When People Who Owe You Money Don't Pay You Back

Philippines
February 7, 2007 10:52pm CST
i hate it when people do this to me. I mean i am the type of person who help others in need. Lending people the money they need is what i do as an act of kindness. I don't impose interests. I just want these people to pay me when they have money. But some people don't pay me for months or years. i mean, i understood their situation before and it's not that i always have money. I just want them to think of their debts and pay me. BUt some people tend to forget that they owe me. they intentionally do that. They just went shopping for new clothes, new cellphones, eat expensively at restaurants but forgot to extend a hundreds to me. What's the matter with these people? Now i am very cautious in lending money my money to anyone. My kindness and generosity is sometimes abused. Anyone having the same problem?
16 people like this
96 responses
• Philippines
8 Feb 07
well, i can very well relate to your dilemma. i have friends who borrowed money from me and never really found the courtesy to return it. it would be ok if it's just a few coins, but bills... duh! i don't do charity or at least not anymore. because, the hardest thing to do when you let friends borrow money from you ( or even some of your cool stuff ) is asking them to return it, especially if the day comes when you will be the one needing it. so, just a piece of advise, examine their intent first or else you end up with the same problem over and over and over again.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
8 Feb 07
thank you for that bebe_bonsai. I am more careful now. It is just sad that the people am talking about are my friends or were my friends.
1 person likes this
@ssh123 (31104)
• India
8 Feb 07
If you can find out why 50% of credit card holders do not repay? Why banks have substantial defaulters? Why individuals who lend money, stop lending after some time? Why any asks a jew for $100 loan, he gives $2 and says do not return? Borrowing is easy and repayment is difficult. Because most people want to life on OPM (other people's money).
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Feb 07
Just say NO to beggars, be they family, friends or street people. If you give never expect it to be returned and that will keep some frustrations down. Never lend (if you decide to) more than you can comfortably handle. JUST SAY NO...
• Philippines
8 Feb 07
One of the reason why people doesn't want to lend money to others is because of not paying on their own will. Alot of people are like that especially when they are in need. but not all are the same. There are times that you just have to inform or remind them of their obligation. Others would even try to check out if you still remember their debts. There is no problem in asking back for the money they lend, after all its called LENDING, it means they have to pay you back.
1 person likes this
@Kayzzaman (173)
• India
8 Feb 07
Like everybody else, I too hate when somebody owing me money of whatever amount it is. I just feel let down by that person's behaviour. It is not simply a question of paying or not paying. It is more than that. It involves some human quality in it. It is a matter of honest and integrity of that concerned person. A person should know how to behave in life with other persons. A man always should be a man of honesty and integrity. He should never behave in a way that violates this maxim for the life of him. He should not encourage in himself the habit of not showing a sign of gratitude to a person who has stood him in good stead by some way or other. The pity is that there are so many persons lacking that attitude.
1 person likes this
• India
8 Feb 07
It happens to me too. But with me it is not only money. Neighbours or friends would borrow things and I would give them because usually they require the things very urgently, but they will never return. An act of kindness is accepted and then misused! In time, I would even forgot who have taken what and later when I need it the most, I would not have it with me. And I have to buy myself a new one!!! Maybe being kind is not a good option after all.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
8 Feb 07
I have lent thousands of dollars to my friends and never got a cent back. I have gone to the point of helping my friend with his studies by postponing my own studies and give him my school fees. That was the loyalty to brotherhood practiced by the asians but alas, some of these people took my kindness for granted. I had friends repay me back in different ways, help me with errands, solve my problems with triads etc... but there was one incident that made my blood boil. I guarantor for a friend for a loan amount of SGD$7000 equiv to USD$4000 ++ and he just absconded and his flat was spilled with paint and other stuff when I went to his house to collect my money. I called him and he changed his phone number often, he ran away when my friends and I found him at one of the shopping centers. The money lender caught up with him and wanted to call me but that coward(friend who borrowed money) ran away. Hes a disgrace to the Chinese and Asians. What I can do now is but to settle the debts as I am the guarantor (surety) and I managed to negotiate for the minimal payment. I hope things work out well. This guy is rubbish. I understand ur angst. Dun worry, things will work out fine.
