Disabilities and Dating

I think it's stupid how some people view others with handicaps. At any given time, something could happen to us that don't have a handicap. I could care less if a person is in a chair, on crutches, etc. They are still human beings. Being hot or not shouldn't matter if you were in a chair or if that chair was taken away. Looks shouldn't matter either. Some so called " Hot " people are not all that bright. People that ignore you because of your chair, run over there feet, lol.

Well my son age 34 now is not in a wheel chair yet but he is going to be in one within 4-7 years, he uses a cane and back brace, has severe scolosis and spina bifida, was injured on the job 9 years ago now and his back is slowly deterorating. His ex divorced him because he was disabled and no longer able to work to support her. Two other women he was with for a short time told him he did not contribute enough though he gave them all his income and helped with cooking and watching their kids and keeping the house tidy by pacing himself and resting for 20 minutes or so between chores. So they dumped him because they wanted him to have MORE money. It is greed, and selfishness and shallowness. He has given up on anyone sharing his life. Is tired of abusive, selfish, money grubbing women.

I dated a man once that was schizophrenic. He was generally alright and seemingly normal. (He was responsive to meds) He would have issues though at times but after being around him for long enough I learned to notice the signs of it coming up. I have never dated anyone physically disabled, like in a wheel chair or anything. I doubt it would prevent me from dating them if I liked them.

That is a very sad thing. But then you wouldn't want anybody you had to remind to look your way while you were in a chair. I am sorry folks think hot only refers to the external. The inward appearance and character is something to consider. Beauty or external hottness is only skin deep. The character of a person in a long-term relationship is for a life-time.

Although I have never been wheelchair bound I can empathize with you. I have worked with people with mental and/or physical handicaps for several years of my employment life and have learned that "people" is the word to be stressed. Nothing in the world has ever pissed me off more than to have the mega-companies that I worked for force the staff working in the group homes, independent living homes, call these people "individuals" when they were speaking of them or writing daily reports. It was never one of the rules that I succommed to. I always referred to the person by their first name and last initial (when appropriate to the situation) (to comply with confidentiality laws). The term "individuals" left out all of the rest of humankind and only served to stigmatize the handicapped people more. And now we have the term "handy-abled" - what in the world is that!? But enough of my rants on the wrongs of political correctness and to what you are facing. I am so happy that I came of age in the generation that I did (I am an old hippie)! I have never seen anyone any differently. I don't know if you are into the "bar scene" or not; but if you are and if you are forward enough, can you approach someone and explain that you can dance in your chair? I have danced with many men in chairs and had a wonderful time; although there was one guy that got more of a lap dance out of what was supposed to be a twirl of sorts - only showing that sometimes the disability can be a little bit fun :o) ! I have not always lived my life with another woman and have dated 2 men in wheelchairs, one of them I dated seriously; and at that time I lived in an apartment with about 12 steps to the second floor. He was much larger than I and it was impossible for me to help him up the stairs; but he also knew that if he wanted me badly enough he had better figure out a way to get there - and he did. I got the chair up and down and he did the rest! And he did the rest quite well as I remember! I know that there is a woman you can search for online that does decorative canes for women. Perhaps you can do a search and see if you can find any way to decorate your chair to allow more of your personality to shine through on it. I wish that I could be more helpful and I hope that the periods you are out of your chair are longer and longer. Blessed Be ~Donna

well i'm deaf and yeah when i have girl who might hit on me or check me out and finally get the guts to come and talk to me everything chances once i tell them that i'm deaf. i'm not dumb i just can't hear and so should that stop u from trying to speak to me? no i don't think it should go like that but thats just how the world is. people don't always understand what they see until they get to know the person then things will change. they see with their eyes not with their hearts. so its happens a lot to me.

Thanks for bringing this up. I have been resisting getting into a chair for a while now, fighting my own fight against my body. This is an aspect I hadn't considered. Usually people don't hit on me because they see the ring or I'm just oblivious, but I did want to have a third person involved eventually. This is definitely something to keep in mind (well, that and going back to dating 101). Yet another reason to keep fighting.

i think nobody would want a disabled person for a life partner. i am telling from experience.they mean responsibility.i am not being sarcastic just the truth.

But think of it this way...you're definitely weeding out the people who base it all on "looks" and outer appearances. When you get hit on by a person outside of a wheelchair you know they're sincere and like YOU, not what they think they can get off you. So in some ways it might be a blessing in disguise. But I understand, I think any disability makes people subconcious. Sometimes I think it's because they simply have questions but don't want to be rude and ask or because they don't exactly understand or they're afraid of saying the wrong thing. Others are just too shallow and let it bother them. But those are the ones you don't want anything to do with anyways!

I have never dated a person with a visible disability (and I haven't been single in years) however I would like to think that if I was attracted to someone a wheelchair would not stop me from pursuing it. Why do you think this is an obvious issue for some?

