Have you noticed this?
By wmaharper
@wmaharper (2316)
United States
January 14, 2007 9:41am CST
I am young and married and have many friends that are at the same stage in life that I am at, with young children in tow. One thing I have noticed is, most of my friends want what there parents have right NOW. They think they should graduate and get the perfect job making a hundred thousand dollars off the bat, they buy the brand new custom-made house and brand new cars. They think, well if my parents can afford it, I can too. But what most people don't realize is that there parents worked hard for 15 years before they got where they are at. When I was a baby (and actually most of my life) my parents were poor. Most people are not filthy rich to start out, they earn thier way up. Now I definently want better for my children, and I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting the best for yourself or your kids, but where do you draw the line. I have friends who cannot pay thier bills because they went over board. Between thier mortgage, car payments, clothing bills, credit cards, vacation bills they are way over thier heads. They put thier groceries on a credit card, and end up putting all of thier credit cards on another credit card. Isn't this ridiculous? My family lives comfortably, on one income. We may not have the fanciest house or car, but we have nice things, and we don't have the added stress of wondering if our check will bounce or not.
7 people like this
46 responses
@vijayr (114)
• India
15 Jan 07
Being so young you have made good decisions to live a happy life. Most people want to live a fancy life. They want to show others that they are rich to others. One has to think on his own whether a car or a credit card is necessary. People dont understand the value of life and how to live with it. We have to help people in charity rather than buying a car or a big house. Life is shorter. Live it Smarter.
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
15 Jan 07
Yes, I agree people do not understand the value of life or how to live it. Thank you for your comment.
3 people like this
@sweetee (420)
• Australia
15 Jan 07
A few of my friends expect to just have everything in an instant. Some have even complained because we have bought a house and are doing rather well for ourselves and they are still struggling..
My other half stayed in an Apprenticeship until he was fully qualified and then found a better paying job. Sure he works 65hrs + a week, but we have a better quality of life now..
@wahmoftwo (1296)
• United States
15 Jan 07
You have done such a great job with your finances! I was raised in a house much like yours. If my grandparents hadn't helped my parents I might have had to do without somethings as a child. I did well the first eight years I was on my own. We are in a little over our heads right now. I don't know how others do it all the time. It is just too stressful for me. I am looking forward to having some of this stuff paid down. I have definitly learned my lesson!
6 people like this
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
15 Jan 07
Ha! Thanks. I am very detail oriented. In fact, I have our budget written for the next 6 months! Now, that's not for everyone, but I think planning ahead is always a good idea.
5 people like this
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
15 Jan 07
Yes, you would think they would realize that, but some people have to learn everything the hard way.
4 people like this
@tinksta69 (21)
• Australia
14 Jan 07
hi there. I am a young mum, my little boy is almost one. I can only say that i only ever want the best for him. One day i do want to be financially secure but willing to start a business to increase my chance of a happy retirement. I dont beleive in credit cards and tink everyone should get rid of them, they are a waste of time and money. get a debit card instead so you only have to pay standard bank fees and have to have the money to spend it.
6 people like this
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
15 Jan 07
Yes, I think that's a good idea for alot of people, to get rid of thier credit cards, some people use them and forget that you have to pay it back, with interest! Thanks for the comment.
5 people like this
@trouble4u2avoid (2915)
• United States
14 Jan 07
I wish my husband could understand what you are saying. He always feels like everyone has a better life than we do. I don't feel I need expensive name brand things. He feels we should. What's the point? I prefer paying cash for the things I want and I save as much money as I can. It saddens me to see how many people RUIN their credit because they HAVE to have.
6 people like this
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
15 Jan 07
yes, alot of people ruin thier credit to keep up with the 'Joneses', but alot of people, will get all of those things and still be unhappy! Good luck with your hubby, I'm sure you'll work it out.
5 people like this
@akumei1269 (1749)
• India
15 Jan 07
You are showing a very practical attitude . Your happyness from the house or other consumer goods is not neutralised by the anxiety of making the payments and checks being bounced . This type of enxiety is not something ignorable . I have even seen some couples breaking under stress and strains from such imbalances .
We have to learn to live within our means . Otherwise the happyness from so called luxuries withers away into unhappyness .This does not mean that you have to give up your aspirations for better level of living standard . You have to make a planned efforts and that must be long term approach like our parents did follow .
2 people like this
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
15 Jan 07
Yes, very true.. We must live within our means.. thankyou.