@merkava (1226)
• Philippines
8 Feb 07
That's a lesson I learned. Now, I still allow people to lend money from me but I at least I know the people who can pay me back and the ones who really can't. That way I don't expect anything from them. I could easily let a $5,000 bill slide but I can also ask for $50 back. I should know the financial capacity of the individual who is gonna ask money from me. Also knowing their ethics if they're a person of their word helps.
1 person likes this
@hashman (27)
• India
8 Feb 07
i guess everyone has faced this problem sometime or the other in their lives.i usually aks for my money firstly in a casual manner almost jokingly.then if they dont pay up then i simply and plainly ask for my money. interacting with these people and i have understood one thing.its our money that we are asking for and we should have no hesitataion in doing so.
1 person likes this
@jewel76 (2305)
• Canada
8 Feb 07
I'm the same way;if a friend in need comes to me for money, and i have it available, i will lend it, no problem. But when they don't pay back, and i'm the one in need now, it frustrates me, and i don't know how to ask for it back. Like this friend of mine borrowed 100$ about 8 months ago, and she still didn't give it back. My hubby keeps on reminding me to ask her, i've asked her about 3 months ago, and she said "ya i know, i'll pay back in 2-3 weeks when i get my first pay" but it's been 3 months, and still not one penny..
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Feb 07
There have been times that I have lended money to family members, specifically my sister, and she never paid me back...and then, when I complained about it, she ended up having my mother pay me the money...but that was when I was younger...I have never leant money to anyone as an adult, money between family, now, to me is different, because we are older and we tend to help each other in my family and it is not the same as when we were kids (and I leant my sis a lot...when we were kids). None of my friends ask for money and even if they do, I do not carry cash...so I never have any to give. I think that people should not ask other people for money, unless they are like a very, very close person to you and it is for a really important need. There is no need to lend money to someone who is going shopping, that is not something important or a financial crisis. You are safer not lending anymore money, and maybe, I would start asking to get the money back...or just ask for somethings that are equivalent to the amount that you have loaned. If you have gotten over never getting the money back, then just go on, and don't give them anything when they ask. They should respect your kindness and generosity, but obviously if they are never going to pay you back, then they are really not your friends, or at least, not nice friends.
• Philippines
8 Feb 07
yes you are right western_valleygirl. I get to know who are my real friends because friends always understand each other and help each other out. And as friends they should know how i feel and care about how i feel more than anyone else. thank you for the response.
@lpetges (3037)
• United States
8 Feb 07
i just figure if you loan out money to friends or family you might as well count on nothing coming back. its a bad thing to do, but if they truly need your help, then you should give it away, and expect nothing,--if you get it back consider yourself lucky. otherwise chalk it up as helping someone in need. Never loan money that you yourself cant afford to!
• United States
8 Feb 07
Yes, recently, I had helped some family memebers, and at first thought that I really wanted all the money back, but, then when they tried to give it back, I didn't take it. And this, even though I needed it. So, yes, sometimes, truly "giving" is better than lending.
• Philippines
9 Feb 07
I want to share my dismay over a person whose initial is COW. COW is businessman whom I met many many years ago, he introduce me to a job overseas, he also became my boss, and later on friend. He came to me one day in November 2003 and told me "I need 100,000 because there is this placement that they are asking me to pay so that they will give the work order to me, and besides I need money to give out Bonus to my staff" It breaks to hear that my former colleagues family will be affected for the happiness of the Yuletide season, so I let him borrow the money and he promise me to pay next month (which I assume December of 2003). We see each other couple of times a year and even had went to work for him (AGAIN... hoping he will pay me because he will be seeing me on a daily basis) BUT the joke was on me, for COW did not pay me back and the most hated part is HE DID NOT PAY ME ACCORDING TO THE AGREED SALARY WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
• Philippines
9 Feb 07
now that is sad to hear. you should have made a contract so you can go after your money.
• Philippines
12 Feb 07
I sure did hope I did, but it never went to my mind since he is an owner of a recruitment agency in the Philippines and his house is worth MILLIONS here... but then, I wish him well and that I still want my hard earn money back.
• Philippines
8 Feb 07
Yes, me too. I have a friend who's business is nearing bankrupcy. so he asked me to help him. i was really hesitant at first because the amount is a no joke. however, he assured me that he will pay me in a monthly basis and even give me interest on delayed payments. he assured me that in just 2 years he will pe fully paid. it's almost 2 years now, yes he gives me payment monthly, but the amount was so small. i wonder how many years can he be able to cover all his dues to me?......
