anything. I think it's good too that we set examples for our kids . . . to teach them how to be independent and safe out there . . . life must go on.
2 people like this
@much2say (53954)
• Los Angeles, California
3 Jan
@shaggin I know so many kids that are just too afraid to do certain things on their own . . . and that their parents or someone else will take care of it. Yah, but parents or that someone else might not always be there . . . then what. I say we need to teach kids that we all take care of each other . . . so if there is a sense of community, then they realize they have a part to do too.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (458458)
• Switzerland
29 Dec
Congratulation for this photo, I can see very well the bee in the center of the flower.
Do NOT wear a knife, you are not strong enough and the knife would be surely used against you. Use the spray if needed, it is a lot safer. Go out as you have always done, we cannot live in a bubble.
2 people like this
@shaggin (71662)
• United States
31 Dec
@Ladyduck things have to be very still for my cell phone to get a decent photo. It’s very hard to get any of my little one it seems to be getting worse but my cell is very old so I’m not surprised.
Thinking later I think my husband meant when I am in the woods to carry a knife in case of a close near attack etc if the best spray gets knocked out of my hands. I really can’t hike anymore with my painful toes so I’m not worried.
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (156488)
• United States
29 Dec
That's a lovely flower and "critter". Sometimes you just have to go out. If you're careful, you should be OK. Do you live in a bad neighborhood that everyone is so cautious?
2 people like this
@shaggin (71662)
• United States
30 Dec
@LindaOhio no I live in a rural area we rarely hear of any crime here. Maybe that’s the problem people are scared of the city because they only hear the violence etc that happens.
2 people like this
@shaggin (71662)
• United States
30 Dec
@LindaOHio I have to drive 10 miles to get to a fast food place.
2 people like this
@LindaOHio (156488)
• United States
30 Dec
@shaggin We live in a small town in a semi-rural area; but we have a lot of fast food and grocery stores around. I'm glad you live in a low-crime area.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (157598)
• United States
30 Dec
If bad people are around, they will find a way, even if hubby is with you. You do not go especially risky places, and I think you are pretty alert. I am positive you take appropriate precautions.
2 people like this
@shaggin (71662)
• United States
30 Dec
@GardenGerty I am actually quite unobservant but I do notice how close people are to me and I rarely ever get bad vibes from people. I don’t do anything I feel would put my kids in danger. Thank you for being understanding 
.
.1 person likes this
@BarBaraPrz (45511)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
29 Dec
Good for you. I've never been afraid to go out alone. I believe that if you're feeling fearful when out, you'll only attract something to be afraid of.
2 people like this
@BarBaraPrz (45511)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
30 Dec
@shaggin I'm sure you do as you seem to get a lot of kindness in return. 
2 people like this
@shaggin (71662)
• United States
30 Dec
@BarbaraPrz hopefully when I am out I exhude kindness and a sense of adventure .
.2 people like this
@snowy22315 (170121)
• United States
30 Dec
I never worry about going out alone. I am not a fragile flower and you aren't either. It isn't like you are driving around at night in a bad part of town or some such thing. Where do people get these ideas?
2 people like this
@shaggin (71662)
• United States
30 Dec
@snowy22315 I was a single mom for 12 years what should I have done then hired a body guard to take me around. In my own driveway I was approached by a guy who stole a car and was going around harassing people until he found another car to steal and leave town. What should I do after they never go outside my door. I live in a safe area and that happened I cannot and will not live in a bubble! I’m glad you see things the same way as me.
2 people like this
@allknowing (130064)
• India
29 Dec
That is a pretty zinnia I had one like that a few years ago
I will never venture out alone in the dark.
2 people like this
@shaggin (71662)
• United States
31 Dec
@allknowing thank you for telling me the name of the flower @loveseverybody was wondering.
I don’t go out after dark I can’t see well enough in the dark to drive home. I’m almost always home by dinner time.