1 person likes this
@missybal (4490)
• United States
15 Jan 07
Yeah, my husband keeps saying he wants to do as well as my parents. My dad has his own business and has a good amount of savings. My husband is in such a hurry to get there. I keep telling him we are doing so much better than my parents did when they were our age which is true. My father went from one job to another and never made more than $30,000 a year until he was 35 and that was with my mom and two children to support. We were poor. My husband just thinks he is a failure because he isn't making the big bucks yet. I'm happy with what we have now. I never had such nice things in my life before and what my husband provides for both of us now. My parents didn't get rich until after I moved out. My little brother got to experience a few of the perks because he was home when the money started to roll in.
4 people like this
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
15 Jan 07
That's how it was with my family as well. My parents were quite poor until a few years after I moved out. Now they are well off and make more than 100,000 a year.. (they own thier own business as well). People just don't understand that it takes a while to get there, and you should just enjoy the ride, otherwise you miss out on the life you DO have.
1 person likes this
@zuri25 (2125)
• United States
15 Jan 07
I agree with you 100%. If a child grows up in a middle to upper class family chances are that when they go out on their own they will move down at least one class level. It's simply amazing to me the emphasis society puts on class. Money matters more than it ever should. It's unfotunate but kids from wealthy or moderately wealthy families get a huge wake up call when they grow up and find out that hard work and many years of penny pinching is the only path to success.
@zuri25 (2125)
• United States
15 Jan 07
I think it's a good thing too. I learned to respect my parents more and to save instead of spend because I know now that material possessions mean nothing if you can't afford to eat or to live in a decent and safe place. It's great to have goals and dreams and to want to be wealthy, but you have to be willing to work for it, and work hard.
1 person likes this
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
15 Jan 07
Yes, it's true, when you move out on your own everything changes. But I think it's a good thing that that happens. It makes you grateful for what you have (at least it should). I know when I was going to school here in Oklahoma, 1,000 miles away from my parents and friends I learned the value of a dollar very quickly.
1 person likes this
@lic11y (8)
• India
15 Jan 07
i am a student of 12 standard and i will be facing the umpteen challenges of the world around in just a few months.My parents also want me to earn millons of money ,sacks of happiness and bundle of satisfaction and peace in my life and that's my opinion too.MY father started as 300p.m and now he is earning 1l.p.m. and now i want to go more and more beyond that .
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (157665)
• United States
14 Jan 07
When I was a young mother, that is how we lived as well. I made a point though, of NOT saying "we can't afford it" but rather telling the kids, we do not choose to spend our money on those things. I worked when they were school age, my money was mostly discretionary. We had a "budget method" where I put so much in an envelope for school lunches, one for church activities, one for milk and bread, one for eating out, and one for allowances, one for summer when I did not work. If the kids chose to take a lunch or come home for lunch they could apply the saved money to more school or church activities. The church youth group had fundraissrs they could do, and consequently they travelled with both school and church and did lots of fun things too. They paid for their own gas, they drove older cars that were completely paid for. They are frugal now, as well.
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
14 Jan 07
That's a very good idea (the budget method), I'll have to try it when they get older. Thanks!
4 people like this
@jeraldanmarie (472)
• Philippines
15 Jan 07
we all have our dreams, our wants and goals in life....
I admire your parents success, they took one step at a time and you see, the result... now you all live comfortably.
you may see couples like you having so many material things in their hands but you also wrote the negative results in them( not all)...
so just dream and believed that you will also succeed soon and be able to give the best to your children..
work...work.... save...save...
BUT have also a time for pleasure
2 people like this
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
15 Jan 07
Yes, I agree you need to enjoy life, although you dont really have to spend money to have fun.
1 person likes this
@aileen2008 (838)
• Philippines
15 Jan 07
Weel, hurray for you. There's nothing wrong with wanting what your parents had. I for myself promised that whatever it is that I experienced good during my childhood, I will do my best so as my children will experience the same.
Yes I agree, some parents worked years to get where they are right now, like my parents. And that's what I intend to do ...working hard to give the best for my family and achieve the same results as what my parents achieved.
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
15 Jan 07
Yes, I too hope to be where my parents are.. but I know it will take time and perservearanc. I would hate to keep my eyes on the future and miss out what's happening right now.
1 person likes this
@mzbubblie (3839)
• United States
15 Jan 07
Some people just don't have their priorities right. They believe in flashy things and not worrying about the big picture. it's about right now, not what's to come down the line. I believe and commend you on how you and your family are living, thinking with your common sense, some people just don't think like that. The old saying my mother said to me was "you have to crawl before you walk" They want to walk and not build to get there. I believe they rather impress theirselve and their friends and make it seem like they got big money when they really don't. The sad thing is when it catch up to them, people are going to wonder and make conclusions about them. They were just trying to be something they really wasn't. I say keep doing wht you doing. In due time it will pay off and good luck to you and your family
2 people like this
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
15 Jan 07
Yes, I think it's more important to enjoy life now, than to keep thinking about how life WILL be. Thanks for the response.
