Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you? Are you going back to the one...

Philippines
February 4, 2007 4:27pm CST
story of my life... is this my curse... i'm about to get married but my heart still belongs to my previous love. why then am i not with her? - you ask? because i can't. we're total opposites, heading for opposite directions. oh, but i love her... i worshipped the path she walked and i believe she loved me too just the same... even until now. sometimes i ask myself why i made this decision. sometimes i find myself wanting to go back and be with her again... just her. but i can't, and i shouldn't. i've always known life to be simple and shouldn't be complicated. right now i don't know if i'm making my life simple or complicated. the one i'm with now is what every man needs but not what every man wants. help me...
6 people like this
49 responses
• Belgium
4 Feb 07
Although this won't comfort you much accepting that marriage was a wrong decision. If you're still questioning past relationships you shouldn't move any further in current relations. It could also harm you and the person you're with. However, announcing you no longer want to get married isn't really the type of thing you should do. Just think it over again. Why did you like that other individual so much? What pros and cons do each of them have? This might also be an effect of stress. Hopefully you'll get over what's happening at the moment and you'll be able to move on for the better.
• India
5 Feb 07
m agree wid this..
• United States
5 Feb 07
well, that sucks. you shouldn't marry someone if you're still in love with someone else. that's just wrong and not fair to the other women you're about to marry. you need to think about your future and what would make you more happy. do you think you would regret it if you stayed with the women you're with right now? think it through before making any decisions. when i say think it through, i mean thoroughly.
2 people like this
• United States
5 Feb 07
Aww I wish I could help you. Years ago I was dating this guy. I loved him. Got mad at him and broke up with him. Begged him to come back. No luck. He never left my thoughts. After about 15 years I ran into him again. It was then that I realized why he haunted my thoughts ... he was the first person I ever truly loved. Needless to say; I am married to someone else. I love him but there is a part of me...... I never stopped loving another one of my boyfriends and often wish I could be with him. He's currently living with some woman that I can't stand. Sad really after 20 years that we remained friends - now he's with this girl and I almost never even hear from him. I know I couldn't help you make a decision but I thought maybe that knowing someone else feels like you do might help.
2 people like this
• Philippines
5 Feb 07
That's a tough situation for you. But you are now about to begin a new life with another girl. Choosing and letting go should be your principles in your love life now. It's also unfair for your two girls to have your feelings. If you want your previous girl then win her and adjust into her life go back to her than to regret later. Remember marriage is a lifetime commitment. But if you will forget your previous girl and continue to marry your new girl then forget the previous girl. Begin a new life and love your wife without doubt. Pray, for God will give you the best for you.
2 people like this
@cripfemme (7719)
• United States
4 Feb 07
If I were your bride to be I'd be angry that you weren't really in love with me and would suggest that you marry the person you truly love. But that's just me. Seriously, though, I can relate to your situation. I have a previous love who I cannot get over either, not that we should be together either.
2 people like this
@TiareF (241)
• United States
4 Feb 07
If you are marrying the one who loves you, but not the one you love who are you cheating? Yourself or the woman you are about to marry? I think you are doing a great disservice to the woman you are about to marry. I know I wouldn't want a man who was in love with someone else. That would be the biggest insult in the world to me as a woman and I would feel cheated. I think you need to rethink your plans on marriage to a woman that you're not in love with. Just my opinion.
@kadugudi (200)
• India
5 Feb 07
If you love the one STILL...!!!! then why do you want another; why do you intend to do...or ditch the one comming in ..... Nothing is Curse... if you thing its a curse then it is a curse... all depends how you react to your situations. The n go ahead an be truthful to the one you still Love. " IF THE ONE YOU LOVE STILL LOVES YOU...."
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Feb 07
My heart goes out to you and your soon to be bride. If your heart belongs to someone else, how good do you think your new marraige will be? Will you regret it and have second thoughts the day after the honeymoon is over of the day after the first arguement? Why consider marrying anyone until you can say that your heart and soul are with that person. Until you are completely over the last person and totally in love with and able to commit to a new person, what is the point of marrying? You are only setting yourself and the woman up for a heap of heartache because it will fall apart because your heart lies elsewhere. Deal with the past to enable yourself to build a new future, a sunny future not a nightmare biult on thr wrecage of the past.