• Philippines
8 Feb 07
am sorry to hear that. did you have any contract signed up for that loan? you lent a big money there. you should have protected yourself by putting all your agreement in papers.
• Philippines
8 Feb 07
yes there is. we have signed a contract. however, that contract was not notarized. In whatever case, his point is still that he is paying me on a monthly basis. It's just sadden me that the friendship was in line because of the money.
@widjaja (39)
• Indonesia
9 Feb 07
Yes, I have same problem with you. Long time ago I want to help one of my friends which need to be help. He needs some money for extend his work. So I give him money, and he promise to give back after he trade the things. But he never give it back to me till now. and I can't contact him again. his brother din't want to know too. oops, I was sad that time. but I remember that it is more happily to give than to get.
• Philippines
14 Feb 07
sorry to hear that. yes you are right it is better to give than to receive but when you lend him money you are not giving it to him. it was lent not given. but anyways, the sad thing has happened.you just have to forget about it and learn from it.
• India
9 Feb 07
ya even I hate people when they behave like that ! So the steps I take are.. I wont give money to a person whom i dont know personally.. Secondly if we lend money we should know how to acquire money from them also. Otherwise dont give the money !
• Philippines
9 Feb 07
thank you for the response bonniemathew. yes you are right. we lend people money then we ought to know as well how to get that money back.
@weemam (13389)
8 Feb 07
You sound a bit like me , I am forever being told by my husband " can you not say no" but luckily enough there hasn't been any money involved with me . I just lend things and never get them back . maybe we should both learn to say no xx
• Philippines
8 Feb 07
yes you are right weemam.we should learn to say no. am learning now..thank you for the comment.
@stephg (48)
• Philippines
8 Feb 07
I have this problem also. I have three friend who did not pay me yet. I'm to shy to tell them to pay their debts. How could I tell them in a way that they won't get angry? :)
@HCCC45 (16)
• United States
8 Feb 07
People who borrow money should pay it back. It's only fair. If they don't then you get your money back any way you can.
@RobinJ (2501)
• Canada
8 Feb 07
Sorry but you are your own worst enemy. Never never lend money with any thought of getting it back because as you have learned some people just take advantage of you. And now the friendship is lost or on the rocks. Most people think they will give the money back, and then there are some that if you do not chase them down and threaten will not even acknowledge you. Life is to short and being the local instant teller is not in my game plan ever again. I have heard all the sob stories and fell for a lot, but I also have learned how to say no the well is dry. and do not apologize for it
• United States
8 Feb 07
Exactly...that is what I hadn't mentioned in my response. That you are way too nice. You have to stop yourself from giving in to their pleas for money.
@AskAlly (3627)
• Canada
8 Feb 07
My dad always said to me it you lend money count on not getting it back. If you still want to "lend" it then its your decision to make. He was right!
• Philippines
8 Feb 07
your dad was really right. everytime you lend your money, there is a possibility that you will never get it back. :(
• United States
8 Feb 07
I had that problem all during high school but then I wised up. If you're going to lend someone money, keep receipts, have them sign it. Then when that's all squared away, work like a loan and tell them when to start paying you back. You will have the proof and a payment plan. It may sound excessive but they need a rude awakening.
• Philippines
8 Feb 07
yes that should be the case. any lending-agreement should be put into papers. This will give the parties the needed protection under the law. However, i don't do this to friends. As a friend i trust them. But i think i will be doing that now just to ensure i get my money back. I don't just pick money in the streets. I work hard for it. thank you for the response.
@lilaclady (28245)
• Australia
8 Feb 07
Oh yes I have been what we call a soft touch many times with my friends, my problem id I hate the idea of having to ask for it back, I have never done that so needless to say I never it get it back, one shouldn't have to ask, I don't have a job anymore so I don't seem to have that problem much these days but no-one has come forward to pay back any past kindnesses by me....
• Philippines
8 Feb 07
i don't usually ask my friends to pay me back. i wait patiently. but when it's been a long time already, i try to remind them but they keep telling me promises. And they often do not keep their promises.