I'm so sorry to hear that this has been your experience, and unfortunately it didn't surprise me. People really don't know how to look beyond physical differences or even how to handle people who are different from them in some obvious way. I've met this great guy a few years ago - incredibly cute, smart and funny - who happened to be in a wheel chair. I was very disappointed to find out he was married. *sigh* I would have dated him in a heart beat! ;) Can you explain in a little more detail why people are uncomfortable around young people in particular when they are in wheel chairs? Is it because people generally expect older people to be using chairs and therefore are more uncomfortable to see young people in them? ~Wyrdsister

When I read your post, two words came into my mind prejudice and ignorance. People are uncomfortable with a person in a wheelchair mabye due to prejudice and it is usually comes from ignorance. Ignorance how to deal with people with special needs. I have to be honest, I do feel bit uneasy when dealing with people with special needs. Do you treat them as equal? If you do, they might get offended that you did not give them any help. If you give them help, you might offend them because people with special need might think you are treating them as inferior to you. Sometimes I admit that I don't know which is the best way how to deal with people with special needs. But I do think that people in a wheelchair can still be attractive, charming and fun to be with.

Humans are petty about the stupidest things. I am petty about such things. I would say knowing the kind of person I am that I would not automatically hit on someone in a wheelchair. If I found them attractive and we somehow by chance got to talking I think I would still be weirded out by the wheelchair, but who knows.

I don't understand it. I have never been in a wheelchair, but I have gone out with someone who has. I would not let that stop me from being attracted to a person. I am looking at it from the standpoint of being much older than you. I hope you find that people will make less of a distinction as you grow older. I think people will accept you more for who you are.

misskatonic, dont be discouraged-from the way you write I see abilities,intelligence and beauty in you! I want to say,by the very fact that some able bodied person was able to hit on you once means you have the capacity to hit on any body just like anybody can hit you. Take care of your looks, glow up all the time, associate, with people of all walks of life, dont confine your network of friends within the disability group-love is a strange thing, you will be surprised where it finally hits you from. Am disabled myself, but married to my abled bodied wife who did not leave me after my tragic accident-but i can assure you, several occasions pretty abled bodied ladies have made overt moves at me which anybody can tell they have fallen in love with me-but ofcourse i remind them am married! So dont give up!

heres the thing.. the people that wouldnt "hit on someone" that was in a wheelchair.. do youreally care about them anyways?? i mean thats not even the kind of person i'd WANT to spend any significant amount of time with.. people can be shallow..but my friend would tell you a bit differently.. growing up my best friend laura had major problems walking (she has fredricks ataxia) and growing up she was NOT in a wheel chair but walked as if (for lack of a better analogy) she were drunk... kids made fun of her but believe it or not shed give it right back!.. a few years later as her condition worsened she needed a walker to get around and ultimately having her daughter has confined her to achair at the age of 22.. a few years back as she was single again i remember taking her out to a live show at a club downtown here.. she DOES notice the same thing as far as attention goes.. and i have told her the same thing.. but she reminded me as well that although she said she's got "baggage" sometimes its nice to meet people and explain later rather than first and she asked me to put her in a bar chair and "stow" the wheel chair in the corner for the show..she said its nice to once in a while get treated like everyone else whos not physically handicapped.. i think its sad that she has to go through so much effort to jsut get noticed in "that way" .. but your right and its the truth.. although i dont think theres anything that can be done about it.. i think people in general arejsut afraid of anything thats not considered "normal"..

since you know about my disabilities, well...i suppose maybe i've been a bit different in terms of judging someone with a visible disability. mine isn't super 'visible', but when i was in college, my courses were all placed by the disabled students services...which meant that for other disabled students, i was "one of them" even if i wasn't in a wheelchair. so many of the guys from dsa (disabled students association) hit on me, it's not funny. they probably would not have even talked to me if they thought i wasn't disabled. for my part, there were 2 guys *i* had a crush on (but didn't really hit on), one i met thru dsa, who got around on his own 2 legs, but with a severe limp. i didn't care. and another guy i met after i left dsa, who was HOT and really nice. so he was in a wheelchair, big whoop! :) but definitely people are shallow, and seeing a 'vehicle' attached to a person might be a deterrent when trying to hit on them. crutches might be mistaken for a temporary device... sometimes by just looking at a person on crutches, we can't really tell if they have broken a limb, or if they are permanently disabled. so i guess this makes people less awkward to try hitting on folks on crutches...1? who knows..people are generally strange, stupid and shallow :)

hmm interesting even i am amazed. thankx for sharing such a great info.

I really think that most people never consider relationships with those who have visible physical problems because they don't grow up around them. If such issues were seen more often as people were growing up, I think things would be different. Also, our culture is sooooo perfection orientd that it's sick. I really hate that you go through this.

I wouldn't mind dating someone who is physically challenged. If there is love, I don't think anything else matters. I used to have a friend who's hearing impaired. As my sign language is pretty limited, we corresponded via a pen and a notepad. It was fun and he was such a gentleman. He insisted in ordering the food while I sit and wait. We lost touch after I move and that was the time when handphone and emails are not the in-thing. It was only telephone and snail mail. To me, physically challenged or not...it doesn't make a difference.