1 person likes this
• India
5 Feb 07
see, now u gonna married, and gave all of your attention to your finacee. past is past, forget bout the gal.
1 person likes this
@pendragon (3354)
• United States
5 Feb 07
Don't get married because you will crush the one you're with now when you dump her for the past one, you're doing it internally even mow.That's not fair because you'll never be able to give her what she needs from you.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
5 Feb 07
In love the number rule should be that you have to love each other and not only one of you. If you really love the person of your previous relationship then go back to him and discontinue your wedding plan. It's still best if you choose the right person and not because you are just forced to marry somebody else.
1 person likes this
• India
5 Feb 07
well you are cheating all of you, yourself, your wife and the previous one....forget the previous love and be with your wife who has given her whole life to you, dont run away after nonexistant things.......
• Philippines
5 Feb 07
honesty is the best policy...you must talked it over with your fiancee... well i know someone with a similar story. she already have 2 kids with her husband whos not the man shes soo in love with. and now, she can't wait to get out of her narriage and she regrets tha she has to abandon her true love for a second love... she's miserable. we cannot turn the hands of time back so better act now before its too late.
• United States
5 Feb 07
WOW - this is a hard story to tell and even harder to swallow. I feel bad for your fiance because she probably really loves you and is so looking forward to being your wife. Nevertheless, if your heart isn't in it then I am sure she would want to know that. I am the type of person that would rather you be honest with me up front. I would rather hurt a little now than to hurt five years a house and two kids later when you finally make up your mind to go back to your former love and everyone's life is ruined. Make up your mind who you really want to be with. But note, the same thing that broke you and your former yet still holding on to love, is still there. That problem hasn't gone anywhere and although it may be great in the beginning that problem is still going to be there and will probably be what will brake you two up again. The grass is always greener on the other side. You may be in love a fantasy of you two finally being happy together, and not really with that woman. Just please take a moment to be sure and not to lead your fiance into a life that she is not prepared for. Best of luck, let us know how it goes.
1 person likes this
@josh33 (120)
• India
5 Feb 07
see you are still not married. so take the right decision. if you love someone else then tell the one you are marring about it. she what she has to say. together decide you want to get married or not.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
5 Feb 07
thats a very hard decision. not everything you need is what you want. and not everything you want makes you happy. think of this. can you live happily with the needs that new girl can give? or would you rather live a happy life with the one who cant give what you need, but is what you always wanted?
1 person likes this
@matlgal (1687)
• United States
5 Feb 07
take it from an "old" woman. DO NOT marry because you think you should? STOP, you will break her heart and yours too, it will sour you for ever. We are our own best friend and you have to like yourself enough to want the best for yourself. You will know when it's right. You didn't mention a time frame for this? How long since you left the other? How long have you known the one you think you want to marry? Time heals many things.... you must give yourself a chance. Living in the past will most definetly inhibit you from giving the future a chance? Give yourself some time. You owe yourself and those who's lives you affect your best. I don't think you are prepared to do that yet? Be man enough and kind enough to tell her your conflicted and would like her help and her understanding in further defining the relationship that the two of you have. Be gentle,it will be difficult for her at first. Good Luck... the sooner you do this the sooner you can move forward from the past.
1 person likes this
• India
5 Feb 07
see first u talk wid ur love and clearly tell ur feeling towards her,then if u feel same from her and she is not intersted in u sharing her life then ,no problem goon wid ur life.
1 person likes this
@Lawlrus (31)
• United States
5 Feb 07
If you feel something strong still for this past love, you need to act on it. Keeping your feelings pent up like this will only cause you larger problems if you decide to go through with this marriage. Instead, you need to take to your fiance about it and tell her the truth and then you need to find out how the other woman feels. If she doesn't feel the same anymore, then you need to move on, and maybe even go ahead and carry on with your plans for marriage. However, if she still feels the same, then you need to make the important decision between your fiance and this other woman, but it's not right for either of them if you don't say anything at all.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Feb 07
Youre about to get married....ummm...that dont seem to be a wise decision. You cant take those vows and and ach for the one you love. I understand that your probably IN love with the ex and that you love the lady ya with now. You cant marry someone you cant commit to. Youll be unhappy and doomed from the start. Its not a good thing to do. You will ruin so many more lives than just ya own.
1 person likes this