1 person likes this
@mommy2taylor1 (405)
• United States
15 Jan 07
It's funny. Sometimes I will think, GOSH.. I just wish we could make it big time, like right now! But, I'm like you in that we are living on one income.. we do put our food on a credit card & pay it off the next month, but I think we have nice things.. I have friends as well that do the same.. get married, get the nice house, cars, & everything else that looks fun but, can't afford it. My husband always tells me, just be happy that we are paying our bills and we aren't in debt. & when we can afford all of that stuff-- we will.
2 people like this
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
15 Jan 07
Yes, sometimes I feel bad like my hubby will be upset when the check comes, and there isn't much left over, but he always says, why do we need a ton of money? Are our bills paid? I'll say Yes. then he'll say, well, then I'm happy.. if our bills are paid I'm happy. It's nice that we have the same mentality.
1 person likes this
@Meljep (1666)
• United States
15 Jan 07
Someone has failed to communicate to the next generation that they have to pay their dues and work their way up. Being in debt can be very stressful on a family with children. That fear hanging over your head of maybe losing everything if you can't work is very bad. It would be better to draw a line in the sand and decide to put a cap on the lifestyle and have more peace.
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
15 Jan 07
yes I agree.. it's better to just enjoy the life you have now..
1 person likes this
@matlgal (1686)
• United States
15 Jan 07
Your so smart and so together for a young person. You will have it all - when it's time. Your aboslutely right about young couples wanting to have it all ...right NOW.... it's one of the big contributors of divorce. You get married, have children right away, buy them the best clothes at the best stores, drive the right car, live in the right neighborhood and can't afford to tie your shoes!!! causes stress and conflict in the relationship. It never ends well when your over your heads.
Keep up the smart thinking you will do fine!!!
Good Topic
2 people like this
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
15 Jan 07
Thank you for your wonderful compliments!! Yes it's true.. they say finances are one of the major contributors to divorce! Thanks again.
1 person likes this
@Geminigirl (1909)
• United States
15 Jan 07
I think that the key is to live below your means, instead of above your means. Our society has drastically changed over the past few decades and everyone wants everything right now! It is important to not get so caught up in chasing material acquistions. the most important things are those you love. And what you need the most is shelter, food, basic clothing, transportation, etc. When these basic needs are met, everything else is gravy. I think society as a whole needs to scale back on the spending.
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
15 Jan 07
I agree.. You see some products out there now and think.. people actually waste thier money on that? Really, why do I need a smoothie maker? can't I just use a blender when I want a smoothie?
1 person likes this
@mrstigs (63)
• United States
15 Jan 07
I so hear you on this one! My husband and I don't have oodles of money and most of our furniture was hand me downs or we got off freecycle.
We wish we could have nice things but we decided a long time ago when we first got married that if we couldn't pay cash for it we wouldn't buy it.
Some day we hope to own our own home and have furniture that matches but we know that when that day comes it will be because we earned it, not because we went into debt to get it.
I have friends who have the latest clothes, the nice car and go out to eat often but they are also so stressed about how they are going to pay for it that it makes the choice we made seen even more worth it.
2 people like this
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
15 Jan 07
I would much rather live stress free than be bogged down with financial worries!!!
1 person likes this
@nfhs79 (861)
• Malaysia
15 Jan 07
yup. i really noticed this matter. i realized that my parent working 15 to 20 yrs to get all of things they have now. i also aiming for anything but not in 3/4 yrs ahead. maybe we young and to worried to get those things in our competitive surroundings. we have to plan well. saving and please dont spend much and more from our salary , budget. i think they should think or plan to get everything one by one. not in hurry. rite? i myself just bought a sofa which is not so expensive and i have save money for 1/2 year to get this. sad? nope. i felt so greatful, very convenient yet no debt after buying the sofa. :)
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
15 Jan 07
Yes, I think that if you save for the things you want you will be much more happy and satisfied with them.
1 person likes this
@klttl3s (40)
• United States
15 Jan 07
This is interesting that people act like that. I know I grew up really poor and my parents aren't rich now, but they have money now that they aren't living paycheck to paycheck anymore. I am still in college, but I know for sure that I will not be buying a nice house and nice car and expect $100,000+ right after I get out of college! The idea of it is nice, but definitely isn't practical. Maybe this is why so many people today are in debt?
2 people like this
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
15 Jan 07
Yes, I think so. They attend school, and pay alot of money for an education, expecting to make enough within that first year to pay back all of thier loans, but this just isn't practical.
1 person likes this