2 people like this
@LovesEverybody (1772)
•
31 Dec
@shaggin Yes thank you @allknowing I had no idea what the flower was. Now that you mentioned it, my Mom liked them.
I don't like to be in the dark either
2 people like this
@RebeccasFarm (86772)
• United States
29 Dec
I betcha..is that his family saying that to him?
What a bunch of boloney Shanny..
Yes, you are not a prisoner..
I can understand having some protection though but a knife? I dunno about that.
2 people like this
@shaggin (71662)
• United States
30 Dec
@RebeccasFarm he didn’t tell me who it was. I assume maybe the people he works with. Bunch of paranoid people whoever are saying things like this to him!
2 people like this
@shaggin (71662)
• United States
30 Dec
@RebeccasFarm it did upset me I shouldn’t let it but easier said then done 
2 people like this
@RebeccasFarm (86772)
• United States
30 Dec
@shaggin It is really nuts to talk like that..as if you are doing something wrong and putting your life and your childs life in danger..people that talk like that are a menace Shanny. Sorry you had to even hear that nonsense. They need to mind their own freaking business.
2 people like this
@wolfgirl569 (95346)
• Marion, Ohio
29 Dec
I often go by myself. We can't hide away all the time
2 people like this
@shaggin (71662)
• United States
31 Dec
@wolfgirl569 I’m glad your not afraid to go out alone either!
1 person likes this
@TraveOnWorld (866)
• Georgia
29 Dec
Uhm, knife, no. By the time somebody is close enough for you to use it, the harm is already done, and you will most likely only injure yourself. A weapon is only good if you are actually trained to use it. As long as you are not going into a situation by yourself or with a child where you know beforehand it is going to be hairy, there really is no problem in going by yourself.
2 people like this
@shaggin (71662)
• United States
31 Dec
@TraveOnWorld I would never go anywhere I didn’t think my daughter and I were safe . I think after thinking about it later when my husband mentioned I should carry a knife he meant when I am in the woods in case of a close attack by a bear or coyote etc where the bear spray gets knocked out of my hands or isn’t effective.
. I think after thinking about it later when my husband mentioned I should carry a knife he meant when I am in the woods in case of a close attack by a bear or coyote etc where the bear spray gets knocked out of my hands or isn’t effective.
@Orson_Kart (6114)
• United Kingdom
4 Jan
I know there is a lot of crime in the US, so I can understand concerns over a woman travelling alone or with a small child. It’s something that is also concerning over here too. Women are told not to go out alone at night here, especially if they have been drinking. Unfortunately there are predatory men who are looking for victims, and that is anywhere in the world.
I think going out in the daylight in your car should be safe and expecting you to only go out with a man to chaperone you sounds more like a Taliban command given in Afghanistan, not in the US. Just be vigilant is what I would say and keep your cell phone charged when you are out and about.
1 person likes this
@LovesEverybody (1772)
•
31 Dec
do you know what kind of flower it is? It surely is pretty!
I think you should continue to go out yourself with your kids. as long as you are not afraid
I know I am either going to walk or start taking the bus places in 2024 because waiting for a ride has me feeling trapped. My sister has even suggested I take an Uber this spring once in a while.
Thank you for writing this as it gave me some encouragement for going out on my own.
Happy New Year's Eve!
1 person likes this
@shaggin (71662)
• United States
31 Dec
@Loveseverybody nope I have no clue what the flower is. We saw it at a school during an open farm day event they were having. This was planted around the shed.
Im glad my post has encouraged you. We don’t have to have a man with us to go out. We can be safe and strong women on our own.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (71662)
• United States
1 Jan
@LovesEverybody going for a walk feels so nice to me it’s like free therapy
1 person likes this
@LovesEverybody (1772)
•
1 Jan
@shaggin Yes, I decided to think of women like you who aren't afraid to go out. I can go out too! I was just talking in early December with my psychiatrist about going someplace on the bus and he suggested the library
I can't wait to take the bus or walk to the library!
1 person likes this
